The Show Must Go On

The night before auditions, both our kids were stressed. For Beatrice, it was more anticipatory, positive stress. For Bryce, it was a foreboding, negative stress. I worried how this one would play out, because this time, Beatrice is the director making all the decisions along with the help of a teacher-advisor. 

Both kids have been in theater for years, but our youngest Bryce got involved in theater and choir in middle school, and our oldest Beatrice not until high school. Now both are in high school and loving both. 

However, with theater, both kids have had their gripes about not getting the parts they wanted. This isn't unique to our kids; anyone who tries out and does the best they can during the audition will be disappointed when they don't get the part they wanted. This will be true for their entire lives, whether that's auditioning for a part, applying for a job, asking for a promotion, and so many other adulting activities. 

We were proud because they were always still all in no matter what they got. They enjoyed themselves and we've enjoyed all the productions they've been a part of. But as I wrote above, this time Beatrice is the director. We're super proud that she stepped up to do this her senior year, and besides working over the summer, she began to prep and plan about the play, which is a murder mystery. That's all we know and all we want to know because my wife Amy and I want to be surprised!

Beatrice has still run play things past us, filling us in on her planning and some of the characters, all without giving away the "whodunnit" part. The one thing we knew is that Beatrice would be (and is) very organized in the planning, the blocking, and who should get what part. Organized and fair. When you have a lot more people try out than what you have parts for, you have to get creative with how many more you can keep than those parts. 

The thing I worried about the most was the fact that one of those auditioning students is her sibling, Bryce. Bryce kept themself calm as much as possible, but the week before the auditions for this fall's murder mystery, the pressure cooker cranked up to 11 (that's a Spinal Tap reference). Bryce lobbied hard for specific parts that had more lines. Beatrice, forever the optimist and already a great boundary setter and leader, kept her cool and kept reminding Bryce to go for it when they tried out, without promising anything.

Bryce was relentless but also self-deprecating, discounting their own acting abilities, riding that pre-audition stomach-curdling roller coaster. Beatrice remained composed with more emotional intelligence than I could have ever wished for when I was 17. Her positive excitement of picking out the cast and directing the play infected us all, even keeping Bryce smiling more than frowning. And Bryce, to their credit, has already given Beatrice some solid directing ideas (something they want to do in the future). 

Thankfully they both made it through auditions intact. Beatrice and the teacher-advisor finalized the cast list, and Bryce landed a role they were more than happy with, based on their abilities, and not because of their sister the director. We all breathed a happy sigh of relief. 

In life, the show must go on no matter what, and we're grateful that right now, our kids have got it going on (as the expression goes). We can't wait for the show!

The First Day Is Never the Last

 "...From first to last
The peak is never passed
Something always fires the light
That gets in your eyes
One moment’s high
And glory rolls on by
Like a streak of lightening
That flashes and fades
In the summer sky..."

–Rush, Marathon

And then it's 11 years later.

From kindergarten and second grade to a sophomore and a senior in high school. 

Every year I take nearly the same first-day-of-school photo with our two kids, Beatrice and Bryce. It's in front of our house, the same house my wife Amy and me have lived in for 20 years. I had decided back way back when the kids started school that I didn't want to do the kids-holding-sign thing stating what year and class they were in. Partly because I didn't want to stress our kids out by holding a sign; I just wanted to capture the easiest first-day-of-school pictures I could, while getting Bryce to smile without sticking their tongue out.

Every year I take nearly the same photo, and it's been a blessing to experience how our kids have grown over time. It's also a blessing that they still let me take the first-day-of-school pictures. And it's been a continuous blessing of how much they enjoy school, more so that they're both in high school. When they were younger, they couldn't wait to show us their classrooms during open house. However, the first day of school wasn't always the best, and middle school had its lumpy bumps as a beautiful mess in progress. 

They've both found their community in high school theater and choir and couldn't wait this year for the first period of day 1, which was choir. We can't wait to watch the murder mystery play Beatrice is directing this fall and hear all the amazing choir concerts throughout the year. And then there's the choir festival next spring in Anaheim, which we'll again chaperone. The keyword here is Disney, of course. Hopefully Bryce will do another duet and/or solo this year, too. Plus, it's Beatrice's senior year. Nope, I'm not crying yet, but I will be.

It's 11 years later and our kids have grown exponentially, physically and emotionally. Yes, their prefrontal cortexes are still developing, but it's been a joy watching them develop while providing them nurturing guidance and becoming a stable through line to all their peaks and valleys. 

