In Balanced Measure

I felt horrible that day. My asthma was killing me and it literally felt that way. The math problems in front of me blurred and shifted on the pages. Every moment felt like forever; each problem I solved felt like forever.

Somehow I made it through the day and still helped our 7th grade math team do very well in the local competition. 

I was a super shy kid in grade school and early junior high with severe allergies and asthma that continued until high school, but I still participated in organized academic and sports activities. I'm so glad I did. I have so many fond memories of these activities over the years, so many friends I made, so many things learned. Memories that continued to be made through college. The social interactions and experiences were invaluable. 

However, my wife Amy and I didn't have to grow up in a pandemic that affected every facet of our lives, and continues to do so. One that has infected over 225 million people and killed nearly 5 million globally. We had the AIDS crisis growing up, which was horrible, but it didn't effect us or our families directly (that I'm aware of). There have been different strains of flu and the H1N1 virus since, but nothing like what we're dealing with in COVID-19. 

2020 sucked. Many of us will probably agree on that one. Sheltering at home, distance learning, social distancing (or not), wearing masks (or not), hospitalizations and deaths. Limited or no extracurricular  activities for our kids. Divisive polarization in nearly every community on every issue, especially COVID-19. 

Finally vaccinations are here! Infection rates are lower! Woo-hoo! The rest of 2021 is gonna rock!

Nope. But at least our daughters are back to in-person school, and are able to participate in school and other activities with their friends. Where we live, if there's a positive covid case in one of their classrooms, then they'll have to forgo activities for 8-10 days, but at least it's not forever, like it felt in 2020. 

Nope, it won't be forever. It still sucks, but not forever. Our youngest Bryce will hopefully be vaccinated before the end of the year, and until then, she'll play soccer. I'm coaching her team and her sister Beatrice is my assistant coach -- we're the Flamingos! Bryce will also play percussion in the school band (my drumming girl!), Bea is a junior guide for an outdoor after-school program, and both are getting involved in clubs and other school activities. They love being in school again with their friends and we want to keep them there. Of course, all of this activity will be in balanced measure with family time and staying healthy and safe. Amen.

Their Love of Learning

"All right -- rapid fire questions, girls. What are you the most stressed about going back to school this year. Bryce, go."

Our youngest daughter, Bryce, didn't hesitate. "Not knowing who my teacher will be and who will be in my class."

"I know," I said. "You'll know the night before, though." 

Bryce nodded. 

"Beatrice, go."

Our oldest daughter, Beatrice, jumped right in. "Remembering my locker number and getting lost on campus." 

Those weren't new to her. Early in the pandemic, before we had to end up distance learning for over a year, she was stressed about going to 6th grade in middle school and having to use a locker. Now, going into 7th grade, she will, which is why I'm going down to the hardware store to buy her a combination lock to practice on.

"Okay. What about what you're looking forward to the most? Bryce, go."

"I'm looking forward to learning again," Bryce said. "And seeing my friends." 

Love that girl. "Nice. Beatrice, go."

"I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and meeting new people and taking art," she said. "I hope I get into that."

"I know, me too," I said.

"And I'm looking forward to learning again, too," she added.

Love these girls. I had taken them out to lunch after they helped me take our trailer camper to get a check up. They both have the hooking up and the parking the camper down. 

School is about to start again, and they're both going back five days a week. Earlier in spring, Bryce had gone back in person five days a week, and Beatrice when back two days a week. We were all grateful for this and are all grateful again for a new school year. Grateful for the teachers and the school districts encouraging vaccinations and requiring masks indoors.

The girls didn't end up saying a word about having to wear masks again indoors at school. They both went to summer camp and summer school and mask safety protocols were in place then as well. Social distancing became a wash, though, because keeping kids and adults alike to stay six feet apart was never easy. Non-existent most of the time. 

