A Grateful Dad

My dad was always so kind to everyone. Even after 32 years as a police officer and dealing with criminals and the dark side of life, he was always still a very kind person. We lost him and my mom in 2012, and we miss them both. Our kids were very young when they passed.

When I was a sophomore in high school, we were all watching the varsity football game. Me with my friends, and my parents were watching elsewhere in the stands. They had been there since the junior varsity game to watch me play. 

At some point my parents left the game. Fifteen minutes later, one of my friends rushed to where we sat in the stands to tell me my dad had been stabbed. A high and troubled teenager had been taunting one of the high school administrators working the football game and my dad had tried to talk the teen down. The teen wasn't having it, though, and he lunged at my dad with a knife, stabbing him in the upper thigh. Soon after that, my mom, sister, and I were at the hospital with him. Thankfully he was going to be okay. 

What I didn't know until years later is that my dad kept checking in on the teen and visit him to see how he was doing. First the teen was in juvenile hall for a while, and then after other arrests as an adult, went to prison. My dad had wanted to help him, but sadly, he was killed in prison.

Not only was my dad kind, he was empathic and forgiving. So many of his "clients" as he called them, the people he arrested throughout his police career, really liked my dad. And my dad tried to help people turn their lives around, although he knew first hand in his job just how hard it was for people to do that. 

At home, he was such a great father for my sister and me. He didn't come into our lives until we were 10 and 12, when he and our mom married, but it was as if he was always "dad" to us, which is why just a few years later we took his name. He listened to us, he cared for us, and he loved us no matter what we did or said (and we did and said some wowzers, that's for sure). He was always fair, even when we weren't. And when I was going through some of the most difficult years of my life, he did his best to understand, counsel, and console. He was also a goofball and a master of levity, effortlessly injecting humor and silliness into our daily lives. His infectious laughter brought perpetual smiles to us all. 

Dad, you helped me become a grateful dad. A kind, empathic, loving, and grateful dad. Thank you and blessings to you. You are missed.

The First Job Win

My first job was a paper route when I was 12 and it was only for one summer. Folding the papers and delivering them wasn't too bad, but having to collect the payments from the people I delivered to was horrible. Excruciating at times. Most people on my route were nice about it, whether they had the money to pay me then or not. But there were those who were just downright mean at times. Ridiculing me because they said I threw their paper in the bushes or barely on their driveway. 

A few years later when I hit 15 and a half, my true first job enfolded. I applied for and was hired to work in the produce department of a local grocery store. While my boss was a jerk most of the time, one of my co-workers warmed up to me and became a good work friend. It didn't start that way, but thankfully it ended that way throughout the three years I worked there. I had no idea what I was doing at first, but over that first summer between training and just doing the job, I learned fast. I worked a split shift -- from 6 am in the morning to 10 am, and then I'd come back at 3 pm and close the produce department at 7 pm. It was tough to get up that early, but I did it, and by the end of the second summer working there, I had enough for a down payment on my first car.

And now it's time to live that all over again with our own kids. Our oldest, Beatrice, had volunteered the past two years as a junior leader at a summer day camp for Parks and Recreation. This year was her opportunity to apply to be a paid camp counselor -- and she got the job! She was one of the best junior leaders they had the past two years, so her experience definitely paid off for her. 

She's completed her week of paid training and next is the actual camp. She'll be working about 30+ hours per week, which is a lot when you haven't worked before. Both her and her sister Bryce earn their allowance each week for the chores they do, but that's maybe a couple of hours per week, if that. 

This is different than doing weekly chores for an allowance. Real paying jobs always are. Beatrice is going to be one tired teen by the end of the summer wrangling all those campers every day, but she loves the work, and she also knows that she'll be saving some "bank". She's already making a list of what she may want to buy at the end of the summer. Not a car like I bought when I was 16 (with a co-signed loan from my mom and dad), because she's not ready to drive yet anyway. It'll be fun for her to decide either way. 

