This Is What We Can Do

I tired quickly of the social media memes and why I had to get off social. The memes that said things like "can't we just agree to disagree." Or, this very specific one associated with a picture of an older Clint Eastwood scowling:

I disagree with you. It doesn't mean I dislike you or that I'm mad at you. It just means that like you, I have my own opinions. I won't treat you disrespectfully just because we share differing opinions. Give me the same respect.

I mean, c'mon. Clint Eastwood? The actor/director who played Dirty Harry and a myriad of other strong, tough and unforgiving white-male leads who would more likely punch you or shoot you before listening to you? That's the image associated with this meme seemingly about trying to be understanding of each other, and it doesn't work for me. 

If we agree to disagree about whether or not our children should have their own phones, whether or not speed bumps should be added to our local streets, or even whether or not we support universal healthcare, then that's different. We could have a somewhat informed discussion based on verifiable facts and non-threatening personal opinions. But when what we disagree on could result in a safety problem for me, or my wife, or my two daughters, that could endanger us in any way, then it's not about compromise or respect. It's about personal safety. 

Plus, I just can't agree to disagree when belief and opinions are based on dangerous lies that result in destructive outcomes, even with the overwhelming amount of evidence to the contrary. For example, when someone wants to believe that the coronavirus isn't real, or really a threat to people, or a way to control the masses and negate personal freedoms, and aren't willing to practice safety protocols or eventually get vaccinated. Or they want to believe there was widespread voter fraud in the presidential election and are willing to try to take over the Capitol and kidnap, hurt and even kill government leaders and anyone else who disagrees with them (civilians like us). These are dire safety problems for many of us today who want to prevent others from getting sick or prevent violence in their own communities. 

Which is why it was timely that I received a Kidpower email that announced "We stand for safety!"

Kidpower is a nonprofit organization my wife Amy works for. It continues to teach our family and people of all ages and abilities to use their power to stay safe, act wisely, and believe in themselves.

How do we choose safety in dangerous times? This article describes 3 core Kidpower strategies for protecting ourselves and the young people in our lives:

1. Create emotional safety
2. Stay away from trouble
3. Focus on what we CAN do

We're also teaching our daughters how to be accountable for their own words and actions and how they impact others, and possibly endanger them. And in the same breath, to not shame or marginalize others because they don't agree with them -- even when it involves potential safety problems for them and others. They do need to get away from the trouble, and stay away, and then focus on what they can do about it. The latest Brené Brown podcast highlights how important accountability is and how uncomfortable it is these days to address. Letting ourselves be vulnerable enough to be accountable for our actions is creating emotional safety for us and others. This is what our children are learning to do and will continue to practice into adulthood. 

Four years ago our entire family marched in the Women's March. And while there was angry shaming about the newly elected president then, for many of us it was all about how millions of inspired global citizens added to the momentum of a positive movement -- the transcendent beauty of inclusive community. The same sentiment for the times we participated in our local Martin Luther King, Jr. Day marches. Unfortunately the continued resurgence of misogyny, racism, bullying, intolerance, shaming -- and just blatant hateful dehumanization -- is a big safety problem for us all now.

I've been mostly off social media for the past week, because I feel we just can't agree to disagree anymore. Not when it's based on perpetuated lies that lead to destructive outcomes. And not when there's an ongoing willingness to marginalize others that leads to unnecessary violence. We just can't. The reality is that we should learn how to agree and disagree with each other, while being emotionally safe and accountable and truthful, without shaming or dehumanizing each other in the process. This is what we can do; what our children can learn from us. It will be a lot of hard work and will come with many uncomfortable conversations, but I truly believe this is how we heal.