Digging Those Christmas Beats

Five years ago, I started playing the drums. Something I had wanted to do for decades I finally did. It's been amazing. It's been challenging. It's fired synapses in my brain I never knew I had. And most importantly, it's been fun. 

Since then, I usually play for at least one hour five to six days a week, before or after dinner, when I'm not traveling for work. I've had lessons, used online programs, and have a regular practice regimen. I've also learned over 180 songs I've loved over the years. Mostly ground in rock and roll but also including pop, rhythm and blues, soul, and even contemporary country. I get to channel amazing drummers that I aspire to play as proficiently as they do someday. 

The first two years I was lucky to get through and learn one to two minutes of a song, but then I finally improved enough to get through entire songs. Not note for note; I do my best to hit 80%+ of a song and record it. On average it takes two to three hours for me to learn a song, and once I record it, I move on to another one.

The past three Christmases I've learned various holiday songs, but this Christmas, I asked my wife Amy and our kids Beatrice and Bryce if there was a song they wanted me to learn to play. 

Beatrice didn't have to think about it, she just immediately said, "You know the song 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' -- that's the one I want. Who's it by again?"

"Band Aid," I said. "It was one of the super-group awareness and fundraiser songs like 'We Are The World'. Lots of MTV 'first wave' and rock and pop artists of the 1980's."

"Cool," she said. 

It's great because Beatrice is a big retro-80's-sound fan and likes bands like Duran Duran and others. I recently learned Hungry Like the Wolf and she loved it. 

The Band Aid song was a perfect choice for our caring, empathic kid who loves Christmastime and can't wait for us to decorate every year.

"...And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time..."

And oh my, Phil Collins played the drums on this. I had totally forgotten about that. So much fun to play Do They Know It's Christmas?. 

Bryce was also quick to select and said, "Play The Waitresses song 'Christmas Wrappings'. That's one of my favorite ones."

"You got it," I said.

What a perfect choice for Bryce, our sometimes aloof, and always "punk rock", yet super sweet and loving kid who also loves Christmastime, even when they play it down. 

"...Bah Humbug, now that's too strong!
'Cause it is my favorite holiday..."

Billy Ficca was the original drummer on the song. So much fun to play Christmas Wrappings.

For Amy, it was a little harder, just because there are so many holiday songs we both love. One of her favorite bands is Train, and so last year one of the songs I learned was their rendition of This Christmas. 

Instead, she went more traditional, "How about, 'We Need a Little Christmas'?" 

"Which one?" I asked. I looked up some of the versions. "Johnny Mathis?"

"Yes," said. "That one."

What a perfect choice for Amy, always encouraging smiles and cheer throughout the year. Beatrice also likes all the old-school traditional singers and Christmas songs. There's no drummer credited to this song that I could find, but I just started learning We Need a Little Christmas and the big band sound is also fun to play. 

"...For we need a little music, need a little laughter
Need a little singing ringing through the rafter
And we need a little snappy, happy ever after
We need a little Christmas now..."

And there you have it. I'm fulfilling our family Christmas song requests, I keep learning from fantastic drummers, and we're all digging those Christmas beats. I hope you are, too. 

Believe To Become

Beatrice started the old stop-motion animated The Little Drummer Boy. 

"I've never watched this one," she said. "Did you used to watch this one?"

"It was one of my favorites growing up," I said. 

"Is that your origin story, Dad?" Bryce asked sarcastically, knowing how much I love playing the drums now.

"Yes, yes it is, Bryce," I answered emphatically with a big smile.

"Did you play your drums for the baby Jesus?" Bryce added.

"I wish I did."

"Did you cry when you watched The Little Drummer Boy?"

"Every year."

"Awe, that's sweet," Beatrice said. They both know Dad's always a hopeful crier.

Those were simpler times when my sister and I were kids. Every holiday getting together with the extended family, eating way too much food, singing Christmas carols, and celebrating the birth of Jesus. Plus, getting to watch all our favorites stop-motion and other animated classics, and of course, opening all the gifts. 

Sigh. I can hear the Peanuts gang singing "Christmas Time Is Here." 

"Christmastime is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of year..."

It wasn't all happy and carefree, though. The pleasant memories were bound to painful ones. Growing up with domestic violence and abuse sent my sister and I hurtling away from the innocence of childhood toward the concrete ceiling of adulthood at the speed of sound. The eventual sonic booms were deafening at times. 

And because my ears still sometimes pop from the pressurized past, my wife Amy and I were always all in for delivering supportive and loving parenting underscored with positive discipline. We don't always get it all right, but we do work hard to right the wrongs of our own pasts. 

Now our kids aren't kids any longer. Still years away, adulthood is coming faster for them. There are more questions about our specific rites of passages, the choices we made, and navigating friendships. There are questions about financial literacy, which we started having with them a few years ago. Beatrice has already had her first paying job and Bryce wishes they had one (besides the allowance they get for doing weekly household chores).

Their schoolwork gets harder every year and they have to focus more and more on time management and project management, which stresses both of them out. They realize how competitively ugly the world can be and how they'll have to navigate that throughout high school, college, and whatever they end up being and doing in their lives.

Yes, our kids have grown older and the simpler times have waned like a beautiful but brief winter sunset. Through this transitional time, the one thing we can't do for them, and really don't want to do, is to live their lives for them as they barrel toward adulthood. They have to go through it, with our guidance, of course. 

