To Take Their Mother's Lead

One of the best things we've done for our kids, besides the positive discipline parenting, the Kidpower parenting, the empathic parenting, is to let them be and become.

Meaning, to let them become who they already were, are, and will be. 

Of course, we've had our own thoughts on what we've wanted them to become, but never at the expense of their own decision making. Their own mistakes. Their own regrets. They own successes. 

A teen's prefrontal cortex is still in its infancy, and it has until later in the 20's to fully develop. This means that teens often rely on the amygdala, which is the emotional center, and that leads to heightened emotions, risk-taking, and impulsive behavior.

But that doesn't mean they can't learn the coping mechanisms they'll need to deal with the adulting stressors of life that have only just begun. Because it begins in childhood today, no matter how loving and supportive you are as parents.

Kids can be more resilient than most parents think they can. We struggled and stressed about our own kids' struggles and stresses about their own social anxieties and mental health. At some point, both have had their own breakthroughs; they've adapted, overcome, and are thriving. These are great personal leadership skills to develop and practice whatever those "anxieties" are. That includes us the parents getting them whatever supports and resources they may need at the time they need. 

Kids can also know more about who they are and how they identify than most parents want to believe. That makes it hard for adults who have specific beliefs and ideologies about who their children are and who they should be. Sexual orientation and gender identity, for example. Our youngest was clear when they told us they were queer and identified as they/them. We've been nothing but supportive parents, and staunch allies, ever since. They were even nominated for a youth leadership award this year for the march they organized last year. 

Before we wanted to have children, it was my wife Amy who opened me up to endless possibilities with our lives. To always look at life through eyes of love without judgement or shame. To learn and adapt as best I could. That was hard at first, but I got there. 

When we changed our minds about children, then we were all in on being the best parents we could be. That they would learn to embrace and manifest endless possibilities that we believe in. That we would guide them and teach them as best we could. Again, they have to develop their own decision making. Make their own mistakes. Own their own successes. And hopefully learn to limit regrets. 

That's a constant work in progress, and no matter what, one of the best things we've done for our kids is to let them be and become. 

One of the best things I've done for myself and our kids is to take their mother's lead. For that, we are all grateful. 

Happy Mother's Day.

How We're Teaching It

"...The road unwinds towards me
What was there is gone
The road unwinds before me
And I go riding on..."

–Rush, Driven

It's our tone. Our inflection. The way we emphasize "no, don't do that" or "no, you can't stop now" or "what are you doing!?!".

And in the defense of our oldest Beatrice who's been driving with her permit now for a couple of months, with nearly 30 hours of driving total, she's not wrong. 

As parents, my wife Amy and I haven't forgotten how hard it is when you're learning to drive. Operating a 4,000+ pound machine at any miles per hour can still be rough sometimes for adults, like us who have driven one million miles (based on the current driving average of 60 minutes a day). We haven't had to commute to work for any significant distance for many years either. 

It's a lot to remember, all the rules of the road, while also trying to anticipate what all the other drivers around you may do. We don't have fully autonomous driving vehicles 100% on the road yet, which may in the future reduce accidents, but don't tell that to Waymo today if you'd seen the bizarre self-driving behavior in San Francisco and other cities.

Beatrice has been driving herself and sibling Bryce to and from school and other places, with Amy or me or both of us in the car with her. We grab her permit, slap on the "PLEASE BE PATIENCE -- STUDENT DRIVER" magnets on the car, and off we go. Unfortunately, Beatrice gets double the adult trouble when Mom and Dad engage in crosstalk driving tips. Which don't always align and adds to the inflection frustration. 

"Beatrice stop! You're really close to that parked truck."

"No, she's not, Amy. Plenty of room. Beatrice, keep going. You can't stop here."

We don't crosstalk every time thankfully (whether that's contradicting each other or literally sounding cross). But again, no matter how we say it, our tone can sometimes feel like we said, "Good God kid, what were you thinking stopping when turning right on a green light and no one else is around! Go now!" 

We really try to not to do that, but it's harder for me because I'm the gruffly direct Dad while Amy is usually the warm empathic Mom. And yet, Beatrice reminds us again and again to not crosstalk when we're together and to not be angry, judgy, or shaming with our words when we think we're helping her. 

We don't think we are, but I'm sure it might sound that way when we're stressed about driving with a student driver. We also have to remind ourselves she's a teen and is stressed learning to drive and more subject to feeling like we're disappointed when we point out something to her. If we speak up, it feels like to her we're freaking out, which freaks her out. 

And now Bryce is right behind and cannot wait to learn to drive. Sigh. 

We'll help Beatrice with her driving skills as much as we can (and eventually Bryce). The more hours she gets in pre and post driver's license the better (and hopefully safer) driver she'll be. The best way to know is to do; experience is the greatest driver of "doing" mastery. She's doing great.

For Mom and Dad, we'll keep reminding to not turn left into oncoming traffic even when the light is green, and many other important driving tips. We also need to keep reminding ourselves that it's not what we're teaching, it's how we're teaching it, whether together or one-on-one. Watch the crosstalk, kids. 

Another Mile Marker

 "...Wind

In my hair

Shifting and drifting

Mechanical music

Adrenaline surge..."

–Rush, Red Barchetta

When I turned 16, I couldn't wait to drive. The freedom of it. Driving to and from school. Cruising the main strip. Cranking up the rock and roll and speeding down a country road. I knew it was a much different mode of transportation than riding a bike or walking, always being a passenger up until then, but there was something transformative about driving myself and others around.

I didn't understand the full responsibility of driving until many years after I got my driver's license. That makes sense; most kids don't fully grasp the potential dangers of driving around a 4,000-pound machine moving at 60+ mph. Or even 10 mph. 

I couldn't wait. Back when I was in high school, driver's training was still offered as a class, complete with all the bloody accident videos explaining the dangers of driving under the influence. A scared-straight approach, which at the time, worked for me. At least until after high school. 

But not every kid is excited to drive when they turn 16. And that's okay. Our oldest Beatrice was like that, thinking about driving, but not ready to do it just yet. Instead, taking the city bus sometimes or riding my e-bike that I never ride. She went from no interest in driving to some interest to studying and studying for her driver's permit.

And then after one speed bump:

"Dad, I passed! I got my permit!"

That call I received on Beatrice's way home from the DMV with Mom. Since then, we've scheduled her driver's training, which is not offered through high school today, and we have to pay for. We've also been taking her driving so she can get her permit hours in so she can take her driver's license test this summer.

