The Comfort of Gratitude

Every night at dinner we ask each other the same question. Well, Mom and Dad ask each other and our children the same question. 

We ask the question: "What are you grateful for today?"

Rain or shine, happy or funky, at home or traveling -- the same question every time. All four of us pause, reflect, and share something we're grateful for. It doesn't matter what it is, just that we're grateful for something. Sometimes with teens, the answer is, "Nothing." But that would be the wrong answer, because there is always something. So, sometimes in those cases, either kid may answer that it's the food they eat, or the shirt they're wearing, or something seemingly benign and unimportant. 

But it's all important, whatever it is. Just the act of being grateful about something, anything, is good for the brain, the heart, and the soul. There are many studies that have been done that correlate gratitude with wellbeing -- gratitude was most strongly correlated with personality attributes related to wellbeing, and the researchers concluded that gratitude has a unique relationship with life satisfaction.

We've embedded gratitude into our relationship since the beginning, between my wife Amy and myself, long before we had children. When our kids were old enough to understand and answer the question, we included them in the gratitude sharing and have made it a best family practice ever since.

For us, we're so grateful for our children. If you've ever read anything I've written here, you figure that out pretty quickly. Not one dinnertime sharing goes by without us sharing something about our children we're grateful for. 

Today, their level of self-awareness, with teen flaws and all, are light years ahead of where me and Amy were at their age. We're so grateful for Bryce for being who they are and organizing an upcoming LGBTQIA+ march. We're so grateful for Beatrice who is also a leader in the making, who volunteered to show 8th graders the high school campus recently, including her sibling, and who will again be a lead camp counselor at a local day camp this summer.

Recently we all went to a high school event called "Dancing with the Santa Cruz Stars: Battle of the Bands" where students and teachers alike danced in teams to supergroup music and compete for the fun of it. We went last year and it was so much fun! The gym was again packed!

This year, Beatrice is in a high school production of High School Musical, and some of her theater mates and her did a flash mob routine during one of the dance routines at the Dancing with the Santa Cruz Stars. Even more fun!

After the dance competition, I loved seeing both our kids talking and laughing with their friends. My heart danced and sang watching Bryce embrace the evening with a rare joy; they're so done with 8th grade and excited to be in high school next year. Both kids will be in choir together next year, and the high school choir teacher, known as Mr. T, won the dancing competition this year, dancing impressively with another student to a medley of Wham songs. We can't wait to see what Beatrice and Bryce do in choir next year, especially after Bryce's inspirational solos the 8th talent show.

We're grateful that both of our kids push themselves out of their own comfort zones, which is easier for Beatrice, but not so much for Bryce. They both do it nonetheless, and whether they want to admit it or not, are both grateful for improving their own wellbeing and embracing life. 

Blessings to us all. We are all but fragile beings and the comfort of gratitude strengthens our resolve to live and to thrive in the face of anything. 

#BhivePower works.

Breaking Out

Our youngest Bryce first performed on stage in preschool singing Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off". They looked so sweet in a white frilly dress but was very nervous while performing. Like almost going to cry nervous, which was the same reaction they had when first trying out for a theater production. 

Three productions later, and Bryce has more confidence than ever, still primarily performing in the ensemble and taking on small roles. They have auditioned for bigger-smaller roles, so maybe now with the experience they've gotten, Bryce will land one next time. 

Because there will be a next time. Bryce has got the theater bug for sure. Right before opening night of this latest All About Theater youth musical production of Urinetown, I told Bryce good luck, which they again quickly reminded me that saying good luck is back luck, and the correct expression is "break a leg". 

"Break a leg then," I said. "Love you."

"Thank you," Bryce said. "Love you, too."

The musical was a satirical social commentary about class (rich and poor) and corruption and what happens after a 20-year drought when using the "facilities" (toilets) cost money. It was really good; these kids are amazing. Including Bryce!

Another funny musical we watched recently was a high school production The Drowsy Chaperone, a story about a middle-aged, musical theater fan who, feeling "blue", decides to play for the audience an LP of his favorite musical, the fictional 1928 show The Drowsy Chaperone. It's a fun parody of a 1920s American musical comedy. 

And lo and behold, there was our oldest Beatrice working behind the scenes as part of the stage crew. Well, it wasn't a surprise, because we already knew she was helping, and now she has the theater bug, too. She even wants to audition for the next production, whatever it is!

For the past year now, Bryce's introverted love of acting, dancing, and singing has definitely extroverted and increased exponentially. That includes theater and choir. And Beatrice is now enamored with the theater as well (she also has a lovely voice and said she wants to direct, too). We all are enamored with the theater now -- watching Wicked on Broadway during our spring break was quite the experience. We're so grateful to have done that. 

Amy and I may not break out into song and dance for you, but our kids most certainly will. However, if you ever need a drummer...

No Rotten Tomatoes Here

Bryce kept moving around during the final cast bows and her head bobbed back and forth. I thought, What is she doing? Is she still singing and dancing?

And then I thought, Ah, that's what she's doing; she's crying. Just like her dad.

