Saturday, July 25, 2026

The Don't Fall Mantra

As I fell to the sidewalk, the only thing I could think of was us telling each other: "Don't fall."

My wife Amy and I have been sharing that mantra with each other for the past few years when we go for workout walks and mountain hikes. We feel healthy and are in pretty good shape, although I won't say "for our age". That's too limiting. Last year we bought matching shirts that said "A Little Fit / A Little Fat" that were a big hit at last year's Wharf to Wharf. We're older parents now with teens in tow and grateful we haven't had many debilitating injuries. Our kids are grateful, too. 

I had knee surgery in 2014, which put an end to my running days. That was because of a torn meniscus that proved to be worse than the MRI showed. I had fallen a few times on runs prior to that, most likely damaging an already tearing meniscus. I recovered and moved on to walking and hiking. No bike riding, though. We've tried but just never became a biking family.

Last year Amy rolled her ankle on a hike. She was sore but thankfully wasn't out of commission too long. Second to "don't fall" is our rule of never taking your eyes off the road or trail we're walking on. Especially mountain trails. That's what she did, and her foot slid off a root she didn't see to anticipate adjusting her footing. 

In 2017, I did have a bizarre infection health scare that I never fully understood at the time or since. One that put in the hospital for night and left me with an awkward and painful healing process. Our kids were much younger then but old enough to be worried. It certainly sucked but I eventually recovered. 

Otherwise, we've each had other physical tweaks in our necks, backs, and knees. We recovered nicely from each of those, taking care of ourselves and not pushing it when we couldn't or shouldn't (except me at times unfortunately). Each time our kids remind us to slow down and take care of ourselves. I'm six years older than Amy and I was 42 when our oldest Beatrice was born and 44 when our youngest Bryce was born. When I look back at one of the earliest posts on Get Off The Ground about being an older parent, I have to smile. 

The question is – do Amy and I worry about the fact we're older having children? Not really. I mean, yes, I imagine what it will be like, banking on the fact we'll be in pretty good shape mentally, emotionally and physically – along with having contingencies in place just in case. But no, we're not that worried about it at this point.

So, here we are. We've made it with falls and all.

"Don't fall." The words collided with my other thought in that moment -- How did I lose my balance? After walking our dog Jenny thousands of times over the past six years, I had never lost my balance. Until I did. 

I had reached down to pick up Jenny's poop, just like the thousands of times before that, and instead of standing back up cleanly, I spun slowly and fell to the sidewalk onto my right side. I tried to break the fall with my hand holding Jenny's leash, but it didn't work. I'm lucky I didn't break my wrist trying. I felt my ribs compress upward and inward. It hurt. A lot. 

I laid there for a moment, still holding the leash, and Jenny just stared at me, waiting to finish her walk. I stood up and was able to walk. The right side of my ribs were sore, but all my limbs were scrape free and intact. I finished the walk and told Amy what happened. A week later I went to get an X-ray that revealed I had a hairline fracture in one of my ribs. But two weeks after that I was healing just fine. 

"Don't fall." The words continue to haunt me because now our kids are on me about it. And sure enough, less than three weeks after that fall, on one of our mountain hikes I tripped and strained my right foot under my big toe. The part where you push off when walking, running, or jumping. I don't run anymore, and I don't jump much, but I do walk. And play the drums. 

I'm recovering from that now, but damn. It's like I need all the automated warning alarms built into our fussy EV. And even though my family thinks I'm still fussier than the car, I need to do better job of embodying the "don't fall" mantra and watch where the frick I'm going. All the time. 

Sunday, July 19, 2026

The Age of Adulting

And then they were gone. For hours. Beatrice had driven away with Bryce in tow to go who knows where. Just to drive. To get something to eat. To hang out. I tried to not think about the fact that Beatrice now had her license and could drive by herself, much less drive with her sibling. But here we were. 

I texted a few hours later and Beatrice said they were good. She's a safe driver, but still a new driver still, so the worries don't subside easily. Plus, you always have to worry about all the other crappy drivers out there on the roads no matter now seasoned and skilled you are. 

It's exciting for her. It's helpful to us. It's bittersweet, nonetheless. Because adulting is happening faster now that she's driving, starting her senior year, evaluating colleges, and more. For my wife Amy and I, it turns the photo memories that come up on our phones of when both kids were little into loving reminisces.

Besides the driving lessons we paid for, Amy and I helped Beatrice practice for her driving test. We went through the driving checklists she'd have to answer and practiced driving near the DMV where the test would happen. 

Amy took her the day of her driving test. I had work calls but kept in touch via text. Although they were on time, the driving tester wasn't, and they had to wait an extra 45 minutes before it was Beatrice's turn. She managed her stress, though; Amy and I were more frustrated for her, and me for both having to wait.  

I remember the day I took my driving test at the DMV. My mom took me and was very supportive. My stress was palatable but the entire experience didn't take very long. And I had to parallel park, which they didn't require Beatrice to do. I did it all and passed the test. Afterwards, I held my temporary license tightly in my hand. My mom was supposed to drop me off at school and then go back to work. Instead, she drove all the way back home and told me I could take the car to school. My face flushed with freedom and independence and I still couldn't believe she let me drive to school. 

Amy texted that Beatrice was finally with the driving tester. I felt confident she'd pass. I just hoped she stayed focused and confident. 

