The First Day Is Never the Last

 "...From first to last
The peak is never passed
Something always fires the light
That gets in your eyes
One moment’s high
And glory rolls on by
Like a streak of lightening
That flashes and fades
In the summer sky..."

–Rush, Marathon

And then it's 11 years later.

From kindergarten and second grade to a sophomore and a senior in high school. 

Every year I take nearly the same first-day-of-school photo with our two kids, Beatrice and Bryce. It's in front of our house, the same house my wife Amy and me have lived in for 20 years. I had decided back way back when the kids started school that I didn't want to do the kids-holding-sign thing stating what year and class they were in. Partly because I didn't want to stress our kids out by holding a sign; I just wanted to capture the easiest first-day-of-school pictures I could, while getting Bryce to smile without sticking their tongue out.

Every year I take nearly the same photo, and it's been a blessing to experience how our kids have grown over time. It's also a blessing that they still let me take the first-day-of-school pictures. And it's been a continuous blessing of how much they enjoy school, more so that they're both in high school. When they were younger, they couldn't wait to show us their classrooms during open house. However, the first day of school wasn't always the best, and middle school had its lumpy bumps as a beautiful mess in progress. 

They've both found their community in high school theater and choir and couldn't wait this year for the first period of day 1, which was choir. We can't wait to watch the murder mystery play Beatrice is directing this fall and hear all the amazing choir concerts throughout the year. And then there's the choir festival next spring in Anaheim, which we'll again chaperone. The keyword here is Disney, of course. Hopefully Bryce will do another duet and/or solo this year, too. Plus, it's Beatrice's senior year. Nope, I'm not crying yet, but I will be.

It's 11 years later and our kids have grown exponentially, physically and emotionally. Yes, their prefrontal cortexes are still developing, but it's been a joy watching them develop while providing them nurturing guidance and becoming a stable through line to all their peaks and valleys. 

That's why I'm quoting Rush lyrics again from one of my favorite writers (and drummers), Neil Peart, who passed away in 2020. Not only because I saw the band play again this year with their new amazing drummer, and will see them again this fall, because the music still profoundly inspires me 44 years after becoming a super fan. Marathon is one of my favorite songs (the song quote above), although when asked what my favorites are, my response today is "all of them". Marathon captures the beauty of life over time when you live it to your fullest without burning out:

"...You can do a lot in a lifetime
If you don’t burn out too fast
You can make the most of the distance
First you need endurance —
First you’ve got to last..."

You just need the mindful endurance to last and to treat every moment as a blessing. To not fear failure or become weighted with regret. To always be learning and trying new things, to stretch your innate capacity for elasticity while curbing complacency. To never diminish the soul's sunlight burning bright within by embracing love and empathy from birth to passing. Amy and I have practiced and embodied all these things since before our kids, and have done our best to impart on them since having kids.

It's 11 years later, the age of adulting is here, and ultimately their journey is theirs to live, not ours. It's true that any day can feel like a first day, but the first day is never the last. 

The First Day Every Day

The first day of school was always awesome for me. Fresh off a hot summer break, wearing new clothes that our mom scrimped and saved for (put on law-away for many years early on), sporting a new hair cut, catching up with old friends, meeting new ones, seeing old favorite teachers, meeting new ones, and all the learning.

Yes, all the learning. I always loved the learning. Still love the learning. 

And the obligatory first-day-of-school picture. My sister and I took them out front of our house every year before we braved day one, and we've done the same with our children since nearly day one. 

No matter how exciting it was, apprehension never failed to arrive. Being nervous for day one was normal and the night before brought little sleep. But after the first week of back to school, I always settled into it, even after the bigger transitions of going into junior high and then high school. 

And now after a #BhivePower summer of camps and leadership, our kids are together in middle school. This is one of those transitions that our oldest Beatrice had a much different experience with, since her first year in middle school was all distance learning during COVID-19. It sucked and was a blessing at the same time, but then came 7th grade, and one of the biggest stressors for Bea was remembering her locker combination (which she did).

Now Bryce transitions into middle school and has her big sister there to help her if needed. Bryce was definitely nervous the night before, and Bea was anxious too (just like I was back in the day). The week before they couldn't wait to get their schedules and to know the teachers they'd get. In fact, once their schedules started to come out online, that's all we kept hearing about -- the good, the disappointing, and the unknown. After the first few days of school, both kids are settling in nicely. Bryce was stressed like her sister about remembering the locker combination, which she didn't have a problem with either, but poor Bea was the one who had a jammed locker on day one and had to get a new one. Bummer.

