Why They Are And Who You Are

We recently watched Footloose again, this time with our teens, but they didn't really like it. How dare them! My wife Amy and I loved that movie growing up. Besides being a fun teen coming of age story, there's a heavy part when the church members start tossing library books into a burning trash can because they feel they destroying their children's souls. This is after banning dancing a few years prior due to a horrible accident that killed some local teens. The minister is mortified seeing his congregation burning books and he implores them to stop. He tells them all: 

"When did you decide to sit in judgment? When you’ve burned all of these [books] what are you gonna do then? Satan is not in these books, he’s in here … He’s in your hearts. Go on home, all of you. Go and sit in judgment of yourselves."

Amen. And in a way, books actually saved me. From 10 years old onward, I read all sorts of books, mostly fiction, science fiction, fantasy, and even suspense and horror (I loved Stephen King). I'd stay up late into the night reading. Growing up with domestic violence and sexual abuse, I could escape into all the stories read. Fantastical stories that transported me to other worlds, peoples, pleasures, and pain. Those that weren't mine, even if I could relate to what was happening to the characters, how they responded, and how they were transformed. 

In 7th grade, The Lord of the Rings embraced me. I even learned to write in Dwarfish runes and would role play with some of my friends. I also remember reading The Phantom Tollbooth in class that year and the wordplay was enchanting. I loved the story and that began a parallel reading journey of all that I consumed inside and outside the classroom. 

The English literature curriculum I had throughout junior high and high school was transformative for me. I had no idea that reading books like Brave New World and 1984 back then would be so relevant and scary today. I also don't remember if any books at the time were banned from our schools, but looking back now, books like The Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men, and The Color Purple were banned by many school districts across America in the 1980's due to profanity, sexuality, and violence. 

Even growing up evangelical, I never fully understood why so many books were banned outright, instead of simply ensuring age-appropriate consumption if there was explicit material. However, for a 6-month stretch my sophomore year in high school I reactivated my evangelical upbringing by attending a weekly youth bible study where we were told that most things that weren't of God were evil and should be destroyed before they destroyed us. Thankfully I didn't burn any books back then, but I did burn some of my record albums. Eventually I woke from that dystopian Christian stupor even hungrier for new ideas and perspectives and escapism, and my voracious appetite for reading (and the truths in life) continued without delay. 

What's with book banning today? Are we more enlightened and inclusively empathic with what we want our children to read and learn? The short answer is no.

In a recent report by PEN America, the nonprofit free speech organization cited 1,477 instances of books being prohibited during the first half of the 2022-23 academic year, up 28.5% from 1,149 cases in the previous semester. Overall, the organization has recorded more than 4,000 instances of banned books since it started tracking cases in July 2021. And many of these books are largely by and about people of color and LGBTQ individuals. 

4,000 banned books from school districts across America since July 2021? What the hell is going on? What are we so afraid of? Now that we have kids, teens actually, we encourage them to read every day and we're grateful for our school district's inclusive curriculum. Both have been readers since they were little, and while they each have their own reading tastes today, we encourage them to read without any heavy-handed parental censorship. Of course we want to know what they're reading and what the content entails to ensure it's not age inappropriate, but we also want them to learn about other worlds, peoples, pleasures, and pain, just like we did growing up and why we still read so much today. 

Our teens will experience their own angst and heartbreaks, but we want them to understand what others experience as well, to learn about other cultures and ideologies and see the world with eyes of love and empathy without whitewashing the tragic truths throughout our history. This includes everything they're taught in school besides what they read outside of school.  

Writer James Baldwin wrote, "You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive."

That's exactly how I felt growing up. Reading books of all flavors can help us become better humans, to feel connected to other humans, and we want to nurture who are teens are becoming, not what we want them to be out of fear and prejudice. So, read a banned book today and open your eyes to a new world of perspectives. It doesn't mean you have to agree or live in that world, but it does mean you'll get a better understanding of why they are and who you are. 

Empathic Knowledge Is Empowering For All

I had been telling my wife Amy a story about my day, when our oldest child called me a racist.

