My Now Is Never Going Back Again

 "...Been down one time
Been down two time
Mmm

I'm never going back again..."

–Fleetwood Mac, Never Going Back Again

"Dad, this is my new favorite Fleetwood Mac song," Bryce said. Both our kids love music, especially our youngest, Bryce. In 2025, they started listening to Fleetwood Mac and fell in love with the Rumors album, an album that's now over 48 years old.  

We listened to it the other night while my family played a game and I fixed dinner, and I just couldn't get it out of my head. My wife Amy hates when that happens, but I don't mind it as much because certain lyrics will rattle around in my brain dislodging memories and helping me reframe personal insights. Song lyrics, poems, favorite prose passages -- all are my soul's food for thought.

This time of year there are those who make New Year's resolutions. Goals for the year. Life changes to make. Behaviors to modify. Bad habits to end and better ones to begin. I remember when my mom used to ask us to share our new year resolutions and to try and articulate the why of them. But I don't remember us ever checking in on our progress throughout the year, or reviewing the old resolutions when we made new ones in yet another new year.

We like to think of a new year as a fresh start, but the reality is, the only fresh start that matters is the now. There's a Rush song called Ceiling Unlimited with the lyrics "changes never end, never end, winding like an endless river, the time is now again" (written by one of my favorite writers, Neal Peart). Time is always now again. The past has happened and the future holds endless potential, but it's the now again where impactful change can be made, should be made, is only made. No matter if that's January 1 or June 30. 

How many times in my life did I make resolutions I never kept? Too many to count. Past trauma, addiction, selfishness, laziness, being biologically hardwired to make self-destructive decisions, feeling like I can do whatever I want when I want -- all things that can fill us with uncomfortable past reflections as we long for better futures. 

That doesn't mean there weren't good times and that real positive changes didn't occur. For me, there were and they did. In all my learning and healing over the years, and my recent years of regular meditation, personal discovery and growth is contingent on understanding and pivoting on past failure. But if you've acquiesced to the hardwiring of making self-destructive decisions with very little redemptive qualities, then you've lost the positive possibility of now. Something that's celebrated in mainstream literature, cinema, and television today. We've stopped letting go. Instead, we keep letting it rot and say we didn't have a choice.

However, we always have a choice. Even those with addiction problems know there's always a choice, a choice to not choose the destructive thing -- the drinking, smoking, gambling, etc. And that can lead to more choices of finding the support needed to sustain the healing. 

Making positive, mindful choices and letting go of what no longer serves us in the now benefits our own personal growth, and the wellbeing of others, and it isn't new. It's the spiritual backbone of religions and faiths going back thousands of years. 

For me, life used to be one step forward and two steps back. It seemed easier that way, like my fate was a weight of conflicting circumstances I had no control over, so damn the consequences of choice. Now, no matter what happens, it will always be one step forward, an ongoing resolution of living wellness. I especially thank my wife for instilling this in me and our children. My now is never going back again. 

We Will Be Safe And Well

I know I shouldn't listen to the crazy fringe. Or, what I consider to be the crazy fringe. It gets in my head and burns like a low-grade fever; I'm still functional, but I know the flames can dance along my prefrontal cortex for months on end. Especially when it's a crazy fringe that tens of millions of people listen to regularly. 

What got in my head was the crazy talk about how people should shame other people who wear masks. Not only that, ranting further about how people should call the authorities and child protective services on other people whose kids wear masks. Or, as the crazy put it, their kids were forced to wear masks, like child abuse. Most likely CPS would thank the person and move on.

Never mind that we've been in a global pandemic for well over a year now, a new one that the medical community, infectious disease experts and governments everywhere have had to figure out how to respond to prevent serious illness and further death -- i.e., social distancing, mask wearing and now encouraging vaccinations. Where 600,000 have died in the U.S. alone (probably closer to 1 million). 

They're still trying to figure out how COVID-19 started and how fast the variants mutate, but thankfully vaccinations were developed and released at a dizzying pace not seen before. Plus, current vaccination rates are increasing, and while we may never hit herd immunity for our families and communities, God willing and the creek don't rise, as my dad used to say, our family's going to be fully vaccinated and will wear masks if and when we have to.

And now the latest guidelines from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) tells us we don't have to wear masks if we've been fully vaccinated in the U.S. My wife Amy and I are vaccinated, but our two daughters aren't yet. Our oldest, who falls into the 12-15 year-old category, can get hers, which we'll do soon. Our youngest will have to wait until later in the year, maybe early fall. 

