Our woodshop teacher would intervene when he witnessed it, but John was good at getting away with it, too. Until my best friend at the time, Brad, finally had enough. Brad wasn't as bulky as John, but he was taller. John started picking on my long-time best friend, Robby, and Brad had had enough. I don't exactly remember if he shoved Jeff down on the ground, punched him, or both, but whatever he did, it stopped John from bugging the woodshop kids for the rest of the semester. Probably not the best choice to in confronting a bully, however, considering there could've been repercussions for Brad as well.
Nearly two decades later, at our 10-year high school reunion, John would show up, get drunk, and start harassing a gay friend of ours, and a whole bunch of us verbally shut him down. I never knew John very well, never knew what his family life was like, what drove him to bully from an early age into adulthood. I was lucky in a way, because I never was really bullied in school, by John or anyone else in junior high or high school. I always got along with people from different backgrounds.
Junior high for me was 7th and 8th grade and was a scary transition for me from 6th grade. Multiple classes, different periods and teachers, a locker with a combination I had to remember from day one. Physical education classes where I had to take showers with all the other guys and manage another locker for my gym clothes. Free-flowing testosterone spilling over the edges everywhere I went, all managed by Mr. Id, who only cared about grabbing girls' butts in the hallways and calling each other creative names that started with the word "dick". And my physical education teacher (who was also a multiple-sport coach) was a macho man who encouraged all the shaming Tomfoolery.
But again, I was fortunate that I wasn't bullied directly. Even when in 7th grade I hung out with friends who all loved The Lord of the Rings, writing to each other in Elvish and Dwarfish runes. I was teased by my own friend group, and I teased them, but no bullying.
I can't imagine being there today having to wear a mask and social distancing during a pandemic. That's complicated family and child well-being and polarized so many of us further. Today, COVID-19 is surging throughout America and school is starting and many states and school districts are sending their kids back to physical classrooms. Not ours; we're going to distance learning, probably for the entire school year.
Our youngest daughter, Bryce, starts 4th grade, and our oldest daughter, Beatrice, starts middle school soon (6th grade for her). While we're sad neither will be in school in person, more for their experiences than for us having both girls at home (we're good with it either way), we also think it may be a blessing. The pre-tween aura is already strong with her, and my wife Amy and I both remember being 12 years old. All the light and shadow swing of it.
When I saw the image of the Georgia high school hallway packed with teenagers with no social distancing whatsoever, some wearing masks and many others who were not, my first thought wasn't fear of coronavirus transmission.
My fear is about the bullying, the shaming and the ostracizing. For both those wearing masks and those not wearing masks. And for both those who test positive for COVID-19 and those who don't. Plus, those who choose to homeschool, to join small pods of people for schooling and childcare, or not (and for those who have no friend group pods to join). I haven't read any reports of it yet, but I fear it's coming. As well as the parents bullying each other and the kids about it all; the polarization in America continues to expand.
According to my wife, who works for Kidpower (helping others create cultures of caring, respect, and safety for everyone, everywhere), adult leadership has to step in and create a culture where this kind of behavior isn't acceptable -- from school administration to teachers to parents to friends and family. I most certainly agree. Also, kids being aware, calm and confident can help curb bullying attacks before they start. And using what they call their walk-away power (walking away from a confrontation without reciprocating), leaving in a powerful and positive way:
The best self-defense tactic is called “target denial,” which means “don’t be there.” Leaving an unsafe situation is often the wisest and most effective solution for getting away from trouble.
That's not always easy to do, especially in a crowded school hallway, or being trapped in a classroom or somewhere else where there's no where to go, so there are eight Kidpower skills in all that kids, teens and adults can all use to face bullying with confidence. We all deserve to be safe, and with the weight of today still pressing down relentlessly, we can easily break. Let's all practice being aware, calm and confident and help prevent the back-to-school bullying.
Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:
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