"So, there was a man standing there, an Asian man, and then..."

I don't even remember the exact context of what I said, but the story wasn't really about the Asian man. It was simply an identifier of those around me in my story as I told my story. I mean, he wasn't White, or Black, or Hispanic. He was Asian. 

"You're a racist, Dad," our oldest Beatrice said to me.

"No, Beatrice. I'm not. You're not using that word correctly. I'm just describing the race of the person he was," I said.

"Still a racist," she said.

"Nope."

This has happened more than once. Sometimes when I say something innocuous about Amy, or I tease her about something, and Beatrice is in the room, I hear her say: "You're being sexist, Dad."

"I don't think you know what that word means, Beatrice," I answer.

But maybe her and her younger sister actually do. I used to challenge my own parents all the time when I felt they said something inappropriate, offensive, sexist, and/or racist. We want our own children to challenge us while being compassionate about all people regardless of who they are. Not get in our face and call us a racist challenge us, but ask us questions about why we think what we think challenge us. 

And no matter how self-aware and antiracist I think I am (antiracist meaning actively working to dismantle racism), it doesn't mean we're not without fault. It's hard not to have racist and sexist ideas growing up in a world that devalues and degrades others because of skin color, gender, religious beliefs, sexual preference, and the list goes on and on, so that one group can be in power and reap what they want. So, I'm sure that there's some truth to Beatrice calling me out when I don't think I'm saying anything wrong. Subtle racism and sexism are still racism and sexism.

What I don't understand is how when we elevate those who have historically been underrepresented and suppressed, those in power feel like it's at their expense. That they're the ones now being discriminated against. Equality is hard to accept when the benefits of inequality for those in power have been embedded systemically for such a long time. Which is why we want our children to learn all sides of our history in school and to speak up and challenge others who don't want to acknowledge the realities of racism and sexism.

Again, we have our own racist and sexist beliefs no matter our background and it's important that we recognize that and work to upend them. We recently took our family to see Dr. Ibram X. Kendi and Nic Stone speak about their new collaborative book titled How to Be a (Young) Antiracist based on Dr. Kendi's previous work How to Be an Antiracist. Both of them acknowledged their own racist beliefs growing up and how they worked to dismantle them and now help others to do the same. It was exciting to hear that copies of their book were distributed to schools throughout our county.

Amy and I especially liked when Dr. Kendi talked about how we’re not taught how to be compassionate. How we’re taught to hate and judge other people. Compassion and empathy are things we should learn as young people, including the relationship between being compassionate and making social change.

That's definitely something we've done with our own children, to teach them compassion and empathy and to be the social change we all want to see. We want them to learn that from us and in school. And when all 1,300+ attendees at the event were asked to give a big round of applause to all the educators and students in the room, the rousing standing ovation was awe-inspiring. Knowledge may be power, for good and for bad, but empathic knowledge is empowering for all. 

Day One All Over Again

Our girls were excited for us to see their classrooms and meet their teachers. It would be the first in-person open house since before the pandemic and we were all looking forward to attend. I was already to go for more than our children because earlier that day I had met with the presidents of the teacher and administrative/support staff unions to talk about their priorities. I'll be on the school board starting next year so the timing was good before our open house. 

But I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive for this middle school open house. The ghosts of decades past school anxieties always bubble up for me before these current in-person school events. 

Onward I went. It was great to see old friends and parents of kids we've been going to school with since preschool and kindergarten. Our youngest Bryce is in beginning choir this year, so before the class tours started we watched her perform with the rest of the kids and the school band performed as well. 

Our oldest Beatrice had looked forward to showing us around the school and wanted to make sure we knew where we were going. Again, it had been nearly three years since our last open house, prior to Bea starting 6th grade. The girls have been back in school for the past year, but more of the parent events have been virtual until now.

Our plan was to divide and conquer and then switch. Meaning, my wife Amy and I would go to each girl's first three period classes, then we'd switch for the last three periods. We'd been having a heatwave and the first few classes were really hot and stuffy, which triggered my anxiety. I pushed through though and kept my focus on what the teachers shared with the parents in the room. 

