Coronavirus Sucks, But We Don't Have To

I was at the airport ready to fly home from a speaking engagement when my wife Amy called. She was clearly upset, which isn't common for her, and what I heard her tell me was "she can't go." I had no idea what she was talking about, until she mentioned our youngest daughter Bryce. Then it became painfully clear.

Bryce had looked forward to 5th grade science camp for weeks, something that hadn't happened for three years since the pandemic started (something her big sister had to miss because of covid). Bryce had been slightly apprehensive about going, but more excited overall to experience it with her friends. Two days before science camp, the 5th graders were tested for COVID-19, and Bryce was negative.

But the morning she went to school to join her classmates on the bus to go to camp, her and a few others tested positive. At that moment, she could no longer go to science camp. It crushed her, and then it crushed Amy who had to go pick her up, and then it crushed me.

While I waited for my plane to board, I fumed about the situation and my heart ached for Bryce. Someone in line next to me started griping about having to wear masks at another airport, while the one we were in didn't require it any longer, or the airlines. Another person joined in on the griping and then they both went on yet another personal freedom diatribe that I've become so sick of -- I just wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up. 

And then I wanted to tell them that over 1 million people in the U.S. had already died from covid or covid-related complications. I wanted to tell them that over 6 million have died globally. I wanted to tell them that millions are experiencing "long covid" with a myriad of debilitating and science-stumping respiratory symptoms. Instead, I just stared straight ahead and boarded the plane. We may all want covid to go away, but it's not going anywhere anytime soon.

I was obviously angry and sad for my daughter. All I could think about on the short flight home was the fact that I wasn't there to help them in that moment. I got there soon enough though and gave Bryce a big supportive hug and told her I loved her, that it wasn't her fault she got covid. We've been instilling resilience in both our daughters, and while Bryce was disappointed in missing science camp (and a whole other week of school, another fun event, all at the end of her 5th grade year), she dealt with it better than we thought. Better than me, that's for sure. Fortunately her symptoms were brief. 

After Bryce caught covid, I got it too, even after all this time of being double vaxxed and boosted. We all spent nearly two weeks masked and isolated from each other as much as possible. However, like most viruses, SARS-CoV-2 (which causes the infectious disease known as coronavirus or COVID-19) only wants to infect its hosts, evolve, and thrive; it doesn't care about anything or anyone else they infect or those it makes sick or kills. It doesn't care about vaccinations, or antivirals, or masks, or other healthcare safety measures put into place. It doesn't care about covid deniers or anti-mask advocates (although I'll bet it thanks them in its own surly viral way). 

It doesn't care how disruptive it's been to families and communities around the world. It doesn't care that it stopped our Bryce from going to science camp and missing another fun class event in her last year of grade school. But no matter what, we're thankfully still a resilient, mostly healthy, loving, and grateful family, so blessings for that. Coronavirus sucks, but we don't have to. 

The Bridge to Beyond

When I look back at the 10 years we've spent at our elementary school, from preschool to 5th grade for both our daughters, I'm flooded with love and pride. Our oldest Beatrice and youngest Bryce, just under two years apart in age, both started at Bridges to Kinder, the preschool and pre-K program onsite at our school Westlake Elementary. 

Early on Bea struggled with auditory processing delays and a social angst, and we couldn't be more grateful to all the support we received then and throughout her elementary years. Now in middle school, she thrives academically and socially with a growing confidence as a leader. 

Early on Bryce struggled with exotropia, a vision problem where one eye migrates outward and binocular vision can be difficult. Our eye doctor at the time wasn't sure she'd need eye surgery in the future or not, and to date we haven't had to do that. She definitely still has it, but her eyeglasses have helped over the years. She also thrives in school and is excited to join her sister in middle school next year. 

For the past 10 years, my wife Amy and I have dropped off and picked up Beatrice and Bryce to and from school countless times. We've done classroom volunteering, dance assemblies, band, back-to-school barbecues, school auctions, science fairs, an overnight trip, and so much more in between. Amy was also in PTA leadership for five years.

Everything was humming along nicely until March of 2022. COVID-19 really impacted our school, as it did many schools everywhere. Having to distance learn sucked for the teachers just as much as the parents and children. I remember early on in the pandemic when we all thought (and hoped) that we'd only be out of in-person school for a few weeks. At the end of the school year in June 2020, our school teachers and administrators drove around neighborhoods in parade-like fashion to wave at all the kids and parents. That was bittersweet for us all, and little did we know it would be over a year later until we went back to in-person classes. 

And then at the end of 2021, one of our beloved teachers died suddenly. Bryce had her as a teacher for the kindergarten-1st grade combination class. When I asked Bryce what she remembered the most about her teacher, she said she remembers how she always helped kids smile and laugh, especially those who were having a bad day. 

Finally the long-awaited back-to-school barbecue happened this spring, the first time since 2019. I helped to organize the barbecue and was the emcee, which I had done before and loved. However, this time I had no idea how to reconnect the speakers or the mic. Finally, the school principal came over and helped me reconnect the speakers. I joked that it was way above my pay grade, and he joked that I was only supposed to be a supervisor anyway, not the AV tech; that was his job. We laughed and were just in time for me to welcome everyone. 

There are still a few more end-of-grade-school-era stories to come, but in the meantime, I think back to when our kids crossed the tiny bridge at their preschool graduation ceremony symbolizing the crossing into kindergarten and beyond. And now we're on the bridge to beyond for Bryce finishing 5th grade and  joining her sister next year in middle school. We're so grateful for all the wonderful and caring teachers we've had here, the empathic school staff and principal, all the friends our kids have made and the dear friends we've made these past 10 years. Blessings to you all. 

In Balanced Measure

I felt horrible that day. My asthma was killing me and it literally felt that way. The math problems in front of me blurred and shifted on the pages. Every moment felt like forever; each problem I solved felt like forever.

Somehow I made it through the day and still helped our 7th grade math team do very well in the local competition. 