About 20 minutes later, Beatrice texted us all proudly: "I PASSED!!"

The total increase in our car insurance premiums aside (crazy calculus!), we're grateful that Beatrice has her license now, and we're confident she'll continue to be a safe and sound driver. Bryce isn't too far behind and has already started driver training online. (And then more crazy insurance calculus.)

Hours later when they returned from Beatrice's first solo drive, all I could think about was our little babies who were little babies no more. Beatrice doesn't need us to take her places anymore. Soon Bryce won't either. There's still much for them to learn and experience, but the age of adulting is here to stay.

Sunday, July 12, 2026

On Making Good Choices

It was funny / not funny the way she said it. The researcher giving us the tour of the Sunflower Star Laboratory in Moss Landing shared how a warming Pacific Ocean decimated the Sunflower Star and other species starting in 2013. 

She talked about how their research is helping to repopulate the sea stars, and how one of the Sunflower Stars they raised ended up dying because of "bad choices", and not because of the warm blob of ocean as they've called it. Bad choices because the Sunflower Star ate some bad shellfish (the bad being the bacteria in it). That was the funny / not funny. The shellfish contained bacteria that made it sick and die. Same thing that can happen in humans, too, but the way she said it was almost like saying it was a teen making a bad choice. 

The rest of the tour was fascinating, and our youngest Bryce and I asked many questions of the researcher. Bryce had wanted to go on this tour because marine biology has fast become their passion and a future career. They currently volunteer at the Seymour Marine Discovery Center, teaching young kids (and adults) about Swell Sharks and how to touch them in the touch pool, among many other responsibilities. It's special for my wife Amy and I because that's where we were married way before having kids. 

Amy had a company meeting that day, so I took Bryce to Moss Landing to do the Sunflower Star Laboratory tour, and to check out the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI) open house that was going on. That was also very cool to learn more about the research they do, the submersibles they use, and Bryce asked about internships, something they could apply for in college. 

Before Bryce and I went to Moss Landing, that same morning I took our oldest Beatrice driving near the DMV where she'll be taking her driving test soon to get her license. She's been banking the practice hours to be ready to pass the test. Both Amy and I have let her drive with her permit to incrementally add to her experience. Never in a rush to get her license when she turned 16, Beatrice has because a solidly cautious driver, which we're grateful for. 

Driving is stressful enough for experienced drivers like Amy and me, but for a new driver ready practicing to get her license, it's super stressful. What adds to that stress is Mom and Dad giving feedback to their child. While it can sound like we're judging her driving, we're just trying to give constructive feedback. That doesn't always translate, though, especially when we know there are inexperienced decisions she'll need to make every time she gets behind the wheel.

This practice drive was no different. I've told her time and again that I can get fussy, which she knows all too well, but I'm not yelling at her. However, she perceives it as yelling. That perception gets amplified because I am telling her what she did wrong and what she should do instead. Then combine that with trying to remember hundreds of things at once when driving amplifies it even further. We don't blame her for getting defensive, just as long as she continues to develop her defensive driving skills overall. 

We always want our children to make good choices in whatever they're learning or doing in life. Good choices to us anyway. Who would've thought that phrase -- "make good choices" -- would become as iconic as it did. Thank you Disney and the 2003 Freaky Friday movie. According to Jamie Lee Curtis, who played Dr. Tess Coleman in the 2003 Freaky Friday film, "Make good choices!" is the only line she has ever improvised in her entire career.

What's funny about that is sometimes our improvisations are the only choices to make in the moment, where the magic can come from. And sometimes they're not. "Listening to your heart" as the expression goes is only as good as prefrontal cortex executive functioning, which ain't great in teens (and unfortunately a lot of adults I've known over the years). 

Whether it's following a career passion or learning something complicated and new like driving, we're grateful our kids mostly make good choices. Until they don't, and then we're there for them to coach them through all the bad choices we've already learned from (I think). 

We know it's not always that clear cut, and sometimes a bad choice can become a happy accident (no driving pun intended). You just gotta get the heart and mind to align either way. And probably best to skip the shellfish. 

Sunday, July 5, 2026

The Declaration

(a poem in progress for America and our children)

250 years a union
Still here
Still imperfect 
Still built on the backs
Of the Others without
And the Others of color
Of sexual preference
Of huddled masses
Wishing to become
More in today’s America
Yet the vanquished
Cry out for justice
And prosperity 
Again and again
Fleeced
Forlorn
Forgotten
That privileged 
Liberty longed for
Fought for
Died for
Since before 
The reason
The Declaration
Was born

250 years a union
Still here
Still imperfect 
Still driven by wealthy
Tyrannical cannibals
Devouring our trust
Our sovereignty
Our livelihoods 
While backing the
Grifter King
The farcical despot
Who cares nothing 
For our country or us
Volatile
Vindictive
Vapid
Like those we’ve 
Staved off before
To prevent 
The treason
The Declaration 
Had warned

250 years a union
Still here
Still imperfect 
Still populated
And differentiated
By class and status
Let us break
The caste of
That privileged
Liberty longed for
Well lit with hope for
Justice and prosperity
Of the people 
For the people
By the people
No Others but all 
Noting that hope
Without action  
Is impotent sage
So let’s find our 
Founders’ footing
Of all people 
Created equal
And becoming more
In today’s America
Let’s revive
The reason
The Declaration 
Was born