That's why I'm quoting Rush lyrics again from one of my favorite writers (and drummers), Neil Peart, who passed away in 2020. Not only because I saw the band play again this year with their new amazing drummer, and will see them again this fall, because the music still profoundly inspires me 44 years after becoming a super fan. Marathon is one of my favorite songs (the song quote above), although when asked what my favorites are, my response today is "all of them". Marathon captures the beauty of life over time when you live it to your fullest without burning out:

"...You can do a lot in a lifetime
If you don’t burn out too fast
You can make the most of the distance
First you need endurance —
First you’ve got to last..."

You just need the mindful endurance to last and to treat every moment as a blessing. To not fear failure or become weighted with regret. To always be learning and trying new things, to stretch your innate capacity for elasticity while curbing complacency. To never diminish the soul's sunlight burning bright within by embracing love and empathy from birth to passing. Amy and I have practiced and embodied all these things since before our kids, and have done our best to impart on them since having kids.

It's 11 years later, the age of adulting is here, and ultimately their journey is theirs to live, not ours. It's true that any day can feel like a first day, but the first day is never the last. 

Let's take it from the top

The first and only time we watched the musical Hamilton was when it streamed through the Disney+ app on Apple TV in July of 2020. That was during the heart of the pandemic summer. The only one in our family at the time who liked watching it was me. Hamilton was created by Lin-Manuel Miranda and it blends hip-hop, jazz, R&B, and traditional show tunes to tell the story of America's first Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton. 

It was fascinating to watch and the music catchy, but it was difficult to understand at times when the fast-paced music and scenes blurred by across the screen. Thank goodness for closed captioning. Now, both our kids love the music from Hamilton, especially our youngest Bryce, literally singing the lyrics for every song (and Hamilton was all songs).

My wife Amy and I haven't been the big musical fans throughout our lives, though, at least not until our kids became interested in the theater, so that's changing now. Otherwise, the movie Grease with John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John was always our only go-to musical. Because John and Olivia. C'mon. But we did take the kids to see a Broadway production of Wicked a few years ago in New York and that blew us all away.

Pre-pandemic both our kids participated in a sweet theater troupe called Musical Mondays. They got to play a variety of roles, which was so much fun to watch their fun. Bryce participated in another private theater program after that, and then Beatrice got involved in the student-run high school theater. Bryce joined the high school theater as well their freshman year. There is a teacher-advisor for theater who helps guide each production, but it's still mostly student run. 

The high school productions that both our kids have been in to date were fantastic. Such talented kids (including our own!). The last musical they were in was Little Shop of Horrors, which was something neither of us had ever seen. Not even the 1986 movie with Rick Moranis, Steve Martin, and many others. I've known what it was about since the movie came out back then, but it wasn't until we saw it in its entirety that we realized what we'd been missing. The doo-wap 1950's music kept our feet tapping and dark comedy kept us laughing. 

We did end up watching the movie the day after we saw the high school production, and while it had its moments (Bill Murray's character was hilarious), we preferred watching the kids sing, dance, and act. Beatrice even got to be one of three puppeteers, working the smaller plant puppet during the "Grow for Me" song. 

Bryce has three years of high school theater left and Beatrice has one year left. Both kids have had minor roles and been in all the ensemble scenes, and the more confident they get, the more they'd love a bigger part. They'll keep working at their craft and keep auditioning.

After every high school production, there's a tradition where the kids give a "theater robe" to a student who they feel went above and beyond during the show. The robe has memorabilia from past productions sewn onto it, and the student they pick then sews something onto the robe from the last production they did. After Little Shop of Horrors, the kids gave Beatrice the robe. 

Not only that, Beatrice is also on the theater committee for her senior year and gets to help decide the next play and musical. And the murder mystery play she recommended was picked for the fall! And she's going to be the director, too! We're so proud!

Both our kids have found their people in theater (and choir), as the saying goes, and we're so grateful. And next semester, Beatrice gets to call out, "Let's take it from the top".

We can't wait!

The Comfort of Gratitude

Every night at dinner we ask each other the same question. Well, Mom and Dad ask each other and our children the same question. 

We ask the question: "What are you grateful for today?"

Rain or shine, happy or funky, at home or traveling -- the same question every time. All four of us pause, reflect, and share something we're grateful for. It doesn't matter what it is, just that we're grateful for something. Sometimes with teens, the answer is, "Nothing." But that would be the wrong answer, because there is always something. So, sometimes in those cases, either kid may answer that it's the food they eat, or the shirt they're wearing, or something seemingly benign and unimportant. 

But it's all important, whatever it is. Just the act of being grateful about something, anything, is good for the brain, the heart, and the soul. There are many studies that have been done that correlate gratitude with wellbeing -- gratitude was most strongly correlated with personality attributes related to wellbeing, and the researchers concluded that gratitude has a unique relationship with life satisfaction.

