Actionable Blessings

For me, the hardest part has been mitigating the painful absurdity of purposeful misinformation and how it impacts the truth and our children. Cobbling truths together based on verifiable but fragmented facts isn't easy anyway, but when we mislead ourselves and our children due to our reactive beliefs and confirmation bias, we lead them down a dangerous path. The double-speak path of power, control, and suppression.  

Which is why we've always wanted our children to understand the realities of our country's history, our human history. From slavery to Indigenous people to the Civil War to civil rights to women's rights to the Holocaust to 9/11 to COVID-19 to the U.S. Capital insurrection to Russian invaded Ukraine and more -- we've talked about it all, especially when they've asked about it. 

Sure, we have our own political and ideological prejudices that taint our objectivity, but we try to give our children as much information that they can process that's age-appropriate. Because in the years to come, they'll begin to form their own ideologies and perspectives about the world around them and the people around them. 

What I really hope for our daughters is that they can perceive the double-speak of power and control when it discriminates against and suppresses others. That they can perceive the painful absurdity of equating pandemic public health safety mandates to making Jews wear stars during the Holocaust. 

That they can perceive the difference between the hateful violence at the U.S. Capitol and legitimate political discourse. 

That they can perceive the danger of praising of a relentless dictator with a murderous history as a talented and savvy leader. A leader who has now displaced over 360,000 Ukrainians by invading their homeland, a sovereign nation since 1990. 

Imagine that happening here in the U.S. Just thinking about all these things and the many other absurdities that continue to be perpetuated angers and exhausts me. 

We're not going to flee from history with our children's eyes and ears closed, or let them drown in Orwellian and Atwoodian double-speak of power, control, and suppression. We're going to talk about what's happened and what's happening around them in their city, their state, their country, and their world, with as many objective and verifiable facts we can find. We'll give them the opportunities to ask questions, understand as much as they can, and eventually formulate their own perspectives and world views. 

We don't want them to feel bad about being human, but we do want them to be better humans throughout their lives, always with more love, compassion, and actionable blessings.

Today, we send our actionable blessings to the people of Ukraine. 

The Future of Freedom

I remember my childhood on the 4th of July: running around with my cousins in my grandparents' backyard, the summer heat beating down on us while we ate hamburgers and hot dogs, homemade ice cream and watermelon. I felt free without a care in the world. Even with the personal troubles we had at home growing up, those moments with the bigger family represented freedom and safety to me. 

Over the years I got to know this idea, America, more and more. Land of the free and home of the brave, where all men were created equal, endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

At least, that's what we were taught. In school, we were taught the sanitized version of America, and at the time I didn't know any better. However, growing up with Schoolhouse Rock did help cement the why of America and gave me a civics background in song that was more memorable than any civics class I had from grade school to high school. How I loved the Constitution Preamble episode (those of you from our generation can sing along!).

When I was in college, and then after college, I started studying history, the real history of this country, and how we weren't all created or treated equal. Not by a long shot. Indigenous people, people of color, women, gay people, and so many more segments of our country's population were marginalized, discriminated against and worse. It took nearly 200 years after the Declaration of Independence for the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to be passed, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex or national origin. 

There's a great new show on Netflix called We the People. It's kind of like Schoolhouse Rock meets 2021, with today's musical artists composing and singing the songs. So far there have been two episodes: the first one is about how we the people can affect positive change in our country, and the second is about the Bill of Rights. We can't wait to watch the rest with our girls!

As I was thinking about this 4th of July and how my wife Amy and I continue to feel about learning America's history, the real history, and how we want our daughters to do the same, I scanned old July 4th photos on my phone. I found a cute one from six years ago with Beatrice and Bryce holding flags and dressed in old-timey clothes from 100 years ago. 

Pre-covid, Amy and I loved taking the girls Wilder Ranch State Park and celebrate an old-fashioned 4th of July. The park staff and other volunteers would also reenact a women's suffrage parade, complete with signs calling for the right of women to vote in elections. That's an important part of history for our girls to understand and to ensure it doesn't disappear. 

We love this country. Its ideals have empowered many a positive change for all kinds people, here and abroad, and we're grateful for those who have fought for those ideals. It's taken hundreds of years to get here, and we've still got a lot long ways to go in America, and go the distance we will. Because the future of freedom is always at stake. 

This Is What We Can Do

I tired quickly of the social media memes and why I had to get off social. The memes that said things like "can't we just agree to disagree." Or, this very specific one associated with a picture of an older Clint Eastwood scowling:

I disagree with you. It doesn't mean I dislike you or that I'm mad at you. It just means that like you, I have my own opinions. I won't treat you disrespectfully just because we share differing opinions. Give me the same respect.

I mean, c'mon. Clint Eastwood? The actor/director who played Dirty Harry and a myriad of other strong, tough and unforgiving white-male leads who would more likely punch you or shoot you before listening to you? That's the image associated with this meme seemingly about trying to be understanding of each other, and it doesn't work for me. 