I was a super shy kid in grade school and early junior high with severe allergies and asthma that continued until high school, but I still participated in organized academic and sports activities. I'm so glad I did. I have so many fond memories of these activities over the years, so many friends I made, so many things learned. Memories that continued to be made through college. The social interactions and experiences were invaluable. 

However, my wife Amy and I didn't have to grow up in a pandemic that affected every facet of our lives, and continues to do so. One that has infected over 225 million people and killed nearly 5 million globally. We had the AIDS crisis growing up, which was horrible, but it didn't effect us or our families directly (that I'm aware of). There have been different strains of flu and the H1N1 virus since, but nothing like what we're dealing with in COVID-19. 

2020 sucked. Many of us will probably agree on that one. Sheltering at home, distance learning, social distancing (or not), wearing masks (or not), hospitalizations and deaths. Limited or no extracurricular  activities for our kids. Divisive polarization in nearly every community on every issue, especially COVID-19. 

Finally vaccinations are here! Infection rates are lower! Woo-hoo! The rest of 2021 is gonna rock!

Nope. But at least our daughters are back to in-person school, and are able to participate in school and other activities with their friends. Where we live, if there's a positive covid case in one of their classrooms, then they'll have to forgo activities for 8-10 days, but at least it's not forever, like it felt in 2020. 

Nope, it won't be forever. It still sucks, but not forever. Our youngest Bryce will hopefully be vaccinated before the end of the year, and until then, she'll play soccer. I'm coaching her team and her sister Beatrice is my assistant coach -- we're the Flamingos! Bryce will also play percussion in the school band (my drumming girl!), Bea is a junior guide for an outdoor after-school program, and both are getting involved in clubs and other school activities. They love being in school again with their friends and we want to keep them there. Of course, all of this activity will be in balanced measure with family time and staying healthy and safe. Amen.

Reenergizing Our Hearts

"A tired mind become a shape-shifter
Everybody need a mood lifter
Everybody need reverse polarity..."

–Rush, Vital Signs

I thought I was going to die. After the first lap, my asthma kicked in and I struggled to breathe. After the third lap, my lungs felt like they were filled with hot mud; I had to fight for every single raspy gasp of air. After the fourth lap, my skinny body was drenched in sweat and my face a pasty white. 

But I did it. Every year when I had to run the mile to pass physical education in grade school, I did it. Even with the asthma attacks I used to get. 

Fast forward to today – Beatrice has to run a mile every week in middle school PE, and she decided she wanted to work on improving her time. She asked her mom (Amy) to go with her, to run to the ocean about a mile from where we live. I told her I wanted to go, too. Her sister, Bryce, said no way. 

So, the three of us left the house and began to run. Immediately Beatrice sprinted ahead and Amy kept pace. I was left in the dust. I don't really run anymore since I had knee surgery, but I do run on the beach once a week at Natural Bridges State Park. As I ran the best pace I could, I felt every ounce of my body weight and I kept thinking about our recent decision to cut back on caloric consumption (food and drink).

Amy and I are in pretty good health, but as the pandemic wore on this past year, we both put on what has been jokingly called the "COVID-19". Thankfully it wasn't literally 19 pounds, but it was enough for each of us. We exercise nearly every day, and yet, our metabolisms are slower than ever.

Beatrice and Amy were over 50 yards ahead of me when we hit the half-mile mark. I thought I was going to die. No adult asthma this time (although it has come back over the past 15 years during fall and spring), but I was still sucking air. The weekly beach runs were not my conditioned friends at this point. I kept going though. Amy and Bea doubled back to be with me, but then Bea zoomed ahead again with Amy right there with her.

It wasn't just the weight that was the issue. Like so many working parents with kids distance learning (not this year so far thankfully), sheltering in place, wearing masks everywhere else, waiting for the vaccines (which we got once available), and the contrary extremes around us going completely bananas on nearly every aspect of life, we compartmentalized the daily grind and didn't really care for our mental health. 

We thought we did with our morning meditations and positive communication practice. And while it may have been a temporary mood-lifter, sedating with food and drink every night isn't really good self-care. It's just turning "off" until the next day starts everything all over again and the compartmentalizing continues. Even so, we remained grateful throughout for our circumstances and took care of our children and their emotional needs, just not our own as much as we should have.

After Beatrice, Amy and I finished running the mile together, and after I caught up to Amy and Beatrice who kept their 50-yard lead most of the way, I looked out over the ocean and to the Natural Bridge below where I'd finish my workout. My chest heaved, my big body was drenched in sweat, and my face was a pasty white. The air tasted so very sweet though, and was filled with a clarity and grace, without judgement, for ourselves and for others who have struggled with pandemic life, even when we think we didn't. We're finally reversing the polarity of our fatigued spirits and reenergizing our hearts. Blessings to you all. 

Their Love of Learning

"All right -- rapid fire questions, girls. What are you the most stressed about going back to school this year. Bryce, go."

Our youngest daughter, Bryce, didn't hesitate. "Not knowing who my teacher will be and who will be in my class."

"I know," I said. "You'll know the night before, though." 

Bryce nodded. 

"Beatrice, go."

Our oldest daughter, Beatrice, jumped right in. "Remembering my locker number and getting lost on campus." 

Those weren't new to her. Early in the pandemic, before we had to end up distance learning for over a year, she was stressed about going to 6th grade in middle school and having to use a locker. Now, going into 7th grade, she will, which is why I'm going down to the hardware store to buy her a combination lock to practice on.

"Okay. What about what you're looking forward to the most? Bryce, go."

"I'm looking forward to learning again," Bryce said. "And seeing my friends." 

Love that girl. "Nice. Beatrice, go."

"I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and meeting new people and taking art," she said. "I hope I get into that."

"I know, me too," I said.

"And I'm looking forward to learning again, too," she added.

Love these girls. I had taken them out to lunch after they helped me take our trailer camper to get a check up. They both have the hooking up and the parking the camper down. 