But then I misread Bryce's third period room number on the schedule she wrote out for us and went to the wrong room. The teacher was one that Bea had in 6th grade, one of her favorites in middle school so far, and I knew Bryce didn't have him. I felt bad, but a few minutes into his intro I knew I had to go find the right room. I apologetically got up to leave and he was gracious with my exit, giving me a fist bump on the way out. 

When it was time to go to Bea's physical education period, I asked another teacher where to go. She pointed to the field where a group of parents gathered, so that's where I went. Later Beatrice would point out that was the 6th grade PE period, not the 8th grade one. Hers was in the gym, so I missed out on that one. 

The last class of open house was Beatrice's history class. By then the outside air was much cooler and flowed into the open classroom windows. We all sat down and the teacher started her overview. I heard music playing in the distance and it sounded like it was coming in from the outside windows where all the kids played waiting for their parents to be done. But then it sounded like it was inside the room somewhere. I thought, who's playing music right now? 

The music persisted and now I could tell is was Abacab by Genesis. Great song, I thought. And then it hit me -- the music was coming from me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone that was playing the music. Somehow I had started playing iTunes as we entered the classroom. I apologized and everyone laughed. The teacher didn't look too happy about it and I actually worried she would take my phone away. A dad in front of me said, "I love that song." 

That's how our girls' open house went for me. Just like that, it felt like my first day of junior high all over again. Anxious, sweaty, going to the wrong classes, feeling shy and withdrawn, accidentally playing music in class (which I never did way back when because I didn't have a phone then), and generally feeling out of sorts. And it wasn't just a coming-back-from-summer-break out of sorts. It was a coming-back-from-a-crazy-pandemic one.

I'm sure others felt the same way. Students, parents, teachers, and administrators alike. It's like day one all over again; the first time in a long time. But day one leads to another year of learning and out of sorts becomes in the zone. I thought about my meeting earlier in the day with the teacher and support staff union presidents. As long as we can recruit and retain quality teachers and support staff (not easy without enough affordable housing where we live); meet our children individually where they're at academically and provide the learning support they need; and provide them the social, emotional, and physical safety skills needed throughout life, we'll be okay. No easy task for sure, but a mission we're all signing up for. 

The Leader in Bea

As Bryce and I approached Beatrice's camp, I could hear the accolades from the camp staff and the remaining campers. It was the last day of summer day camp for the season and Beatrice received high-fives and hugs from everyone. I could feel a proud smile grow big on my face. She had been a junior leader volunteer for the summer working with younger kids seven to eight years old and she loved every minute of it. And they loved every minute of her. 

This was something she wanted to do all year since being a camper at last summer's day camp. Back in early May of this year, I remember the video interview she did to become a junior leader. She was stressed prior to the interview, but she was so confident and calm during it. Just like her younger sister was when she spoke to her 5th graduating class at the end of May. 

Beatrice will definitely be a junior leader again and wants to be part of the staff in a couple of years. We're proud to be raising such confident and empathic leaders. Kids who have been part of a public school system that has served them well. That's not always the case in other places throughout America, and the system buckled and broken further during the pandemic, which has led to frustrated and angry parents, teachers, and administrators. 

Parents of varying socioeconomic backgrounds who have looked for alternatives like home schooling or school voucher programs that gives parents a choice of possible private school programs (if they can afford to supplement the cost not covered by their current public funding). Teachers and administrators who have looked for alternate professionals, completely burnt out by the constant harassment from frustrated and angry parents, and especially from the fringe political perspectives fueled by misinformation and outright lies. 

I can't and won't speak for the parents who've struggled with their children's education elsewhere because we haven't had those same experiences, but I will say we're so grateful for all the wonderful and caring teachers, support staff, and administrators we've had over the past 10+ years of public school to date, especially during the pandemic. Distance learning sucked on some level for everyone, and yet our children always had the academic and social support that have helped them thrive. Both my wife Amy and I have also been very involved in their schools and in their education, volunteering in and out of the classroom, running the PTA, and being on the school site council. 