Each drive Beatrice gets a little more comfortable and confident, but it's still overwhelming when you're learning. As parents, we live our past coming of age over and over again, from childhood to teen-land, offering guidance and advice along the way based on our own lessons learned. Learning to drive is one of those we remember well. 

The morning my mom took me to get to take my driving test for my license, I had a butterfly convention rocking my stomach. In the blink of an eye, it was over, and I had passed. My mom proceeded to drive us back home again. I asked her why, since I thought she was going to drop me off at school, and she answered, "Because you're going to drive yourself to school today." That was something I'll never forget.

We're helping Beatrice learn to drive now that she has her permit, and soon her sibling Bryce will be ready to go (and who wants to drive yesterday). Driving with "fussy" Dad is more stressful than "calm" Mom, but we know that Beatrice appreciates all the help from both of us. We look forward to both Beatrice and Bryce driving themselves around, and us, but we don't look forward to our insurance rates increasing dramatically. 

Another mile marker in our lives is here, and there's no looking back, except when checking your mirrors, kids. Don't ever forget that part.

These Dry Kids Today

What could go wrong with having 14 teenagers over unsupervised for a few hours?

Actually, nothing. Everything went quite right. 

While my wife Amy and I were out celebrating my birthday and our anniversary with dear friends, our oldest Beatrice had thrown herself a belated Halloween birthday party with her good friends (some of whom were the kids of our friends). Bea planned it all, from the decor to the food to the activities. It was quite the production. Amy helped her out with the food before we went out, and I helped a little as well, including decorating for Halloween outside prior to the party because Beatrice loves Halloween. Our youngest Bryce loves their sister but wanted nothing to do with all the teens in our house, so instead spent the night at her best friend's house.

What's great is that Beatrice is taking a culinary class this semester in high school and is learning a lot about food, cooking, and presentation. From a cemetery spinach dip to mummy dogs to ghost pizza and strawberries to spider Oreos, she really had quite the spread for her friends. 

What was missing thankfully were the alcohol and drugs. That's not a joke either. Zero interest from our kids and their friends as far as we know. No vaping either. Nothing. However, when Amy and I were 16 and 17, we had many friends who drank, smoked, and did various drugs. We did as well, although I didn't try alcohol until I was 18 during my senior year. And shortly after high school I started smoking cigarettes. I smoked a pack a day for much of that time until I quit on September 22, 2002. 

But the drinking was common during our teenage years and early adulthood. My sister and I threw many parties at house when our parents were away (which they always knew). We were literally like all the 1980's teen coming of age movies personified. Amy had similar party times as a teenager, too. I was also in a fraternity in college and there was always lots of drinking going on.

Decades later during the pandemic, many parents we knew who drank moderately prior to covid upped their ante on drinking. We were no exceptions. But then Amy stopped drinking just over three years ago, and I drink less frequently overall, even periodically debating about stopping drinking all together myself.

According to a new survey released by Gallup in the summer, only 54 percent of Americans now say they drink alcohol. That’s the lowest share since Gallup began tracking the question way back in 1939, six years after Prohibition was repealed.

Wow. That's down quite a bit, but humans have been drinking alcoholic drinks in some capacity for thousands of years, brewing beer, fermenting wine, and creating other distilled concoctions. The more recent conventional wisdom that moderate drinking is okay and can be good for you, like red wine, just isn't correct. It turns out that the World Health Organization reported "no level of alcohol consumption is safe for our health". Then there are the devastating effects of addiction and alcoholism on the addict directly and their family and friends. 

The good news is that, besides the dip in overall alcohol consumption, it's even more dramatic for teens, with some recent data suggesting that alcohol, tobacco, and other drug usage has been declining significantly since the late 1990s.

That's why it's funny when our kids joke with us and say things like "I'm going to host two parties while you're gone", which Beatrice really said but no other teen ever said (unless it was a Tupperware party). Or, "We're going to find our stoner friends and tell them we'd like to buy one drug, please", which was funny coming from sardonic Bryce when I asked what they were going to do with their best friend when they spent the night. But no, no stoner friends, and no drugs or alcohol. And we check in regularly with them, too. 

Beatrice's Halloween "adulting" birthday bash was a big hit without the bad stuff. Maybe in the future they'll try something, but today they don't. These dry kids today with their culinary skills and safer and stronger social bonds. Mercy me, maybe we should be modeling them instead. 

Fully Embraced Adulting

"I'm going to host two parties while you're gone," said Beatrice.

It was funny, because it wasn't true. And we were comforted by that. Comforted because we'd come to the crossroads of whether it was time we could leave our teens at home alone for a night or two while Mom and Dad took a trip without them. 

Every time now when we leave them home alone I joke with them and say, "No parties." 

Both Beatrice and Bryce would laugh and say they would. But we knew they wouldn't. Unlike us when we were that age. Don't get me started. We definitely had parties. Threw a rager or two as the kids used to say. Our kids just aren't interested in that kind of social scene. I feel like fewer kids are. In fact, fewer are according to research. And fewer are sexually active as teens, too -- there's been a 54% drop since 1991. 

Goodness, were we just bored with too much alone time on our hands without adults around when my wife Amy and I were teens? Yep, we were. I mean, compared to us, we're glad our kids are good kids, without any unhealthy experimentation that we know of, and we do talk with our kids freely about most coming-of-age topics. Well, Mom does more than me because, although I do get in on the conversations when I'm not the grumpy "no" Dad. 

Since the pandemic, mental and physical health has been a big family priority for us all. Amy stopped drinking alcohol two and a half years ago, and although I still drink at most a few nights a week, it's a lot less than we did during COVID (I think many parents with school-age kids back then did as well -- call it the coping libations). 

Amy and I exercise regularly and encourage our kids to do the same. Both Beatrice and Bryce also self-regulate their device usage, especially Beatrice. They also have their friends they hang out sometimes, friends who also don't engage in risky behavior that we're aware of (like ours did back in the day).

That's why we're comfortable leaving them at home for a night or two now. They have our local friends to call in case of an emergency. And Beatrice, being the oldest, has fully embraced adulting, making sure her sibling Bryce is taken care of, our pets are taken care of, and the house is taken care of, all while taking care of herself, and now working all day five days a week at her summer camp job (this last trip we took was during two days that Bea had to work). Bryce helps and does their part as well, but Beatrice is still the responsible elder in charge while we're away.

