A Far Cry

We saw it scurry across the road. At first we didn't know what it was until we saw a crow swoop at it from above. It ran back and forth, trying to get away from the crow. 

"Is that a baby bunny?" my wife Amy asked. 

"I think so," I said.

We were near the end of one of our weekly workout walks when we came upon the tiny bunny running for it's life back and forth across the road. The crow tried to grab it, peck at it, but the bunny kept getting away. 

"Oh, no!" said Amy.

A truck drove down the road and I thought the bunny was going to be squashed for sure. But it darted back again to the other side of the road, the crow desperately trying to get. That's when we noticed the hawk flying just above the action calculating its own odds.

We thought the bunny finally exited into the underbrush, but then we saw it run back across the road. Our presence had startled the crow and the hawk, but they circled in the air above us waiting for their chance. The bunny made it to the other side, but it couldn't make it over the curb to the wilderness on the other side. 

I ran over and saw that it was indeed a sweet little baby bunny, scared to death, frantically trying to get up over the curb. 

"Can you help it?" Amy said.

"Yes," I said. 

I pulled my sweatshirt sleeve down over my hand and then scooped the bunny up over the curb. 

"Is it okay?" Amy said. 

"I think so," I said. "It went into the bushes, so it should be okay for now."

Amy teased me about taking the bunny home to take care of, which we didn't, and then we finished the rest of our walk. We both knew it was survival of the fittest, the animal kingdom's circle of life. Yet, the parental urge to take care of this helpless baby bunny was strong. An animal that had no skills or abilities to protect itself except to run and hide. But the crow and the hawk weren't harassing the bunny due to any malicious forethought or power play; they just wanted to eat the bunny, while the bunny just wanted to not be eaten. We couldn't hold them accountable for our anthropomorphizing, attributing human characteristics to them and the situation. They were only at the mercy of their genetic predisposition to survive and propagate. 

Unlike humans. Humans (mostly men according to the data) who bully, harass, assault, rape and kill. Humans who have a need to dominate, who may have malicious forethought and who aren't accountable for their actions in the end. Human who even deny their actions are malevolent, who blame their very own victims for the very violence perpetrated. And then add in those other humans who refuse to believe the violence perpetrated and blame the victims as well, in support of the violators. Patriarchal hubris is definitely alive and well today.

I know, that's quite a segue from saving a sweet little baby bunny trying to cross the road, but that's where the experience got me thinking. Thinking about our own children, our daughters, growing up in a world of vicious manimals ready to attack them without notice. 

And even that isn't accurate. Violent crime has decreased dramatically over thousands of years, and more recently, violent crime has decreased dramatically since the early 1990's. That's the good news.

The bad news is that nearly 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence at least once in their lifetime, according to a report released by the World Health Organization. Also according to the report, intimate partner violence was the most prevalent form – and it starts early. Nearly 1 in 4 girls and women who'd been in a relationship have already experience physical and/or sexual violence by age 19. As always for incidents like these, they can be woefully underreported. 

This is why we have to teach our children safety skills. If you read my Get Off The Ground posts, you know that practicing Kidpower is a big part of our lives. Our daughters have learned (and continue to) boundary and safety rules to ensure positive consent for affection as they head into teenage-land and beyond.

We also want our daughters to be safe and protect themselves from any predators they may come to know. Intimate partner violence can happen, and our parental need to protect is strong, but we can't always be there to scoop them up over the curb to safety like the baby bunny we helped. We're a far cry from the rest of the animal kingdom anyway, because we can be accountable for our own safety by learning the skills for protecting ourselves and respecting healthy boundaries in daily activities. Skills that are essential to preventing sexual abuse and assault as kids, teens and adults.

Of Consent and Love

She's already been married three times to the same boy. Received a wedding ring from him. Kissed him at school. Had his baby whose name keeps changing.

And she's only seven years old.

Of course, it's fairly innocent and all in due course of growing up. Not all kids are interested in marriage and kids as a kid; Beatrice certainly isn't. But Bryce, our youngest, she's got that maternal kid thing going on. Has always been interested in babies. Which may or may not be a good or bad thing. At least, not until she's a teenager.

Ugh.

However, we keep it real with the girls no matter what. Having age-appropriate conversations with them about life and love is very important.

One night at dinner, babies came up again during family discussion time. My niece is having her first baby soon, and we had just gone to her baby shower. The girls were very curious about babies again and how girls get pregnant, how the baby grows in the belly, all the baby things.

"Do you know how babies are made?" the Mama said (what I lovingly call my wife).

"You have to kiss a boy," Beatrice said.

"Well, there's more to it than that. Boys and girls have parts that fit together. Do you know what they are?"

The Mama has already had these discussions with them, and we both use the actual words for what the parts are when we need to reference them, not cutesy made-up words that are easier for nervous adults to handle than their kids.

"The penis and vagina," Bea said.

Both girls frowned. The conversation continued and I started to sweat. Not because I was uncomfortable with the content, but because I always remember the context of my early education when my mom kept it real with me.

I was six or seven. He was seven or eight, a neighborhood kid, a friend of sorts, one who led and I followed. There was a little girl in the neighborhood, around four and still in diapers, or some early iteration of pull-ups.

I was extremely uncomfortable because he wanted the little girl to pull her pull-ups down. I knew it was wrong, felt it was wrong, and yet and I didn't do anything. She looked scared. I looked away. She pulled it down and he laughed. We didn't touch her or hurt her.

My mom had watched the whole thing from our dining room window and immediately came outside to make us apologize to the little girl. She sent the boy away and told the little girl to go home (she lived next door), who ran away crying (I don't remember if she talked with the parents of the girl or not, but nothing ever came of it).

She then took me inside and began to explain to me the differences between boys and girls, what a vagina was and what a penis was and what happens with sex and why it was so wrong to do what we did. Why I needed to respect women and never force anything upon them that they didn't want to do, to never hurt them or belittle them in any way. I was mortified, but she made me look her in the eyes and promise.

Now that the Mama and I have children, and since we've been involved in Kidpower, we've reiterated more than once with the girls a key Kidpower safety tenet, that people shouldn't touch your private areas or ask to touch them, or to show you pictures, movies or videos of their private areas. That sometimes adults have to touch for health and safety, and in those situations, it's never a secret.

Keeping it real can also be very poignant and sweet, and watching the girls touch my niece's belly with her growing baby inside reminded me of when our girls were growing inside the Mama. Our children need to understand the how and why of sex and babies, and the long-term context and commitment of consent and love.