Now we hear them say, "I just don't have the time I need to get everything done -- and still be able to chill out!"

Which isn't true, but it's what it feels like sometimes. We can go from being on top of the world, to being flattened by it, especially when we hit that adulthood ceiling full force. But if there's one thing my origin story has taught me is that this ceiling can and does open like a magical observatory revealing a starlit universe of endless potential. 

Hard to see when you're scraping yourself off the ceiling, but all you need to do is believe to become, and then get to work. 

Blessings to you all however you celebrate this holiday season. Merry Christmas. 

Celebrate the Best of Us

Am I forever unredeemable?
Can I ever overcome all the wrongs I'm running from?
Can my worst be left behind
And do I deserve to find
There's a soul who could see any good in me?
Or will I only ever be
Unredeemable?

–Unredeemable, from Spirited

Spirited is one of my favorite Christmas movies today. Only two years old, it stars Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds and is an over-the-top A Christmas Carol twist of a musical comedy. I love it. Our kids like it. My wife Amy does not. At least, not all the singing and dancing parts. Actually, none of the singing and dancing parts. 

She's not a musical fan, but she kind of likes the story. That one along with many other holiday movies we watch this time of year: predictable campy comedies and melodramatic classics and heartfelt uplifters. For us anyway. The Holiday, Elf, Christmas Vacation, Just Friends, Four Christmases, Noelle, When Harry Met Sally, The Family Man (still my favorite), and It's a Wonderful Life (always a favorite). There are others as well, but these are the mainstays. And yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

However, A Christmas Carol isn't one of my favorites, whether the Charles Dickens' novel or any of the movie adaptations over the years. I get the story. I like the story. Just not a favorite.

But the theme of it -- that even the worst human is redeemable and can be inspired to find the good inside others and inspire others to do the same -- has always resonated with me. 

Too bad the worst humans today get the most media visibility and inspire too many others to do their worst as well, including our children and grandchildren. Our own children ask us all the time now why so many people celebrate and support those who embrace the worst qualities of humanity. That's always a super-tough one to answer, and it gets harder to answer as our kids get older. 

Because we're all a little unredeemable, aren't we? That's what makes us human (and why we watch all those campy holiday movies each year). No matter what religious or spiritual belief system and/or societal norms we choose to live by, or try to live by, or pretend to live by, most of us have made poor choices and done bad things we're not proud of. 

Some of those have seen the light of day and hopefully we've repented, while others are secrets buried deep inside the dark wells of our hearts. Mercy me, that seems to be the plot of nearly every contemporary dark novel and movie adaptation in recent memory. 

Our kids want to know about our poor choices and bad things we're not proud of; they want to understand who we were, those choices we've made in our lives, and why we became who we are today as they're becoming who they are tomorrow. Of course, we don't tell them everything, but we do want them to understand the why of our choices and what those repercussions were, and what they could be today or tomorrow if they made them.

When they ask, we also talk openly about the worst of humanity with our kids now that they're older, while emphasizing the best of humanity when they don't. We know we shouldn't be defined by the worst things we've done, as long as we've worked hard to be good people and do good things for ourselves and others. 

Are we ever unconditionally selfless, empathetic, and loving with others throughout our lifetimes, no matter what they've done? For most of us, no. It's more complicated and nuanced for most humans, and the worst-of-us recidivism is unfortunately up these days. But instead of wallowing in all that, something I struggled with in my youth, I only need to look at my wife and children to know that we work hard to celebrate the best of us. It's not a Dickens' novel, or a spirited modern day musical (of which Amy is thankful), but it is a story of redemption I continue to write with gratitude. 

There's Nothing To It

"If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world?
There's nothing to it..."

–Pure Imagination, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

It was magical. I cried. I always cry when something moves me, whether in movies or writing or music or art. Always crying. 

"I cried a little," I said to my wife Amy when the new movie Wonka was over. 

"I know, Sweetie," Amy said, "You always do. Love you."

Yes, I do. It was magical, transporting me back to the first time I saw Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory with Gene Wilder and Jack Albertson back in the early 1970's. I almost didn't want to see the newest movie about Willie Wonka, but we went, and I'm glad.

Our kids, Beatrice and Bryce, didn't go with us, though. They wanted to see another matinee, The Boy and the Heron, which they really liked. Bryce loved it, too, and cried. They're totally like me that way. 

It was the day before Christmas Eve. While Amy and I finished Wonka, our kids went shopping for last-minute Mom and Dad gifts. It's weird to write that our kids, now teens, are more autonomous than ever. That they're doing their own things more and more, and yet, we still always come back together and do things together as a family. Every parent reminisces when their kids were little, keeping them in tow, hand in hand, never letting them out of our sight. 

Beatrice and Bryce will always be our babies no matter what, but those days of being little are over, and that's okay. We're so proud and grateful of the young adults they're becoming. Of their future fiercely independent selves we're starting to see. Of their unique and creative styles and sensibilities. Of their kind and loving hearts. Of their caring inclusiveness that this world so desperately needs. 

Want to change the world? There's nothing to it. Our kids remind us of that nearly every day. We're grateful that the magic of Christmas is aglow in our hearts throughout the year, not just the end of it. The magic of love and light abounds in BhivePower.