School is about to start again, and they're both going back five days a week. Earlier in spring, Bryce had gone back in person five days a week, and Beatrice when back two days a week. We were all grateful for this and are all grateful again for a new school year. Grateful for the teachers and the school districts encouraging vaccinations and requiring masks indoors.

The girls didn't end up saying a word about having to wear masks again indoors at school. They both went to summer camp and summer school and mask safety protocols were in place then as well. Social distancing became a wash, though, because keeping kids and adults alike to stay six feet apart was never easy. Non-existent most of the time. 

We've never had vaccination fears over the years, and all of us are now vaccinated, except for Bryce. And because of that, we continue to have her wear a mask indoors when we're all out together, especially where required. The Delta variant is super contagious and spreading fast -- and child infections are on the rise. Over 4 million children have had covid since the pandemic began and now more young unvaccinated people are getting sicker with the virus. 

Even for those who are vaccinated, wearing masks continue to help prevent the transmission of the COVID-19 virus. Infectious disease and healthcare professionals know a lot more about the virus now and the science facts are clear. The percentage of those who have extreme adverse side effects is quite low (less than 1%) compared to the prevention benefits of keeping people out of the hospital. Simultaneously the misinformation and myths about vaccinations and wearing masks continue to divide and confuse. The battle between personal freedoms, fear of stigmatization and shame, and health and safety is so lost on me now more than ever. I'm tired of the argument. Tired of the pandemic. Tired of wearing masks.

However, health and safety will always win in our family, so we will do what we have to do to stay healthy and safe. And as soon as the vaccination is available for Bryce, she's getting the shot. We'll all wear masks when needed and if mandated in the meantime. Here are some quick reminders about mask myths and realities for us all (from healthychildren.org):

Can wearing a mask make it harder for my child to breathe?

No, masks are made from breathable materials that will not block the oxygen your child needs. Masks will not affect your child's ability to focus or learn in school. The vast majority of children age 2 or older can safely wear face masks for extended periods of time, such as the school day or at child care. This includes children with many medical conditions.

Can masks interfere with a child's lung development?

No, wearing a face mask will not affect your child's lungs from developing normally. This is because oxygen flows through and around the mask, while blocking the spray of spit and respiratory droplets that may contain the virus. Keeping your child's lungs healthy is important, which includes preventing infections like COVID-19.

Do masks trap the carbon dioxide that we normally breathe out?

No. There have been false reports that face masks can lead to carbon dioxide poisoning (known as hypercapnia) from re-breathing the air we normally breathe out. But this is not true. In fact, surgeons wear tight fitting masks all day as part of their jobs, without any harm.

Can masks lead to a weaker immune system by putting the body under stress?

No. Wearing a face mask does not weaken your immune system or increase your chances of getting sick if exposed to the COVID-19 virus. Wearing a mask, even if you do not have symptoms of COVID-19, helps prevent the virus from spreading.

For parents who are concerned about their kids going back to school, who may have to deal with bullying and harassment due to wearing or not wearing masks, getting vaccinated or not, or just the fact of being back to school again in person with all the human challenges of being all together again, Kidpower has great resources and workshops for parents and kids to stay safe and healthy. 

It's hard enough growing up and it's now gotten a lot harder because of the ongoing pandemic. Too many adults in charge continue to downplay verified health science, and instead, promote myths, fear and shame about vaccines and wearing masks that put us all at risk. And our children today are the most at risk to this preventable insanity. 

When I reflect on the earlier conversation I had with our daughters about going back to school, their love of learning was a clear priority. Nothing about covid -- the worst fear being remembering a locker combination. Just their love of learning, seeing their old friends and meeting new friends are what's top of mind for them. That's a back-to-school lesson for us all. 

Always Safety First

I pushed back on the face shields. I didn't want our daughters to have to wear them while we were traveling during our summer road trip. My wife Amy had been given a pair of face shields prior to us leaving, and they were to be worn if we were eating inside a crowded restaurant. 

Again, I didn't want them to have to wear them; we were already having them wear face masks inside everywhere we went. I struggled with stigma over safety. I worried about being confronted in public, our children shamed, us as parents shamed, and me shouting back in anger. I was caught up in the fear of the political and irrational fringe that refuses to wear any masks and to not be vaccinated. 

Amy reminded me of what I already knew and agreed with -- safety first. Always safety first, regardless of anyone's feelings, even my own. We all still wore our face masks in many places indoors during our vacation due to COVID-19, mostly in solidarity with our daughters, with only our oldest Beatrice being half-vaccinated. Our youngest Bryce won't be able to be vaccinated until it's approved for children under 12. The good news was that many other families wore their masks inside as well while we traveled (and not always required indoors depending on where we were). 

Amy and I are always grounded in the best science of our time, and this time was no exception. According the the CDC, fewer children have been sick with COVID-19 compared to adults, children can be infected with the virus that causes COVID-19, can get sick from COVID-19, and can spread the virus that causes COVID-19 to others. Children, like adults, who have COVID-19 but have no symptoms (“asymptomatic”) can still spread the virus to others.

And that was the key -- can still spread the virus to others. Amy and I could still get sick being vaccinated. The probability was much lower, but it could happen. And anyone else we were around. With the Delta variant on the rise, a variant that spreads much faster than the first coronavirus, that's a reality we cannot deny.

Over 33 million people infected to date in the U.S., and over 600,000 people have died (most likely underreported). Covid still rages in places all over the world; nearly 4 million have died globally. Comparably, only 290,000 to 650,000 people die of flu-related causes every year worldwide. Also, only 45% of the total U.S. population is fully vaccinated against COVID-19. 53% have had at least one shot. We're still a ways from hitting 70% vaccinated rates, when we can truly move safely beyond the pandemic. It's pretty amazing when you think about it how fast these vaccines were developed, tested and distributed during a worldwide pandemic. 

