Day One All Over Again

Our girls were excited for us to see their classrooms and meet their teachers. It would be the first in-person open house since before the pandemic and we were all looking forward to attend. I was already to go for more than our children because earlier that day I had met with the presidents of the teacher and administrative/support staff unions to talk about their priorities. I'll be on the school board starting next year so the timing was good before our open house. 

But I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive for this middle school open house. The ghosts of decades past school anxieties always bubble up for me before these current in-person school events. 

Onward I went. It was great to see old friends and parents of kids we've been going to school with since preschool and kindergarten. Our youngest Bryce is in beginning choir this year, so before the class tours started we watched her perform with the rest of the kids and the school band performed as well. 

Our oldest Beatrice had looked forward to showing us around the school and wanted to make sure we knew where we were going. Again, it had been nearly three years since our last open house, prior to Bea starting 6th grade. The girls have been back in school for the past year, but more of the parent events have been virtual until now.

Our plan was to divide and conquer and then switch. Meaning, my wife Amy and I would go to each girl's first three period classes, then we'd switch for the last three periods. We'd been having a heatwave and the first few classes were really hot and stuffy, which triggered my anxiety. I pushed through though and kept my focus on what the teachers shared with the parents in the room. 

But then I misread Bryce's third period room number on the schedule she wrote out for us and went to the wrong room. The teacher was one that Bea had in 6th grade, one of her favorites in middle school so far, and I knew Bryce didn't have him. I felt bad, but a few minutes into his intro I knew I had to go find the right room. I apologetically got up to leave and he was gracious with my exit, giving me a fist bump on the way out. 

When it was time to go to Bea's physical education period, I asked another teacher where to go. She pointed to the field where a group of parents gathered, so that's where I went. Later Beatrice would point out that was the 6th grade PE period, not the 8th grade one. Hers was in the gym, so I missed out on that one. 

The last class of open house was Beatrice's history class. By then the outside air was much cooler and flowed into the open classroom windows. We all sat down and the teacher started her overview. I heard music playing in the distance and it sounded like it was coming in from the outside windows where all the kids played waiting for their parents to be done. But then it sounded like it was inside the room somewhere. I thought, who's playing music right now? 

The music persisted and now I could tell is was Abacab by Genesis. Great song, I thought. And then it hit me -- the music was coming from me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone that was playing the music. Somehow I had started playing iTunes as we entered the classroom. I apologized and everyone laughed. The teacher didn't look too happy about it and I actually worried she would take my phone away. A dad in front of me said, "I love that song." 

That's how our girls' open house went for me. Just like that, it felt like my first day of junior high all over again. Anxious, sweaty, going to the wrong classes, feeling shy and withdrawn, accidentally playing music in class (which I never did way back when because I didn't have a phone then), and generally feeling out of sorts. And it wasn't just a coming-back-from-summer-break out of sorts. It was a coming-back-from-a-crazy-pandemic one.

I'm sure others felt the same way. Students, parents, teachers, and administrators alike. It's like day one all over again; the first time in a long time. But day one leads to another year of learning and out of sorts becomes in the zone. I thought about my meeting earlier in the day with the teacher and support staff union presidents. As long as we can recruit and retain quality teachers and support staff (not easy without enough affordable housing where we live); meet our children individually where they're at academically and provide the learning support they need; and provide them the social, emotional, and physical safety skills needed throughout life, we'll be okay. No easy task for sure, but a mission we're all signing up for. 

Those That Just Might Reconnect

I had no idea how to reconnect the speakers or the mic. I stood there in the sun wiping my sweaty brow even though it wasn't very warm outside. They were the same two speakers from two and a half years ago, the ones that a past parent had loaned to the school for our elementary school back-to-school barbecue fundraiser. I picked up one cable, stared blankly at it, set it down, and then picked up another. I remember the last time I had connected them, it was a struggle, but I did it. This time, I completely blanked, and I was near panic-attack overwhelmed. 