Beatrice's summer camp leadership journey has definitely inspired me to stay involved in our community. At the beginning of summer, when she started her junior leader journey, I was contacted school district friends asking if I'd be interested running for school board in our area. At first, I wasn't sure I could make that kind of commitment with my current work-life balance; wasn't sure my lack of education background would be liability; wasn't sure if I had recovered fully from the fringe fallout I experienced when I was on the city commission for the prevention of violence against women. 

What I am sure of today is that I want the children in our public school district get the same level of individualized academic and social support they need that our children have received. They'll both be in middle school this year and still have 5+ years to go to finish high school. The superintendent of our city schools told me that public education is one of the cornerstones of democracy, and with our republic continuing to fray in the fringe, I wholeheartedly agree. So, I actually think I may run, all thanks to the leader in Bea. 

Our Best Future Prevention Offensive

When I dropped her off at leadership camp, and she gave me a thumbs up at the building door before she went in, I was so proud. She'd been nervous for days and my wife Amy helped prep her of what to expect by having her read through the provided camp materials ahead of time. We both gave her advice on how to be herself around others, the possible icebreakers they may do on day one. No matter how much she knows, the new unknown is stressful for her (just like it was for me at her age).  

Day one came and went and Beatrice our oldest at 13 did just fine, getting to know the other students and her teachers throughout the rest of the week. This leadership camp was to prep her to become junior leader for a summer day camp where she'll be working with kids 7 and 8 years old. Part of her prep training was mandated reporter training, to be able to recognize and report child abuse. There were specific examples and statistics she'd never seen before.

This was eye-opening for her, to learn what happens to some kids growing up. Of course, she's grown up practicing Kidpower as a family and all the emotional, psychological, and physical safety skills it teaches. But that was more hypothetical situations, what happens if. Because both our children are only now becoming more aware of the world around them, they have more specific questions for us as to why people do horrific things to others. 

Beatrice and the other leadership students also had active shooter training. This year alone there have been over 250 mass shootings, and we're not quite halfway through the year. When I wrote about Bryce's 5th grade graduation just a few weeks earlier, there were just over 210. This is a devastating reality for Americans today and our children specifically. 

Of course we don't want our kids (or us) to live in fear everyday in this country, but it is important now more than ever to keep them (and us) educated about personal safety skills. In a polarized world of divisive social and political issues, of ongoing misogyny and patriarchy inciting mostly young boys and men to violence, we are a tinderbox full of deadly fireworks always aflame. 

Which is one reason why I wanted to watch the January 6 committee primetime hearing at dinner with my family. I watched it happened live in 2021 and am still haunted by all the hate and the ultimate coordinated goal of a fascist overthrow. When the committee hearing showed how the day played out on video, how it escalated when the mob attacked the U.S. Capitol police and then the Capitol itself, our children were mortified and wanted to know how this could happen in America. 

That was a tough one for me. The good news is that we've helped our children understand that in America people have the 1st amendment right to speak their minds. We've helped them to understand the differences between the peaceful protests that we've been a part of as a family, and those that spiral into chaos and violence. We've also helped them to understand the differences between truth and lies, inclusion and oppression, empowerment and control. 

No matter our own biases that may get in the way of helping our children understand the world, the burden is still on us to keep our children educated and safe, to support their individuality and continuous growth, and to encourage them to be fair and compassionate people. Beatrice going to leadership camp to work with younger children is definitely a plus. From child abuse, to intimate partner violence, to gun violence, to hate-filled insurrections, our children are our best future prevention offensive. 

Appreciate Awards For All

Nearly two months before the holidays, our youngest daughter Bryce wanted an award. Not for herself, but for her 5th grade teacher, Mr. B.

I was ordering trophies for her and her soccer teammates, and she asked if we could order an appreciation award for her teacher. One she'd give to him before the holiday break began. She really enjoys her class and her teacher, and so we agreed. She helped pick out the award out and we ordered it. 

Like many school-age kids everywhere, the upside-down pandemic world continues to impact their education and their mental health. Thankfully, we've been back to in-person school this school year, and even with the Omicron surge, went back to in-person after the holidays. That hasn't been the case for many public school districts in California and across the country. 