Mostly tears of joy and the reality that the Beauty and the Beast All About Theater production she was in, her first true theater experience, was coming to an end after over three months of rehearsals. So many new learning experiences, new friends, and a new love: the theater. Musicals in particular. 

When both our daughters were in grade school (pre-pandemic), they were in a few after-school musical productions. While they both had fun, it was Bryce who seemed to have an affinity to acting, dancing, and singing. When it came time for the Beauty and the Beast auditions at the beginning of this year, she struggled with doing it or not. One of her good friends had already been in a couple of these shows, and Bryce became very interested in auditioning. 

And then she didn't want to do it. And then she did again. Bryce likes to be introverted a lot of the time, so something like auditioning for a musical took an inordinate amount of bravery and energy for her to pull off. Her stress ran really high prior to the first audition. We did our best to comfort her, to encourage her, and finally when the day came, she did it. 

After she tried out, she couldn't wait to go back. 

Bryce really wanted one of the main roles, the character of Chip, but in the end it was her first serious youth production, and she ended up being the hat seller and part of the many ensemble groups. She even had two lines, one in the first act and one in the second. We were so proud of her during opening night and closing night, the two nights she wanted us there. 

The time investment for Bryce was more than she'd ever experienced before, way more than even playing soccer over the years. Like her dad (me), stress builds up inside her until she's ready to blow. Fortunately her meltdowns were at a minimum, including during tech week when they rehearsed every night for nearly a week prior to opening night. 

For us, there was the financial investment for Bryce to participate, which we'll be happy to do again and again if she continues down the theater path. Plus, the parents can save money off the total investment for their kids when they volunteer to help with sets, costumes, etc., and my wife Amy volunteered a lot over the past three months. I did a little bit, in between my work and being on our local school board, including helping to haul kids back and forth to rehearsals and performances. 

With all of our investments of the past three months, especially Bryce's, the result was renewed love of acting, dancing, and singing in theater, something we believe she's always had, and always will have. There was nothing wrong with being the hat seller and part of the ensemble groups in Beauty and the Beast, her first real theater production. The entire cast of 10-17 year olds, choreography, direction, orchestra, stage help -- all the things -- were amazing! The experience is something Bryce will never forget and she will be back. Early on, she told us that they were going to throw rotten tomatoes at her for being so bad. It became an ongoing joke with our family. 

"Don't post any pictures of me, Dad," she also told me over and over again throughout the production. Being the photog of the family, that's always a tough one for me, but I always comply unless I get permission from either kid. Instead, Bryce gets a proud and goofy parent pic on the last night. That got a smile through all the bittersweet closing-night tears. No rotten tomatoes here. She was fantastic!

The Long Run

"I got this feelin' inside my bones
It goes electric, wavy when I turn it on..."

–Justin Timberlake, Can't Stop the Feeling!

The first show I missed due to work travel; I heard it was one big, fun and hot mess. A bunch of grade-school kids who practiced for weeks to perform a version of the movie Trolls, memorizing spoken lines, scene after scene, and lots of singing practice as well.

These productions are extracurricular for the kids at our school and we have to pay for each child to participate, although each child gets a part no matter what. Even multiple parts to ensure the production is fully casted. The program and production director is really good with the kids, with the patience of a saint.

And for weeks our girls practiced their roles at home, so excited to be in the Trolls production. Beatrice played Branch's grandma and a Bergen, and Bryce was a Smidge, a spider and part of the pet crocodile (of course, if you know the story and the characters).

Then came the final show, the one I could attend with the Mama (what I lovingly call my wife), along with my sister and my grown niece who's pregnant with her first child. We all couldn't wait to see it!

It was so adorable! So much stage fright, undecipherable mumbling, subdued singing, director-fed lines, punctuated by moments of immaculate comedic timing. And throughout, nothing but proud smiles and laughter coming from the audience of parents, family and friends.

These were our children bold enough to be in the play/musical in the first place, to going week after week to Monday afternoon two-hour practices, extending Mondays into a grumpy oblivion, one that our youngest struggled with every single week.

But when it came to showtime, Bryce became the over-dramatic consummate entertainer, while Beatrice performed somewhat shyly, delivering much more subdued lines, but working hard, the actor's actor, ensuring she hit her marks each time. Mostly.

Still, for us in the audience who knew the movie and the story, we struggled to follow along, which is what made it all the more memorable. The story for us was one of our children having fun (mostly) and working together with their friends and the director to go all "electric, wavy" when they turned it on.

And turn it on they did. So much fun. Now they're in a shorter production of Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go!, with Bryce playing the little guy with the yellow going to all the places, and with Beatrice taking on multiple lines this time, willingly, including the part about the "waiting place," a place we've all been to in life, where we grind to a halt due to uncertainty and fear, unwilling to take risks and make moves. When we realize and accept that failure is inevitable and quite important to learning life lessons, then the waiting place is only a transitory respite.

That's one of the things we're so proud about our girls, the fact that they're already learning this at a young age, something that will help them when the waiting place gravity slows them in space.

Temporarily, of course, because it's not a race. It's the long run turned on.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...NO!
That's not for you!