We've never had vaccination fears over the years, and all of us are now vaccinated, except for Bryce. And because of that, we continue to have her wear a mask indoors when we're all out together, especially where required. The Delta variant is super contagious and spreading fast -- and child infections are on the rise. Over 4 million children have had covid since the pandemic began and now more young unvaccinated people are getting sicker with the virus. 

Even for those who are vaccinated, wearing masks continue to help prevent the transmission of the COVID-19 virus. Infectious disease and healthcare professionals know a lot more about the virus now and the science facts are clear. The percentage of those who have extreme adverse side effects is quite low (less than 1%) compared to the prevention benefits of keeping people out of the hospital. Simultaneously the misinformation and myths about vaccinations and wearing masks continue to divide and confuse. The battle between personal freedoms, fear of stigmatization and shame, and health and safety is so lost on me now more than ever. I'm tired of the argument. Tired of the pandemic. Tired of wearing masks.

However, health and safety will always win in our family, so we will do what we have to do to stay healthy and safe. And as soon as the vaccination is available for Bryce, she's getting the shot. We'll all wear masks when needed and if mandated in the meantime. Here are some quick reminders about mask myths and realities for us all (from healthychildren.org):

Can wearing a mask make it harder for my child to breathe?

No, masks are made from breathable materials that will not block the oxygen your child needs. Masks will not affect your child's ability to focus or learn in school. The vast majority of children age 2 or older can safely wear face masks for extended periods of time, such as the school day or at child care. This includes children with many medical conditions.

Can masks interfere with a child's lung development?

No, wearing a face mask will not affect your child's lungs from developing normally. This is because oxygen flows through and around the mask, while blocking the spray of spit and respiratory droplets that may contain the virus. Keeping your child's lungs healthy is important, which includes preventing infections like COVID-19.

Do masks trap the carbon dioxide that we normally breathe out?

No. There have been false reports that face masks can lead to carbon dioxide poisoning (known as hypercapnia) from re-breathing the air we normally breathe out. But this is not true. In fact, surgeons wear tight fitting masks all day as part of their jobs, without any harm.

Can masks lead to a weaker immune system by putting the body under stress?

No. Wearing a face mask does not weaken your immune system or increase your chances of getting sick if exposed to the COVID-19 virus. Wearing a mask, even if you do not have symptoms of COVID-19, helps prevent the virus from spreading.

For parents who are concerned about their kids going back to school, who may have to deal with bullying and harassment due to wearing or not wearing masks, getting vaccinated or not, or just the fact of being back to school again in person with all the human challenges of being all together again, Kidpower has great resources and workshops for parents and kids to stay safe and healthy. 

It's hard enough growing up and it's now gotten a lot harder because of the ongoing pandemic. Too many adults in charge continue to downplay verified health science, and instead, promote myths, fear and shame about vaccines and wearing masks that put us all at risk. And our children today are the most at risk to this preventable insanity. 

When I reflect on the earlier conversation I had with our daughters about going back to school, their love of learning was a clear priority. Nothing about covid -- the worst fear being remembering a locker combination. Just their love of learning, seeing their old friends and meeting new friends are what's top of mind for them. That's a back-to-school lesson for us all. 

Always Safety First

I pushed back on the face shields. I didn't want our daughters to have to wear them while we were traveling during our summer road trip. My wife Amy had been given a pair of face shields prior to us leaving, and they were to be worn if we were eating inside a crowded restaurant. 

Again, I didn't want them to have to wear them; we were already having them wear face masks inside everywhere we went. I struggled with stigma over safety. I worried about being confronted in public, our children shamed, us as parents shamed, and me shouting back in anger. I was caught up in the fear of the political and irrational fringe that refuses to wear any masks and to not be vaccinated. 

Amy reminded me of what I already knew and agreed with -- safety first. Always safety first, regardless of anyone's feelings, even my own. We all still wore our face masks in many places indoors during our vacation due to COVID-19, mostly in solidarity with our daughters, with only our oldest Beatrice being half-vaccinated. Our youngest Bryce won't be able to be vaccinated until it's approved for children under 12. The good news was that many other families wore their masks inside as well while we traveled (and not always required indoors depending on where we were). 

