We All Have A Problem

"You both have a problem."

We sat in our living room listening to our youngest Bryce explain to my wife Amy and I that we spend too much time on social media. Not only that, they told me I joke too much about artificial intelligence (AI) and use it too much as well. And the fact that AI is destroying the future for them, their sibling Beatrice, and all their friends. AI is altering education, the job market, and the energy required to power AI is destroying the environment. Both our kids are worried about it all.

And they're not wrong. But first, social media. Amy and I aren't on social media as much as we used to be and my weekly iPhone usage totals validate that (even though Bryce says we are). True, we both scroll for entertainment, but we aren't viewing individual pages much at all anymore, and while I post these articles I write here weekly, and a fun photo or drumming video now and again, our time online is minimal. 

The irony here is that we've allowed our kids to have their own social accounts since they were 13. Since then, there's been enough research that shows how addictive and destructive social media can be for kids, teens, and yes, adults. We monitored what they view online when they were younger and check in periodically now that they're older. They're mostly on YouTube and we're not fans of some of their content, but we've approved and they've also done a good job of limiting their screen time.

If we could go back and have them wait until they were 16, 17, even 18? Maybe. That might've been a better move, but they're both managing to limit their time, get their schoolwork done, socialize with their friends (and us), and engage in activities that have nothing to do with screens. Also, any emotional and psychological struggles they've had as teens wasn't directly related to social media as far as we're concerned. 

However, for many other kids and families it has been a big problem. Both Meta and Google lost a major social media addiction lawsuit recently because of this big problem. And there's more than likely a lot more to come. Will it change the way these platforms are run? Skeptics don't think so; parents hope so. Maybe it's just easier to not let kids start in the first place and for the parents to stay off. What was always billed as a way to stay connected has done more to isolate and disconnect. Amy and I are definitely considering staying off and going back to phone calls and letter writing to stay in touch with family and friends. 

Then there are the Chromebooks our kids have been using since middle school. The pandemic led to more tech use due to distance learning (Google Classroom). Big Tech companies -- primarily Google, Microsoft, and Apple -- have invested billions of dollars in cash, free software, training, and heavily discounted hardware to secure their position in the K-12 education market, a sector where tech spending reached $30 billion in 2024 alone. 

There are software safeguards, but too many kids have figured out how to circumvent and access YouTube and lots of inappropriate content. School districts across the country and now reducing their dependence on tech and the use of it in the classroom. Our own school district is looking at all this now. Thankfully our children have limited their usage of their school laptops to schoolwork.

AI is a tougher one for me as an employed parent. I work for a software company and we do provide AI features in our platform. Plus, I use AI every day to help me with work productivity. Like many new technologies I've had access to in the workplace since before public internet, I've always been an early adopter. That also included social media in the mid to late 2000's. 

AI is different. Will be different. At first, I wanted AI to be banned in schools because of the fear of plagiarism and the impact on critical thinking (which is happening), but then we went the other way with seeing value in some AI tools for kids to study with and learn from, especially high schoolers. 

The jury's still out on this one, though. Plus, lots of folks -- economists, tech pundits, naysayers, people struggling to find work -- all have different opinions on how much displacement it will have on the future job market for our kids, and what jobs it will literally destroy and possibly create.

Like every technology disruption before mainstream AI, we've always found a way to adjust in the workplace. For example, when my wife and I first dated in the late 1990's, we traveled as much as we could. Everywhere we went, we used paper maps and road atlases. We never really thought much about it; we grew up using paper maps and that was how we navigated travel.

Then came MapQuest, a free online mapping service, and navigating the world changed forever. However, many people early on printed the maps out from MapQuest to use, including us. Then came Google Maps and GPS and navigating the world changed yet again, forever.

Paper maps are still available, but for those displaced who worked in the printed map-making world, what happened to them? Were they displaced forever? Absorbed into the online map/GPS world? Into other industries? This may seem like an inconsequential example, but every disruption is consequential. 

These are similar questions HR/TA leader Jan Tegze asked with unsettling clarity. The difference being, earlier technology disruptions took decades to transform, displace, and reabsorb those impacted. Hundreds of years in fact moving from paper maps to smart phones, GPS, and apps. What happens to all the workers when AI transforms in a fraction of the time?