So, there we were in a very crowded restaurant in Las Vegas, and when the food came, we had the girls wear the face shields. And no one gave us a second look, even with Beatrice getting food all over the inside of her shield (Bryce did not). No shaming or shaking of heads. Most of the time afterwards we either ate outside or were in less populated restaurants (or ate at our camper), but we still wore our face masks when required or needed. 

Now that we're back home we're very happy that our state has opened up, that Beatrice got her second dose, and that eventually Bryce will get vaccinated. I no longer struggle with safety stigma, and am sorry I did in the first place when we were on vacation. 

Unfortunately, too many people are still refusing to get vaccinated, and to wear masks if they're not, and many of those people are men, men who are fathers and grandfathers. I can't control the mass misinformation and conspiracy theories that continue to dissuade men from getting vaccinated, no matter how much free money, food and beer are being offered to them. I can only implore fathers everywhere to make safety a priority for their families and communities. Always safety first.

Happy Father's Day.

We Will Be Safe And Well

I know I shouldn't listen to the crazy fringe. Or, what I consider to be the crazy fringe. It gets in my head and burns like a low-grade fever; I'm still functional, but I know the flames can dance along my prefrontal cortex for months on end. Especially when it's a crazy fringe that tens of millions of people listen to regularly. 

What got in my head was the crazy talk about how people should shame other people who wear masks. Not only that, ranting further about how people should call the authorities and child protective services on other people whose kids wear masks. Or, as the crazy put it, their kids were forced to wear masks, like child abuse. Most likely CPS would thank the person and move on.

Never mind that we've been in a global pandemic for well over a year now, a new one that the medical community, infectious disease experts and governments everywhere have had to figure out how to respond to prevent serious illness and further death -- i.e., social distancing, mask wearing and now encouraging vaccinations. Where 600,000 have died in the U.S. alone (probably closer to 1 million). 

They're still trying to figure out how COVID-19 started and how fast the variants mutate, but thankfully vaccinations were developed and released at a dizzying pace not seen before. Plus, current vaccination rates are increasing, and while we may never hit herd immunity for our families and communities, God willing and the creek don't rise, as my dad used to say, our family's going to be fully vaccinated and will wear masks if and when we have to.

And now the latest guidelines from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) tells us we don't have to wear masks if we've been fully vaccinated in the U.S. My wife Amy and I are vaccinated, but our two daughters aren't yet. Our oldest, who falls into the 12-15 year-old category, can get hers, which we'll do soon. Our youngest will have to wait until later in the year, maybe early fall. 

That means we'll want them to wear their masks indoors at stores, restaurants, museums, gift shops and other places we'll go this summer. Here's the thing -- children can develop COVID-19, although many of them have no symptoms at all. Those that do might have milder symptoms such as low-grade fever, fatigue, and cough. Some children could have had severe complications, but that's more rare. They can be carriers as well, infecting unvaccinated people and those with poor immune systems. 

Months ago, at a park playground near us, Beatrice and another young girl we know were swinging on the swings. Both were wearing masks. An adult woman, a stranger, told them they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl didn't say anything and didn't remove their masks either. Another woman who was there with her child came over and confronted the woman who said they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl moved away to safety, as they should always do in situations like this, while the second adult woman stated she was a healthcare professional and explained the science of why we needed to wear masks...

We were worried last fall that mask shaming, bullying and harassment would increase as kids went back to school in person, which wasn't the case for our girls, who only went back to school in person recently. We're grateful for that.

But now I worry about what happens out in the world now that the mask mandate has been relaxed, and businesses like Walmart, Trader Joe's and Starbucks are dropping their mask mandates. I worry about others telling us our kids shouldn't be wearing masks on our travels over the summer. Confronting us publicly to shame and ridicule. Probably won't happen, but it could. The crazy fringe still has one helluva reach.

So, instead of aggressively telling those people to f-off, I asked my wife, "What is the Kidpower thing to do in this situation?"

She said to say "thank you" and move away. That's the thing about being safe, especially with children in tow, that you should always move away to safety. To never confront. Confrontation can lead to escalation and potentially more than just throwing poison words at one another. That impact alone on children is negative enough. 

I then asked her, "What if they don't let up?"

She said that's when you put your hands up like stop signs and say, "Please stop and move away!"

In most situations, that's more than enough to dissuade someone to stand down and move away. And again, most likely we won't run into the crazy fringe willing to confront us or others, people like us who only want to get back to living some level of normalcy as we move past the pandemic. Our kids will eventually get vaccinated, and we will be safe and well. 

All Kinds of Creative Solace

Beatrice entered her school's talent show to share her artwork. It's wasn't a judged talent show, and yet that doesn't matter. Out of the few hundred kids in her middle school, less than a dozen individuals (plus their school choir) participated in the virtual talent show. Bea submitted a short video with her showing some of her favorite art pieces from the past year. There were also other singers and musicians and voice actors and artists and film editors and more who entered. Bryce entered her school's talent show and shared her artwork as well. 

When I was 12 and my sister 10, we helped our mom break into the house of our first step-father, who was mentally ill and abusive, while he was at work. We had already gotten out of the house, but there were still too many personal things we didn't want to leave behind. In less than a day, he had changed the locks on the house, so the only way we could get in was to break in. We broke the bathroom window on the side of the house and then laid a towel over the bottom edge of the windowsill. The only person who could fit through the window was my sister. We were all scared out of our minds, with visions of him waiting quietly inside with a gun. The same gun he pointed at my mom multiple times. We got our things and got out, with no sign of him anywhere. 

Quite a juxtaposition from then to now. We're grateful that we've been safe and well and have been able to provide a stable and loving family environment for our girls. And while I did grow up in a less than stable environment, I wasn't without my creative side that my mom encouraged. I was always an avid reader (so was Amy growing up -- and we still are). We've instilled these positive habits in the girls as well; Bryce is more the avid reader overall and Bea loves her graphic novels. I also drew a lot when I was the girls' age, and was writing short stories then, too. Bea is also interested in writing her own stories in the form of graphic novels. Both girls are drawing and painting and experimenting will all kinds of art, and we continue to support them both. 