However you celebrate this holiday season, blessings to you all. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Love And The Light

"So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you had fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young..."

–Happy Xmas (War Is Over), John & Yoko/Plastic Ono Band with the Harlem Community Choir

At first it was comical -- all of us trying to figure out the bike riding to a local state park for a holiday faire. Our oldest daughter Beatrice wanted to ride my e-bike that I never ride, which was fine. But then when our youngest daughter Bryce got on the new bike we bought for her, one she'd already ridden to school, she lost her balance and fell over. She scratched her knee and was okay otherwise, but she broke the basket for the front of the bike, the one she puts her backpack in to and from school. Fortunately it still attaches to the handlebars. 

I was going to concede to ride Amy's old Schwinn, but even after raising the seat, I still felt like a circus bear riding a tricycle. Then Bryce wanted to ride Amy's newer Huffy, which was broken recently until we got fixed, so Bryce rode that one, I rode the new bike that was supposed to be for Bryce (with handlebars that needed tightening and brakes that needed adjusting), Amy rode the old Schwinn, and Bea rode my e-bike. All that took about 20 minutes to sort out. 

No matter how many times we've tried over the years, we've just never been a bike family. But, we have had some lovely bike rides together, and this time was no exception. It was a lovely December early afternoon riding along the bike path, with hazy cloud streaks muting the blue sky that met the sea. It was cool out, but not cold, and the bike ride to Wilder Ranch State Park was pleasant. The old-fashioned holiday faire was smaller than it usually was pre-covid, with still many families making candles, wreaths, ornaments, potpourri bags, and drinking cider and hot chocolate. 

Riding back home I was grateful we were able to do this as a family, that the worst thing we had to worry about was who was riding what bike. That's when I thought about families who have a lot more to worry about. Poverty, illness, war, violence, and death. 

My family doesn't have to worry about those things, at least, not directly like the families living them today. Indirectly, anything can happen at any time, but I don't dwell on that like I used to. I'm grateful for the now. For being able to live comfortably today without illness, war, violence, or God forbid, death. 

And speaking of God, when I was a child, I really wanted to believe that little baby Jesus would save the world, especially during Christmastime. That's when I was always the most hopeful about the world. But then I came to learn that it was always on us to save the world from the dark things. 

And save the world we still can. At least I want to believe that for me and my family. And yours, too. I'm a hopelessly sentimental and hopeful human. Even in the darkest moments of my past, or the world's, I've been that way, always believing that ultimately there is only love and light, that we can see it that way, and make it that way.

As we neared home on our bikes, I looked at the sea one more time before we lost sight of it, and all I saw was the love and the light. 

However you celebrate the holidays, blessings to you and yours. You may never be as hopelessly sentimental as me, but believe it or not, being hopeful and making a daily difference is easier than you think. 

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done?"

Stay Kid-Heart Strong

They're so little, until they're not. And while they'll always be our "kids", they most certainly aren't anymore. They're not quite adults yet, no, but mercy me, they're on their way.

Case in point -- privacy. Now that our girls are teens, they are clear about their privacy boundaries. This includes what I write and post about, and the family pictures I post on social media. I ask for their permission each time. Except for the times I haven't, and they've reiterated to me how unhappy that makes them. 

And I do want to ask for their permission. Both Mom and I really do. We want to respect their privacy, just like we want them to respect ours, to not discuss family things we don't want discussed. Now, the only exception to that rule for all of us is when something is a safety problem -- a social, emotional, or physical safety problem. If that happens, then we're responsible for addressing them and helping them. As one of the many Kidpower mantras states, "Problems should not have to be secrets." If that's the case, we take appropriate actions.

One day (soon) they might read good ol' Dad's blog posts, and no matter how much I don't reveal and/or generalize, I'm sure I'll get some "Dad, why did you write that?!?" I'll then ask for forgiveness and tell them I love them. I'll remind them I've been writing about our family since before Beatrice (the oldest) was born, to share with others the ups and downs of fatherhood, parenting, local community issues, and personal leadership. And maybe some of those others can relate, commiserate, and/or celebrate.

Our kids are also looking older than ever, and we can now see what their young adulthood presence may look like -- and the future looks bright for sure. Not only what they do look like and will look like physically, but also what their hearts look like now and in the future. Two loving and kind, strong and independent, teen girls on their way to adulting. 

Which was why I was bummed that I thought I was going to miss their excitement at the local holiday parade. I've been on our local school board for a year now and was just at my school board conference in San Francisco. Fortunately this time I got to come back early enough since we were closer to home and I made it to our downtown holiday parade. Last year I missed it because the conference was in San Diego. 

But unlike holiday parades and Christmastimes of old, this time both kids took off to hang out with friends, making me a little wistful for childhood past. So, Mom and I hung out and cheered on the local organizations and schools as they passed us by on the street. Such a heart-warming community event each and every year. I felt blessed to be there again. 

Blessed and bittersweet actually. From privacy to personal growth, our kids aren't really kids anymore. I mean, kind of, yes, but mostly no, even if they stay kid-heart strong like their Mom and me do. I think they will, too, considering how much Christmastime magic still bubbles up inside them, even if I can't always write about how they feel and why. Sigh.