If you haven't read Anthropic's Labor market impacts of AI research (makers of Claude), you should. Some of the highlights include "workers in the most exposed professions are more likely to be older, female, more educated, and higher-paid" and "there's suggestive evidence that hiring of younger workers has slowed in exposed occupations".

So again, what happens to all the workers when AI transforms and displaces in a fraction of the time? Will they be reabsorbed, or not? There's a lot of uncertainty ahead for our kids.

When Bryce told us, "You both have a problem", it turned into a much bigger conversation. It's clear that we all have a problem with where we're at today with social media, technology, AI, and our children's futures. Not to mention a changing job market, inflation, rising energy costs, climate change, limited affordable housing, geopolitical instability, authoritarianism, diminished rights, extreme polarization, bigotry -- I could go on, but I think we're all painfully aware of what's happening around the world today. And what's happening down the street. 

When our family marched in protest with millions of others this weekend, it was about all of the things above for us. Our kids just want a better world. Blessings for our freedom to fight for it and make real impactful and positive change. 

Our Children's Future

Our oldest Beatrice loves history. Our youngest Bryce loves science. Both have been rewritten and rolled back by the current U.S. government. Our rights continue to be trampled on, and citizens are being harassed, injured, and killed. These are scary times for all Americans. Even those who support it all.

But they're especially scary for our children. My wife Amy and I hopefully have many more years of living ahead, but our children's futures are in jeopardy. We know. Our friends with kids know it. Our kids know it. 

Which was why we were okay with them both participating in the "Stop ICE Day of Action" school walk out and protest. Over 1,000 high school and middle school students in our district exercised their 1st amendment rights to gather peacefully and protest what's happening in our country. 

That wasn't without some reservations from us, however. First, being a parent and a school board member, I was torn letting our kids miss school for this event. Our district issued a statement for parents that read, "On Friday, schools will offer optional structured opportunities for reflection, discussion, writing, and creative expression so students can exercise their first amendment rights while safely remaining on campus. Because school attendance is state law, we cannot endorse or provide resources for any walk-out of school. This is true regardless of the nature of the protest." 

Our school district added, "Our highest priority is student safety, well-being, and belonging." For every single student. Another board member also reminded me that "through existing school board policy, we have a shared responsibility to uphold student rights, maintain safe learning environments, and support staff in their professional roles." 

Absolutely. And Amy reminded our two teens about our family safety plans going to a protest or any event (concert, sporting event, etc.). Always be aware of what's happening around you. Stay away from the cars driving on the streets. If confrontations happen, move away from them as quickly and safely as possible. Do not go towards them and engage. Listen to and let local law enforcement do their job. Go into a store or any place of business to find refuge. Call 911 if need be. Call us as well.

I've never pretended to ignore what's been happening in America. As citizens and parents, we will speak our truth more frequently because this will not stand. Our democratic republic is being transformed daily and we could spiral into authoritarianism for decades if we don't act. This includes contacting our elected officials, peacefully protesting, voting, and empowering our local communities. Beatrice will be voting for the first time in November and she's excited to exercise that right. So are we. 

Because if we don't act, it does not bode well for our children's future. Hit the streets (and the books), kids. No cap (as the kids would say, or maybe not anymore now that I've said it). 

I See All Their Shine

It was explained that his friend would read his speech for him during the 8th grade graduation because he was anxious about it. They stood together in front of the podium as she read his poignant words. 

One phrase in particular struck me. She read, "I finally found myself, my shine, my person."

Blessings to him for even standing up on that stage. I remember my own anxiety at that age, how crippling it became late in high school, and how I didn't really overcome it until my 30's. Mostly overcame it; I finally found my shine. I felt blessed to witness this young man's accomplishment at his age, and it reminded me all over again how we can overcome.

I attended three different graduations as a school board member -- one elementary, one middle school, and one high school -- and listening to what the student speakers had to say about making it through the pandemic and the isolation of distance learning and ultimately thriving due to family, friend, and of course, teacher support. 