Even though the girls are back to in-person school again (5 days a week for Bryce and 2 days a week for Beatrice), we've all been fortunate to continue to be active and to nurture our creative sides over the past year of pandemic. We also know that there has been an exponential increase in stress, fatigue and depression throughout the pandemic, with many families socially isolated from family and friends. There have been too many people out of work, struggling financially to keep their families sheltered and food on the table. Domestic violence has been on the rise globally during the past year. There are families who have struggled with illness and mental health problems. And there are those who have split up for many of the reasons above.

Even when we're beyond this pandemic, the psychological and emotional impacts will be felt for years to come. Creating safe and healthy environments for our children is certainly the best intention for most parents, even when there are factors beyond our control. Leaning in on faith, on counseling, on mental health services, on the support of other family and friends are critical. Getting out of dangerous situations when there is no other alternative for safety is also critical. Through it all, encouraging our children to have a growth mindset, even in the face of extreme circumstances, can lead to all kinds of creative solace. 

One Volley After Another

"Every day we're standing
In a time capsule
Racing down a river from the past
Every day we're standing
In a wind tunnel
Facing down the future coming fast..."

–Rush, Turn the Page

I wasn't surprised that the sight brought a tear. That's not unusual for me, to experience a moving momentary emotional surge. Like, all the time. 

I had been taking our dog Jenny for a walk. It was a beautiful spring day. Cool and sunny. On the cusp of what my wife Amy and I called a hot-cold day; too warm in the sun to wear a sweatshirt and too cold in the shade not to. I was headed to one of two walks we've been doing during the past year of the pandemic. This one would take us through the lower facilities campus of UC Santa Cruz, and then around Antonelli Pond, back along the railroad tracks to home again. 

As I walked through the always empty parking of the lower campus, I looked up and noticed something I hadn't seen for nearly one year: the tennis court nets were back up. Now, that may like seem like much of anything, but to us, it was everything just a year earlier. 

There are two tennis courts on the lower university campus that used to be open to the public. First come, first serve courts, each one self-contained by tall fencing and fenced doors that shut. This is where we found a fun family activity shortly after the lock-down last year, the newest normal for us then. By no means are we tennis players, but it was a physical activity we are really enjoyed together. Otherwise known as chase the balls for those of you, who like us, can't play very well. This included our youngest Bryce whining a little about chasing the balls, even refusing to chase the balls, with an occasional strong volley between us all. Bryce was actually pretty good with her volleys, and her older sister Beatrice is not too far behind. Plus, our dog Jenny could be with us, enclosed in the court with us, and either find a patch of shade to lay down in, or bark at other dogs passing by with their owners. 

But those days were short-lived, when even these courts were locked up due to covid, nets removed. Amy kept telling me that she was going to break into the courts so we could play, which we never did. There were other courts elsewhere near us that were open, but they weren't the same as the self-contained courts where we could hammer the balls back and forth without fear of hitting innocent bystanders. That never prevented our girls from hitting the balls over the tall perimeter fencing into the weeds, some lost forever. 

So, when I saw the tennis court nets up again, and the fenced doors were unlocked with "social distancing" signs on them, I teared up. It wasn't just because we could play again together as a family; it was because the world was finally opening up again. Incrementally and inconsistently, but still opening up. The pandemic isn't over either, and millions and millions more people still need to be vaccinated (and I hope those who refuse to change their minds), while the newest normal continues to evolve. 

The future keeps whacking us away from the past, one volley after another, sending our present time capsules over the fence and into the weeds. I'm just glad we get to keep playing. 

Back To School We Go

It was like the first day of school again. But it wasn't. It was the first day back after a year and change distance learning from home. My wife Amy took our youngest Bryce to school and then our whole family picked her up after. Bryce was nervous going back, and also really looking forward to it. After her second day back, I picked her up after school.

"How did it go today?" I asked her. 

"Good," she said.

"What did you do today?"

"Lots of math."

"Really. Was that a bummer?"

"No, it was fine. Just a lot. I'm glad I'm back in school."

"Us too, Bryce. Us too. Was your teacher glad to see you in person?"

"Yes, she was. I was glad to see her, too."

Us too, Bryce. Bryce remembers all too well that the last day of in-person school last year was March 13. Now we're finally back to hybrid in-person school two days per week for Bryce -- soon to be five days per week even before the end of the school year. Our oldest Beatrice will go back two days per week after spring break. She's missed nearly her entire first year of in-person middle school. 

Yep, it's been a lot for too many of us. Pandemic fatigue is real. As a family, though, we did okay this past year working and schooling from home; we're closer than ever. We helped the girls keep up with the schoolwork and they continue to get it done. We're also grateful that we've been safe and well for the past year. We've had our regular weekly family meetings, we have our safety plans we review, we've worn our masks and social distanced (and continue to), and now the girls have phones since they'll be on their own more and more going forward. And soon Amy and I will be vaccinated for COVID-19 as availability opens up soon.

The parental pressure on our school district to reopen is something that played out repeatedly across America since last fall. Teachers pushed back wanting to be vaccinated with other safety protocols in place. We weren't those parents, and we didn't fault teachers for wanting to be safe, only because we didn't have to work outside the home and/or struggle with balancing our work and helping the girls with school. We all missed school, don't get me wrong, but we were okay. Plus, our girls are older now, and we can't imagine what it was like with kindergartners, 1st, 2nd or even 3rd graders. Too many women left the workforce in the past year due to the impact of coronavirus, various inequities and family caregiving falling to them again and again -- nearly 3 million actually. So, we understand the why of the pressure. 

Amy works, and combined with home and childcare, its more than full-time. I continue to work and run a research firm remotely (which I've been doing for years now, pre-covid and now post). And yes, I help with home and childcare as well. 