The 2022 Top 10 Most Read from GOTG

Here we are again; another year flew past. Mercy me. I wrote 50 articles this year on Get Off The Ground (GOTG), and I've written 843 in total since I started writing in 2007. I went from silly posts in early fatherhood to more serious pieces over the years. 

Thank you for stopping by and reading. We're all works in progress, and my wife Amy and I continue to work at being better spouses, parents, and community members. which is the whole point of what I share here -- and to be the positive spread of growth, empathy, and love. 

Speaking of stopping by and reading, here were this year's top 10 most read from GOTG:

1. Coronavirus Sucks, But We Don't Have To
2. From the Loss and the Pride 
3. The Ultimate Quits
4. Not How They Will Wind Up 
5. Never Too Old 
6. Almost Gridless 
7. Those That Just Might Reconnect 
8. The Teen Brain Two-Step 
9. Thanks to Mom (and me) 
10. Stuck in the Middle with Me

Thank you again for reading, and now it's time for a Christmas break for me and my family. No matter how you celebrate this time of the year, and whatever your holiday traditions are, blessings to you all. Be safe and well. 

"You're all I need

Underneath the tree…”

Our Biggest Cheerleaders

We cheered them on when they performed in plays and musicals. We cheered them on when they played sports. We cheered them on when they graduated from elementary school. We cheer them on every day just hearing about their days. We celebrate their wins and empathize their struggles. 

Our children's biggest cheerleaders are Mom and Dad. Always have been. Always will be. 

Our oldest Beatrice was a junior leader for summer day camp this year and we cheered her on all the way through it. She was so grateful every day she was at camp working with the kids. This was something she wanted to do all year since being a camper at last summer's day camp. Back in early May of this year, I remember the video interview she did to become a junior leader. She was stressed prior to the interview, but she was so confident and calm during it. 

Just like her younger sister Bryce was when she spoke to her 5th graduating class at the end of May. She was one of three students from her 5th grade class who volunteered to speak. She shared how disappointing it was to get covid and miss some of the fun end-of-year events, but that no matter what, she was grateful to be back in the end for graduation to be with all her friends and her teachers. And she wrote the whole thing herself. 

We cheer our children on, we parent them, we take care of them, and we love them. As their parents, we don't expect them to cheer us on, just listen to us and love us back. And of course, deal with all our unabashed supportive cheering. That gets more emotionally and socially complicated now that they're teens when we have to deal with new and improved levels of overdramatic back-talk independence. 

However, they are our biggest cheerleaders, even when they try to act like they're not. Nearly every day when we tell them we hope they have a great day school, they reciprocate about our work days. Occasionally they tell me how good I'm getting at drumming. They cheer on Mom about all her yummy baking and cooking, and everything else that Mom does, which is a lot. 

Their cheering on was especially poignant when I was sworn in as a new school board member recently. Super-cheered on actually. They all sat in front, and Bryce whooped it up on my behalf while Mom and Beatrice clapped along when we walked up to be sworn in, and then again afterwards. Everyone in the room laughed, including past teachers both girls had in grade school. It was all so sweet. I smiled and laughed, thinking that this was the greatest Christmas present of all, the unabashed supportive love of our children. 

May This Force Be With You

The first time I saw it from afar was 2018. Construction was well underway during our last trip to Disneyland at the time, just beyond Frontierland, and we could see the top of the far away galaxy to come. During the summer of 2019, we were fortunate to take our family to Disney World, but were too early to see Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge; it had opened in Anaheim but not in Orlando at that point. I remember standing in front of the gate where it would open only a few months later. Yes, we love Disneyland.

If you've read my writings over the years, you also know that I love Star Wars and that it had a profound affect on me ever since the first time I saw it in 1977. That summer I was nearly 12 years old and the world was a dark and surreal place. We were in a long and steep recession, political apathy had spiked due to Watergate, and Middle East tensions ran high. Our family also experienced domestic violence and sexual and emotional abuse during the 1970's. Thankfully we had a mother who emphasized love and empathy over fear and hate, even after everything she'd been through, and we'd been through. 

At that time, Star Wars was a hopeful escapism for me with a greater theme of a positive power that could transform the universe: The Force. At the time I had become disillusioned with many things including religion, so science fiction and fantasy became my savior of sorts. 

I've been a fan ever since. When I heard Disney was building a land dedicated to Star Wars, I was out-my-mind excited. I couldn't wait. My wife and children knew I couldn't wait. But then the COVID-19 pandemic struck, and the world again became a dark and surreal place. 

We've lived through the past two years and have remained a strong, supportive, and loving family unit. My wife and I have worked hard and have been grateful to be able to provide for our family and do some fun things along the way. One of those things was planning another trip to Disneyland at the beginning of the holiday season this year (and the fact that it was safer to do so).

I finally got to see Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge for the first time. I got to see the Millennium Falcon up close, for goodness sake, and fly it. Yes, I knew it wasn't real, trust me, no matter how much I wanted it to be, but to stand in front of it and have a picture of my family letting the "Force" flow through us all was a super-thrilling and proud moment.  

Yes, proud. Because there's a real force that's empowered our family year after year, from New Year's Day to New Year's Eve. A force nurtured from practicing Kidpower physical and emotional safety skills, positive communication and relationship skills, and clear boundary-setting skills. Of course our family doesn't get these things right all the time, which is why we work on it week after week. The key is sustaining and growing; a Christmas magic that never ends. 

