Our Mobile Happy At Home

When the power went out in the camper, it was the worst. In the middle of the night, everything quiet because the fan noise stopped. And then to find out our home alarm went off, too, and the cops had come to the door (which they friggin' charged us money for, too). These things weren't connected at all, just a faulty motion detector at home that we eventually got fixed, versus RV park's power going out. 

But the power going out in the camper while we were out doing activities where we couldn't bring our dog Jenny became too stressful for all of us, especially me. And especially Jenny, because we have to crate her inside the camper. If we were gone for a few hours and the power went out...I didn't want to think about that.

We tried to let her roam free inside the camper while we were away, but that turned into tearing the screen right off the door. We tried hemp chews to relax her, and that didn't really work either. Many of the places we've been to with our trailer camper we've been able to take Jenny with us outside with us, but there are times we cannot. 

RV travelers take their dogs with them all the time. As I write this, many people have already passed our campsite with their pups and I hear them barking near and far. When my parents had their motorhome, they brought their squirrelly little Chihuahua mix Lucky with them everywhere. My mom, who had an auto-immune disorder and chronic pain, was working on getting Lucky certified as a service dog, which meant she could technically take him anywhere with her. 

Our Jenny isn't a service dog, though, and changing environments for many dogs can be very stressful. When we first adopted Jenny, and tried to leave her alone at home, she peed everywhere and scratched at the front door leaving deep gouges. 

She eventually relaxed and realized this was her home, and we were her providers. Jenny actually is a good travel dog, until we have to leave her alone, and then it's as stressful as the day we brought her home. That's why we decided this time for our longer summer road trip adventure to get a house and pet sitter while we were away. Someone who used to babysit our daughters. Not just a dog sitter, but a rabbit sitter too -- our rabbit Dragonlily. He's easy, though. Hay and veges and he's good. 

We love our trailer camper. Our dog, not so much, although she likes being with us, but this time she'll be more happy at home. Our kids like being with us as well, thankfully, and traveling with us, but they too get homesick like Jenny does. 

We'll all make do for now and enjoy. At some point when they're older teens, our girls can take care of Jenny while Mom and Dad hitch up the little love trailer and hit the road alone; our mobile happy at home.

But then we'll have to have the "no parties" talk with the girls, which of course will be another post for another time in the future. Mercy me, another time. 

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Thank you to those who have sacrificed for our freedom to have our mobile happy at home!

A Far Cry

We saw it scurry across the road. At first we didn't know what it was until we saw a crow swoop at it from above. It ran back and forth, trying to get away from the crow. 

"Is that a baby bunny?" my wife Amy asked. 

"I think so," I said.

We were near the end of one of our weekly workout walks when we came upon the tiny bunny running for it's life back and forth across the road. The crow tried to grab it, peck at it, but the bunny kept getting away. 

"Oh, no!" said Amy.

A truck drove down the road and I thought the bunny was going to be squashed for sure. But it darted back again to the other side of the road, the crow desperately trying to get. That's when we noticed the hawk flying just above the action calculating its own odds.

We thought the bunny finally exited into the underbrush, but then we saw it run back across the road. Our presence had startled the crow and the hawk, but they circled in the air above us waiting for their chance. The bunny made it to the other side, but it couldn't make it over the curb to the wilderness on the other side. 

I ran over and saw that it was indeed a sweet little baby bunny, scared to death, frantically trying to get up over the curb. 

"Can you help it?" Amy said.

"Yes," I said. 

I pulled my sweatshirt sleeve down over my hand and then scooped the bunny up over the curb. 

"Is it okay?" Amy said. 

"I think so," I said. "It went into the bushes, so it should be okay for now."

Amy teased me about taking the bunny home to take care of, which we didn't, and then we finished the rest of our walk. We both knew it was survival of the fittest, the animal kingdom's circle of life. Yet, the parental urge to take care of this helpless baby bunny was strong. An animal that had no skills or abilities to protect itself except to run and hide. But the crow and the hawk weren't harassing the bunny due to any malicious forethought or power play; they just wanted to eat the bunny, while the bunny just wanted to not be eaten. We couldn't hold them accountable for our anthropomorphizing, attributing human characteristics to them and the situation. They were only at the mercy of their genetic predisposition to survive and propagate. 

Unlike humans. Humans (mostly men according to the data) who bully, harass, assault, rape and kill. Humans who have a need to dominate, who may have malicious forethought and who aren't accountable for their actions in the end. Human who even deny their actions are malevolent, who blame their very own victims for the very violence perpetrated. And then add in those other humans who refuse to believe the violence perpetrated and blame the victims as well, in support of the violators. Patriarchal hubris is definitely alive and well today.

I know, that's quite a segue from saving a sweet little baby bunny trying to cross the road, but that's where the experience got me thinking. Thinking about our own children, our daughters, growing up in a world of vicious manimals ready to attack them without notice. 

And even that isn't accurate. Violent crime has decreased dramatically over thousands of years, and more recently, violent crime has decreased dramatically since the early 1990's. That's the good news.

