The Show Must Go On

The night before auditions, both our kids were stressed. For Beatrice, it was more anticipatory, positive stress. For Bryce, it was a foreboding, negative stress. I worried how this one would play out, because this time, Beatrice is the director making all the decisions along with the help of a teacher-advisor. 

Both kids have been in theater for years, but our youngest Bryce got involved in theater and choir in middle school, and our oldest Beatrice not until high school. Now both are in high school and loving both. 

However, with theater, both kids have had their gripes about not getting the parts they wanted. This isn't unique to our kids; anyone who tries out and does the best they can during the audition will be disappointed when they don't get the part they wanted. This will be true for their entire lives, whether that's auditioning for a part, applying for a job, asking for a promotion, and so many other adulting activities. 

We were proud because they were always still all in no matter what they got. They enjoyed themselves and we've enjoyed all the productions they've been a part of. But as I wrote above, this time Beatrice is the director. We're super proud that she stepped up to do this her senior year, and besides working over the summer, she began to prep and plan about the play, which is a murder mystery. That's all we know and all we want to know because my wife Amy and I want to be surprised!

Beatrice has still run play things past us, filling us in on her planning and some of the characters, all without giving away the "whodunnit" part. The one thing we knew is that Beatrice would be (and is) very organized in the planning, the blocking, and who should get what part. Organized and fair. When you have a lot more people try out than what you have parts for, you have to get creative with how many more you can keep than those parts. 

The thing I worried about the most was the fact that one of those auditioning students is her sibling, Bryce. Bryce kept themself calm as much as possible, but the week before the auditions for this fall's murder mystery, the pressure cooker cranked up to 11 (that's a Spinal Tap reference). Bryce lobbied hard for specific parts that had more lines. Beatrice, forever the optimist and already a great boundary setter and leader, kept her cool and kept reminding Bryce to go for it when they tried out, without promising anything.

Bryce was relentless but also self-deprecating, discounting their own acting abilities, riding that pre-audition stomach-curdling roller coaster. Beatrice remained composed with more emotional intelligence than I could have ever wished for when I was 17. Her positive excitement of picking out the cast and directing the play infected us all, even keeping Bryce smiling more than frowning. And Bryce, to their credit, has already given Beatrice some solid directing ideas (something they want to do in the future). 

Thankfully they both made it through auditions intact. Beatrice and the teacher-advisor finalized the cast list, and Bryce landed a role they were more than happy with, based on their abilities, and not because of their sister the director. We all breathed a happy sigh of relief. 

In life, the show must go on no matter what, and we're grateful that right now, our kids have got it going on (as the expression goes). We can't wait for the show!

Getting the Part

Disappointment can feel like a tragic fall from sky-high expectations. The realization impact is what hurts the most and it guts us -- that the person you like doesn't like you back, or trying out for the sports team and not making the cut, or the part in the play you auditioned for that you don't get, or the job you really felt you were qualified for that you don't get, or the promotion you really felt you were qualified for that you don't get. 

The one about not getting the job you want is something that our teens haven't experienced yet. Only our oldest Beatrice has had a paying job the past two years, and was also promoted in year two, as a paid summer camp counselor. Our youngest Bryce can't wait to get a part-time job next summer. 

Both our kids played recreation soccer for years (with me as their coach for many of them), and then in middle school they tried out for and made the team. Both were solid players with good fundamental skills. The clique competitiveness wasn't for them, though, which outweighed the joy they derived from playing. That's when music and theater became their go-to participatory "sports".

Pre-covid both kids participated in a sweet theater troupe called Musical Mondays. They got to play a variety of roles, which was so much fun to watch their fun. Bryce participated in another theater program after that, but like in soccer, the clique competitiveness was too much. But choir was different in middle school for Bryce, who got to perform solos with a tentative but growing confidence. 

Now both our teens are in high school choir and theater and loving them because. The environment is still competitive, but much more inclusive and supportive. However, the disappointment of auditioning and not getting the roles they want is painfully real. It sucks, especially when they have experience and they practiced the roles beforehand. 

Some would say, "Well, that's life, and it's only going to get more competitive, and there will always be winners and losers." And that's true. There will be those who are stellar at what they do because of their abilities. There can also be bias, favoritism, nepotism, and privilege that help propel them. 