Which is why when Beatrice said to us, "I'm going to host two parties while you're gone," we knew she was teasing us. Also, no teen who was really going to party it up ever says "I'm going to host two parties". Like ever. Unless it's a Tupperware party, and I don't think that's a thing anymore anyway. 

The Meddling Mentors

It's an awe-inspiring thing, watching your children grow up. And not just for the bigger milestones of age and physical growth and going from elementary school to middle school to high school. It's also for the subtle, incremental maturity moments of their emotional and psychological growth. 

Being a teenager in any generation isn't easy. It's full of hormonal changes, front cortex development, indecision, anxiety, anger, depression, streaming opinions, self-awareness, emotional swings and sass, introversion and extroversion, and yes, radiating moments of pure joy. Like the Inside Out movies on steroids. 

All these changes and experiences are coming at them constantly and they're woven together like a patchwork quilt they wrap around themselves and wear with pride. With disdain. With uncertainty. 

Our youngest Bryce wore their quilt with disdain. They had felt disconnected from people, including us, and extremely introverted and anxious. But we never stopped caring for Bryce, loving them, ensuring we invested in whatever support they needed, encouraging them to develop their passion through music -- singing in the school choir and learning to play guitar.

Bryce never wanted to sing a solo. Like ever. Their choir teacher encouraged them the past two years, but it was always a no-go. Bryce never wanted to even sing in front of us or play their guitar for us (except for when one of us takes them to their guitar lessons).

But then something changed. Bryce's patchwork quilt brightened in the sunlight over the past year with their belief that they could do it (and more). And not just their belief either -- the actual doing of the things with a celebratory heart. Every year Bryce's choir runs a talent show where the kids are encouraged to sing their favorite songs with solos, duets, quartets, or other combos.

Bryce just didn't take on one solo -- they took on four solos total -- radiating with moments of pure joy. 

Our oldest Beatrice had also worn her quilt with cocooned anxiety. Always second-guessing her decisions and her learning ability, she's struggled with feeling confident in her activities and experiences, especially about her classes. It always taken her a little longer than her peers to process what she's learning.

But she's learned to adapt and how to approach learning that works for her and has thrived in school. It's not without a lot of ongoing work, and we've never stopped helping her whenever we can, getting the support she needs when she's needed it. 

Now, she's taking honors classes and will take some AP classes, planning for college and career, stretching herself constantly to learn, adapt, and thrive. She's in theater -- acting, singing, and dancing. She's joining choir next year (and her sister will be in high school choir, too). 

Those incremental, maturity moments of our teens emotional and psychological growth aren't without setbacks and a need to reset; that's just how it works growing up (and growing old). But the key for any of us is how we respond to these setbacks, and what then we do in the shadows of uncertainty and despair. For us as parents to watch them both learn, adapt, and thrive more and more on their own has again been awe-inspiring.

In fact, for me, they've become the meddling mentors, hungry to understand what's made us tick since we were their age, what makes us tick today, and what makes them tick today (and what's coming tomorrow). They're not afraid of asking the hard questions, not afraid of pressing for answers, not afraid of who they are and who they're becoming, while constantly reminding us of why we became parents in the first place. Of why we are who we are today. Of why we want a better world for them and all of us, and the fact they want the same.

Believe To Become

Beatrice started the old stop-motion animated The Little Drummer Boy. 

"I've never watched this one," she said. "Did you used to watch this one?"

"It was one of my favorites growing up," I said. 

"Is that your origin story, Dad?" Bryce asked sarcastically, knowing how much I love playing the drums now.

"Yes, yes it is, Bryce," I answered emphatically with a big smile.

"Did you play your drums for the baby Jesus?" Bryce added.

"I wish I did."

"Did you cry when you watched The Little Drummer Boy?"

"Every year."

"Awe, that's sweet," Beatrice said. They both know Dad's always a hopeful crier.

Those were simpler times when my sister and I were kids. Every holiday getting together with the extended family, eating way too much food, singing Christmas carols, and celebrating the birth of Jesus. Plus, getting to watch all our favorites stop-motion and other animated classics, and of course, opening all the gifts. 

Sigh. I can hear the Peanuts gang singing "Christmas Time Is Here." 

"Christmastime is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of year..."

It wasn't all happy and carefree, though. The pleasant memories were bound to painful ones. Growing up with domestic violence and abuse sent my sister and I hurtling away from the innocence of childhood toward the concrete ceiling of adulthood at the speed of sound. The eventual sonic booms were deafening at times. 

And because my ears still sometimes pop from the pressurized past, my wife Amy and I were always all in for delivering supportive and loving parenting underscored with positive discipline. We don't always get it all right, but we do work hard to right the wrongs of our own pasts. 

Now our kids aren't kids any longer. Still years away, adulthood is coming faster for them. There are more questions about our specific rites of passages, the choices we made, and navigating friendships. There are questions about financial literacy, which we started having with them a few years ago. Beatrice has already had her first paying job and Bryce wishes they had one (besides the allowance they get for doing weekly household chores).

Their schoolwork gets harder every year and they have to focus more and more on time management and project management, which stresses both of them out. They realize how competitively ugly the world can be and how they'll have to navigate that throughout high school, college, and whatever they end up being and doing in their lives.

Yes, our kids have grown older and the simpler times have waned like a beautiful but brief winter sunset. Through this transitional time, the one thing we can't do for them, and really don't want to do, is to live their lives for them as they barrel toward adulthood. They have to go through it, with our guidance, of course. 

Now we hear them say, "I just don't have the time I need to get everything done -- and still be able to chill out!"

Which isn't true, but it's what it feels like sometimes. We can go from being on top of the world, to being flattened by it, especially when we hit that adulthood ceiling full force. But if there's one thing my origin story has taught me is that this ceiling can and does open like a magical observatory revealing a starlit universe of endless potential. 

Hard to see when you're scraping yourself off the ceiling, but all you need to do is believe to become, and then get to work. 

Blessings to you all however you celebrate this holiday season. Merry Christmas. 

Celebrate the Best of Us

Am I forever unredeemable?
Can I ever overcome all the wrongs I'm running from?
Can my worst be left behind
And do I deserve to find
There's a soul who could see any good in me?
Or will I only ever be
Unredeemable?