Amy and I are always grounded in the best science of our time, and this time was no exception. According the the CDC, fewer children have been sick with COVID-19 compared to adults, children can be infected with the virus that causes COVID-19, can get sick from COVID-19, and can spread the virus that causes COVID-19 to others. Children, like adults, who have COVID-19 but have no symptoms (“asymptomatic”) can still spread the virus to others.

And that was the key -- can still spread the virus to others. Amy and I could still get sick being vaccinated. The probability was much lower, but it could happen. And anyone else we were around. With the Delta variant on the rise, a variant that spreads much faster than the first coronavirus, that's a reality we cannot deny.

Over 33 million people infected to date in the U.S., and over 600,000 people have died (most likely underreported). Covid still rages in places all over the world; nearly 4 million have died globally. Comparably, only 290,000 to 650,000 people die of flu-related causes every year worldwide. Also, only 45% of the total U.S. population is fully vaccinated against COVID-19. 53% have had at least one shot. We're still a ways from hitting 70% vaccinated rates, when we can truly move safely beyond the pandemic. It's pretty amazing when you think about it how fast these vaccines were developed, tested and distributed during a worldwide pandemic. 

So, there we were in a very crowded restaurant in Las Vegas, and when the food came, we had the girls wear the face shields. And no one gave us a second look, even with Beatrice getting food all over the inside of her shield (Bryce did not). No shaming or shaking of heads. Most of the time afterwards we either ate outside or were in less populated restaurants (or ate at our camper), but we still wore our face masks when required or needed. 

Now that we're back home we're very happy that our state has opened up, that Beatrice got her second dose, and that eventually Bryce will get vaccinated. I no longer struggle with safety stigma, and am sorry I did in the first place when we were on vacation. 

Unfortunately, too many people are still refusing to get vaccinated, and to wear masks if they're not, and many of those people are men, men who are fathers and grandfathers. I can't control the mass misinformation and conspiracy theories that continue to dissuade men from getting vaccinated, no matter how much free money, food and beer are being offered to them. I can only implore fathers everywhere to make safety a priority for their families and communities. Always safety first.

Happy Father's Day.

We Will Be Safe And Well

I know I shouldn't listen to the crazy fringe. Or, what I consider to be the crazy fringe. It gets in my head and burns like a low-grade fever; I'm still functional, but I know the flames can dance along my prefrontal cortex for months on end. Especially when it's a crazy fringe that tens of millions of people listen to regularly. 

What got in my head was the crazy talk about how people should shame other people who wear masks. Not only that, ranting further about how people should call the authorities and child protective services on other people whose kids wear masks. Or, as the crazy put it, their kids were forced to wear masks, like child abuse. Most likely CPS would thank the person and move on.

Never mind that we've been in a global pandemic for well over a year now, a new one that the medical community, infectious disease experts and governments everywhere have had to figure out how to respond to prevent serious illness and further death -- i.e., social distancing, mask wearing and now encouraging vaccinations. Where 600,000 have died in the U.S. alone (probably closer to 1 million). 

They're still trying to figure out how COVID-19 started and how fast the variants mutate, but thankfully vaccinations were developed and released at a dizzying pace not seen before. Plus, current vaccination rates are increasing, and while we may never hit herd immunity for our families and communities, God willing and the creek don't rise, as my dad used to say, our family's going to be fully vaccinated and will wear masks if and when we have to.

And now the latest guidelines from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) tells us we don't have to wear masks if we've been fully vaccinated in the U.S. My wife Amy and I are vaccinated, but our two daughters aren't yet. Our oldest, who falls into the 12-15 year-old category, can get hers, which we'll do soon. Our youngest will have to wait until later in the year, maybe early fall. 

That means we'll want them to wear their masks indoors at stores, restaurants, museums, gift shops and other places we'll go this summer. Here's the thing -- children can develop COVID-19, although many of them have no symptoms at all. Those that do might have milder symptoms such as low-grade fever, fatigue, and cough. Some children could have had severe complications, but that's more rare. They can be carriers as well, infecting unvaccinated people and those with poor immune systems. 