Even now with our girls being a teen and tween, rolling their eyes when we want them to practice these skills, they still embody them in their daily lives whether they realize it or not. And all of this force is grounded in mindfulness, love, and empathy, without ever compromising our boundaries, wellbeing, or safety, especially when others around us do. 

So, no matter how you celebrate this holiday season, may this force be with you. 

Right Within Our Hearts

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that'll make 'em ring is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart..."

—Bing Crosby, It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas (written by Meredith Willson)

This time the rule was broken. The rule being, we don't do or listen to anything Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving. Like ever. No matter how tempted any of us are. However, it was still one full week before Thanksgiving and one of the radio stations we flip to in the car started playing Christmas music. 

And the one person who delighted the most in finding out this musical fact was our oldest child, Beatrice. 

"Ugh. Turn the channel," I said.

"No, leave it here! I want to listen!" Bea said.

"Please, turn it," I said to my wife, Amy, sighing audibly.

"No!" Bea protested.

Our youngest child, Bryce, was oblivious, listening to her own music in the backseat.

"Let's just leave it and listen," Amy said, smiling.

"Yes, this one's my favorite," Bea said, referring to "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas."

And so it began, the Christmas season in music. All the classics. All the contemporary covers of the classics. All the originals. Pop. Rock. Alternative. Soul. R&B. Country. All. Of. Them. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like Christmas and all the music -- I love it and all the music. Our entire family loves it all. But the rule had always been followed, going back to my childhood, until now. 

It probably didn't help that we were going to Disneyland the week of Thanksgiving, which had already been decorated for the holidays since mid-November. That trip is a story for another time, but just know that Christmas music seemed to emanate from every square inch of that happiest place on earth. 

Shortly after Thanksgiving, our happiest place on earth was driving around nearby neighborhoods to see the holiday lights that people had put out so far. Not too many yet, although there were pockets of magical lights that we slowed to soak in. Of course we were listening to one of now two local radio stations that were playing nothing but holiday music. Except Bryce, who again was in the backseat listening to her own music, although I did hear some "ooo's" and "aaah's" from her watching the lights as we drove by.

Then Bea's favorite Christmas song came on, and we sang along quietly together with Bing Crosby. She doesn't sing out loud much, which is too bad, because she has such a lovely voice like her mother's. We sang along with many Christmas songs as we drove through neighborhoods looking at lights. None of the upside-down bonkers world we've been living in mattered at that moment. None of the big milestones we track for our kids mattered either. Nothing mattered except for our shared love of Christmas magic, always right within our hearts. 

The GOTG Top 10 2020 Days of Coronavirus Posts

This is the part where we reflect on a year like no other. The part where we're trying to stay safe and healthy. The part where we miss our family and friends. The part where, whomever we're with this holiday season, we hold onto them with all our might. 

The part where we're grateful no matter what's transpired and no matter what's ahead. 

I asked my lovely wife Amy to pick her favorite 2020 "Days of Coronavirus" Get Off The Ground posts. If you've read any of my pieces, and I thank you if you have, then I hope one of the takeaways for you is how we work hard to see everyone and everything through eyes of love.

Especially under the weight of this year, we hope you continue to effect positive change with each other through empathy and eyes of love. 

Because that's the part where we find common ground, where we heal some of our hurts, and where maybe we find a little peace on earth.

Blessings to you all this holiday season.

Here are the top 10 2020 "Days of Coronavirus" posts as chosen by my lovely wife:

10. Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To 

The part where we adopt a dog.

9. When There's Nowhere to Go

The part where we need to take care of each other. 

8. The Newest Normal

The part where we need to check in and support each other.

7. About All The Things

The part where it's okay to grieve.

6. This Bad History

The part where we live good and bad history every day.

5. The Haunted Garden

The part where you want a little normalcy in an abnormal world. 

4. The Teacher Parade

The part where you're grateful for your teachers. 

3. Our Learning Quests

The part where we keep our synapses firing and brains rewiring.

2. A Grateful Tree

The part where you write a poem every once and awhile. 

1. Choose Eyes of Love

The part where, well, you get it. 

Our Learning Quests

Like so many other families this year, my wife Amy and I worked from home, our daughters Beatrice and Bryce schooled from home, and our entire family lived everything from home for nearly 10 months of 2020. And as COVID-19 raged around us, and polarized people raged at each other, we did things that we loved. 

We not only became closer as a family, of which we're grateful, we expanded our personal interests and developed new habits that fueled our learning and creativity. 

For Amy, it's putting puzzles together. The love of puzzles isn't new to her, and she rekindled it pre-pandemic. But once shelter-in-place orders started, she began to buy puzzles at Goodwill. At the end of each day of working and schooling from home, she pulls out the latest puzzle she'd started, spread out over a big piece of cardboard, and get to identifying the myriad of interlocking pieces. When she's nearly done with a puzzle, she lets the girls place the last few pieces. Then she puts them all back in the box and gives them back to Goodwill for someone else to buy. 