If we agree to disagree about whether or not our children should have their own phones, whether or not speed bumps should be added to our local streets, or even whether or not we support universal healthcare, then that's different. We could have a somewhat informed discussion based on verifiable facts and non-threatening personal opinions. But when what we disagree on could result in a safety problem for me, or my wife, or my two daughters, that could endanger us in any way, then it's not about compromise or respect. It's about personal safety. 

Plus, I just can't agree to disagree when belief and opinions are based on dangerous lies that result in destructive outcomes, even with the overwhelming amount of evidence to the contrary. For example, when someone wants to believe that the coronavirus isn't real, or really a threat to people, or a way to control the masses and negate personal freedoms, and aren't willing to practice safety protocols or eventually get vaccinated. Or they want to believe there was widespread voter fraud in the presidential election and are willing to try to take over the Capitol and kidnap, hurt and even kill government leaders and anyone else who disagrees with them (civilians like us). These are dire safety problems for many of us today who want to prevent others from getting sick or prevent violence in their own communities. 

Which is why it was timely that I received a Kidpower email that announced "We stand for safety!"

Kidpower is a nonprofit organization my wife Amy works for. It continues to teach our family and people of all ages and abilities to use their power to stay safe, act wisely, and believe in themselves.

How do we choose safety in dangerous times? This article describes 3 core Kidpower strategies for protecting ourselves and the young people in our lives:

1. Create emotional safety
2. Stay away from trouble
3. Focus on what we CAN do

We're also teaching our daughters how to be accountable for their own words and actions and how they impact others, and possibly endanger them. And in the same breath, to not shame or marginalize others because they don't agree with them -- even when it involves potential safety problems for them and others. They do need to get away from the trouble, and stay away, and then focus on what they can do about it. The latest Brené Brown podcast highlights how important accountability is and how uncomfortable it is these days to address. Letting ourselves be vulnerable enough to be accountable for our actions is creating emotional safety for us and others. This is what our children are learning to do and will continue to practice into adulthood. 

Four years ago our entire family marched in the Women's March. And while there was angry shaming about the newly elected president then, for many of us it was all about how millions of inspired global citizens added to the momentum of a positive movement -- the transcendent beauty of inclusive community. The same sentiment for the times we participated in our local Martin Luther King, Jr. Day marches. Unfortunately the continued resurgence of misogyny, racism, bullying, intolerance, shaming -- and just blatant hateful dehumanization -- is a big safety problem for us all now.

I've been mostly off social media for the past week, because I feel we just can't agree to disagree anymore. Not when it's based on perpetuated lies that lead to destructive outcomes. And not when there's an ongoing willingness to marginalize others that leads to unnecessary violence. We just can't. The reality is that we should learn how to agree and disagree with each other, while being emotionally safe and accountable and truthful, without shaming or dehumanizing each other in the process. This is what we can do; what our children can learn from us. It will be a lot of hard work and will come with many uncomfortable conversations, but I truly believe this is how we heal. 

Agree to Disintegration

"Truth is after all a moving target

Hairs to split,

And pieces that don't fit

How can anybody be enlightened

Truth is after all so poorly lit..."

–Rush, Turn the Page

In the very near future, they'll know. They'll know who Santa really is, and the Shelf Elves, and the Easter Bunny. We fell into the same trap that many parents do, telling their kids lies in the name of longtime, seemingly harmless cultural traditions. 

Heck, both our daughters may even already know, and are just letting the magic of childhood ride out as long as it can. We tell them the truth otherwise about everything else. Or, more accurately, we tell them our truths.

Yes, our truths. Truths that have been defined and refined since we were children. My wife and I are fairly intelligent people, fairly well-informed. Like everyone though, we have our biases, and yet are still socially progressive on issues related to racism and sexism. We believe we can be objective when weighing the facts as we know them about any issue. We empathize, we sympathize, we fight the good fight. But we're still biased and our truths are tainted by those same biases. 

Don Quixote battled windmills because he truly believed they were dangerous giants. Daredevil "Mad" Mike Hughes was killed in a rocket launch, one where planned to finally determine for himself if the earth was as flat as he believed it to be. We all believe what we want to believe if it fits our narrative at that point in time. We may all carry emotional baggage with us throughout our lives, but can't forget the added weight of confirmation bias in our psychological backpacks.

Someone I know shared a social media meme filled with conspiracy theories including the fact that coronavirus was created on purpose. Our government has taken away our freedoms to control us during this pandemic. The peaceful protests were a ruse for the #BlackLivesMatter movement to purposely loot and destroy property. So many others as well. I'm probably not even writing them out again correctly because they were so outlandish in the first place, with little to no factual bases as far as I knew. This based on reporting and historically accurate essays debunking these theories. Unfortunately, media perpetuates them, our leaders perpetuate them, either to inform or to misinform, more the latter of late. Our own education system has downplayed, even erased, systemic racism and inequality activities and issues since the founding of this country.  

