Our Kids, Our Future

I told my wife Amy I'd only help sell the drinks for the PTA if I could be in the shade. And that's exactly where the table was when we got to our middle school, but it was still 85 degrees with only a little sea breeze. I set up the water, soda, and juice station nonetheless, preparing to ask for donations. Our oldest daughter Beatrice, now in high school, helped me set up, then vanished. Amy was inside the school running the PTA table and our 7th grader Bryce was preparing to sing in the choir. I was on my own for middle school open house.

It was nice to see old friends whose kids have been going to school with ours since forever. We were only asking for $1 PTA donations for the drinks, and because of the heat and the taco truck nearby serving delicious food, folks flocked to my table. Soon there was nothing left but a few waters. That's when the classroom open house started. 

Amy and I went to each of Bryce's classes, in her regular schedule order, and got to meet and hear from her teachers. It was a great turnout overall and most of the classrooms where full of eager parents wanting to learn what was in store for their children. 

It was the same story the next night when we went to Beatrice's high school open house. Except it was over 20 degrees cooler. That's Santa Cruz for you. I should've sold drinks that night for sure. Beatrice was excited to help us find each of her classes, and again, we really enjoyed meeting all her teachers. 

Being on our local school board, I have the privilege of serving our community, our district teachers, our district staff, and most importantly, our district kids TK-12. It was inspiring to hear this year all our teaching positions were filled! This hasn't been easy here or in many districts throughout California and the rest of the United States. Especially in rural areas. And now the teacher shortage has gotten worse, declining 16%, even after a seven-year increase in the number of new teacher credentials issued in California.

Public education is one of the cornerstones of a sound and thriving democracy. And while democracy isn't exactly thriving right now, I have hope that it will hold. What else does public education mean to America, and to our family? 

These reasons (according to the California School Board Association - CSBA and the Masters in Governance course I'm taking as a school board member): 

• A tuition-free education for all students.
• The promise of equal educational opportunities no matter race, religion, or ability.
• A commitment to high standards and high expectations for all students.
• A system of governance that ensures public accountability.

The public school system is not without its challenges, though, including teaching and staffing shortages, declining enrollment, budget shortfalls, navigating the academic and behavioral setbacks that occurred during COVID, fewer resources for students with special needs and those with cultural and language needs, divisive culture wars, mental health struggles, antiquated curriculum for some, among other challenges. There are also alternatives for families when the public school system doesn't work for them. 

But the public school system has provided our children with the educational resources and quality teaching since preschool that have helped them thrive academically and socially. I see that district-wide now as a board member, from elementary to secondary. Our daughter Beatrice might even want to be a teacher someday, and we couldn't be prouder. This is why I'm hopeful after meeting teacher after teacher who teach all the kids in our district. Who prepare our kids for college and/or career. Who help our kids believe they can be the best versions of themselves -- inclusive and empathetic critical thinkers. Our kids, our future. That's what it's all about.

A Beautiful Mess In Progress

After graduating 8th grade, our oldest Beatrice stressed about going to high school. Who wouldn't? I remember I did. It's such a big change, just like going from grade school to middle school. Like me her dad, stress keeps her up at night, and sleep is a restless mind-scramble mess.

But then she was a junior leader again at a local day camp in town working with 7-8 year-old kids, something she's loved to do, and the high school stress disappeared for the summer. This is the second year she's done it, and next year she'll be able to be a paid summer counselor, which is what she wants to do.

After summer camp was over, something wonderful happened; the week before the start of high school, she really wasn't that stressed any more. High school orientation came and went and it got her super excited about high school. She'll be 15 soon and there's a new level of teen maturity we hadn't seen until this summer. 

Same with her sister Bryce, who will be 13 soon and starting 7th grade. Both girls are very close and share a lot of the same interests -- but also couldn't be more different from one another. Bryce can be dark and broody, not wanting to talk a lot, rarely smiling, and always listening to her music. Beatrice is usually bright and shiny, always wanting to talk a lot, always smiling, and always drawing in her sketch pads. 

Like summer camp for Bea, the theater and choir are what have matured Bryce. After being in Beauty and the Beast last spring, Bryce is auditioning for The Addams Family musical this fall. And now that she's in her second year of middle school choir, may even want to try out for small solo parts. 