We are grateful for so many who have worked so hard to get our children back to school. One year ago the infectious disease and medical communities didn't know a whole heckuva lot about what we were dealing with. Although misinformation abounds, and covid cases are rising again, science and facts are thankfully stubborn things keeping many of us alive and well. 

Thank you to all those who have believed in science, medicine, safety and pandemic facts.

Thank you to the pharmaceutical companies that developed the vaccines so quickly.

Thank you to the CDC and its guidelines and to all the doctors and nurses everywhere.

Thank you to all the first responders who risked their lives to keep us all safe. 

Thank you to all the essential workers who risked their lives to keep food on grocery shelves, to cook and deliver food, and so much more.

Thank you to all the government leaders and public officials who believed in science, medicine, safety and pandemic facts.

Thank you to our county health department and our county board of education and our school district administers .

Thank you to our girls' school leadership and all our wonderful school teachers, librarians and custodians.

Thank you to all the parents who kept their sanity after a year of distance learning (or for any length of time).

Thank you to all the kids whose resiliency was unprecedented and who also kept their sanity after a year of distance learning. 

Thank you to everyone who practiced all the safety protocols all the time.

Blessings to the many adults and kids who will continue to need emotional and psychological support in the months and even years ahead. Blessings to those who are food deprived, who are experiencing homelessness and the glaring inequity gaps that covid has shone new light on. For those who are able, please donate money, time and resources when and where you can. We're not out of the covid woods yet.

And yet, through all these covid woods, back to school we go. Maybe this fall we'll be back full-time, whatever this new normal looks like by then. Back-to-school blessings to us all. 

Lighting Up With Love And Grace

The plan was to throw her a big party when she turned 50, just like she did for me. That one was so much fun: it was the eve of the18th anniversary of when my wife Amy and I met, and our 12th anniversary of marriage. We held it in the banquet room of one of our favorite Mexican restaurants at the time. Friends and family alike were there and we had booked the local iconic Surfing Magician perform for the kids and the adults at my party.

Then last year, the pandemic hit, and everything was never the same. We went out to dinner for Amy's birthday then, the last time at that time we could do something like that for months. 

A year later, things are finally improving. After the tragic loss of over 500,000 people, more people are now getting vaccinated for COVID-19. Cases are going down in many areas, including our own. Our two daughters may be going to back to some in-person school soon; they've been in distance learning for nearly a year now. No matter what, we're grateful because we've been safe and well. We're grateful that we would've been in the position to even have another birthday party. 

However, when we entered 2021, it was clear that there would be no big party for Amy. No Surfing Magician, no friends and family, no carefree laughter. In a country that continues to buckle under the crazy strain of conspiracy theories, the big election fraud lie, the Capitol insurrection on January 6 (which continues to haunt and anger me), the anti-maskers who jeopardize health and safety, there are still so many people struggling financially and with their emotional and psychological health and safety. So many people feeling helpless and alone. 

This is why I'm so proud of my wife and the work that she does. And not just the work she does teaching safety skills to kids and teens at Kidpower or the work she's done on the PTA for our grade school. I'm proud of how she's helped to keep our daughters healthy and sane these past 12 months. How she's helped organize our family-friend pod so the girls could continue to see and play with some of their friends while giving the parents a little free time each week. How she continues to reach out to friends and family to check in with them, sometimes across great ideological divides. How she set up a regular Zoom call with family to reconnect, to play games and share carefree laughter. 

My wife inspires me every day to be better. To lead with eyes of love and acceptance, something I have done and can do quite readily, until I don't do it, defeated. But I keep coming back, and she's there to love me, always.

She deserved to have a celebration of her life at 50. So, I did the next best thing we could do during a pandemic. Set up a surprise Zoom call birthday party for her. For nearly two months I invited old and new friends, family, colleagues and other special people in her life to a virtual celebration on her birthday. I tried to contact everyone I thought should be invited, although I'm sure I missed some people. For those who could make the call, I loved watching Amy light up with love and grace as she talked to each and every person, taking the time to introduce them all. And then, the lighting up with love and grace culminated at dinner with our dear family-friend pod and lots of carefree laughter. 

Happy Birthday, my love. I am grateful for you, always. 

Some Things Are Not A Choice

Checking first is critical. Always has been. Especially when there's an agreed-upon plan with the adults in charge. Meaning us, the parents. Checking with us first before they, our kids, change the plan.

For example, if the plan is, you, our children, will wear your masks inside when over at one of our pod homes, then you wear your masks inside. Pod homes meaning the families we rotate with a few times a week to watch each other's kids. Our kids get to play with their friends after school, and the parents get a break for a few hours after school. 

Even if the adult in charge at that point and time in the house they were all in says it's okay to not wear masks, our children know they are supposed to check first with us before they do anything different than the agreed-upon plan. One of their friends didn't wear a mask inside, then others joined in, including our children. 

After we went camping recently and were around a lot of people we did not know, even though we wore our masks and practiced COVID-19 safety protocols, we still were around a lot of different people. That, combined with the fact that another one of our pod families were around others indoors without masks, and we decided it was for the best that our girls wear their masks inside when at the other pod families that following week. That included our own home when it was our turn during that week.

Like checking first, some things are not a choice is another Kidpower mantra we repeat daily. And no matter the COVID-19 fatigue we've all been feeling, and mercy me have we been feeling it, it doesn't change how we practice health and safety protocols during a pandemic. This is true for our pod families and they all want to be safe as well. 

It's been nearly a year since covid lockdown and distance learning for us where we live. And it sucks. Super sucks. We've done well as a family, and with our friends and pod families, but it still super sucks. We also don't disparage our friends because our kids decided to change the plans and take their masks off, no matter if the adult in charge said it was okay. We're all exhausted from this pandemic. Again, it super sucks. 

Both our daughters tried to make the case that, since this was an agreement they didn't agree with, that it was okay to take off their masks. And we again reminded them, some things are not a choice and that we always check first with us before the plan is changed. 