Our daughters have gone to this elementary school since preschool. For the past 10 years, my wife Amy and I have dropped off and picked up Beatrice and Bryce to and from school countless times. We've done classroom volunteering, dance assemblies, band, back-to-school barbecues, school auctions, science fairs, an overnight trip, a teacher parade when the pandemic screwed the world up, distance learning, and so much more in between. Amy was also the PTA president at our school for two years, vice-president for two years. Since then, Beatrice has moved onto middle school, and Bryce is now finishing her 5th grade year and will join her sister this fall. 

The last time I emceed the back-to-school barbecue was September of 2019. This time, over two years of pandemic later, I helped coordinate the barbecue with many other great volunteers and emceed again. And this time, unlike last time, I had no idea how to reconnect the speakers or the mic.

We were less than one hour from the long awaited PTA fundraiser barbecue to start. I kept frantically handling the cables hoping they'd magically reconnect for me. Of course, they did not. Finally, the school principal came over and helped me reconnect the speakers. I joked that it was way above my pay grade, and he joked that I was only a supervisor anyway. We tested the mic and iPhone connections and presto! Everything worked! Just in time for me to welcome everyone. 

Our school community has always been very supportive. From the teachers, to the principal, to the staff, to the parents -- we've had some generous friendships over the years, and still have them. But the pandemic was challenging on so many levels, destructive to relationships because we had to stay isolated from each other for so long, and our children suffered academically and socially (except maybe not as much for those who had friend pods like us that we still keep going today). Plus, we can't forget the heartache for those who were seriously ill and died from coronavirus, and still are. 

And it wasn't only challenging to our school community relationships either -- many of our extended friend and family relationships were strained to breaking points, to being broken. The isolation and existential crises we all went through exacerbated our social differences, ideologies, inequities, and irreparable incidents from a pre-covid past. 

We're still in the pandemic's shadow, and now a there's a war halfway around the world, but back to some normalcy we go. There we were, hundreds of kids and parents having fun at a school barbecue fundraiser that hadn't happened for two and a half years. I emceed and played DJ and everyone laughed and played and reconnected with each other while eating yummy hamburgers and hot dogs. 

Afterward, as I unplugged the mic and speakers to pack them away, I thought about how at first I couldn't figure it all out, how overwhelming it all was. Disconnections aren't always fixable, but with a little help, there are those that just might reconnect. 

Appreciate Awards For All

Nearly two months before the holidays, our youngest daughter Bryce wanted an award. Not for herself, but for her 5th grade teacher, Mr. B.

I was ordering trophies for her and her soccer teammates, and she asked if we could order an appreciation award for her teacher. One she'd give to him before the holiday break began. She really enjoys her class and her teacher, and so we agreed. She helped pick out the award out and we ordered it. 

Like many school-age kids everywhere, the upside-down pandemic world continues to impact their education and their mental health. Thankfully, we've been back to in-person school this school year, and even with the Omicron surge, went back to in-person after the holidays. That hasn't been the case for many public school districts in California and across the country. 

In California, more than 65,000 students and staff tested positive for COVID-19 after the holidays. This happened nearly everywhere, and teachers everywhere are burnt out, sick, quitting, and not going back, and lawmakers are rewriting hiring rules and lowering requirements to fill teacher vacancies. 

The negative emotional and psychological impact on children, parents, teachers, and administrators have been significant. We're all trying to right ourselves from flipping upside-down so many times since March 2020. Already teachers struggle with more behavioral problems in the classroom that weren't there pre-covid. Our own children did okay during distance learning and integrating back into in-person school, but so many fell behind and mental health issue abound. Even with more learning choices for families today, our children's education will never be the same. 

This is why losing a beloved teacher like we did during the holidays was so much more devastating to our school community in addtion to all the pandemic trauma. And why it was more bittersweet after my wife Amy had put together teacher-appreciation holiday gifts with supportive notes from our daughters at the end of last year, which they gave to each of the their teachers personally. And why Bryce wanted to give her teacher a very special award. 