For the girls, it's doing art, specifically drawing with colored pens and pencils. This isn't new to them either, but there's been of surge of creativity between the two of them. Each girls has a unique artistic eye within their developing talents. Bryce loves Japanese anime and a games called Gacha Life, Adopt Me and Among Us, which influences much of her art of late. Beatrice likes the same games, but not anime as much, and is also big graphic novel fan. Both girls like reading graphic novels actually, with Bryce enjoying text chapter books more than Bea. Both girls also draw what they like from looking at other images and from memory, and their interpretations are quite memorable. Like Bea's Rudolph from the stop-motion animated show from 1964 and her recent sunset interpretation. She's now working on a creepy graphic novel, a genre and style she loves.

As for me, well, it's been about the drums this year. I've been an air drummer since I was first introduced to rock and roll by mother, but I never took lessons, never owned a drum set, and never played in junior high or high school. In the early 1990's, before I met Amy, I remember going to a music store with my ex and buying a practice pad with a stand and some drumming lesson books. That lasted about a week and then they were shoved into a closet never to be seen from again. Before Bea was born, I started up again with another practice pad, a pair of drumsticks and foot pedals for footwork practice. I had some new printed lessons and a subscription to Modern Drummer magazine as well. That lasted a few months. Then about five years ago Amy bought me an electronic kit, and I taught myself drumming rudiments and took some online lessons, more than I had ever done before. But then the kit got moved around due to house changes and my busy work and travel schedule killed any momentum I had finally established.

2020 started off with the death of my favorite drummer, lyricist and writer, Neil Peart. Shortly after that, I carved out a new location in the garage, set up my drums again, and restarted the video lessons. Now the fire is more real than ever, and I practice nearly every night. Santa even stopped by early this year and left me an upgraded electronic kit, so I can't stop now. I won't stop now. 

The puzzle that Amy completed last Christmas, before the global pandemic changed our worlds forever, was called "The Quest For Knowledge." It's now framed and hangs in our house. How prescient and appropriate for our family this year, and how grateful we are to be able to do the things we love to do. The things that keep our synapses firing and brains rewiring -- the puzzles, the art and the drumming that drive all our learning quests. 

Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:

The Primary Pooper Scoopers

The Little Wooden Reindeer

A Well-Being Worth Practicing

A Grateful Tree

It's This Moment That Matters

The Bank of Mom and Dad

Something to Celebrate

The Haunted Garden

Mapping the Way

Mask Up First For Your Families

All Because of One Day on the Beach

Awash in Love and Hope

The Building Blocks of Healthy Lives

The Part Where All Lives Matter

The Clarity Bridge for Homelessness

Stars to Shine

Loving Community Wide Shots Abound

A Foundation Worth Saving

This Hit-And-Run Thunderstorm

Help Prevent the Back-to-School Bullying

Memories Now and to Come

Especially Our Kids

This Old "No" Guy Jedi

Choose Eyes of Love

The Morning Work

We Shared Blue Genes

Agree to Disintegration

The Teacher Parade

All These Things Can Lead To Grace

Our Freedom Is Always Welcome

A Well of Strength

This Bad History

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem

The Iceberg Underneath

The Healing Hope We Can Give

Donate Your Date Nights and Help Feed Families

About All The Things

Dad, Our Family's Computer Guy

The Newest Normal

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

This Is The Life

When There's Nowhere to Go

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To 

The Primary Pooper Scoopers

 

She had left the spray cleaner and the dirty wet paper towel in the sink. 

"Beatrice!" I called out.

"What?" 

"Please come put away the cleaner and throw the paper towel away."

"Why?"

"Because the job isn't done until everything's put away."

"Fine."

Reluctantly Beatrice trudged into the kitchen and did what I asked. Which I shouldn't have had to ask, since this is something we repeat over and over again. 

But then again, we have come a long way from little kid world, where like most parents, my wife Amy and I did all the things (yes, Amy does more of the things, but I do things, too!). This included cleaning around the house, putting their toys away, emptying the dishwasher, folding clothes, getting the mail, feeding the pets, walking the dog in the rain and picking up her poop, etc. 

Like that part in one of our favorite holiday movies The Family Man, when Jack Campbell and his wife Kate return from the Christmas party and their dog needs to go outside. Jack doesn't want to do it and Kate jokes that she'll wake up their toddler Josh to walk the dog out in the cold snow. Of course they don't do that, so Jack acquiesces and walks the dog, like he does every day and night, picking up the dog poop along the way.

For those who have seen the movie (we've watching it every year since it came out in 2000 when we saw it in the theater), you may remember this part when Jack, Kate and their kids are in the mall shopping and Jack wants to buy the expensive suit:

Jack: Do you have any idea what my life is like?

Kate : Excuse me?

Jack : I wake up in the morning covered in dog saliva. I drop the kids off, spend 8 hours selling tires retail. Retail, Kate. I pick the kids up, walk the dog, which by the way, carries the added bonus of carting away her monstrous crap. I play with the kids, take out the garbage, get 6 hours of sleep if I'm lucky and then everything starts all over again. So-so what's in it for me? Wh-where are my-my Mary Janes?

That's something Amy and I joke about all the time -- one of our many ongoing catch phrases -- Where are my Mary Janes?