We're so proud of both kids, but my wife Amy and I would never want to put either of them in a box. Meaning, label them by what's seen on the surface, because there's so much more to the essence of them. To any us for that matter. 

A few months ago they watched The Breakfast Club with us, one of our favorite teen angst coming-of-age movies. Ironically, the movie came out the year after I graduated high school and the year Amy started high school, but it still left quite the impact on us both. 

Beyond the cheesy teen antics, it's an intense emotional drama at times. Our girls liked it, too. Out of all the questions they could have asked us, they asked if either of us had been in detention, and I told them I had lunch detention in high school for a week due to too many 1st period tardies. This was when I was student body president, too. Mercy me. They thought that was funny, especially when I told them the other kids in detention said to me, "Dude, your the school president. Wow."

Neither of our kids want to be labeled or put in a box (or be in detention). That's why they liked the note that the "brain" character writes at the end of The Breakfast Club for Mr. Vernon, their detention teacher, who had asked them to write an essay telling him who they think they are. 

Like all of us who have kids, teens in high school and middle school, they are so many things beyond what is seen on the surface. Getting to know who we really are is always a messy work in progress growing up and throughout adulthood. A beautiful mess in progress. We are all the things -- a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, and a princess, and a criminal -- and so much more. 

Sincerely Yours,

The #BhivePower Club

Wearing School Well

What seemed simple at first turned into an engineering problem. School projects always do. This time it was youngest daughter Bryce's 6th grade special social studies project that was all about ancient Egypt. She chose to create a cat sarcophagus with a cat mummy inside it and do research around cats in Egyptian culture. That was the engineering problem -- how to help her make something that resembled a wooden cat coffin without being carved out of real wood. 

The cat mummy was the easy part. We picked out an old smaller stuffed animal (it wasn't even a cat -- it was a tiny goat) and wrapped it in a dirty ACE bandage. That worked just fine.

The sarcophagus was a different story. We thought about using all balloons of different shapes and sizes and then covering them with paper mache, but then what about being able to cut it in half like so we could put the mummy inside?

We had some old packing styrofoam in the garage that were nearly two halves of a big block. Bryce and her mom Amy felt like we could make that work as the body. But paper mache can still be messy and take a lot more work, so we found plaster cloth rolls online that just needed to be cut into strips, dipped, applied, and smoothed.

It ended up being a combination of items we used: the styrofoam, the plaster cloth rolls, balloon-like packing bubbles to add leg muscle contours to the body, an actual balloon for the head, old playdough to help shape the facial features and cat ears, and brown spray paint.

We made sure that Bryce did as much of the project as possible. That included her own Egyptian costume that Amy helped her with, and that she wanted to be as authentic as possible, plus the cat coffin that I helped her with. As parents (and I'm especially guilty of this), we want it to be the best final project product for them as possible. The good news was that Bryce really wanted to make it her own, and that's exactly what she did. 

At one point when I was helping Bryce shape the playdough for the face, she told me it looked more like a rabbit than a cat. She wasn't wrong. We adjusted it as best we could, covered it in plaster cloth, and when it was all dry, painted it splotchy brown for an aged effect.

After all the creative prep and engineering work, the payoff was seeing Bryce in her Egyptian costume presenting what she learned about cats, coffins, and mummies. She did a fantastic job (as did most of her class on their own individual or team projects). Amy and I volunteered to review each student presentation and rate them on how well they presented their projects (not on the veracity of the information itself). 

I learned some things I did not know either. I vaguely remembered that cats were special to Egyptians, but didn't realize how revered they were. They were considered magical creatures, vessels for the gods themselves, capable of bringing good luck to the people who housed them. To honor their treasured pets, wealthy Egyptian families dressed them in jewels and fed them fancy treats. When their cats died, they were mummified. When a cat died, the owners would have to shave their eyebrows in mourning. And if you killed another cat, even accidentally, you were put to death. 

Yikes. Although we're cat people anymore, I have a new found respect for them and their ancient godlike Egyptian glory thanks to Bryce, her research, and wearing school well. 

Time For Them To Go Make

Thank goodness my parents never chaperoned my junior high dances. Not that there was out-of-control make-out sessions going on; most of the time kids just stood around. Girls on one side of the gym, and boys on the other, all giggling and talking among themselves. Sometimes there was shrieking and running around like crazy kids, but most of the time there was just a lot of standing around. 