–Unredeemable, from Spirited

Spirited is one of my favorite Christmas movies today. Only two years old, it stars Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds and is an over-the-top A Christmas Carol twist of a musical comedy. I love it. Our kids like it. My wife Amy does not. At least, not all the singing and dancing parts. Actually, none of the singing and dancing parts. 

She's not a musical fan, but she kind of likes the story. That one along with many other holiday movies we watch this time of year: predictable campy comedies and melodramatic classics and heartfelt uplifters. For us anyway. The Holiday, Elf, Christmas Vacation, Just Friends, Four Christmases, Noelle, When Harry Met Sally, The Family Man (still my favorite), and It's a Wonderful Life (always a favorite). There are others as well, but these are the mainstays. And yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

However, A Christmas Carol isn't one of my favorites, whether the Charles Dickens' novel or any of the movie adaptations over the years. I get the story. I like the story. Just not a favorite.

But the theme of it -- that even the worst human is redeemable and can be inspired to find the good inside others and inspire others to do the same -- has always resonated with me. 

Too bad the worst humans today get the most media visibility and inspire too many others to do their worst as well, including our children and grandchildren. Our own children ask us all the time now why so many people celebrate and support those who embrace the worst qualities of humanity. That's always a super-tough one to answer, and it gets harder to answer as our kids get older. 

Because we're all a little unredeemable, aren't we? That's what makes us human (and why we watch all those campy holiday movies each year). No matter what religious or spiritual belief system and/or societal norms we choose to live by, or try to live by, or pretend to live by, most of us have made poor choices and done bad things we're not proud of. 

Some of those have seen the light of day and hopefully we've repented, while others are secrets buried deep inside the dark wells of our hearts. Mercy me, that seems to be the plot of nearly every contemporary dark novel and movie adaptation in recent memory. 

Our kids want to know about our poor choices and bad things we're not proud of; they want to understand who we were, those choices we've made in our lives, and why we became who we are today as they're becoming who they are tomorrow. Of course, we don't tell them everything, but we do want them to understand the why of our choices and what those repercussions were, and what they could be today or tomorrow if they made them.

When they ask, we also talk openly about the worst of humanity with our kids now that they're older, while emphasizing the best of humanity when they don't. We know we shouldn't be defined by the worst things we've done, as long as we've worked hard to be good people and do good things for ourselves and others. 

Are we ever unconditionally selfless, empathetic, and loving with others throughout our lifetimes, no matter what they've done? For most of us, no. It's more complicated and nuanced for most humans, and the worst-of-us recidivism is unfortunately up these days. But instead of wallowing in all that, something I struggled with in my youth, I only need to look at my wife and children to know that we work hard to celebrate the best of us. It's not a Dickens' novel, or a spirited modern day musical (of which Amy is thankful), but it is a story of redemption I continue to write with gratitude. 

Wiring the Right Way

I remember jumping off our roof into the swimming pool when my sister and I were in high school. Super fun and super dangerous, our dad would get so mad at us when he caught us.

According to psychologist David Yeager, something that looks like risky and crazy to us, may be a new way to solve a problem. Well, maybe not jumping off the house roof into the pool, but other things could apply, based on a podcast my wife Amy listened to: Dr. Maya Shankar -- A Slight Change of Plans: What We Get Wrong About The Teen Brain.

This was something Amy talked to me about on our mountain hike this morning. Yes, the teen brain doesn't finish developing and maturing until the mid-to-late 20's. The prefrontal cortex is one of the last parts to mature and it's the area that's responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions. Something many adults struggle to believe at times that teens can do. That teens are "all gas, no brakes". Which is true, again at times, but again, they are capable of planning ahead. 

From the podcast above, the psychologist used the example of planning to sneak out of the house. Now, as we discussed this fact on our hike, we were not advocating it, but my Amy did sneak out when she was a teen. I, however, did not. Really, I didn't. My sister did, including taking my El Camino for a joy ride, but I never snuck out. Nope, I did not. Don't look at me like that. 

Here's a much less risky brain-powered example: How many competitive Olympic heroes are teens who train and develop their bodies and brains for the future? Quite a few actually. Of the 2024 Paris Olympic Great Britain and Northern Ireland team, 14 were teenagers out of 327. There were many others from around the world. 

Our teens are teens, yes, and they've had mental trials already, but they do continue to amaze us with their creative brain power (without sneaking out or jumping off the roof). Our oldest Beatrice constantly develops her artistic abilities and fine motor skills, and one of her recent projects was a meticulous model of a cute alleyway with a coffee shop and a bookshop. I helped with the wiring but she did all the rest. Bryce has also been back at the guitar working their brain overtime to learn some sweet tunes. 

Bryce also surprised us at the joint middle school and high school holiday choir performance when they joined 4 other classmates in singing and performing Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal, which they practiced secretly for weeks. Their version was fantastic and tears definitely came streaming down this dad's face. Plus, there's the fact that both our teens can and do talk thoughtfully about current social issues, ethics, and how they are empathic allies for marginalized groups. 

Sure, they may forget to take out the trash when we ask, or close the freezer all the way after I reminder them, or feed the pets when they're supposed to, but their brains are wiring the right way, and for that we're grateful. 

Listening with Empathy and Love

40 years ago I was a mental mess. I had finished high school and graduated, but had trashed my stellar GPA the last semester. I remember barely keeping it together as I pushed my best friend into the stadium for our graduation ceremony. He had broken his neck our senior year; I had broken my spirit. It was still a special moment, but a painfully bittersweet one.

Thankfully I was only just beginning to talk about how I felt, even if I didn't fully understand what was going on with my mental health. I was over a decade away from the grateful and mindful path I'm still on today, but at least it was a start. Childhood trauma combine continuous self-imposed pressure to succeed in school led to crippling social anxiety and panic attacks for me my last year and a half of high school. Once I could finally talk about it with friends, my family, a caring high school counselor -- it helped, but the damage at the time had been done. Suicidal thoughts crept their way in at times, but I knew in my heart life would be different someday. 

And it is. Us Gen X kids may have been tougher and survivors growing up (at least it makes a great social media meme), but some of us had our share of mental and emotional train wrecks along the way. Now, with Gen Z teens, my wife Amy and I have been riding the parental roller coaster, again, of teen anxiety. Anyone with teens today knows what I'm taking about. 

Depression, anxiety and behavioural disorders are among the leading causes of illness and disability among adolescents. Ugh.