Because really, what are we going to do? Make our little kiddos do all the housework? Don't get me wrong, we thought about it once they start to walk and make messes everywhere they walked. But, this isn't Little House on the Prairie, and we don't live way out in the country or have a farm or a dairy, so instead, we waited until we thought they were old enough to be more responsible around the house. About two years ago we started giving our girls an allowance based on completing chores around the house. When you first teach your kids to help around the house, it's more about the act of doing chores and learning the value of money for work, then it is getting the chores done like we the adults in the room want them to get done. 

They are just kids after all and there is a learning curve to getting housework right. When I was their age, my sister and I learned how to clean house from our mother. Although both my sister and I had our standard chores, Mom learned quickly that if she wanted the chores done more thoroughly, she'd ask me, although I took a long time to get them done. I was a daydreamer and dawdler, that's for sure. But when Mom wanted the chores done quickly, like when if we were going to have company coming over at a specific time, then the work went to my sister, who was super efficient (and I would argue just as thorough as well, even if there were a few shortcuts here and there). 

Our girls more or less complete their chores with the same speed and efficiency, except when they tell us they did one and it's obvious that they didn't do it (that'll be a future post). One of the things our youngest Bryce does is to vacuum downstairs. She does a pretty good job, although we have to remind her to vacuum every part of open carpet, and I still go over the traffic areas again myself. Our oldest Beatrice cleans all the sinks and the granite counters, although we have to remind her to not just smear the cleaner around on the counters, but to wipe and dry them off, too. 

And then to put the dang cleaner away and throw away the paper towel!

But they're working on it and we continue to incrementally add chores for them to do while ensuring completion of each one -- and until the job is done. Since we're home all the time due to the ongoing pandemic, there's never been a better time to add more chores. The girls even negotiate with us now, especially when they want to earn more money for stuff they want, like when Beatrice bought her iPad from the bank of Mom and Dad. 

This also includes walking our dog, Jenny, even walking her in the rain like the girls just did with me, although Mom and Dad are still the primary pooper scoopers. 

"So, where are our Mary Janes," I said to Amy when we returned, again referencing The Family Man.

She laughed. "Exactly, but really, where are my Mary Janes, Dad! I've been cleaning this house since 6:30 am! C'mon!"

"We love you, Mom!"

Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:

The Little Wooden Reindeer

A Well-Being Worth Practicing

A Grateful Tree

It's This Moment That Matters

The Bank of Mom and Dad

Something to Celebrate

The Haunted Garden

Mapping the Way

Mask Up First For Your Families

All Because of One Day on the Beach

Awash in Love and Hope

The Building Blocks of Healthy Lives

The Part Where All Lives Matter

The Clarity Bridge for Homelessness

Stars to Shine

Loving Community Wide Shots Abound

A Foundation Worth Saving

This Hit-And-Run Thunderstorm

Help Prevent the Back-to-School Bullying

Memories Now and to Come

Especially Our Kids

This Old "No" Guy Jedi

Choose Eyes of Love

The Morning Work

We Shared Blue Genes

Agree to Disintegration

The Teacher Parade

All These Things Can Lead To Grace

Our Freedom Is Always Welcome

A Well of Strength

This Bad History

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem

The Iceberg Underneath

The Healing Hope We Can Give

Donate Your Date Nights and Help Feed Families

About All The Things

Dad, Our Family's Computer Guy

The Newest Normal

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

This Is The Life

When There's Nowhere to Go

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To 

The Little Wooden Reindeer

 "Well I'm not the kind to live in the past
The years run too short and the days too fast
The things you lean on are the things that don't last
Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these
Time passages..."

–Al Stewart, Time Passages

After we went downtown, the song crept out from the shadows. I couldn't help but sing some of it while our family played Apples to Apples. Then I listened to it while fixing dinner. It's one of many older songs from my childhood that always takes me back decades. 

Or, just one year ago to 2019. One year pre-pandemic, when we were downtown with much of our community celebrating the season with our annual holiday parade. Our oldest Beatrice played flute in the school band, marching down Pacific Avenue, our Main Street, playing Jingle Bells, over and over again. 

I walked along with the band with other parents, and my wife Amy and our youngest Bryce waved to us from the side of the street towards the end of the parade route. There was finally a break in the rain, and all us parents who traveled along with the band took tons of pictures and videos. The community clapped and waved, we clapped and waved, some danced in the street like Bryce and even the chief of police, and for a couple of hours the local social spectrum shone like a rainy day rainbow -- with Santa riding in at the end on a city fire truck.

We were all so looking forward to 2020. It was going to be a year like no other.

Well, it was and has been, that's for sure. But not even close to what our expectations were -- coronavirus, economic downturn, millions out of work, social and racial injustice and inequity, political upheaval, fires, missing family and friends, and much, much, more. A year later and there's no downtown holiday parade, no school marching bands, and the Bay Area is again on the cusp of locking down further due to surges of COVID-19. It's been tough on local businesses everywhere and our in our own local community many businesses have closed forever. 

The shop local campaign has never been more important, and we've tried to do our part, ordering goods locally whenever possible. The Downtown Association of Santa Cruz has worked with local downtown merchants to make it easier to buy online and in store. That doesn't mean we haven't defaulted to ordering stuff online from Amazon, because we have, but we do try to strike a better balance when and where we can.