Every student has a story and their stories are exponentially important to all of us today about resiliency, support, and love. I talked to my wife Amy about this recently as it related to our own two teens, one in middle school and one in high school now. With all the love and support we've given our children over the years, it's hard to watch them struggle with their own anxieties at times. Amy reminded me that they are teens; it's normal developmentally. That they struggled with isolation throughout the pandemic. That even though they have healthy friendships, their brains and bodies are developing rapidly, and the stress of feeling liked and included is excruciating at times (duh, I do remember). That they are more aware than ever of the world's volatility around us and how social media scrolling demons can haunt them day after day.

We always talk about all these things with our kids, and it's like Amy and me are living it all again, but this time we feel like we're giving them more grounded guidance, love, and support than we got growing up. Our oldest Beatrice will graduate high school in three years and our youngest Bryce will graduate 8th grade next year.

Sigh. And even though our kids weren't graduating this year, I relived the bittersweet moments of each grade as I witnessed the elementary, middle school, and high school graduation ceremonies as a school board member (all schools where our kids have attended and currently attend). 

The last graduation I went to was the Santa Cruz High School ceremony, and one by one the seniors were called up to receive their diplomas. I shook their hands, said congratulations, handed them their diploma case, and reveled in the diverse supernova of potential lighting up each face. When the last diploma case was handed out, I got to speak to the students and state that they were now certified high school graduates -- congratulations to the class of 2024! They cheered and clapped and I was just as proud of all of them as their families and friends were. 

I thought about the 8th grade graduate from the day before and the speech he wrote about finding himself and thought: I see all their shine, burning bright with hope, empathy, and love. And for that, I am grateful. 

Listen and Love First

In a sea of thousands, I felt seen. Again. I listened to his story, and although I knew it was nothing like mine, in a way, it actually was. The moment he finally felt seen and heard was pivotal for him, and it reminded me of mine.

Here I was at my first school board conference with nearly 5,000 school board members from across the state preparing to be a new board member next year, something I never thought I'd be. The first keynote speaker was Brandon P. Fleming, author of MISEDUCATED: A Memoir, an at-risk youth and college dropout turned award-winning educator. 

I felt that feeling of being seen and heard again because of a very specific part of his story. He was a failing black college student whose only role models were drug dealers and athletes. An English professor took the time "see" him, to meet him where he was in his life, to lead with love and help him turn his learning and his life around. She introduced him to black writers that he never knew existed and it changed his life forever. 

Brandon went on to finish college and launch a debate residency program that recruits under-served youth with no prior debate experience who he trains to compete against hundreds of elite debaters from over 25 different countries around the world. For five consecutive years, since the program’s inception in 2017, every cohort trained by Fleming has won the international competition.

My story was nothing like his. I was a privileged white high school student who got straight A's, took all the college-level AP classes, sang in choir, played football, and participated in student government. However, the pressure to constantly excel and the ghosts of my childhood growing up in domestic violence and sexual abuse became too much for me and I began to have severe anxiety and panic attacks. 

However, I didn't know what they were at the time. I began skipping classes, my grades suffered, and no one, not even my closest friends and immediate family, understood what was happening to me. It wasn't that they didn't love or care about me, but because I couldn't express what was happening to me, most took an arms-length approach with me. Everyone felt bad for me that I was breaking down, but no one could reach me. 

It wasn't until another high school counselor reached out to me when my perspective changed. Mr. Ash wasn't my primary academic counselor, but he connected with me in a way that others didn't. I told him as best I could what I was feeling and why, and he could relate; he had experienced that kind of stress when he was my age as well. He listened to my story without judgment, and shared his own story, and recommended that I take the time to heal and figure things out, that I should check out the field of psychology (which I ended up majoring in) but that I didn't necessarily need to go to college right away, if I needed more time. He took the time to "see" me, to meet me where I was in my life, to lead with love and help me turn my learning and my life around. 

Fully turning things around after high school would still take over a decade, but I got there. As a new school board member, I listened to Brandon P. Fleming speak and tears welled in my eyes. He said "stories are the gateway to empathy" and that as school administrators, educators, support staff, board members, and parents, we should "listen and love first, and then teach and lead second." Today, too many young people need mental health services, including elementary school kids, and we can do better to ensure they are emotionally, socially, and physically safe. We should meet each child where they're at, listen and love without judgement, and strive to provide the resources and support they need to thrive.