Teen anxiety may be a common crappy rite of passage, but one difference for our kids than for me at that age was earlier self-awareness, more accessible empathy (from within and from others), and the ability to articulate how they feel. Listening to your kids without judgement, and/or without trying to always solve their problems or telling them to toughen up and deal with whatever it is they're dealing with, is super critical. Encouraging hobbies, sports, theater, music, and physical activities can help, too. 

Sure, I grew up riding in the back of pickup trucks with nothing strapping me in (literally and figuratively). I also literally fell out of the back of one of those trucks when I was 16. Good times. 

Our kids will go through what they go through, have their own bittersweet journeys just like we did. But there should never be any stigma in listening with empathy and love and giving them the resources and support they need to learn how to adapt and thrive in life. And parents need a lot of that empathy and love, too. 

Let Them See Us Love

She took a bite of the limp waffle fry and threw the remaining piece back into the bowl. It was so natural, as if that's what you do when you don't like something you've eaten, you toss it back to the table. That and spitting out the piece you bit off, which thankfully she didn't do. 

"Did you just throw it back in the bowl?" I asked my wife Amy.

Amy thought about it for a few seconds and then started to laugh. I laughed as well. Soon we were both laughing hard, the kind of laughing that brings tears and makes you pee a little. 

"It wasn't crispy enough," Amy managed to say between her crying laughter. 

"Oh my goodness," I said, laughing just as hard. "You just threw it back in the bowl."

Our laughter continues for a few minutes, with our two teens Beatrice and Bryce seemingly oblivious to our funny experience. Seemingly being the operative word, because we know they pay attention to more than they let on. Because they're always analyzing every single thing we do and calling out our mistakes. All. The. Time. 

I rarely take it personally anymore, though. Even when I hear, "Dad, you always do [this] all the time." This being a variety of Dad and guy behavior that I'm judged on daily. Even Mom isn't immune from the call-outs. This is normal development for teens and the beginning of them finding themselves and their own voices.

And now that they're finding themselves they're asking us all sorts of questions about our past -- before we met, when we met, after we met and before they were born. We answer most of them, but not all of them, especially the ones about when we were teens. Our teens are good kids. Amy and I, weren't so much. 

Since we've had our kids, they've watched us and absorbed much of what we do and say. Yes, they've seen us laugh until we cry and nearly pee our pants, like with the recent waffle fry incident. They've also seen us kiss and hug too long for their own good and cry, "Ewwww, get a room!" (Yes, they do know what that means now. Ugh.)

But they've also seen us upset. They've seen us cry. They've seen us mad at them and at each other. They've seen us fight. They've seen many of our high and low moments over the years. A lot of modeling moments, most of which were always grounded in love.

In fact, over 14,207,040 minutes have passed since Amy and I first met one day at the beach. Every minute with Amy and now our children adds to my heart’s coral reef.

And if I've learned anything during those millions of minutes, I've learned to let them see us love. 

I'm the Luckiest

I flung my paper airplane over the balcony and watched as it made a two-foot circle and landed near my feet. The people in the seats near me laughed and clapped their hands. Someone said, "Go on, try again -- you can get the trajectory right." 

I smiled, shook my head, and returned to my seat next to my wife Amy. I asked her if she saw my epic fail, and she laughed and nodded. To be fair to me, I knew my paper airplane didn't have a chance to make to make it to the stage. Not because it was too far away; there were others throwing from the balcony who made it. I just forgot how to make my paper airplane more streamlined. Mine was riddled with mis-folds and a mistrust from the beginning that it wouldn't fly very far. And it didn't.

It was a fun date night for Amy and I, though. We went to see the Ben Folds, a singer-songwriter, amazing pianist, and alt-rock legend from the 1990's. He's one of my favorites and we were not disappointed. It was just him and a piano, no band. This was his Paper Airplane Request Tour, meaning, during the second half of the show, you could write requests on a piece of paper, fold it into a paper airplane, and try to get it to fly onto the stage. He would then pick them up randomly and decide to play the request or not. 

But through all the great music, something bothered me. Something that had happened earlier in the week. There was a teenage boy who attended our daughter Beatrice's high school who had committed suicide. He was a junior and a football player, but other than that, we didn't know him or his family. It was still so sad. We talked about it at dinner with both our kids, of course reminding them that they could always talk with us about anything. 

The next day at school Beatrice told us that the boy's suicide impacted many of the students and the teachers alike. She said it was a somber day and was glad to be home for the weekend. I told both Beatrice and her sister Bryce that I had a good friend take his own life the year after I finished high school. It was the first funeral I had ever attended and I was one of the pallbearers, too. That part I didn't tell them, only because it was sad enough discussing suicide with our teens. 

One in five high school students seriously considered attempting suicide in 2023, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). We feel like we have open and solid relationships with our teens, but it's something we think about when our kids struggle with anxiety and stress. Something I didn't tell my kids yet is that I was that junior high school student once who was dealing with a lot of anxiety and overwhelming existential darkness that I didn't understand at the time. Suicide was an alternative that crossed my mind.

Luckily, I didn't end my life, even though luck didn't have much to do with it. Deep down I knew I wanted to live, but it would take a lot more anxiety, flailing introspection, poor choices, help from others, and over a decade later to get it all together. By my early 30's the trajectory of my life had already changed dramatically, and after I met Amy, I continued to heal mentally and spiritually. There were still up and downs, but finally more ups than downs. Ups I manifested and were grateful for.

Which brings me back to seeing Ben Folds with Amy. One of the songs he played is called "Still Fighting It" and it's about having children and all the things you go through again with them that you experienced growing up. That one always makes me tear up about our own children now, and my heart ached again for the family whose high school son committed suicide last week. Blessings to him and to them. 

The song I wrote down on the paper that I turned into an ill-fated paper airplane was "The Luckiest" -- one of my favorite songs from Ben Folds and one that reminds me of my relationship with Amy. My paper airplane didn't make it to the stage, but luckily that was the next song he played. I was grateful to be there in that moment with my wife, just as I'm grateful to be present in every moment possible with our children, going through all the things with them that we went through when we were their age. 

I'm not sure I've ever believed in luck, but I do know that I'm the luckiest. 

"...And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know..."

That Safe Space

They were not looking forward to it, their first day back to school. That's not unusual for any teen pre- or post-covid, although there's been more collective angst since. Social anxiety, peer pressure, success stress, homework, and more are all pile-ons for teens, and our youngest Bryce is now an 8th grader and our oldest Beatrice a sophomore in high school. 