And she'll be saving money, too. We want her to contribute to her mutual funds account we set up for her and contribute to -- get her in the habit of saving (something that my wife Amy and I didn't do enough of when we were their age!). The same with Bryce (both have their own account), although Bryce doesn't have a real job yet. Bryce is picking up extra chores for more money, though, which helps for spending and saving. 

It's the first job win for Bea and we couldn't be prouder. I keep telling her she's going to have to buy us all dinner at the end of the summer, but all I get is a big "no". That's all right. At least she'll be saving, too. 

I See All Their Shine

It was explained that his friend would read his speech for him during the 8th grade graduation because he was anxious about it. They stood together in front of the podium as she read his poignant words. 

One phrase in particular struck me. She read, "I finally found myself, my shine, my person."

Blessings to him for even standing up on that stage. I remember my own anxiety at that age, how crippling it became late in high school, and how I didn't really overcome it until my 30's. Mostly overcame it; I finally found my shine. I felt blessed to witness this young man's accomplishment at his age, and it reminded me all over again how we can overcome.

I attended three different graduations as a school board member -- one elementary, one middle school, and one high school -- and listening to what the student speakers had to say about making it through the pandemic and the isolation of distance learning and ultimately thriving due to family, friend, and of course, teacher support. 

Every student has a story and their stories are exponentially important to all of us today about resiliency, support, and love. I talked to my wife Amy about this recently as it related to our own two teens, one in middle school and one in high school now. With all the love and support we've given our children over the years, it's hard to watch them struggle with their own anxieties at times. Amy reminded me that they are teens; it's normal developmentally. That they struggled with isolation throughout the pandemic. That even though they have healthy friendships, their brains and bodies are developing rapidly, and the stress of feeling liked and included is excruciating at times (duh, I do remember). That they are more aware than ever of the world's volatility around us and how social media scrolling demons can haunt them day after day.

We always talk about all these things with our kids, and it's like Amy and me are living it all again, but this time we feel like we're giving them more grounded guidance, love, and support than we got growing up. Our oldest Beatrice will graduate high school in three years and our youngest Bryce will graduate 8th grade next year.

Sigh. And even though our kids weren't graduating this year, I relived the bittersweet moments of each grade as I witnessed the elementary, middle school, and high school graduation ceremonies as a school board member (all schools where our kids have attended and currently attend). 

The last graduation I went to was the Santa Cruz High School ceremony, and one by one the seniors were called up to receive their diplomas. I shook their hands, said congratulations, handed them their diploma case, and reveled in the diverse supernova of potential lighting up each face. When the last diploma case was handed out, I got to speak to the students and state that they were now certified high school graduates -- congratulations to the class of 2024! They cheered and clapped and I was just as proud of all of them as their families and friends were. 

I thought about the 8th grade graduate from the day before and the speech he wrote about finding himself and thought: I see all their shine, burning bright with hope, empathy, and love. And for that, I am grateful. 

Freedom to Celebrate

The ride attendant called out over the loudspeaker if anyone wanted to get off the ride. I feebly raised my hand and the ride slowed to a stop. I'm sure my face was sickly white and drenched in sweat. The ride was called the Lobster and it was a multi-armed metallic monster that turned round and round, faster and faster, and the cars we were strapped into along each arm also turned round and round, faster and faster. 

We were at Magic Mountain in Southern California a couple of hours from where I grew up in the Central Valley. I was 11 years old at the time and my sister was 9. She also rode the Lobster ride with me but didn't get sick like I did. I realized then rides that went round and round would make me motion sick every time, and I would never be an astronaut. Ever. Sigh.

However, roller coasters were my jam, as the kids say. Not sure if the kids still say that, but still, roller coasters were and are my jam. At that same park in Southern California in the 1976, the Revolution was a new roller coaster at the time that had one full upside-down loop, and I loved it. After that, I always went on all the coasters. 

My wife Amy and I have lived in Santa Cruz for nearly 27 years now and we've loved having an amusement park in our own backyard -- the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Our kids have loved it, too. Now teens, we all go to the Boardwalk multiple times every spring and summer. Our youngest Bryce likes the rides that go round and round, faster and faster. Ugh. Our oldest Beatrice can handle some of those, but Amy's with me on those; she gets motion sickness and can't do them. Nor can she handle many roller coasters or faster virtual motion rides. The kids can, but only Bryce will ride the Giant Dipper with me. 