The first day of school is always awesome for our kids and we wouldn't want it any other way. We're grateful for the public education they’ve had over the years and for what's to come. They've had caring teachers, empathic friendships, and no bullying to date. If only it could be like the first day every day in life today. No worries except for locker combinations and class schedules, and looking forward to seeing old friends and meeting new ones. Blessings for all the first days. 

To Own Their Own First Takes

Life is a series of first runs that we rerun with fragile memory. No matter the amount of fretting and anxious prep, every scene is a first take -- no do overs or over-produced multi-edits -- one take whether we're ready or not.

And most of the time we're not. But that's okay, because this reality show is the realist of them all, and one with script after script of blank pages, where the story appears as we live it, the reappearing ink full of light and shade, color and smell, taste and touch, and plenty of tears and smiles.

The first days of school each year for many children are full apprehension and fear, the pits of stomachs holding fast rabid squirrels bouncing off rubber walls. I remember my first days of kindergarten still to this date, over 45 years ago. And while most of the details have since washed away over time, the feelings I had are still quite vivid: my nervousness, my shyness, the longing for home and my mother who had just dropped me off, and the sheer terror of meeting strange adults and other children I had never met before in my life.

The years to come were filled with less and less fear and a greater social stability, one that I would enjoy well into adulthood, and continue to in my unwritten pages of today. As parents, that's one of the best things we can hope for with our children beyond the security of food and shelter.

The past few years for Beatrice included auditory processing delays and a social angst that hurt our hearts to witness. All we could do was encourage healthy responses to these transitions and do whatever we need to do to support her, and her sister of course, who continues to break stuff while dressed as a princess.

Bryce has no social qualms whatsoever, but her aggressive tendencies (i.e., hitting and kicking) are a work in progress for sure. Bryce still struggles with exotropia as well and the eye doctor still isn't sure she'll need eye surgery in the future or not. Until then her cute little pink glasses with transitional lenses rock our world, just as much as she does.

While always being "on" academically since her preschool days, Beatrice has now blossomed socially and is more comfortable than she's ever been in social situations. She couldn't wait to start second grade. Frothing at the mouth to start, those rabid squirrels driving her onward to new life experiences. She may be more "boyish" than "girlish" at the moment, but that doesn't matter to us because the only moments that do matter are those when she happily adapts and enjoys her scenes.

Bryce made the leap to kindergarten this year, and due to dropping enrollment in our district, she was put into a combined kinder/1st grade classroom. We were a little apprehensive, as was she, but what was perfectly clear on her first day was her reaction sitting at her new desk with her name tag proudly displayed in front of her -- she kissed us each goodbye and sent us on our merry parent way. No crying or fear, just ready to rock her next feature film.

We definitely have the Bridges to Kinder preschool program to thank in helping develop both girls early on. Of course I have the Mama to thank for her tireless parental guidance, Kidpowering and helping me play my best supporting Daddy role.

We know we are blessed and never take for granted our family's pivot points and plot twists, because we want our girls to own their own first takes, regardless the memories replayed again and again, and replayed they will be.

Otherwise Known As Kindergarten, Day One

The first day finally arrived. We watched as she put her new backpack on proudly, full of her favorite things.

We watched as she hung her backpack on her labeled hook outside her class, the butterflies quite visible on her face.

We watched as her new teacher pinned her name tag to her shirt, asking what her name was and telling her something about the new class.

We watched as she sat on the floor, newly assigned book in her hands, while her new classmates gathered in and around her with their new books.

We watched and waited for any tears, any sign that her discomfort would spill into her legs springing her to the Mama's open arms.

We watched as she talked with new friends about the books they held, comparing notes and context from other books they had at home.

We watched as she looked up at us and smiled, still a little unsure, but mostly comfortable in her new environment.

The weeks and days leading up to this one were filled with ebbs and flows of receding fear and growing confidence, especially the latter which came from her weekly martial arts class we starting earlier in the summer.

In fact, the months and years leading up to this day were filled with a developing above-normal intellect, and due to the auditory sensitivity and earlier delays she's experienced since early on, a thankfully consistent "other" developmental progression.

We all couldn't have done it without the loving support of all the teachers at Bridges to Kinder as well as our school district's speech and occupational therapists. 

We watched and waved, teary-eyed and proud, knowing Bea's journey has only just begun, and there will be many trials and triumphs ahead (with Bryce not too far behind).

The Mama and I walked away arm in arm, leaving Bea in her new world, otherwise known as kindergarten, day one.

“And it's noisy up there
(Noisy up there)
It rocks me like a mother
Copernicus and Fortune's Wheel
Plato, Mengele and the New Deal
And it's noisy up there
(Noisy up there)
It rocks me like a mother…”

—Ben Folds, “The Sound of the Life of the Mind”