I asked this person if she really believed all these things in the meme she posted. She responded she did. I was saddened, but didn't respond. I only thought about her children and grandchildren, and what they will believe and what their truths will ultimately be. 

These days some people use the phrase "agree to disagree" a lot. A difference in opinion and robust debate are important -- keeping each other honest, as they say, and seeing things from different perspectives. But, how can we agree to disagree when there's no basis of fact on what it is we actually disagree on? How do we debate purposefully destructive propaganda that's distributed to diffuse debate? This is true no matter where you find yourself along the great political and/or ideological divide. Instead, we sit around our tribal campfires scrawling our truths in the dirt, howl at the moon and to hell with everybody else. 

We can even mask it further by saying we choose love instead of choosing to take a stand on an issue. Both are equally valid in their own right, but not when it's about indirectly blaming those who choose to take a stand on something that affects their lives and livelihoods. My wife articulated it well:

Our hope is that people choose to live their lives with love and light. And that people can still do so in the worst of conditions. What is inherently false is that all people choose their circumstances. Unfortunately, one of our deep rooted cultural norms is to blame a person for their circumstances and not to consider the overlying foundation. We are privileged to have had the opportunity to work hard, provide for our families and take time to enjoy life. This is not the reality for all people and the complexities of why it is not a reality is part of why people choose apathy. We all have a choice, yes. I hold people in high regard that choose to go into the darkness with hearts of love for the betterment of all lives.

Conspiratorial propaganda is as old as the spoken word, and if we don't look for whatever facts are available to either support or refute a "reported" truth, then how can we agree to disagree? Like ever? There may be a nobility in seeing the world differently, of challenging the status quo and finding new truths. But when we agree to disintegration, there will never be a greater societal or spiritual connection for our children and grandchildren, nor an investment in healing the humanity of today and tomorrow. We need to agree it is all our responsibility. 

Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts:

The Teacher Parade

All These Things Can Lead To Grace

Our Freedom Is Always Welcome

A Well of Strength

This Bad History

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Problem

The Iceberg Underneath

The Healing Hope We Can Give

Donate Your Date Nights and Help Feed Families

About All The Things

Dad, Our Family's Computer Guy

The Newest Normal

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

This Is The Life

When There's Nowhere to Go

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To

Because The Truth Is Really Out There

“And the devil who had deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet were, and they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.”

— Revelation 20:10

You'd think it was end of days. The charismatic false prophets and presidential candidates, the unpredictable global terrorism, the rapturous disappearance of hope and goodness from mainstream everything, the reality TV shows, the endless selfishness and selfies, the anonymous toxicity of social media and the rush to judgment, and Fox News.

Okay, okay, maybe that last one isn't quite fair. Too much of mainstream media today doesn't do well in the fact-check department anyway. Today the level of bullshit disguised as free speech and universal truths is astounding. It's like we have to play Mulder and Scully, to debunk UFO conspiracies and monster sightings while watching the news, or reading the newspaper or magazines. Except for my NPR. Don't be knocking my NPR. Or my Economist.

We're having to debunk misinformation all the time otherwise. We're tormented day and night forever and ever. The truth just isn't out there anymore. We're the ones thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur to suffer fools and demons.

"I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters.”

Jesus H. Christ. I still don't know what to do with that one. In full disclosure, the Mama and I really loved his reality show Celebrity Apprentice. Not ashamed of that at all. Train wreck for a cause and all that.

But I digress. Ah, to again be the childlike discovery of things anew and to entrust the scientific method of investigating phenomena, learning new things, or unlearning previously learned things.

And not going to the mat solely because admitting your wrong is not an alternative. Instead, complete fabrication to spur reactive action is the path tread more often.

Blech. These are things we're teaching our girls to avoid. That they should embrace the scientific method and come to their own positions based on queries and objective facts and the filtering out of the bullshit. Not to outright doubt faith and believe in beliefs (that don't hurt others or yourself), but it's no accident X-Files' Dana Scully is a female (and am so glad the show is back).

Beatrice and one of her 1st grade classmates entered their school's science fair this year. They wanted to determine if different fruits floated or sank in water and why.

They discovered that size and weight were not the only factor in whether the different fruits floated or sank. They learned that there was another piece to this experiment – density – the amount of space the materials of an object take up in it’s own form. The mango was denser than the orange and apple, for example, so it sank.

Both girls love to "do science" now and we hope the years of living science will never stop for them, that their objectivity, sense of mindful fairness and imaginative wonder will never cease.

Because the truth is really out there, sinking like fresh mangoes to the ocean floor, while the rest of the rotting hot-air filled fruit creates marine trash vortices that swirl endlessly within us all.

Let's clean it up and bring it up, kids. We're not ready for the world to end.

#BhivePower