This year the Downtown Association of Santa Cruz launched a Reindeer Round-Up hunt (which runs through December 23), where kids (and adults) visit participating businesses displaying a small wooden reindeer, and then when enough reindeers are spotted, fun prizes are given away. Our girls loved it. We got some treats to eat, did some window shopping and then bought some downtown dollars for gifts to give away that can be used later at participating businesses.

Amy went to get the car and I walked the girls to the downtown information kiosk to turn in their reindeer forms. The woman working the kiosk wore a sweet candy cane elf hat and was thrilled that the girls did the reindeer round-up.

"You know, there's one more in here that you girls could find and add to your list," she said.

The three of us circled the kiosk but couldn't find it.

The kiosk employee exited and said, "I'll let you know when you get warmer. Try again."

We circled again.

"Ah -- you're getting warmer!" she said.

Then I looked up, and there on a little white shelf was the little wooden reindeer. And then the girls saw it, too. 

They both pointed and said, "There it is!"

The kiosk employee literally jumped in the air, her candy cane elf hat bouncing on her head. 

"Yeah! Great job!" she said.

The girls got to pick out a little gift, and they chose a small stuffed elephant and zebra. We got in the car and they told Mom all about it as we headed home. On the way home we drove along the ocean and as I looked out across water, I thought about how much we all looked forward to 2021, on how it could be a year like no other, how maybe we might be able to put this pandemic behind us, and much, much, more. 

We should all look up more often. 

"Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these time passages..."

Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:

A Well-Being Worth Practicing

A Grateful Tree

It's This Moment That Matters

The Bank of Mom and Dad

Something to Celebrate

The Haunted Garden

Mapping the Way

Mask Up First For Your Families

All Because of One Day on the Beach

Awash in Love and Hope

The Building Blocks of Healthy Lives

The Part Where All Lives Matter

The Clarity Bridge for Homelessness

Stars to Shine

Loving Community Wide Shots Abound

A Foundation Worth Saving

This Hit-And-Run Thunderstorm

Help Prevent the Back-to-School Bullying

Memories Now and to Come

Especially Our Kids

This Old "No" Guy Jedi

Choose Eyes of Love

The Morning Work

We Shared Blue Genes

Agree to Disintegration

The Teacher Parade

All These Things Can Lead To Grace

Our Freedom Is Always Welcome

A Well of Strength

This Bad History

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem

The Iceberg Underneath

The Healing Hope We Can Give

Donate Your Date Nights and Help Feed Families

About All The Things

Dad, Our Family's Computer Guy

The Newest Normal

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

This Is The Life

When There's Nowhere to Go

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To 

Be a Rainbow Lullaby

"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby..."

–The Wizard of Oz

She overheard them tell the butcher they didn't get paid until after Christmas, so no, he couldn't help them. They were just checking out the assortment of seafood in the case. That's when she bought $20 worth of crab meat for Christmas dinner.

She, being my wife, Amy. She told me this when she got home, not because she/we felt bad about buying the crab meat, but because the two men who were at counter weren't able to buy anything. She didn't know their story, whether they had families or not, only what she overheard them say briefly in that moment.

The poverty rate grew in 30% of counties between 2016 and 2018, according to a Stateline analysis of U.S. Census Bureau county estimates released this month. The poverty rate is the percentage of people in households earning less than the poverty threshold, currently $25,750 for a family of four.

Close to 13 million children residing in the United States live in families with incomes below the federal poverty line, a threshold shown to underestimate the financial needs of American households. In the United States, although child poverty has dropped by half over the past 50 years, the current level remains a serious problem.

And a staggering 2.5 million children are now homeless each year in America. This historic high represents one in every 30 children in the United States.

Amy and I both grew up poor, probably falling below and just above the poverty line at certain points throughout some of our childhoods, and I grew up with domestic violence and sexual abuse. Years later, before I met Amy, I was married without children, but severely in debt, eventually leading to bankruptcy and divorce. And then years after Amy and I were married, when Beatrice was only two and Bryce had just been born, things were really tight financially and we nearly lost our house, this during the tail end of the great recession.

We're grateful for every opportunity we've had -- for family, friends and peers who have supported along the way -- and we were able to put two dollar bills together to make ends meet like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, one our favorite holiday movies. We're grateful for all the things we've afforded since, the places we've traveled to, the roof over our heads, the food on our table (including sometimes $20 worth of crab meat), and the community we live in (which had a poverty rate of just over 24% in 2017).

This holiday season (and throughout the year), if you can afford more than just getting by, then pay it forward somehow, some way. A little, a lot, somewhere in between -- whatever that amount is. It doesn't have to be money either; it could be time or donated goods. The past few years we've adopted a family experiencing domestic violence and buying them Christmas presents. This year Bryce's class also adopted a family in need and we bought a present for them.

A little, a lot or somewhere in between. Don't feel bad about what you have, but just know that little acts of giving gratitude and kindness can go a long way to help others experience the hopeful rainbow of dignity, stability, safety and a little happiness. However brief that may be for far too many today. Communities can only thrive when their members live inclusively together, helping and supporting each other -- not exclusively apart, regardless of the differences and misunderstandings that all too often drive us apart. We don't have to always like each other, because we don't, but we do have to see each other, to feel empathy for those who are less fortunate and to be grateful for when you are more so, because again, we are the others to each other, and many of us have been there.

However you celebrate this holiday season, be a rainbow lullaby for someone who needs it. Bless you all.