Months ago, at a park playground near us, Beatrice and another young girl we know were swinging on the swings. Both were wearing masks. An adult woman, a stranger, told them they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl didn't say anything and didn't remove their masks either. Another woman who was there with her child came over and confronted the woman who said they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl moved away to safety, as they should always do in situations like this, while the second adult woman stated she was a healthcare professional and explained the science of why we needed to wear masks...

We were worried last fall that mask shaming, bullying and harassment would increase as kids went back to school in person, which wasn't the case for our girls, who only went back to school in person recently. We're grateful for that.

But now I worry about what happens out in the world now that the mask mandate has been relaxed, and businesses like Walmart, Trader Joe's and Starbucks are dropping their mask mandates. I worry about others telling us our kids shouldn't be wearing masks on our travels over the summer. Confronting us publicly to shame and ridicule. Probably won't happen, but it could. The crazy fringe still has one helluva reach.

So, instead of aggressively telling those people to f-off, I asked my wife, "What is the Kidpower thing to do in this situation?"

She said to say "thank you" and move away. That's the thing about being safe, especially with children in tow, that you should always move away to safety. To never confront. Confrontation can lead to escalation and potentially more than just throwing poison words at one another. That impact alone on children is negative enough. 

I then asked her, "What if they don't let up?"

She said that's when you put your hands up like stop signs and say, "Please stop and move away!"

In most situations, that's more than enough to dissuade someone to stand down and move away. And again, most likely we won't run into the crazy fringe willing to confront us or others, people like us who only want to get back to living some level of normalcy as we move past the pandemic. Our kids will eventually get vaccinated, and we will be safe and well. 

How the eyes glued to Gabba-land lead to recovery

I glanced in the rearview mirror.

"Do you like rock and roll, sweetie?"

Bea gave me a big nod and replied, "Yeah!"

Right on, baby.

We were on our way to get Bea a flu vaccination and me a pertussis (Tdap) vaccination. Mama and Bryce had already gone earlier in the day without much of a hitch except for a fussy baby (which she was all day yesterday).

We arrived at the county building (don't get me started on the cost of our private family healthcare insurance and paying for shots out-of-pocket in the doctor's office) without a hitch ourselves, but as soon as we went inside to the front desk, the trouble started.

We were at the first front desk slot nearest the automatic sliding glass doors, and because my "big daddiness" was too close to the floor sensor, the door kept opening and closing.

And freaking her out; the fearful crying started immediately.

So that led to an immediate Yo Gabba Gabba video on my iPhone, which soothed the savage Bea'st.

Thank goodness.

I filled out a little paperwork and then we had to wait for a few minutes. I sat Bea next to me one of the waiting room chairs, her eyes glued to Gabba-land.

The receptionist called me over and I went hesitantly, wondering if I should leave her sitting there, which was only five feet away.

So I did, glancing back every other second while the receptionist asked me a few questions.

In one of the seconds in between, while I was looking away, there came a collective gasp from behind me and some "Oh, no's". It's the kind of sound you hear at a sporting event when one of the players gets hurt on the field.

I turned quickly to witness Bea finish sliding off the chair onto the floor.

Smack.

Oh, shit.

I grabbed her and held her and checked her for wounds, but all seemed intact.

Including my iPhone. Hey, baby first, then gadgetry. No worries.

We went outside to get some air and then came back in. I had Bea sit on my lap. She was still shaken up but recovering, while Devo played on the Yo Gabba Gabba super music friends show.

Yes, Devo.

We had been there for no more than 10 minutes.

The slick sweat of daddy guilt broke out on my forehead and the back of my neck.

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers were right about the waiting. Every few minutes, Bea would let out a weepy cry.

"Kevin and Beatrice? This way please."