What is the natural consequence to be though? Should our daughters not be allowed to get together with the pods and friends for a week? That was our idea at first, and we posed this question to the parents in the Positive Discipline class we're in. The consensus was, no. Punitive discipline does not foster learning the right lessons, and especially not after the fact. Keeping communication open and continuing to be clear about the plan is key: thank you for telling us and what could you/we do differently next time before making a decision to change the plan. Always check first.

Children and teens don't have the capacity for consistent and rational decision making. Good God, so many adults don't either. We believe in including our daughters in the decision-making process, even though obviously we are the parents, the adults in charge. 

This is why our family meetings are so important every week. Why personal responsibility and accountability are so important today, and tomorrow when they're teens. One of the parents in our class shared that in their friend pod, covid spread quickly due to not practicing safety protocol. Here was the natural consequence to learn from. Our oldest Beatrice realized that it wasn't just about potentially exposing themselves to the virus, it was about exposing us to it, her parents, who were more likely to get sick than either her or her sister. 

No matter how tired we all are, some things are not a choice.  

Help Kids Stay Emotionally Safe -- Donate By December 31

Every week during our family meetings – after we share compliments, appreciation, things we notice about each other, and what we're grateful for – we always check in with our two pre-teen daughters about general overall safety, emotional safety and positive communication. 

It's not just about us being parents who want to ensure the overall safety of our family. We also want our daughters to be comfortable talking about their own emotional safety and positive communication. To be empowered by that ability. To never be afraid of them. And to know that their safety and well-being are more important than anyone's embarrassment, inconvenience or offense. That last one is especially important for them as they enter teenage-land and young adulthood. 

These are part of the many tenets of the nonprofit organization Kidpower. My wife works for Kidpower and I've volunteered for Kidpower in the past, wearing a padded suit for self-defense lessons. Kidpower continues to teach our family and people of all ages and abilities to use their power to stay safe, act wisely, and believe in themselves.

This has been especially difficult to do for many families with children and teenagers this year due to COVID-19. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):

Adolescents aged 12–17 years accounted for the highest proportion of mental health–related ED visits in both 2019 and 2020, followed by children aged 5–11 years. Many mental disorders commence in childhood, and mental health concerns in these age groups might be exacerbated by stress related to the pandemic and abrupt disruptions to daily life associated with mitigation efforts, including anxiety about illness, social isolation, and interrupted connectedness to school. 

Kidpower programs can help kids and teens alike to stay emotionally safe in times like these. And like many organizations this year, Kidpower pivoted from mostly in-person safety services to delivering everything online through trainings and workshops, for even the most susceptible and at-risk populations. Being a nonprofit, everything they do is funded by generous grants and donations. 

A long-time friend of Kidpower has given them a challenge grant for up to $100,000 for all new gifts to Kidpower International between Dec 22-31! These funds will support their new PowerUP! Initiative through transformational projects that will vastly increase the safety and confidence of millions of people of all ages and abilities worldwide. 

Please join me in supporting this great cause! They are nearly halfway to hitting their challenge grant and I'm raising $1,000 to help them hit their goal of $100,000. Your contributions will make an impact, whether you donate $5 or $500. Every little bit helps. Thank you for your support. 

Go to Kidpower today and donate what you can before December 31. 

A little protection goes a long way! Thank you!

Our Learning Quests

Like so many other families this year, my wife Amy and I worked from home, our daughters Beatrice and Bryce schooled from home, and our entire family lived everything from home for nearly 10 months of 2020. And as COVID-19 raged around us, and polarized people raged at each other, we did things that we loved. 

We not only became closer as a family, of which we're grateful, we expanded our personal interests and developed new habits that fueled our learning and creativity. 

For Amy, it's putting puzzles together. The love of puzzles isn't new to her, and she rekindled it pre-pandemic. But once shelter-in-place orders started, she began to buy puzzles at Goodwill. At the end of each day of working and schooling from home, she pulls out the latest puzzle she'd started, spread out over a big piece of cardboard, and get to identifying the myriad of interlocking pieces. When she's nearly done with a puzzle, she lets the girls place the last few pieces. Then she puts them all back in the box and gives them back to Goodwill for someone else to buy. 

For the girls, it's doing art, specifically drawing with colored pens and pencils. This isn't new to them either, but there's been of surge of creativity between the two of them. Each girls has a unique artistic eye within their developing talents. Bryce loves Japanese anime and a games called Gacha Life, Adopt Me and Among Us, which influences much of her art of late. Beatrice likes the same games, but not anime as much, and is also big graphic novel fan. Both girls like reading graphic novels actually, with Bryce enjoying text chapter books more than Bea. Both girls also draw what they like from looking at other images and from memory, and their interpretations are quite memorable. Like Bea's Rudolph from the stop-motion animated show from 1964 and her recent sunset interpretation. She's now working on a creepy graphic novel, a genre and style she loves.

As for me, well, it's been about the drums this year. I've been an air drummer since I was first introduced to rock and roll by mother, but I never took lessons, never owned a drum set, and never played in junior high or high school. In the early 1990's, before I met Amy, I remember going to a music store with my ex and buying a practice pad with a stand and some drumming lesson books. That lasted about a week and then they were shoved into a closet never to be seen from again. Before Bea was born, I started up again with another practice pad, a pair of drumsticks and foot pedals for footwork practice. I had some new printed lessons and a subscription to Modern Drummer magazine as well. That lasted a few months. Then about five years ago Amy bought me an electronic kit, and I taught myself drumming rudiments and took some online lessons, more than I had ever done before. But then the kit got moved around due to house changes and my busy work and travel schedule killed any momentum I had finally established.

2020 started off with the death of my favorite drummer, lyricist and writer, Neil Peart. Shortly after that, I carved out a new location in the garage, set up my drums again, and restarted the video lessons. Now the fire is more real than ever, and I practice nearly every night. Santa even stopped by early this year and left me an upgraded electronic kit, so I can't stop now. I won't stop now. 