Everyone is struggling on some level due to the disruption that seems to be never-ending. Regardless of how or where your kids go to school, don't forget that as parents, we're their teachers, too. Everything we do or say, our kids absorb and model, so blaming broken systems and burnt out teachers isn't helpful. 

I grew up with the competitive criticism that not everyone deserves an award. But for teachers, healthcare professionals, and essential workers everywhere -- along with parents, especially those who are also these very essential workers -- there should be appreciation awards for all with notes of nurturing and support. Blessings to you all.

In Balanced Measure

I felt horrible that day. My asthma was killing me and it literally felt that way. The math problems in front of me blurred and shifted on the pages. Every moment felt like forever; each problem I solved felt like forever.

Somehow I made it through the day and still helped our 7th grade math team do very well in the local competition. 

I was a super shy kid in grade school and early junior high with severe allergies and asthma that continued until high school, but I still participated in organized academic and sports activities. I'm so glad I did. I have so many fond memories of these activities over the years, so many friends I made, so many things learned. Memories that continued to be made through college. The social interactions and experiences were invaluable. 

However, my wife Amy and I didn't have to grow up in a pandemic that affected every facet of our lives, and continues to do so. One that has infected over 225 million people and killed nearly 5 million globally. We had the AIDS crisis growing up, which was horrible, but it didn't effect us or our families directly (that I'm aware of). There have been different strains of flu and the H1N1 virus since, but nothing like what we're dealing with in COVID-19. 

2020 sucked. Many of us will probably agree on that one. Sheltering at home, distance learning, social distancing (or not), wearing masks (or not), hospitalizations and deaths. Limited or no extracurricular  activities for our kids. Divisive polarization in nearly every community on every issue, especially COVID-19. 

Finally vaccinations are here! Infection rates are lower! Woo-hoo! The rest of 2021 is gonna rock!

Nope. But at least our daughters are back to in-person school, and are able to participate in school and other activities with their friends. Where we live, if there's a positive covid case in one of their classrooms, then they'll have to forgo activities for 8-10 days, but at least it's not forever, like it felt in 2020. 

Nope, it won't be forever. It still sucks, but not forever. Our youngest Bryce will hopefully be vaccinated before the end of the year, and until then, she'll play soccer. I'm coaching her team and her sister Beatrice is my assistant coach -- we're the Flamingos! Bryce will also play percussion in the school band (my drumming girl!), Bea is a junior guide for an outdoor after-school program, and both are getting involved in clubs and other school activities. They love being in school again with their friends and we want to keep them there. Of course, all of this activity will be in balanced measure with family time and staying healthy and safe. Amen.

All Kinds of Creative Solace

Beatrice entered her school's talent show to share her artwork. It's wasn't a judged talent show, and yet that doesn't matter. Out of the few hundred kids in her middle school, less than a dozen individuals (plus their school choir) participated in the virtual talent show. Bea submitted a short video with her showing some of her favorite art pieces from the past year. There were also other singers and musicians and voice actors and artists and film editors and more who entered. Bryce entered her school's talent show and shared her artwork as well. 

When I was 12 and my sister 10, we helped our mom break into the house of our first step-father, who was mentally ill and abusive, while he was at work. We had already gotten out of the house, but there were still too many personal things we didn't want to leave behind. In less than a day, he had changed the locks on the house, so the only way we could get in was to break in. We broke the bathroom window on the side of the house and then laid a towel over the bottom edge of the windowsill. The only person who could fit through the window was my sister. We were all scared out of our minds, with visions of him waiting quietly inside with a gun. The same gun he pointed at my mom multiple times. We got our things and got out, with no sign of him anywhere. 