In California, more than 65,000 students and staff tested positive for COVID-19 after the holidays. This happened nearly everywhere, and teachers everywhere are burnt out, sick, quitting, and not going back, and lawmakers are rewriting hiring rules and lowering requirements to fill teacher vacancies. 

The negative emotional and psychological impact on children, parents, teachers, and administrators have been significant. We're all trying to right ourselves from flipping upside-down so many times since March 2020. Already teachers struggle with more behavioral problems in the classroom that weren't there pre-covid. Our own children did okay during distance learning and integrating back into in-person school, but so many fell behind and mental health issue abound. Even with more learning choices for families today, our children's education will never be the same. 

This is why losing a beloved teacher like we did during the holidays was so much more devastating to our school community in addtion to all the pandemic trauma. And why it was more bittersweet after my wife Amy had put together teacher-appreciation holiday gifts with supportive notes from our daughters at the end of last year, which they gave to each of the their teachers personally. And why Bryce wanted to give her teacher a very special award. 

Everyone is struggling on some level due to the disruption that seems to be never-ending. Regardless of how or where your kids go to school, don't forget that as parents, we're their teachers, too. Everything we do or say, our kids absorb and model, so blaming broken systems and burnt out teachers isn't helpful. 

I grew up with the competitive criticism that not everyone deserves an award. But for teachers, healthcare professionals, and essential workers everywhere -- along with parents, especially those who are also these very essential workers -- there should be appreciation awards for all with notes of nurturing and support. Blessings to you all.

Their Love of Learning

"All right -- rapid fire questions, girls. What are you the most stressed about going back to school this year. Bryce, go."

Our youngest daughter, Bryce, didn't hesitate. "Not knowing who my teacher will be and who will be in my class."

"I know," I said. "You'll know the night before, though." 

Bryce nodded. 

"Beatrice, go."

Our oldest daughter, Beatrice, jumped right in. "Remembering my locker number and getting lost on campus." 

Those weren't new to her. Early in the pandemic, before we had to end up distance learning for over a year, she was stressed about going to 6th grade in middle school and having to use a locker. Now, going into 7th grade, she will, which is why I'm going down to the hardware store to buy her a combination lock to practice on.

"Okay. What about what you're looking forward to the most? Bryce, go."

"I'm looking forward to learning again," Bryce said. "And seeing my friends." 

Love that girl. "Nice. Beatrice, go."

"I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and meeting new people and taking art," she said. "I hope I get into that."

"I know, me too," I said.

"And I'm looking forward to learning again, too," she added.

Love these girls. I had taken them out to lunch after they helped me take our trailer camper to get a check up. They both have the hooking up and the parking the camper down. 

School is about to start again, and they're both going back five days a week. Earlier in spring, Bryce had gone back in person five days a week, and Beatrice when back two days a week. We were all grateful for this and are all grateful again for a new school year. Grateful for the teachers and the school districts encouraging vaccinations and requiring masks indoors.

The girls didn't end up saying a word about having to wear masks again indoors at school. They both went to summer camp and summer school and mask safety protocols were in place then as well. Social distancing became a wash, though, because keeping kids and adults alike to stay six feet apart was never easy. Non-existent most of the time. 

We've never had vaccination fears over the years, and all of us are now vaccinated, except for Bryce. And because of that, we continue to have her wear a mask indoors when we're all out together, especially where required. The Delta variant is super contagious and spreading fast -- and child infections are on the rise. Over 4 million children have had covid since the pandemic began and now more young unvaccinated people are getting sicker with the virus. 

Even for those who are vaccinated, wearing masks continue to help prevent the transmission of the COVID-19 virus. Infectious disease and healthcare professionals know a lot more about the virus now and the science facts are clear. The percentage of those who have extreme adverse side effects is quite low (less than 1%) compared to the prevention benefits of keeping people out of the hospital. Simultaneously the misinformation and myths about vaccinations and wearing masks continue to divide and confuse. The battle between personal freedoms, fear of stigmatization and shame, and health and safety is so lost on me now more than ever. I'm tired of the argument. Tired of the pandemic. Tired of wearing masks.