The puzzle that Amy completed last Christmas, before the global pandemic changed our worlds forever, was called "The Quest For Knowledge." It's now framed and hangs in our house. How prescient and appropriate for our family this year, and how grateful we are to be able to do the things we love to do. The things that keep our synapses firing and brains rewiring -- the puzzles, the art and the drumming that drive all our learning quests. 

Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:

The Primary Pooper Scoopers

The Little Wooden Reindeer

A Well-Being Worth Practicing

A Grateful Tree

It's This Moment That Matters

The Bank of Mom and Dad

Something to Celebrate

The Haunted Garden

Mapping the Way

Mask Up First For Your Families

All Because of One Day on the Beach

Awash in Love and Hope

The Building Blocks of Healthy Lives

The Part Where All Lives Matter

The Clarity Bridge for Homelessness

Stars to Shine

Loving Community Wide Shots Abound

A Foundation Worth Saving

This Hit-And-Run Thunderstorm

Help Prevent the Back-to-School Bullying

Memories Now and to Come

Especially Our Kids

This Old "No" Guy Jedi

Choose Eyes of Love

The Morning Work

We Shared Blue Genes

Agree to Disintegration

The Teacher Parade

All These Things Can Lead To Grace

Our Freedom Is Always Welcome

A Well of Strength

This Bad History

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem

The Iceberg Underneath

The Healing Hope We Can Give

Donate Your Date Nights and Help Feed Families

About All The Things

Dad, Our Family's Computer Guy

The Newest Normal

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

This Is The Life

When There's Nowhere to Go

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To 

The Little Wooden Reindeer

 "Well I'm not the kind to live in the past
The years run too short and the days too fast
The things you lean on are the things that don't last
Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these
Time passages..."

–Al Stewart, Time Passages

After we went downtown, the song crept out from the shadows. I couldn't help but sing some of it while our family played Apples to Apples. Then I listened to it while fixing dinner. It's one of many older songs from my childhood that always takes me back decades. 

Or, just one year ago to 2019. One year pre-pandemic, when we were downtown with much of our community celebrating the season with our annual holiday parade. Our oldest Beatrice played flute in the school band, marching down Pacific Avenue, our Main Street, playing Jingle Bells, over and over again. 

I walked along with the band with other parents, and my wife Amy and our youngest Bryce waved to us from the side of the street towards the end of the parade route. There was finally a break in the rain, and all us parents who traveled along with the band took tons of pictures and videos. The community clapped and waved, we clapped and waved, some danced in the street like Bryce and even the chief of police, and for a couple of hours the local social spectrum shone like a rainy day rainbow -- with Santa riding in at the end on a city fire truck.

We were all so looking forward to 2020. It was going to be a year like no other.

Well, it was and has been, that's for sure. But not even close to what our expectations were -- coronavirus, economic downturn, millions out of work, social and racial injustice and inequity, political upheaval, fires, missing family and friends, and much, much, more. A year later and there's no downtown holiday parade, no school marching bands, and the Bay Area is again on the cusp of locking down further due to surges of COVID-19. It's been tough on local businesses everywhere and our in our own local community many businesses have closed forever. 

The shop local campaign has never been more important, and we've tried to do our part, ordering goods locally whenever possible. The Downtown Association of Santa Cruz has worked with local downtown merchants to make it easier to buy online and in store. That doesn't mean we haven't defaulted to ordering stuff online from Amazon, because we have, but we do try to strike a better balance when and where we can.

This year the Downtown Association of Santa Cruz launched a Reindeer Round-Up hunt (which runs through December 23), where kids (and adults) visit participating businesses displaying a small wooden reindeer, and then when enough reindeers are spotted, fun prizes are given away. Our girls loved it. We got some treats to eat, did some window shopping and then bought some downtown dollars for gifts to give away that can be used later at participating businesses.

Amy went to get the car and I walked the girls to the downtown information kiosk to turn in their reindeer forms. The woman working the kiosk wore a sweet candy cane elf hat and was thrilled that the girls did the reindeer round-up.

"You know, there's one more in here that you girls could find and add to your list," she said.

The three of us circled the kiosk but couldn't find it.

The kiosk employee exited and said, "I'll let you know when you get warmer. Try again."

We circled again.

"Ah -- you're getting warmer!" she said.

Then I looked up, and there on a little white shelf was the little wooden reindeer. And then the girls saw it, too. 

They both pointed and said, "There it is!"

The kiosk employee literally jumped in the air, her candy cane elf hat bouncing on her head. 

"Yeah! Great job!" she said.

The girls got to pick out a little gift, and they chose a small stuffed elephant and zebra. We got in the car and they told Mom all about it as we headed home. On the way home we drove along the ocean and as I looked out across water, I thought about how much we all looked forward to 2021, on how it could be a year like no other, how maybe we might be able to put this pandemic behind us, and much, much, more. 

We should all look up more often. 

"Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these time passages..."

Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:

A Well-Being Worth Practicing

A Grateful Tree

It's This Moment That Matters

The Bank of Mom and Dad

Something to Celebrate

The Haunted Garden

Mapping the Way

Mask Up First For Your Families

All Because of One Day on the Beach

Awash in Love and Hope

The Building Blocks of Healthy Lives

The Part Where All Lives Matter

The Clarity Bridge for Homelessness

Stars to Shine

Loving Community Wide Shots Abound

A Foundation Worth Saving

This Hit-And-Run Thunderstorm

Help Prevent the Back-to-School Bullying

Memories Now and to Come

Especially Our Kids

This Old "No" Guy Jedi

Choose Eyes of Love

The Morning Work

We Shared Blue Genes

Agree to Disintegration

The Teacher Parade

All These Things Can Lead To Grace

Our Freedom Is Always Welcome

A Well of Strength

This Bad History

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem

The Iceberg Underneath

The Healing Hope We Can Give

Donate Your Date Nights and Help Feed Families

About All The Things

Dad, Our Family's Computer Guy

The Newest Normal

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

This Is The Life

When There's Nowhere to Go

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To