The Teen Brain Two-Step

"Now would I say something that wasn't true?
I'm asking you sugar
Would I lie to you?"

—Eurythmics, Would I Lie to You?

I remember teen brain. Oh, do I ever. Although it's funny to say that now decades later when I didn't remember much then about things I did then. Like completely spacing out on things. Or, I just didn't want to remember them because I wasn't supposed to do them, and so I lied about them because I didn't want to get into trouble. Or, because I didn't want to do them when I was supposed to do them, and so I lied about doing them because I didn't want to get into trouble. 

Shall we dance?

Teen brain development goes on for years until at least our mid-twenties based on research I've read. Teen brains are more susceptible to stress, but are more adaptable the resilient that what adults give them credit for, because there is a big learning curve. However, the prefrontal cortex is one of the last brain regions to mature and is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and controlling impulses.

Which is why teen brain can be bonkers at times, like lying about stuff. I do remember lying to my parents, or wanting to lie about something, more than once, what many of us did at that age.

Take for example the time I fell out of a moving truck when I was almost 16. Yes, a moving truck. There were no alcohol or drugs involved, just teen brain stupidity. My friend at the time, who was 16 and had his license, was driving me and another friend around the neighborhood in his truck. We were in the back of the truck sitting on either side of the truck bed. Above the bed actually, sitting up on the sides of the truck with only our hands holding on as we sat. 

So, what did we do then? My friend and I in the back of the truck begin to rock the truck. Because it was fun. We laughed and rocked — until my friend driving began to swerve back and forth. That's when things took a teen brain turn for the worse. 

I flipped over the side of the truck going around 25 miles per hour. My chest hit the moving back tire and I put my hand out to stop my fall. I hit face down on the asphalt and rolled over 10 feet (according to my other friend who didn't fall out). Both friends ran over to me, the one driving extremely apologetic, to see how I was. It was dusk now and we were under a street light. I remember asking how bad it was as I held up my right hand I used to break my fall that was now fat and swollen (and broken I'd find out the next day). 

They both looked at each other and then me again and said, "It's bad."

I remember I said, "Maybe I'll just tell my parents I got in a fight."

The other friend who was in the back of the truck with me shook his head and said, "With the road maybe. No, you know you've never been in a fight, Kevin. They'll know you're lying. You'll have to tell them the truth."

And there it was. So, that time, I didn't end up lying to cover my butt, because it would've made it worse. Weeks later when the road rash across my face, chest, and legs was healed up, and the case on my hand came off, and I wasn't grounded any longer, it was back to teen brain business as usual. 

Hopefully our daughters won't have this kind of literal painful teen brain moment, but the odds are there will be some things in the years to come. Maybe not falling out of the back of a truck something — good God, not that. But we are already experiencing teen brain now, and that includes saying that chores were done, when obviously they were not. 

Compared to falling out of the back of a truck and wanting to lie about it, lying about doing one's chores is pretty mild. But it's still something as parents we have to deal with. My default setting is always to go punitive, to confront the lying and to take allowance money away if the chores weren't done. My wife on the other hand reminds me that teenage brain will double down on the lies when called out. We both had plenty of experience with that when we were their age. 

Instead, we compromised and said the chores had to be done again, which after some protest they were, and in the future would have to be done when we're around to verify they were done. Not that we didn't believe they weren't done, just that we need to verify they got done. 

That's pretty much the same thing as not believing they were done, because they weren't, but that's the teen brain two-step we'll be dancing for the next decade.