However, health and safety will always win in our family, so we will do what we have to do to stay healthy and safe. And as soon as the vaccination is available for Bryce, she's getting the shot. We'll all wear masks when needed and if mandated in the meantime. Here are some quick reminders about mask myths and realities for us all (from healthychildren.org):

Can wearing a mask make it harder for my child to breathe?

No, masks are made from breathable materials that will not block the oxygen your child needs. Masks will not affect your child's ability to focus or learn in school. The vast majority of children age 2 or older can safely wear face masks for extended periods of time, such as the school day or at child care. This includes children with many medical conditions.

Can masks interfere with a child's lung development?

No, wearing a face mask will not affect your child's lungs from developing normally. This is because oxygen flows through and around the mask, while blocking the spray of spit and respiratory droplets that may contain the virus. Keeping your child's lungs healthy is important, which includes preventing infections like COVID-19.

Do masks trap the carbon dioxide that we normally breathe out?

No. There have been false reports that face masks can lead to carbon dioxide poisoning (known as hypercapnia) from re-breathing the air we normally breathe out. But this is not true. In fact, surgeons wear tight fitting masks all day as part of their jobs, without any harm.

Can masks lead to a weaker immune system by putting the body under stress?

No. Wearing a face mask does not weaken your immune system or increase your chances of getting sick if exposed to the COVID-19 virus. Wearing a mask, even if you do not have symptoms of COVID-19, helps prevent the virus from spreading.

For parents who are concerned about their kids going back to school, who may have to deal with bullying and harassment due to wearing or not wearing masks, getting vaccinated or not, or just the fact of being back to school again in person with all the human challenges of being all together again, Kidpower has great resources and workshops for parents and kids to stay safe and healthy. 

It's hard enough growing up and it's now gotten a lot harder because of the ongoing pandemic. Too many adults in charge continue to downplay verified health science, and instead, promote myths, fear and shame about vaccines and wearing masks that put us all at risk. And our children today are the most at risk to this preventable insanity. 

When I reflect on the earlier conversation I had with our daughters about going back to school, their love of learning was a clear priority. Nothing about covid -- the worst fear being remembering a locker combination. Just their love of learning, seeing their old friends and meeting new friends are what's top of mind for them. That's a back-to-school lesson for us all. 

The Morning Work

She howled and cried. All because of a little math. To be fair, she was in the middle of playing one of her favorite online games on Roblox. And to be fair to us, we were only asking for 20 minutes of math. And 20 minutes of reading. And 20 minutes of writing. With a dash of science and art here and there, all for what we call the morning work. 

This kind of visceral response doesn't happen every day thankfully. Sometimes it's Bryce our youngest who reacts this way. Sometimes it's our oldest Beatrice. School has been out now for a few weeks, but the summer schoolwork continues. And for the most part, they dive in and do it and have a little fun along the way.

I can't say I don't blame them. At least, sometimes. I mean, they still have plenty of free time to play every day, however restricted due to safety concerns and coronavirus. When my wife Amy and I grew up, there seemed to be a lot more summertime freedom for us. No electronics or video games, just hot summer days and nights, maybe swimming in a pool, lake or ocean if we were lucky, maybe a snow cone or an ice cream along the way. Running around or riding our bikes with our friends from dawn to dusk. 

I remember going to summer school, at least until Proposition 13 was passed in 1978, and that ended the fun funded summer learning way back when. I also remember going to bible summer day camp way back then, but that went south the day I was scared to death to ask to go to the bathroom and ended up peeing my pants while attempting to glue together an Adam and Eve felt project.

So many mixed summer memories from my childhood. Not all bad, but still, compared to some of what we experienced, this pandemic summer life for our girls is pretty safe and boring. Amen to that. 

Even though our summer vacation plans went awry the middle of March when the lockdowns started, we're still fortunate to have employment, food on the table and a roof over our heads; we're doing okay. Either way, the summer schoolwork we continue for our girls isn't anything new. We've been doing that the past few years, at home and on any vacation we take. We just want the girls to keep up on some basics, especially Bea, who needs and has benefited from more one-on-one time with us. 