The bad news is that nearly 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence at least once in their lifetime, according to a report released by the World Health Organization. Also according to the report, intimate partner violence was the most prevalent form – and it starts early. Nearly 1 in 4 girls and women who'd been in a relationship have already experience physical and/or sexual violence by age 19. As always for incidents like these, they can be woefully underreported. 

This is why we have to teach our children safety skills. If you read my Get Off The Ground posts, you know that practicing Kidpower is a big part of our lives. Our daughters have learned (and continue to) boundary and safety rules to ensure positive consent for affection as they head into teenage-land and beyond.

We also want our daughters to be safe and protect themselves from any predators they may come to know. Intimate partner violence can happen, and our parental need to protect is strong, but we can't always be there to scoop them up over the curb to safety like the baby bunny we helped. We're a far cry from the rest of the animal kingdom anyway, because we can be accountable for our own safety by learning the skills for protecting ourselves and respecting healthy boundaries in daily activities. Skills that are essential to preventing sexual abuse and assault as kids, teens and adults.

We Will Be Safe And Well

I know I shouldn't listen to the crazy fringe. Or, what I consider to be the crazy fringe. It gets in my head and burns like a low-grade fever; I'm still functional, but I know the flames can dance along my prefrontal cortex for months on end. Especially when it's a crazy fringe that tens of millions of people listen to regularly. 

What got in my head was the crazy talk about how people should shame other people who wear masks. Not only that, ranting further about how people should call the authorities and child protective services on other people whose kids wear masks. Or, as the crazy put it, their kids were forced to wear masks, like child abuse. Most likely CPS would thank the person and move on.

Never mind that we've been in a global pandemic for well over a year now, a new one that the medical community, infectious disease experts and governments everywhere have had to figure out how to respond to prevent serious illness and further death -- i.e., social distancing, mask wearing and now encouraging vaccinations. Where 600,000 have died in the U.S. alone (probably closer to 1 million). 

They're still trying to figure out how COVID-19 started and how fast the variants mutate, but thankfully vaccinations were developed and released at a dizzying pace not seen before. Plus, current vaccination rates are increasing, and while we may never hit herd immunity for our families and communities, God willing and the creek don't rise, as my dad used to say, our family's going to be fully vaccinated and will wear masks if and when we have to.

And now the latest guidelines from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) tells us we don't have to wear masks if we've been fully vaccinated in the U.S. My wife Amy and I are vaccinated, but our two daughters aren't yet. Our oldest, who falls into the 12-15 year-old category, can get hers, which we'll do soon. Our youngest will have to wait until later in the year, maybe early fall. 

That means we'll want them to wear their masks indoors at stores, restaurants, museums, gift shops and other places we'll go this summer. Here's the thing -- children can develop COVID-19, although many of them have no symptoms at all. Those that do might have milder symptoms such as low-grade fever, fatigue, and cough. Some children could have had severe complications, but that's more rare. They can be carriers as well, infecting unvaccinated people and those with poor immune systems. 

Months ago, at a park playground near us, Beatrice and another young girl we know were swinging on the swings. Both were wearing masks. An adult woman, a stranger, told them they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl didn't say anything and didn't remove their masks either. Another woman who was there with her child came over and confronted the woman who said they didn't have to wear their masks. Beatrice and the young girl moved away to safety, as they should always do in situations like this, while the second adult woman stated she was a healthcare professional and explained the science of why we needed to wear masks...

We were worried last fall that mask shaming, bullying and harassment would increase as kids went back to school in person, which wasn't the case for our girls, who only went back to school in person recently. We're grateful for that.

But now I worry about what happens out in the world now that the mask mandate has been relaxed, and businesses like Walmart, Trader Joe's and Starbucks are dropping their mask mandates. I worry about others telling us our kids shouldn't be wearing masks on our travels over the summer. Confronting us publicly to shame and ridicule. Probably won't happen, but it could. The crazy fringe still has one helluva reach.

So, instead of aggressively telling those people to f-off, I asked my wife, "What is the Kidpower thing to do in this situation?"

She said to say "thank you" and move away. That's the thing about being safe, especially with children in tow, that you should always move away to safety. To never confront. Confrontation can lead to escalation and potentially more than just throwing poison words at one another. That impact alone on children is negative enough. 

I then asked her, "What if they don't let up?"

She said that's when you put your hands up like stop signs and say, "Please stop and move away!"

In most situations, that's more than enough to dissuade someone to stand down and move away. And again, most likely we won't run into the crazy fringe willing to confront us or others, people like us who only want to get back to living some level of normalcy as we move past the pandemic. Our kids will eventually get vaccinated, and we will be safe and well. 

The Birth of Superhero Mom

Every superhero has an origin story. This one birthed in the high-desert hoodoos of Bryce Canyon National Park in May of 2007. They were just two people in love, nearly 10 years into their relationship, and they were never planning on having children. It just wasn't something either one wanted. Their families didn't quite understand why, but they were resolute in their decision. 