The actual act of receiving the vaccinations -- the flu mist for Bea and the shot for me -- was a little anti-climatic, although she still cried right before, during and right after the spray.

Three chocolate chips and a new video later, recovery. I paid the cashier and we were off to the park to play.

Thirty-two minutes in all.

Because that's how we roll.

The ball's over here, sweetie.

Vaccinations; wellness elves!

2, 4, 6, 12 -
Vaccinations; wellness elves!

I worked on that one for a while this morning, and it’s still a forced metaphor. Sigh.

This week was Beatrice’s six-month wellness tune-up and she be a big girl: 27 inches long and 17 lbs, 2 oz.

When it came to giving Bea her immunizations, we did our due diligence and researched and read and debated and decided.

The evidence against vaccinating just wasn’t substantive enough. In fact, the mysterious link between autism and a common vaccine given to children to protect them against measles, mumps and rubella was found to be unfounded.

Bea’s not old enough for that shot yet, but still immunizing your child with those vaccines listed below is enough to make any parent shudder with fear and discomfort.

Many of these are live viruses for God’s sake and the side effects can and do vary from child to child. Thankfully Bea’s have been mild if not nil, but still…

The evidence just wasn’t there to convince us otherwise. It actually convinced us to immunize.

I listened to a This American Life podcast last December titled Ruining It for the Rest of Us, and one of the stories was about the San Diego parents who didn't vaccinate their child for measles. When their seven-year-old caught the disease on an overseas trip, this decision became a whole community's problem. The outbreak infected 11 children and endangered many others.

That story convinced me to immunize, although the hardest thing for me as a new father is to wait and watch. (Mama can’t even watch.)

We’re in the waiting room, waiting and waiting and waiting after our pediatrician baby wellness check-up. Beatrice is fine at first with the waiting-playing game, but you know how baby attention spans flitter and flutter and sputter like a flames in the rain. Finally the nurse arrives (why does it take a frickin’ half hour between doctor and nurse?).

Polio is administered first. It’s easy. It’s a liquid that baby ingests. Then the shots.

I lean over and coo at Bea, hold her hands on her chest while Mama looks away and the nurse stabs the first shot in Bea’s thigh.

Wait for it. One second, two – face red, mouth wide, silent void – then BABY SHRIEK.

Second shot – Wait for it. One second, two – face red, mouth wide, silent void – then BABY SHRIEK.

(Missed the third shot this time; they were out of Hib.)

Ah, but Beatrice recovers quickly these days, and soon we were all home snuggling like little Easter Bunnies.

Public Service Announcement: Please immunize your children but don’t buy them bunnies or baby chicks this Easter.

Really. The wellness elves thank you.

Happy Easter.

***

These immunizations are recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):

• DTaP, to protect against diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis (whooping cough).
• Hepatitis A, to protect against hepatitis A, which can cause the liver disease hepatitis.
• Hepatitis B (HBV), to protect against hepatitis B, which can cause the liver disease hepatitis:
• Hib, to protect against Haemophilus influenza type B, which can lead to meningitis, pneumonia, and epiglottitis:
• HPV, to protect against human papillomavirus, the most common sexually transmitted disease in the United States and a cause of cervical cancer.
• Influenza (the flu shot), to protect against influenza (the "flu").
• Meningococcal, to protect against meningococcal disease. Before the vaccine came along, meningococcal disease was the leading cause of bacterial meningitis in children in the United States.
• MMR, to protect against measles, mumps, and rubella (German measles).
• Pneumococcal (PCV), to protect against pneumococcal disease, which can lead to meningitis, pneumonia, and ear infections.
• Polio (IPV), to protect against polio.
• Rotavirus, to protect against rotavirus, which can cause severe diarrhea, vomiting, fever, and dehydration. This vaccine is given orally, not as an injection.
• Varicella, to protect against chicken pox.

***

It's time once again for Fatherhood Friday. Fatherhood Friday is hip place at Dad-Blogs.com for dads and moms to share stories, ideas, photos and movies with one topic in mind – fatherhood.