Plus, there's our P.E. (physical education) time outside at least once day, going to a park, riding our bikes, going for walks, adopting tadpoles and releasing frogs, going to the beach to boogie board, and other fun physical activities. And now this includes social distancing playdates with some of their friends, or as much distance as kids understand, which isn't much. Wash your hands!

That's been emotionally and psychologically important, seeing and playing with their friends when they can. Both girls play Minecraft as well with some mutual friends, and as far as I'm concerned, that's their D&D of my youth, building realms and adventuring across them. Super duper cool. 

Because America gets such a poor grade overall in mitigating the spread of coronavirus (COVID-19), and too many people won't wear their masks in public and social distance, and because I have a somewhat compromised respiratory system, the kinds of travel we're willing to do is limited right now. We're so grateful of the past travel we've been able to do with the girls, and there will be future travel, but it still sucks where the world is at today. We've also thought about in-person summer day camps for the girls, some that have actually opened up, but the risks are just too high with the recent spikes in coronavirus cases. 

The summer agreement we have with our children then, which we negotiated with them in order to make them a part of this ongoing homeschool mandate, to have them take ownership of their "fun" learning, is that they have to do at least one hour of work each day during the week. Twenty minutes each (give or take) of reading, writing and math. This also includes science and art and other fun learning projects like math puzzles, making slime, gardening, painting, construction and more. It also includes putting together projects that have been sitting in our closet for years like a fun planetarium that maps the stars in a dark room, or playing cool logic games like Labyrinth, which Amy actually found in someone's free yard giveaway. Plus, there are tons of online learning activities we'll continue to explore.

Once the summer is over, Amy and I and millions of other parents will most likely need to continue homeschooling our kids through distance learning, balancing our lives and livelihoods. Whatever does happen next, the morning work sets up the day for play, and we wouldn't want it any other way. 

Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:

We Shared Blue Genes

Agree to Disintegration

The Teacher Parade

All These Things Can Lead To Grace

Our Freedom Is Always Welcome

A Well of Strength

This Bad History

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem

The Iceberg Underneath

The Healing Hope We Can Give

Donate Your Date Nights and Help Feed Families

About All The Things

Dad, Our Family's Computer Guy

The Newest Normal

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

This Is The Life

When There's Nowhere to Go

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To

A Summer of B-hive Thrive

We didn’t realize our youngest struggled, too. The sounding out phonetically. The reading from left to right consistently. The transposing of letters in same-sounding words. The writing of numbers and letters backward so that if you placed them in front of a mirror, they’d read correctly.

We didn’t realize she struggled. But not exactly for the same reasons as her older sister. At least, not that we know of. With Beatrice, it was most likely the auditory processing disorder from early on that continues to cause some delays with her reading comprehension (although academically overall she’s doing pretty well). Bea’s spelling is solid, too. Just the reading skills and comprehension lag.

The Mama (what I lovingly call my wife) had noticed something was up with Bryce, since she does most of the daily reading with both the girls outside of school, although I had noticed the writing of letters and numbers backward as well. But it wasn’t until her kindergarten/1st grade teacher pointed out Bryce was behind with her reading skills based on the new state standards. That’s when we realized at least some kind of delay was in play. Possibly. We don’t know what we don’t know yet.

What’s interesting to me is that with Bea, the ability for her to filter what she heard early on was like a radio trying to tune into a station; she never really got there so translating what she heard and the appropriate comprehension and reaction was more difficult that other kids. She’s come a long way, that’s for sure.

Bryce never exhibited that behavior. Socially and even early on academically she's been doing fine. However, her speech was difficult to understand, almost muddied, with “r’s” and “l’s” soft and muted. It’s improved since preschool and now kindergarten, but her teachers had never noticed anything significant to highlight. Now, with the awareness of this possible reading delay, it’s time for us to get in front of it.

Again, we don’t know what we don’t know yet. The word dyslexia has never come up in any teacher meeting with either girl, or occupational or speech therapy session with Beatrice. It’s possible now that there’s a learning disorder present, one characterized by difficulty reading due to problems identifying speech sounds and learning how they relate to letters and words.