Instead, they wanted to travel the world together. They were on a southwestern road trip, one of many trips they had taken since they met. He'd always thought of her as his muse and guide to be a better man, a better human, his Beatrice, the one who guided Dante through hell, purgatory and into heaven -- in The Divine Comedy. 

On this particular southwest road trip, they visited ruggedly beautiful national parks, hiked everywhere and had a great time together. Maybe it was the Nevada desert where they started in Las Vegas. Or, maybe the harrowing hike they made only halfway to Angel's Landing in Zion National Park. 

Or, maybe it was just that time slowed to a crawl in each step they took exploring every place they stopped, causing some transcendental shift and rift in their space-time continuums. Maybe they were just both thinking more about their future together and what it may look like with children. Not really talking about, just thinking about it. 

Then something more shifted inside of her in Bryce Canyon one night while watching the sunset over the glorious orange-red rocks and hoodoo spires. These rock formations that took millions of years to form, and what have also been called fairy chimneys. Maybe she was inspired by ancient magical hoodoo fairies; maybe we both were. No matter what it was, that was when the superhero was born, although she didn't know it yet.

The week after they returned home from this road trip, they were sitting comfortably at the bar of their favorite watering hole pub, playing Scrabble, drinking beer and eating burgers.

She turned to him and said, "So, do you want to have a baby?"

He paused, then looked up and said, "Sure."

The "they" was "us," and even though the hoodoo magic turned a little anti-dramatic, a year and 4 months later, our oldest Beatrice was born. A year and 11 months after that, Bryce was born. The superhero Mom, my wife Amy, had come to be. A lot of life has passed since then, some of which continues to be documented in this blog, Get Off The Ground. 

Amy does so much for our family. Over the years, whether she was working a job outside of the house or not, she was always working. Is always working. Will always be working. Raising our children. Helping them with school. Cleaning the house. Shopping for groceries. Taking the time to figure out how to fix things around the house that I just want to hire someone to do. And so much more. 

Since March 2020, getting through the day to day pandemic life hasn't been easy for so many people, so many parents with children. And there have been so many women leaving the workforce to take care of their families, a lot more than men have.

We've been grateful as a couple because we fared much better overall. Amy and I were able to work from home this past year. And there's been zero work travel for me, which pre-covid was about two work trips per month. So, both of us being able to work from home was helpful since both our daughters were distance learning from March 2020 to April 2021, and are only now just back to school in person.

And yet, no matter how much I help as Husband and Dad, which I've done and continue to do, she still did and does a lot more, plus working her job at Kidpower. 

Even after all she's done for us, she's Superhero Mom because of how she's always led with eyes of love and empathy. How her powers accelerated after we had our daughters. And then again after she joined Kidpower. How she along with Kidpower instructors from all over the world, many of them mothers, help to empower so many kids, teens and adults with emotional and physical safety skills, boundary setting and more. 

We're both the safetyists for sure, as our girls call us. But without that sunset over those magical hoodoo spires all those years ago, without the birth of Superhero Mom, our family would not be here today. We're blessed to have her love and leadership. Thank you, Amy. We love you.

One Time -- Two Kids

It's definitely a sea change. That profound transformation from childhood to teenage-land to young adulthood. Those extreme physical, emotional and psychological changes that take place for both boys and girls. Bodies changing to hormones percolating, but not quite raging. Experiencing crushes and first kisses that lead to end-of-world heartaches. Not quite there yet, thank goodness. 

That's especially true about our eldest daughter, Beatrice, and where she is now. However, it wasn't true about my wife Amy and I growing up. We raged early. Maybe too early. Without consistent safety skills or talk of consent either. We did the best we could with what we knew; our parents did the best they could with what they knew. Would we have listened any differently anyway back then? Being told what not to do without much context? 

I don't know. That doesn't matter anymore, though. What matters is the fact that our girls have grown up with safety skills, with Kidpower, with the correct anatomical knowledge of what female and male parts do what and why and when. Of where babies come from, and of what consent means today, and tomorrow, in teenage-land and beyond. 

What matters is now. And while I'm comfortable talking about all these things with our daughters, they are more comfortable talking with Mom about them. That's okay. There are changes females go through that I have never and will never experience. 

Recently Beatrice asked Mom if she had s-e-x with Dad. What ensued was a funny exchange that I'll share below. As loving and intimate partners, we know the answer, and have had to figure out the when and where's over the years, especially the past year with everybody at home much of the time. But it's not something we talk about with our girls. Not until they're at least 40 years old. At least. It's one thing to talk with your kids about physical intimacy and sex, it's quite another to talk about with your kids you the parents having physical intimacy and sex.

Now that Bea's body and mind are changing, she's more aware of the questions that hadn't surfaced until now. Our youngest Bryce is still in the dormancy stage, though. Thank goodness.

So, Beatrice asked the question:

"Mom, do you and Dad have s-e-x?"

Amy paused, collecting her thoughts. Beatrice obviously knew the answer, but wanted to hear what her mom had to say about it. 

"Yes," Amy said.

Another dramatic pause, and then Amy frenetically added, "But only one time."

"Really?"

"Yes."

One time -- two kids. Thank goodness Beatrice doesn't like math.