However, at my 8th grade dances, there was a little making out and close dancing, and I definitely didn't want my parents seeing that. The teacher, administrators, and other parents who were supervising the dances did their best to keep us all in line. 

Being 12, 13, and 14 are awkward and exciting years. Changes abound, physically and emotionally, and having two daughters means they are exponential. Our girls are amazing and we're so proud of them, no matter how much "sass" we get now. And we're getting it, that's for sure. Especially me. 

We're all very close and feel safe with each other, are comfortable being vulnerable, and can poke fun at each other without being mean. Mostly. We're still their parents, and they are our children, and while we want to ensure they're safe and making good choices, we're very grateful that they share their days with us, how they feel (up or down), and ask for help when they need it. 

They're both in middle school now and participating in more activities on their own with their friends. We review our safety plans every week with them, of what they need to do when they're on their own, like checking in with us, especially if the original plan changes. 

Now there are the middle school dances for our kids. Our oldest Beatrice went to her first last year after pandemic restrictions were lifted. Our youngest Bryce gets to go to her first with her sister and friends this year. Amy volunteered to help with the dance, but not chaperone it. 

The other night when we were all playing a game before dinner, Amy and I joked with them that we were going to both chaperone their next dance. 

"No!" they both exclaimed.

All of us being big fans of the sitcom The Goldbergs, about a family growing up in the 1980's, a coming-of-age decade for Amy and me, Amy pulled out the catch phrases from the mom character Beverly Goldberg. 

"We're going to go to your dance and I'm going to dad dance like this," I said. I shared my funky hitchhiker hand swing.

"No, Dad, you can't do that," Beatrice said. Bryce just laughed.

Amy smiled. "And I'm going to tell everyone how I 'baked my schmoopies in my mom oven' and how much I love you," she said, channeling Beverly Goldberg. 

Both girls laughed and said, "No!"

"And then I'm going to ask you both if you 'need to go make,'" said Amy, dropping her hand into her other one and giggling herself. That reference meaning having to go number 2 in the bathroom. 

Again they both shouted, "No!"

We all laughed. What they don't know is that we just may chaperone a dance before the end of the school year. So we can watch our kids with their friends all stand around giggling and talking, while they periodically shriek and run around like crazies, just like our olden days. Whether we chaperone or not, these are the their formative years when it's time for them to go make. Special memories, that is. Because nobody likes to talk potty time, especially teens.

The First Day Every Day

The first day of school was always awesome for me. Fresh off a hot summer break, wearing new clothes that our mom scrimped and saved for (put on law-away for many years early on), sporting a new hair cut, catching up with old friends, meeting new ones, seeing old favorite teachers, meeting new ones, and all the learning.

Yes, all the learning. I always loved the learning. Still love the learning. 

And the obligatory first-day-of-school picture. My sister and I took them out front of our house every year before we braved day one, and we've done the same with our children since nearly day one. 

No matter how exciting it was, apprehension never failed to arrive. Being nervous for day one was normal and the night before brought little sleep. But after the first week of back to school, I always settled into it, even after the bigger transitions of going into junior high and then high school. 

And now after a #BhivePower summer of camps and leadership, our kids are together in middle school. This is one of those transitions that our oldest Beatrice had a much different experience with, since her first year in middle school was all distance learning during COVID-19. It sucked and was a blessing at the same time, but then came 7th grade, and one of the biggest stressors for Bea was remembering her locker combination (which she did).

Now Bryce transitions into middle school and has her big sister there to help her if needed. Bryce was definitely nervous the night before, and Bea was anxious too (just like I was back in the day). The week before they couldn't wait to get their schedules and to know the teachers they'd get. In fact, once their schedules started to come out online, that's all we kept hearing about -- the good, the disappointing, and the unknown. After the first few days of school, both kids are settling in nicely. Bryce was stressed like her sister about remembering the locker combination, which she didn't have a problem with either, but poor Bea was the one who had a jammed locker on day one and had to get a new one. Bummer.

The first day of school is always awesome for our kids and we wouldn't want it any other way. We're grateful for the public education they’ve had over the years and for what's to come. They've had caring teachers, empathic friendships, and no bullying to date. If only it could be like the first day every day in life today. No worries except for locker combinations and class schedules, and looking forward to seeing old friends and meeting new ones. Blessings for all the first days.