It was an internal emotional hurricane for both our kids those first two days of school, but then came the eye of the storm in the first full week of school, and both settled in nicely. Ultimately they both do enjoy learning, and seeing their friends, and getting back into the atmospheric rivers of adolescent rhythms, always with storm-fronts in view. They got themselves organized, though, and are ready to go. Plus, we're super happy they're back in school!

Bryce attended a marine science camp and took guitar lessons over the summer and is ready to get back into choir and theater again. Beatrice had her first paid job as a camp counselor over the summer and volunteered as what's called Link Leader, sophomore, junior, and senior students willing to help incoming freshmen get acclimated to the big high school sea change prior to day one. She's also going to try out theater this fall for the high school production. 

Oh my goodness, they're both about to have birthdays, too! Bryce will turn 14 and Beatrice 16. Mercy me, the time does fly as we were told from the very beginning of this parenting journey. I told my wife Amy on our hike today that, while it does go fast, we are so grateful to have been mindfully present for most of the moments our children have spent on this earth since birth. Entrenched in our hearts and minds have been the moments of every physical action and reaction, and every multi-faceted emotional interaction. Some have more loving clarity than others, and there are those we would prefer not to recall, but we are grateful for them all.

Sigh. Lots more moments to come to be present for, and now they're back to school again, amen. And the homework, especially in high school, is already piling on, just like all the social anxiety, peer pressure, success stress, and more in teenage-land today. As parents, we do our best to help them balance all these stressors, but we can't do it for them, or go through it for them, no matter how much our empathy magnets polarize to pull them in to calm them, keep them safe, and to tell them everything's going to be okay. 

All we can do is give them the growing up strategies and tactics that we learned to adopt and implement over time. Some of that came from our own parents, but in the end we had to go through it all to make mistakes, learn, grow, and ultimately thrive. Just like our teens will have to do today, and the next day, and the next. As my mom always told me, you have to go through it, not around it. As parents, we can be that safe space for them when then do.

The Mama Bird

Every year we get a mother finch that builds a nest in the eaves above our front door. During the past few weeks, we've gone from nest completion, to eggs laid, to eggs hatched, to baby birds, to baby birds flying. Soon the nest will be abandoned and the birds will live their short lives, wherever they go. 

This year our youngest Bryce named the mama finch Linda. Why, I'm not sure, but it was cute. Finches' lives are fleeting compared to humans, but then again, our lives can be fleeting, too. Watching our kids grow up has definitely flown by, but thankfully we've been mindful enough to embrace all the moments from birth to now. 

My wife Amy and I went on a beach workout together this Mother's Day, one that I do regularly throughout the year. During the walk there were many families on the beach with little kids running around screaming with joy, even with the thick fog blocking out the early summer sun. 

We reminisced about all the times we had our kids on this beach, Natural Bridges State Beach. Of walking from our house, pushing them in a stroller, pulling a wagon full of our beach stuff, and spending the afternoon on the beach. And then carting the tired, whiny kids all the way home again. We wouldn't have changed those trips for anything. 

Things are different now that both Bryce and Beatrice are teens. We still do a lot together as a family, enjoying each other's company and their blooming adulthood. But they are different things than childhood, and instead, they do more things with their friends, like go to the beach, the movies, downtown to shop, and the list goes on. That's normal and we've grateful they have strong friendships in their lives. Friendships we hope they carry with them beyond middle school and school like I've had over the years, and Amy, too. 

Unlike the baby finches who have now grown quickly in the nest above our front door, spread their wings, and are about to fly away to live their short lives, our kids will still be with us for a few years to come. Our kids love us both, but through it all, from birth to babies, to childhood to teen-land, our collective constant has been the mama bird Amy, and for that we're the most grateful of all. 

Adulting With Us

When they were kids, we could do no wrong. We knew that wasn't true, but our kids didn't call us out on our mistakes and those poor parenting moments. 

Like cursing at other people doing dumb things in their cars while we drove near them, next to them, across from them, anywhere around them. That's me. One time in particular that has since become a family inside joke was when we were turning left on a green light. Before I could turn, I had to wait for the oncoming traffic to cross. Behind me was a guy obviously angry because he was stuck behind me until I could turn. He honked and then zoomed around us heading straight just as we were able to turn left. He mouthed something at us and that's when I flipped, cursing at him and flipping him off. He was driving a work car with some solar company name on the side. 

Mom and kids were a little taken aback. "Dad!" the kids called out. Thankfully my road-rage breakdown was short-lived, and the ongoing inside joke became "there's that 'solar guy' again following us." 

That was a couple of years ago. Now that both our kids are true teens, we find them pointing out our mistakes and shortcomings. All. The. Time. 

And that reminds me of when I used to do that with my own parents. My dad usually took it in stride, but my mom would sometimes tell me I was being disrespectful. But more often than not, she'd admit she'd made a mistake, especially as I got older and became a young adult. 

My wife Amy listened to a great podcast recently. An interview with Lisa Damour, PhD, author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers. She shared it with me and I gobbled it up. As I listened, I could feel myself nodding and saying out loud, "Yes, and that, and that, and that." 

So many take aways for me, for us, and when Lisa said, "They have phenomenal acuity for the shortcomings of adults," I thought, Yes, I did then, and they do now. 

Just the other day I heard it over and over again about how triggered I get about other drivers when I'm driving and even more so when I'm not. How "judgey" I am on the road. They're not wrong either. 

However, it can hurt when we're called out by our teens about our own mistakes, mistakes we should do better owning, even when their feedback is as direct and unfiltered as it is. Thankfully they're not crossing the rubicon of intentionally trying to hurt us or sabotage us. If they were intentionally trying to hurt us, then that's a whole other ballgame of issues to deal with. 

Ours aren't, and most of the time we don't take it personally. Our teens are all up and down emotion while they individuate and find their own identities and voices, just like we did when we were their age. They model our good and call out our bad. This is also their way of adulting with us, adults they love and trust, and so their helping make us better people is a win in the raising teens column. 

Getting It All Done

I sat at my desk working on algebra homework after school. I was in junior high at the time and loved math, did very well in math, but didn't always love all the homework (of any subject). What teenager does? True, I always felt like I had accomplished something important in finishing the homework and studying for quizzes and tests when I had them, no matter how long it took. And the reward was in understanding what I was learning, and of course, good grades. 