That means we'll want them to wear their masks indoors at stores, restaurants, museums, gift shops and other places we'll go this summer. Here's the thing -- children can develop COVID-19, although many of them have no symptoms at all. Those that do might have milder symptoms such as low-grade fever, fatigue, and cough. Some children could have had severe complications, but that's more rare. They can be carriers as well, infecting unvaccinated people and those with poor immune systems. 

Months ago, at a park playground near us, Beatrice and another young girl we know were swinging on the swings. Both were wearing masks. An adult woman, a stranger, told them they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl didn't say anything and didn't remove their masks either. Another woman who was there with her child came over and confronted the woman who said they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl moved away to safety, as they should always do in situations like this, while the second adult woman stated she was a healthcare professional and explained the science of why we needed to wear masks...

We were worried last fall that mask shaming, bullying and harassment would increase as kids went back to school in person, which wasn't the case for our girls, who only went back to school in person recently. We're grateful for that.

But now I worry about what happens out in the world now that the mask mandate has been relaxed, and businesses like Walmart, Trader Joe's and Starbucks are dropping their mask mandates. I worry about others telling us our kids shouldn't be wearing masks on our travels over the summer. Confronting us publicly to shame and ridicule. Probably won't happen, but it could. The crazy fringe still has one helluva reach.

So, instead of aggressively telling those people to f-off, I asked my wife, "What is the Kidpower thing to do in this situation?"

She said to say "thank you" and move away. That's the thing about being safe, especially with children in tow, that you should always move away to safety. To never confront. Confrontation can lead to escalation and potentially more than just throwing poison words at one another. That impact alone on children is negative enough. 

I then asked her, "What if they don't let up?"

She said that's when you put your hands up like stop signs and say, "Please stop and move away!"

In most situations, that's more than enough to dissuade someone to stand down and move away. And again, most likely we won't run into the crazy fringe willing to confront us or others, people like us who only want to get back to living some level of normalcy as we move past the pandemic. Our kids will eventually get vaccinated, and we will be safe and well. 

The Now of Every Beat and Breath

“Winding like an ancient river,

The time is now again.

Hope is like an ancient river;

The time is now again.”

—Rush, Ceiling Unlimited

There were 42 episodes last year. Not the 52 I had originally planned -- one per week -- but that's because of other priorities that took precedent. Like work travel. And vacations. And family time.

There was no other cast except me. No production team except me. Only one camera to capture one single image per show. On location at Natural Bridges State Beach. One mile walked up to Natural Bridges, two miles running on the beach, one mile walk/run back home.

The show's premise was (and still is) to complete an empowering weekly anchor workout, one that still presents me with the challenge of running (at least on the beach) since my knee surgery in 2014, while listening to my music of choice and let my mind do what it will. Mindfulness. Hopeful daydreaming. Problem solving. Introspection. Forward thinking. Reminiscing. The simple bliss of enjoying every beat and breath.

One little victory at a time. Linked and looped together into perpetual resolutions of what I want to be. Of what I can be. Of what I can actually control and of what is beyond me. 

The silly part of this idea was to imagine that my weekly beach runs are a show of sorts. A social media show of my anchor moments shared on Instagram and other channels like this one from the New Year:

This week on #HappyNewYear Beach Run. #BigDaddyPower

But always with the same all temporal yet transitory anchors in the background: the sky, the sea, the natural rock bridge (the only one left at Natural Bridges State Beach), and the beach itself. And sometimes me (because we are also transitory). Really more to remind me of that particular moment of being and doing and taking care of me so I can be there and take care of my family. 

In between the beach run is a whole lot of messy life, only some of which I can personally impact. So I tend well to myself, and then to my family, and then to others, because most of the messy will always be beyond my control (some of which I'll never want to touch anyway). I've been praying/meditating for three minutes a day now for over a week, blotting out everything except me, my breath and the greater I. While not wholly transformative, at least not yet, the incremental resetting is emotionally refreshing and is giving me new focus. Amen.

The rest of living well was summed up nicely for me in this short NPR article: The prescription is simple: Get enough sleep. Move around. Eat well. Interact with others.

The time is always now again -- the now of every beat and breath and being completely well in. It ain't easy, but it's certainly worth my family's while.

Happy New Year, Kids.