The Giant Dipper at the Boardwalk is the 5th oldest working roller coaster in the U.S. today. It's fast and fun and just turned 100 years old. We were at the 100th birthday celebration last weekend that included a big fireworks spectacular. Bryce would've ridden it with me, but instead was off with friends riding a round-and-round ride called the Fireball (blech), Bea was on the beach with her friends running around, and Amy sat with some of our friends on the beach waiting for the fireworks. I wanted to ride the coaster, so I waited in line for the Giant Dipper with another friend of ours and one of her kids.

The fireworks started while we waited in line, only two train loads away from riding, and we worried we'd miss them. But we didn't! The fireworks exploded above us when it was our turn to ride the old wooden roller coaster. It was fantastic!

I even had time to run back to the beach and give Amy a big kiss during the fireworks finale. So grateful to live where we live and not think twice about going to an amusement park and hanging out with family and friends. The freedom to celebrate our community. Especially when there are so many places around the world that don't have the same freedoms. 

Blessings to those who sacrificed their lives for our freedoms this Memorial Day Weekend. Amen. 

Rocked Our Socks Off

Five minutes before all the rest of the rowdy concertgoers were let in, me and my friends got to rush the stage. That's because one of my good friends with us at the time had an uncle who ran security at the concert venue. It was only a 5-minute lead, but that was plenty of time to get right in center-front of the stage. Moments later the crush of everyone else hit us and shoved us up against the railing. We were fine, adrenaline pumping, and couldn't wait for the headliner to start. The opening band was After The Fire, a British new wave rock band known for covering the song "Der Kommissar," but that was about it. I remember people throwing things at the band, which wasn't cool, and the band yelling at the audience to stop.

After a short break that felt like forever, the headliner took the stage. It was the rock band Van Halen (with David Lee Roth) on their Diver Down tour. I was 16 years old. It rocked my socks off. 

That was my first concert and I'll never forget it. The irony for me was that my first concert could've been my long-time favorite band Rush on their Moving Pictures tour the year before, but that didn't happen. I just wasn't quite the fan yet back then that I became soon after. But Van Halen wasn't some meager consolation prize -- it was rock and roll heaven. Another fun fact was that a few years later when Sammy Hagar was singing with Van Halen, it was Amy's first concert. 

Decades later our youngest Bryce got to go to their first concert. Beatrice actually went to her first concert first last year with her mom to see the Jonas Brothers. Both her and Amy really enjoyed it, but because I didn't go, I couldn't really comment on it. 

But for Bryce, I can. We all went to the show and I had never heard of the artist before until Bryce started talking about her and her music. Her name is Melanie Martinez and the kids love her. I mean super love. Her music was moody broody alt pop rock funk -- hard to pin down and yet very listenable and an amazing stage show. She's a multi-platinum artist who doesn't get much radio play, primarily because she cusses a lot in her songs. But hey, the kids are teens now. Beatrice likes the artist too, just not as much as Bryce does.

Bryce bugged us for months to go to Melanie Martinez's concert and we final bought the tickets for the whole family to go. The concert itself was Mother's Day evening, and while it was a late night for a school/work night (and everybody had to get up and go the next morning, no matter how hard Bryce tried to get out of it), we all really enjoyed it. 

Like you do when you go to your favorite musical artist or band live concert, all the fans stood and sang and danced the entire time, and Bryce didn't let up once the during Melanie Martinez's artistic performance. Beatrice mostly stood and knew some of the songs, and Amy and I, being the parents in tow (and there were many parents in tow), sat down multiple times to rest. I even waited in line to get concert merch for Bryce. 

Just like when I saw Van Halen (with David Lee Roth), and a few years later Amy saw Van Halen (with Sammy Hagar), and last year Beatrice saw the Jonas Brothers -- this was Bryce's first concert, and all of our firsts rocked our socks off, something we will never forget. Amen. 