We've embedded gratitude into our relationship since the beginning, between my wife Amy and myself, long before we had children. When our kids were old enough to understand and answer the question, we included them in the gratitude sharing and have made it a best family practice ever since.

For us, we're so grateful for our children. If you've ever read anything I've written here, you figure that out pretty quickly. Not one dinnertime sharing goes by without us sharing something about our children we're grateful for. 

Today, their level of self-awareness, with teen flaws and all, are light years ahead of where me and Amy were at their age. We're so grateful for Bryce for being who they are and organizing an upcoming LGBTQIA+ march. We're so grateful for Beatrice who is also a leader in the making, who volunteered to show 8th graders the high school campus recently, including her sibling, and who will again be a lead camp counselor at a local day camp this summer.

Recently we all went to a high school event called "Dancing with the Santa Cruz Stars: Battle of the Bands" where students and teachers alike danced in teams to supergroup music and compete for the fun of it. We went last year and it was so much fun! The gym was again packed!

This year, Beatrice is in a high school production of High School Musical, and some of her theater mates and her did a flash mob routine during one of the dance routines at the Dancing with the Santa Cruz Stars. Even more fun!

After the dance competition, I loved seeing both our kids talking and laughing with their friends. My heart danced and sang watching Bryce embrace the evening with a rare joy; they're so done with 8th grade and excited to be in high school next year. Both kids will be in choir together next year, and the high school choir teacher, known as Mr. T, won the dancing competition this year, dancing impressively with another student to a medley of Wham songs. We can't wait to see what Beatrice and Bryce do in choir next year, especially after Bryce's inspirational solos the 8th talent show.

We're grateful that both of our kids push themselves out of their own comfort zones, which is easier for Beatrice, but not so much for Bryce. They both do it nonetheless, and whether they want to admit it or not, are both grateful for improving their own wellbeing and embracing life. 

Blessings to us all. We are all but fragile beings and the comfort of gratitude strengthens our resolve to live and to thrive in the face of anything. 

#BhivePower works.

Breaking Out

Our youngest Bryce first performed on stage in preschool singing Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off". They looked so sweet in a white frilly dress but was very nervous while performing. Like almost going to cry nervous, which was the same reaction they had when first trying out for a theater production. 

Three productions later, and Bryce has more confidence than ever, still primarily performing in the ensemble and taking on small roles. They have auditioned for bigger-smaller roles, so maybe now with the experience they've gotten, Bryce will land one next time. 

Because there will be a next time. Bryce has got the theater bug for sure. Right before opening night of this latest All About Theater youth musical production of Urinetown, I told Bryce good luck, which they again quickly reminded me that saying good luck is back luck, and the correct expression is "break a leg". 

"Break a leg then," I said. "Love you."

"Thank you," Bryce said. "Love you, too."

The musical was a satirical social commentary about class (rich and poor) and corruption and what happens after a 20-year drought when using the "facilities" (toilets) cost money. It was really good; these kids are amazing. Including Bryce!

Another funny musical we watched recently was a high school production The Drowsy Chaperone, a story about a middle-aged, musical theater fan who, feeling "blue", decides to play for the audience an LP of his favorite musical, the fictional 1928 show The Drowsy Chaperone. It's a fun parody of a 1920s American musical comedy. 

And lo and behold, there was our oldest Beatrice working behind the scenes as part of the stage crew. Well, it wasn't a surprise, because we already knew she was helping, and now she has the theater bug, too. She even wants to audition for the next production, whatever it is!

For the past year now, Bryce's introverted love of acting, dancing, and singing has definitely extroverted and increased exponentially. That includes theater and choir. And Beatrice is now enamored with the theater as well (she also has a lovely voice and said she wants to direct, too). We all are enamored with the theater now -- watching Wicked on Broadway during our spring break was quite the experience. We're so grateful to have done that. 

Amy and I may not break out into song and dance for you, but our kids most certainly will. However, if you ever need a drummer...

No Rotten Tomatoes Here

Bryce kept moving around during the final cast bows and her head bobbed back and forth. I thought, What is she doing? Is she still singing and dancing?

And then I thought, Ah, that's what she's doing; she's crying. Just like her dad.

Mostly tears of joy and the reality that the Beauty and the Beast All About Theater production she was in, her first true theater experience, was coming to an end after over three months of rehearsals. So many new learning experiences, new friends, and a new love: the theater. Musicals in particular. 

When both our daughters were in grade school (pre-pandemic), they were in a few after-school musical productions. While they both had fun, it was Bryce who seemed to have an affinity to acting, dancing, and singing. When it came time for the Beauty and the Beast auditions at the beginning of this year, she struggled with doing it or not. One of her good friends had already been in a couple of these shows, and Bryce became very interested in auditioning. 