A certain amount of "putting yourself out there" and competitiveness is helpful character building. It can incrementally improve confidence and fuel the passion and the willingness to take a chance for something we want to do or be and like to do or be. Liking and wanting are important fulfillment companions, but wanting without liking can be just frustrating and self-loathing as never taking a shot in the first place. Thank you Rick Hanson and your Foundations of Wellbeing course.

We must be able to process and learn from not getting what we want (the part, the job, the position, etc.), from the disappointment that can gut us. Training or no training, practice or no practice, innate talent or aspirational talent, favoritism or fairness, it still all sucks when it doesn't work out for us. How we grapple with this disappointment, reassess what we liked and wanted and what we want to do now, understand what ultimately generates joy for us, and how we move forward without fear of judgment or self-judgment, are the only things we have control over.

Our hearts ache when our children ache with disappointment. We can't protect them from that; they have to go through it. However, getting to the other side of it and feeling grounded and confident to keep going is what's critical and what we've worked to impart on them. 

As parents, we’re proud of them and grateful they continue to explore their passions. The good news is that they're both getting the part where, no matter what happens, they hold their heads high and are proud of who they are and what they're capable of. They prioritize the joy in what they do while empathizing with others who don't. 

No Rotten Tomatoes Here

Bryce kept moving around during the final cast bows and her head bobbed back and forth. I thought, What is she doing? Is she still singing and dancing?

And then I thought, Ah, that's what she's doing; she's crying. Just like her dad.

Mostly tears of joy and the reality that the Beauty and the Beast All About Theater production she was in, her first true theater experience, was coming to an end after over three months of rehearsals. So many new learning experiences, new friends, and a new love: the theater. Musicals in particular. 

When both our daughters were in grade school (pre-pandemic), they were in a few after-school musical productions. While they both had fun, it was Bryce who seemed to have an affinity to acting, dancing, and singing. When it came time for the Beauty and the Beast auditions at the beginning of this year, she struggled with doing it or not. One of her good friends had already been in a couple of these shows, and Bryce became very interested in auditioning. 

And then she didn't want to do it. And then she did again. Bryce likes to be introverted a lot of the time, so something like auditioning for a musical took an inordinate amount of bravery and energy for her to pull off. Her stress ran really high prior to the first audition. We did our best to comfort her, to encourage her, and finally when the day came, she did it. 

After she tried out, she couldn't wait to go back. 

Bryce really wanted one of the main roles, the character of Chip, but in the end it was her first serious youth production, and she ended up being the hat seller and part of the many ensemble groups. She even had two lines, one in the first act and one in the second. We were so proud of her during opening night and closing night, the two nights she wanted us there. 

The time investment for Bryce was more than she'd ever experienced before, way more than even playing soccer over the years. Like her dad (me), stress builds up inside her until she's ready to blow. Fortunately her meltdowns were at a minimum, including during tech week when they rehearsed every night for nearly a week prior to opening night. 

For us, there was the financial investment for Bryce to participate, which we'll be happy to do again and again if she continues down the theater path. Plus, the parents can save money off the total investment for their kids when they volunteer to help with sets, costumes, etc., and my wife Amy volunteered a lot over the past three months. I did a little bit, in between my work and being on our local school board, including helping to haul kids back and forth to rehearsals and performances. 

With all of our investments of the past three months, especially Bryce's, the result was renewed love of acting, dancing, and singing in theater, something we believe she's always had, and always will have. There was nothing wrong with being the hat seller and part of the ensemble groups in Beauty and the Beast, her first real theater production. The entire cast of 10-17 year olds, choreography, direction, orchestra, stage help -- all the things -- were amazing! The experience is something Bryce will never forget and she will be back. Early on, she told us that they were going to throw rotten tomatoes at her for being so bad. It became an ongoing joke with our family. 

"Don't post any pictures of me, Dad," she also told me over and over again throughout the production. Being the photog of the family, that's always a tough one for me, but I always comply unless I get permission from either kid. Instead, Bryce gets a proud and goofy parent pic on the last night. That got a smile through all the bittersweet closing-night tears. No rotten tomatoes here. She was fantastic!