Quite a juxtaposition from then to now. We're grateful that we've been safe and well and have been able to provide a stable and loving family environment for our girls. And while I did grow up in a less than stable environment, I wasn't without my creative side that my mom encouraged. I was always an avid reader (so was Amy growing up -- and we still are). We've instilled these positive habits in the girls as well; Bryce is more the avid reader overall and Bea loves her graphic novels. I also drew a lot when I was the girls' age, and was writing short stories then, too. Bea is also interested in writing her own stories in the form of graphic novels. Both girls are drawing and painting and experimenting will all kinds of art, and we continue to support them both. 

Even though the girls are back to in-person school again (5 days a week for Bryce and 2 days a week for Beatrice), we've all been fortunate to continue to be active and to nurture our creative sides over the past year of pandemic. We also know that there has been an exponential increase in stress, fatigue and depression throughout the pandemic, with many families socially isolated from family and friends. There have been too many people out of work, struggling financially to keep their families sheltered and food on the table. Domestic violence has been on the rise globally during the past year. There are families who have struggled with illness and mental health problems. And there are those who have split up for many of the reasons above.

Even when we're beyond this pandemic, the psychological and emotional impacts will be felt for years to come. Creating safe and healthy environments for our children is certainly the best intention for most parents, even when there are factors beyond our control. Leaning in on faith, on counseling, on mental health services, on the support of other family and friends are critical. Getting out of dangerous situations when there is no other alternative for safety is also critical. Through it all, encouraging our children to have a growth mindset, even in the face of extreme circumstances, can lead to all kinds of creative solace. 

One Volley After Another

"Every day we're standing
In a time capsule
Racing down a river from the past
Every day we're standing
In a wind tunnel
Facing down the future coming fast..."

–Rush, Turn the Page

I wasn't surprised that the sight brought a tear. That's not unusual for me, to experience a moving momentary emotional surge. Like, all the time. 

I had been taking our dog Jenny for a walk. It was a beautiful spring day. Cool and sunny. On the cusp of what my wife Amy and I called a hot-cold day; too warm in the sun to wear a sweatshirt and too cold in the shade not to. I was headed to one of two walks we've been doing during the past year of the pandemic. This one would take us through the lower facilities campus of UC Santa Cruz, and then around Antonelli Pond, back along the railroad tracks to home again. 

As I walked through the always empty parking of the lower campus, I looked up and noticed something I hadn't seen for nearly one year: the tennis court nets were back up. Now, that may like seem like much of anything, but to us, it was everything just a year earlier. 

There are two tennis courts on the lower university campus that used to be open to the public. First come, first serve courts, each one self-contained by tall fencing and fenced doors that shut. This is where we found a fun family activity shortly after the lock-down last year, the newest normal for us then. By no means are we tennis players, but it was a physical activity we are really enjoyed together. Otherwise known as chase the balls for those of you, who like us, can't play very well. This included our youngest Bryce whining a little about chasing the balls, even refusing to chase the balls, with an occasional strong volley between us all. Bryce was actually pretty good with her volleys, and her older sister Beatrice is not too far behind. Plus, our dog Jenny could be with us, enclosed in the court with us, and either find a patch of shade to lay down in, or bark at other dogs passing by with their owners. 

But those days were short-lived, when even these courts were locked up due to covid, nets removed. Amy kept telling me that she was going to break into the courts so we could play, which we never did. There were other courts elsewhere near us that were open, but they weren't the same as the self-contained courts where we could hammer the balls back and forth without fear of hitting innocent bystanders. That never prevented our girls from hitting the balls over the tall perimeter fencing into the weeds, some lost forever. 

So, when I saw the tennis court nets up again, and the fenced doors were unlocked with "social distancing" signs on them, I teared up. It wasn't just because we could play again together as a family; it was because the world was finally opening up again. Incrementally and inconsistently, but still opening up. The pandemic isn't over either, and millions and millions more people still need to be vaccinated (and I hope those who refuse to change their minds), while the newest normal continues to evolve. 