What made it all more palatable during the homework time was the music I'd listen to. I put in an 8-track tape of Aerosmith, Kansas, Journey, or another rock band of the time (this was a few years before I became the Rush fan I still am today). Yes, 8-track tapes. I had those along with cassettes and record albums. 

Not really the best study music, and definitely not reading music (I did turn off the music when I was just reading), I still enjoyed my rock and roll with math, history, science, and other subjects throughout junior and high school. 

Yes, my parents would ask me every day if I had homework, and remind me to do said homework, and I got it done, with or without my music. The deeper into high school I got the later I would stay up, although that wasn't always the best time to study and finish homework. I had to because playing sports and other extracurricular activities ate up my after school time, especially in the fall when I played football. But I got it done. It's always a beautiful mess in progress. 

For our own children today, we've impressed upon them good study habits and the autonomy to get their homework done and study for tests. We do ask them if they have homework every day, and they can get stressed about getting their work done, but most of the time their own developing work ethic keeps them on task. Also, they both love their own music sometimes when they're doing their homework. Our middle schooler Bryce is a night owl and will work after dinner and late sometimes, and our high schooler Beatrice likes to be fresh in the morning before school, or to do if before dinner if there's time. No matter when and where, they're doing the work. 

We help our kids when they have questions about their schoolwork, or at least try to help them. Some of these subjects we haven't studied for decades, and the curriculums have certainly evolved over time. We've found that, if we can't help them, even if we look up the subjects online for refreshers, having them attempt to explain to us what they're trying to learn actually helps them find the answers we can't help them with. And in their explaining, we follow along a little bit better and learn something ourselves. My goodness, I had AP calculus in high school, and I have no idea about the math they're doing today. Mom is also more patient than me, and the usual go-to; I'm like the substitute teacher that way. 

In the end, our kids are getting it all done with their unique strengths and struggles, and in their own unique autonomous ways, with great grades to show for it and we couldn't be prouder. Even with a little teen whining along the way. Or a lot. 

A Beautiful Mess In Progress

After graduating 8th grade, our oldest Beatrice stressed about going to high school. Who wouldn't? I remember I did. It's such a big change, just like going from grade school to middle school. Like me her dad, stress keeps her up at night, and sleep is a restless mind-scramble mess.

But then she was a junior leader again at a local day camp in town working with 7-8 year-old kids, something she's loved to do, and the high school stress disappeared for the summer. This is the second year she's done it, and next year she'll be able to be a paid summer counselor, which is what she wants to do.

After summer camp was over, something wonderful happened; the week before the start of high school, she really wasn't that stressed any more. High school orientation came and went and it got her super excited about high school. She'll be 15 soon and there's a new level of teen maturity we hadn't seen until this summer. 

Same with her sister Bryce, who will be 13 soon and starting 7th grade. Both girls are very close and share a lot of the same interests -- but also couldn't be more different from one another. Bryce can be dark and broody, not wanting to talk a lot, rarely smiling, and always listening to her music. Beatrice is usually bright and shiny, always wanting to talk a lot, always smiling, and always drawing in her sketch pads. 

Like summer camp for Bea, the theater and choir are what have matured Bryce. After being in Beauty and the Beast last spring, Bryce is auditioning for The Addams Family musical this fall. And now that she's in her second year of middle school choir, may even want to try out for small solo parts. 

We're so proud of both kids, but my wife Amy and I would never want to put either of them in a box. Meaning, label them by what's seen on the surface, because there's so much more to the essence of them. To any us for that matter. 

A few months ago they watched The Breakfast Club with us, one of our favorite teen angst coming-of-age movies. Ironically, the movie came out the year after I graduated high school and the year Amy started high school, but it still left quite the impact on us both. 

Beyond the cheesy teen antics, it's an intense emotional drama at times. Our girls liked it, too. Out of all the questions they could have asked us, they asked if either of us had been in detention, and I told them I had lunch detention in high school for a week due to too many 1st period tardies. This was when I was student body president, too. Mercy me. They thought that was funny, especially when I told them the other kids in detention said to me, "Dude, your the school president. Wow."

Neither of our kids want to be labeled or put in a box (or be in detention). That's why they liked the note that the "brain" character writes at the end of The Breakfast Club for Mr. Vernon, their detention teacher, who had asked them to write an essay telling him who they think they are. 

Like all of us who have kids, teens in high school and middle school, they are so many things beyond what is seen on the surface. Getting to know who we really are is always a messy work in progress growing up and throughout adulthood. A beautiful mess in progress. We are all the things -- a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, and a princess, and a criminal -- and so much more. 

Sincerely Yours,

The #BhivePower Club

Our Sleep Slide

Sometime before noon, my dad would tickle my feet. That was his ultimate way of waking me up when I was an early teen, sleeping in late after being up until past midnight reading and watching TV (yes, reading). No rattling pots and pans. No berating me to get up. No yelling at me. He'd just tickle my feet. Softly.

If that wasn't creepy enough, and highly efficient by the way, he'd say something softly like, "Time to get up, little Kevin." And just like that I'd pop up like burnt toast from a toaster, smoking and angry. 

But again, it worked well. Decades later our own children are now new teens and the sleep slide has only just begun for them. It's fascinating how our bodies develop and change over time. I remember when we put our daughters to bed between 7:30-8:00, and then it slid to 8:00-8:30, and then it slide to 8:30-9:00, and then 9:00-9:30, and now it's sliding past 9:30 PM. And sometimes they're still not going to sleep until after 10 or even 11. Except no TV late for them, but they can read, draw, meditate, etc., to get to sleep. 

They're not sleeping in until noon yet either, although on the weekends our youngest Bryce can sleep until after 9:00 AM. Our oldest Beatrice still doesn't sleep that late, at least not yet. Both their teenage journeys have only just begun. We don't tickle their feet to wake them up, by the way. Or use pots and pans. Or berate them. Just a regular "time to get up" wake up. Many times they tell us when to wake them when they have to get up earlier to do homework or work on a project before school. 

Sleep experts tell us that teens experience a natural shift in circadian rhythm, and this makes it more difficult for them to fall asleep before 11 PM. Teens also need 9 to 9½ hours of sleep per night—that’s an hour or so more than they needed at age 10. This is because teenagers are going through a second developmental stage of cognitive maturation and additional sleep supports their developing brain, as well as physical growth spurts. It also helps protect them from serious consequences like depression or drug use.