Possibly. When your child struggles with anything, you run yourself through the wringer thinking about why, and if it was something you did, or didn’t do. Did you let them watch too much TV? Let them play games too much on their iPads? Didn't work with them enough on their homework and all their basic academic skills? Why are some kids the same age reading Harry Potter and yours are reading Captain Underpants? Do you give them enough attention in between all the work and life stuff you’re doing as adults? (And yet, they're constantly inventing things, writing stories and illustrating them -- and right now they're in the backyard creating a sushi machine. Right on.)

Or do you blame their schools and their teachers? That they aren’t doing enough for your children? That the latest curriculum is just friggin' crazy?

Of course there’s been a little second-guessing with us and what we’re doing and how we’re parenting. We’re human. For any parent who's ever struggled with parenthood and working and volunteering and investing in other endeavors alongside raising your children, and feeling guilty about not spending enough with them, I recommend listening to a recent Startup podcast from Gimlet Media. Being straight with your kids, nurturing their voice and giving them the tools to thrive are key.

On the other hand, we could sit around a Kumbaya campfire and sing the praises, or the lack thereof, of public versus charter versus private versus common core versus current standards versus Godzilla.

Instead, we will continue to do whatever we can to help them breakthrough and build their confidence to tackle anything. To bridge the gaps and instill adaptation skills in both girls, working within the confines and the opportunities of a public school system we still believe in. Ultimately there may be walls they hit in school and in life no matter the intervention we provide and/or facilitate.

None of that matters in the moment, though. We're in it for the all of them and are planning a summer of B-hive thrive, to read with them more frequently (me included), and to help sound out the words and improve comprehension of what they just read.

Wait, a sushi machine?

Where did your kids go to camp this summer?

It's a pleasure working for someone with such business acumen and insight. My boss's last three posts alone on our HRmarketer Blog attest to that, along with building a successful marketing and PR software and services firm at Fisher Vista, LLC.

I was a psych major in college; everything I learned about business I learned the hard way – on the job making mistakes and somehow persevering with minimal crying (sounds like a cheesy business book out there somewhere).

Years ago helping to run a business was as foreign to me as having children – just not part of the plan. When I was a child, maximizing the summers with fun was the way to go. I never even went to camp (we were po' folk). When I was a teenager it was still all about fun, but the work ethic started because the end game then was my first (muscle) car – '72 El Camino. Miss that car.

For many of you with children, the school year has most likely started by now. Did your kids go to any camps this year? Did your teenagers have a job, even in this messy economy, saving money for their first car, computer, iPhone and/or other gadget? Did they do any community volunteer work?

A few weeks ago I read an article in the San Jose Mercury News (the Silicon Valley newspaper, you know) about business summer camp. Yes, business summer camp. Maybe not a surprise to some of you, but I had no idea. I'm stuck in the world of Meatballs.

The business camp I read about is called Camp BizSmart (I'm sure there are many of these across the U.S.). On their home page they write:

Ever wondered how Apple created the iPod or YouTube started an online video revolution? Do you have ideas that could one day become the next Netflix or Wii?

Heck yeah.

For two weeks, students will:

1. Work on real inventions with Silicon Valley entrepreneurs and CEOs

2. Present a business plan to investors onsite at Microsoft

3. Make a 30-second video pitch at Cisco's TV studio

4. Talk to customers around the world using state-of-the-art, virtual meeting technology

5. Win prizes for inventions and innovativeness

Very cool. There was also a local UCSC camp for developing role-playing games. I never would've even imagined going to these types of camps. I mean, I remember hanging out, sitting on my butt, watching MTV play the same 10 videos over and over again back in the day, in between my summer job and football practice. (And MTV has grown up and grown into quite a lucrative business.)

So on the eve of Mama A and I having our first child, I'm happy to hear there are "fun" business, leadership and technical skill development options out there for kids. We do need to be making these types of educational investments in our children – America's bright future in a glowing global economy.

Oh, and they can still play, too. Playing is good.