The Mama Bird

Every year we get a mother finch that builds a nest in the eaves above our front door. During the past few weeks, we've gone from nest completion, to eggs laid, to eggs hatched, to baby birds, to baby birds flying. Soon the nest will be abandoned and the birds will live their short lives, wherever they go. 

This year our youngest Bryce named the mama finch Linda. Why, I'm not sure, but it was cute. Finches' lives are fleeting compared to humans, but then again, our lives can be fleeting, too. Watching our kids grow up has definitely flown by, but thankfully we've been mindful enough to embrace all the moments from birth to now. 

My wife Amy and I went on a beach workout together this Mother's Day, one that I do regularly throughout the year. During the walk there were many families on the beach with little kids running around screaming with joy, even with the thick fog blocking out the early summer sun. 

We reminisced about all the times we had our kids on this beach, Natural Bridges State Beach. Of walking from our house, pushing them in a stroller, pulling a wagon full of our beach stuff, and spending the afternoon on the beach. And then carting the tired, whiny kids all the way home again. We wouldn't have changed those trips for anything. 

Things are different now that both Bryce and Beatrice are teens. We still do a lot together as a family, enjoying each other's company and their blooming adulthood. But they are different things than childhood, and instead, they do more things with their friends, like go to the beach, the movies, downtown to shop, and the list goes on. That's normal and we've grateful they have strong friendships in their lives. Friendships we hope they carry with them beyond middle school and school like I've had over the years, and Amy, too. 

Unlike the baby finches who have now grown quickly in the nest above our front door, spread their wings, and are about to fly away to live their short lives, our kids will still be with us for a few years to come. Our kids love us both, but through it all, from birth to babies, to childhood to teen-land, our collective constant has been the mama bird Amy, and for that we're the most grateful of all. 

Worth The Time To Check

Our youngest Bryce came home and told us about a teacher rumor at school. I'm not going to share was the rumor was here, but I worried about its veracity. When I asked Bryce where they heard about this problem, they said it was from other students. 

"How do you know it's true?" I asked.

"Because everybody's talking about it," Bryce said.

"But that doesn't make it true," I said. "And I would be careful not to repeat it because rumors like that can be personally destructive to those they're about." 

"But everybody's talking about it," Bryce said.

"Unless you have it from a verified source, and it impacted your health and safety directly, I would not spread the rumor any further," I said. "If it is a health and safety program, then Mom and I get involved."

"No Kidpower, Dad," our oldest Beatrice said, rolling her eyes.

Our kids groan and shudder when we reference Kidpower, the organization my wife Amy works for, which is all about emotional, social, and physical safety skills for kids, teens, and adults. While they may express annoyance about Kidpower, we've empowered them over the years to be calm, confident, aware, and safe in their lives, which is the Kidpower mantra. 

This isn't directly about that, though. It's about how misinformation starts, grows, and spreads, and how destructive it can be. We all hear rumors all the time. Unfortunately, due to confirmation bias, which is our willingness to believe things because they align and reinforce our world view, means we're horrible fact-checkers. Super horrible fact-checkers. 

In today's 24/7 news coverage across a spectrum of ideological and political divides, it's difficult to ascertain balanced and objective reporting and where the real truths are. Real truths that have also been misused and misinterpreted since the beginning of time for propagandized agendas. Combine that again with today's opinion pieces sprinkled with pixie dust and threads of truth, if that, and the multiverse of what actually is, isn't. 

We've all seen what happens when misinformation is used to bludgeon us into submission or reactive division and violence. So, what can we do? Well, our rule is if we can't verify something we read or hear by at least another three or more reliable sources -- reputable news outlets (that may swing left or right, but not extremely), legal precedents, eye-witness testimony (which isn't always the best either), etc. -- then maybe it's not quite true and needs to be dismissed or investigated further.

It's a lot of work to verify what's true and what's not today. We've tried to instill this in our kids, to verify everything they hear and read about, but it's not easy and takes a lot of energy and time. And sometimes it feels like a losing battle where we're lost forever in the multiverse of what isn't. But for our kids sake, their health and safety, and their futures, it's worth the time to check.