Amen to that. Sleep is so important for all people -- kids, teens, and adults. And yet as adults, we don't always get more than 6 hours of sleep on average. My wife Amy and I make it a priority to ensure we're getting 7+ hours of sleep per night, and hitting 7 can be a challenge at times. 

Because what's just as important as all of us getting our proper sleep? Amy and I getting our TV and reading time in. Seriously. The kids' sleep slide is causing us to now slide later and later for our nighty-night time wind down. 

That means our adult TV time and reading time are incremental. Any shows or movies we watch are usually in mini-installments, even staying up later, because sliding fast to the morning floors still comes early for us. Maybe we squeak in 30ish minutes, but most of what we watch are longer shows and movies sometimes, so it takes a few days. Plus, sleep science may tell us not to use our devices before bed, but that's how we read after TV time, even if it's only for a few pages at a time. 

I know, boo hoo for us. Dang kids. At some point there may be the waiting up past curfew due to them blowing past curfew, so for now we're going to make the best of our sleep slide.

Aglow With Healthy Choices

The only thing worse than telling a stressed out adult that everything's going to be okay is telling a stressed out teen that everything's going to be okay. There's a nuclear fission reactor inside teens that's constantly splitting emotional atoms that unleash inordinate amounts of overdramatic erratic and irrational energy.

And that's on a good day.

This body-changing and hormone-raging energy can run the gamut from frenetic to brooding and change in a millisecond. It's not that teens can't be rational and somewhat adult-ish in their daily disposition, because they can, but developmentally their frontal cortex is just coming online as everything else in their body changes. It's a whole new world for them, and for their adults in charge. When I think back to my teen years (and even through my 20's), there were seemingly countless stress-filled days and nights that completely altered my perception of reality. I split emotional atoms regularly and radiated myself with mind-melting anxiety that got worse as my teens wore on. 

Adults struggle with how to deal with radiating teens. My parents did their best to understand my sister and I and to talk to us rationally. They offered me sound but unrealistic advice on how to deal with stressing about a test, or a teacher, or trying out for sports, or a part-time job I had, or going to college, or a girl I liked, or -- the list goes on and on. It was unrealistic because developmentally I couldn't "adult it" like they could (or tried to), no matter the choices in front of me. Thankfully they never told me to just "deal with it."

And we'll never do that either. Whether it was last year when our oldest Beatrice worked through her angst about applying to be a junior leader and camp, and then doing it and loving it, or this year when our youngest Bryce recently wanted to audition for a youth theater production of Beauty and the Beast. And then she didn't. And then she did. And then she didn't. And then she did. And now she's loving it. It's hard to watch your kids stress out about things you believe ultimately they'll enjoy and will help them learn and grow, but stress they will. Plus, even with the competitiveness in growing up, we want them to enjoy what they choose to do, just like all the years I coached them both in soccer.

My wife Amy and I understand all this (or try to) and do our best to provide our daughters the strategies and tools to manage splitting their own emotional atoms and the choices they'll make (or won't). We can't prevent the anxious meltdowns from happening, no matter how much we'd like to, and no matter how trivial we think it is. Because to a teen, all things are far from trivial. We're also not going to tell them to just deal with it and/or get over it; that's just not realistic or even possible for them (or us as adults). Thankfully parenting with Kidpower and Positive Discipline has helped us traverse childhood's easy bake ovens to teen-land's nuclear reactors. 

However, we can't expect them to just do something because we think they should, no matter much we want to see them do it. Or force them to do it by shaming them or telling them they don't have a choice. Because they do. At least ours do. Understanding and applying choices, good or bad, are a big part of growing up, and our kids should have choices. Because choices can help them overcome their anxieties when they have the right tools and strategies. Finding their own way won't prevent them from stressing and radiating anxiety, but it will help them grow up aglow with healthy choices.

Because That's The Job

"A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us, 'No'
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming..."

–Disney's Aladdin 

But this isn't a Disney movie. It's just real life raising complex little humans -- now teenagers -- don't blink. The sentiment in the song is how they feel, though, and everything they're experiencing is a whole new world. For them and for us. 

I've been writing about my own personal experiences with parenting and personal leadership for over 15 years, how my own past impacted this journey, and all my learning and growth throughout. My wife Amy and I have mostly lead our lives together, and our parenting, with love and empathy and positive discipline, and of course, practicing social, emotional, and physical safety via Kidpower. Our children have been raised with all this, and for over four years we've had weekly family meetings to check in with each other and review managing emotions, providing support, positive communications, and safety plans.

It doesn't mean with get it all right with them, because we don't, but we're proud of our parenting to date and the closeness we have as a family. Change is constant, however, and now our kids are teens are new experiences are happening all the time for them. Thank goodness nothing close to what Amy and I experienced at 12, 13, and 14 years old (which I'm not telling you or them about). But then again, our kids are now at an age where they're not telling us everything either. Ugh. 

Not only that, they're sometimes embarrassed to be around us, their sarcasm has developed and is no longer their "inside voices," they fight us on doing their chores, they question a lot of what we comment on as adults, they're doing things they're not supposed to without asking us first, they're sometimes lying to us and not telling us everything, and who knows what's next. Thank goodness there's no experimentation with drugs, alcohol, or (God forbid) sex (yet), but school is getting harder and more competitive academically, extracurricularly, socially -- all the ly's -- and the stress has increased exponentially. Plus, the perception of that stress is skewed by a still developing prefrontal cortex, hormonal changes, new life experiences happening every day, and friend group influences happening every day. 

God, it's a wonder that any of us survived adolescence. 

In high school I had a civics teacher who read a passage to us all about how young people today are selfish, misguided, obstinate, sarcastic, emotional, have a lack of respect for their elders, etc. The passage had been written over 2,000 years ago during the Roman Empire. Over 2,000 years later, the point was, it could've been written today (by less forgiving adults).

Again, we're grateful to be so close as a family. That's helped us help our kids deal with new and stressful experiences that could lead to social and emotional struggles if left unchecked, something I went through as a teen that I certainly don't want them to go through. We don't always get it right as their parents, but we've worked hard to provide empathic love, support, and guidance to them -- to help them make good choices in all the choices they'll make more and more on their own each day (and there will be bad ones). Whatever this whole new world of adolescence brings us all, we'll always meet our teens where they're at to help them persevere, overcome, learn, grow, and thrive into adulthood. 

Because that's the job, kids. Happy New Year!