And then she didn't want to do it. And then she did again. Bryce likes to be introverted a lot of the time, so something like auditioning for a musical took an inordinate amount of bravery and energy for her to pull off. Her stress ran really high prior to the first audition. We did our best to comfort her, to encourage her, and finally when the day came, she did it. 

After she tried out, she couldn't wait to go back. 

Bryce really wanted one of the main roles, the character of Chip, but in the end it was her first serious youth production, and she ended up being the hat seller and part of the many ensemble groups. She even had two lines, one in the first act and one in the second. We were so proud of her during opening night and closing night, the two nights she wanted us there. 

The time investment for Bryce was more than she'd ever experienced before, way more than even playing soccer over the years. Like her dad (me), stress builds up inside her until she's ready to blow. Fortunately her meltdowns were at a minimum, including during tech week when they rehearsed every night for nearly a week prior to opening night. 

For us, there was the financial investment for Bryce to participate, which we'll be happy to do again and again if she continues down the theater path. Plus, the parents can save money off the total investment for their kids when they volunteer to help with sets, costumes, etc., and my wife Amy volunteered a lot over the past three months. I did a little bit, in between my work and being on our local school board, including helping to haul kids back and forth to rehearsals and performances. 

With all of our investments of the past three months, especially Bryce's, the result was renewed love of acting, dancing, and singing in theater, something we believe she's always had, and always will have. There was nothing wrong with being the hat seller and part of the ensemble groups in Beauty and the Beast, her first real theater production. The entire cast of 10-17 year olds, choreography, direction, orchestra, stage help -- all the things -- were amazing! The experience is something Bryce will never forget and she will be back. Early on, she told us that they were going to throw rotten tomatoes at her for being so bad. It became an ongoing joke with our family. 

"Don't post any pictures of me, Dad," she also told me over and over again throughout the production. Being the photog of the family, that's always a tough one for me, but I always comply unless I get permission from either kid. Instead, Bryce gets a proud and goofy parent pic on the last night. That got a smile through all the bittersweet closing-night tears. No rotten tomatoes here. She was fantastic!

The Long Run

"I got this feelin' inside my bones
It goes electric, wavy when I turn it on..."

–Justin Timberlake, Can't Stop the Feeling!

The first show I missed due to work travel; I heard it was one big, fun and hot mess. A bunch of grade-school kids who practiced for weeks to perform a version of the movie Trolls, memorizing spoken lines, scene after scene, and lots of singing practice as well.

These productions are extracurricular for the kids at our school and we have to pay for each child to participate, although each child gets a part no matter what. Even multiple parts to ensure the production is fully casted. The program and production director is really good with the kids, with the patience of a saint.

And for weeks our girls practiced their roles at home, so excited to be in the Trolls production. Beatrice played Branch's grandma and a Bergen, and Bryce was a Smidge, a spider and part of the pet crocodile (of course, if you know the story and the characters).

Then came the final show, the one I could attend with the Mama (what I lovingly call my wife), along with my sister and my grown niece who's pregnant with her first child. We all couldn't wait to see it!

It was so adorable! So much stage fright, undecipherable mumbling, subdued singing, director-fed lines, punctuated by moments of immaculate comedic timing. And throughout, nothing but proud smiles and laughter coming from the audience of parents, family and friends.

These were our children bold enough to be in the play/musical in the first place, to going week after week to Monday afternoon two-hour practices, extending Mondays into a grumpy oblivion, one that our youngest struggled with every single week.

But when it came to showtime, Bryce became the over-dramatic consummate entertainer, while Beatrice performed somewhat shyly, delivering much more subdued lines, but working hard, the actor's actor, ensuring she hit her marks each time. Mostly.

Still, for us in the audience who knew the movie and the story, we struggled to follow along, which is what made it all the more memorable. The story for us was one of our children having fun (mostly) and working together with their friends and the director to go all "electric, wavy" when they turned it on.

And turn it on they did. So much fun. Now they're in a shorter production of Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go!, with Bryce playing the little guy with the yellow going to all the places, and with Beatrice taking on multiple lines this time, willingly, including the part about the "waiting place," a place we've all been to in life, where we grind to a halt due to uncertainty and fear, unwilling to take risks and make moves. When we realize and accept that failure is inevitable and quite important to learning life lessons, then the waiting place is only a transitory respite.

That's one of the things we're so proud about our girls, the fact that they're already learning this at a young age, something that will help them when the waiting place gravity slows them in space.

Temporarily, of course, because it's not a race. It's the long run turned on.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...NO!
That's not for you!