The future keeps whacking us away from the past, one volley after another, sending our present time capsules over the fence and into the weeds. I'm just glad we get to keep playing. 

Back To School We Go

It was like the first day of school again. But it wasn't. It was the first day back after a year and change distance learning from home. My wife Amy took our youngest Bryce to school and then our whole family picked her up after. Bryce was nervous going back, and also really looking forward to it. After her second day back, I picked her up after school.

"How did it go today?" I asked her. 

"Good," she said.

"What did you do today?"

"Lots of math."

"Really. Was that a bummer?"

"No, it was fine. Just a lot. I'm glad I'm back in school."

"Us too, Bryce. Us too. Was your teacher glad to see you in person?"

"Yes, she was. I was glad to see her, too."

Us too, Bryce. Bryce remembers all too well that the last day of in-person school last year was March 13. Now we're finally back to hybrid in-person school two days per week for Bryce -- soon to be five days per week even before the end of the school year. Our oldest Beatrice will go back two days per week after spring break. She's missed nearly her entire first year of in-person middle school. 

Yep, it's been a lot for too many of us. Pandemic fatigue is real. As a family, though, we did okay this past year working and schooling from home; we're closer than ever. We helped the girls keep up with the schoolwork and they continue to get it done. We're also grateful that we've been safe and well for the past year. We've had our regular weekly family meetings, we have our safety plans we review, we've worn our masks and social distanced (and continue to), and now the girls have phones since they'll be on their own more and more going forward. And soon Amy and I will be vaccinated for COVID-19 as availability opens up soon.

The parental pressure on our school district to reopen is something that played out repeatedly across America since last fall. Teachers pushed back wanting to be vaccinated with other safety protocols in place. We weren't those parents, and we didn't fault teachers for wanting to be safe, only because we didn't have to work outside the home and/or struggle with balancing our work and helping the girls with school. We all missed school, don't get me wrong, but we were okay. Plus, our girls are older now, and we can't imagine what it was like with kindergartners, 1st, 2nd or even 3rd graders. Too many women left the workforce in the past year due to the impact of coronavirus, various inequities and family caregiving falling to them again and again -- nearly 3 million actually. So, we understand the why of the pressure. 

Amy works, and combined with home and childcare, its more than full-time. I continue to work and run a research firm remotely (which I've been doing for years now, pre-covid and now post). And yes, I help with home and childcare as well. 

We are grateful for so many who have worked so hard to get our children back to school. One year ago the infectious disease and medical communities didn't know a whole heckuva lot about what we were dealing with. Although misinformation abounds, and covid cases are rising again, science and facts are thankfully stubborn things keeping many of us alive and well. 

Thank you to all those who have believed in science, medicine, safety and pandemic facts.

Thank you to the pharmaceutical companies that developed the vaccines so quickly.

Thank you to the CDC and its guidelines and to all the doctors and nurses everywhere.

Thank you to all the first responders who risked their lives to keep us all safe. 

Thank you to all the essential workers who risked their lives to keep food on grocery shelves, to cook and deliver food, and so much more.

Thank you to all the government leaders and public officials who believed in science, medicine, safety and pandemic facts.

Thank you to our county health department and our county board of education and our school district administers .

Thank you to our girls' school leadership and all our wonderful school teachers, librarians and custodians.

Thank you to all the parents who kept their sanity after a year of distance learning (or for any length of time).

Thank you to all the kids whose resiliency was unprecedented and who also kept their sanity after a year of distance learning. 

Thank you to everyone who practiced all the safety protocols all the time.

Blessings to the many adults and kids who will continue to need emotional and psychological support in the months and even years ahead. Blessings to those who are food deprived, who are experiencing homelessness and the glaring inequity gaps that covid has shone new light on. For those who are able, please donate money, time and resources when and where you can. We're not out of the covid woods yet.

And yet, through all these covid woods, back to school we go. Maybe this fall we'll be back full-time, whatever this new normal looks like by then. Back-to-school blessings to us all.