It can and should be.

"So how's that hopey changey stuff treating you?"

Well, Sarah, when it comes to ending domestic violence, it's a bittersweet juxtaposition.

On the one hand there's a lot of men out there making a difference, like the football players in the book NFL Dads Dedicated to Daughters: Inspiring Personal Accounts on Fatherhood from the Men of the NFL.

There are many lovely passages in this book from men about their families and their daughters, men who play a very violent sport -- on the football field that is.

I love football and I love the gangsta mystique of being an Oakland Raiders fan, but it's only in the context of the game strategy and the will to win battlefield mentality, not in everyday real life.

These football hero fathers will hopefully inspire their younger teammates and young men to treat women with respect, and not hurt and humiliate them emotionally or physically.

I'm no football hero, not since the high school glory days, but I'm a father of one daughter in this world and another still in the womb. (In fact, the Lady Bug Bryce baby shower is today. Right on.)

I bought the book for my dad as well. He's a big football fan too, even more than me. He turned 78 this week and has three daughters of his own from a previous marriage, not counting my sister. So that's four. (Yes, football players and drummers can count.)

We need more good guys fighting the good fight, because then we have tragic events like the recent violence at the Albuquerque business where a gunman stormed through a courtyard and into a building, killing two people and wounding four others before killing himself. It's pretty clear now that the gunman was going after his ex-girlfriend.

There's still too many more of these stories, at home and at work, in the U.S. and around the world. My good friend Kim Wells, who's the Executive Director of Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV), shared a story recently about how in Brazil -- on the average -- 10 women are killed daily in domestic violence.

Ten women a day. Good God.

But I believe in the hopey changey stuff, it's what makes me a better father. I believe that most folks are inherently decent and want to build a better world, men and women alike.

As Kim said in her latest post about workplace violence and domestic violence statistics:

These facts don't represent the faces and the names of the precious people whose lives are lost...or their families. But I hope the facts are helpful in understanding this isn't just "someone else's issue." And that it can...and should...be prevented.

It can and should be.

Dads, embrace your daughters and help evangelize that the degradation and violence must stop.

Nothing changes, not even when there are life-changing smiles.

On New Year's Day she stood in front of me smiling, a smile now filled with two more teeth than she had a month ago. The two upper front teeth, still white stumps pushing outward with a slight gap between the two, have begun to fill out what will be a life-changing smile.

What already is a life-changing smile as far as me and Mama are concerned.

But then I freak a little and think, What the hell?

It's my daughter and I'm her daddy. My daughter who will continue to fall and bang her head and skin her knees. My daughter who may someday play soccer or the saxophone (damn that daydream time traveling again). My daughter who may someday make the honor roll year after year, her walls filled up with certificates and ribbons. My daughter who will someday fall in love over and over while I stand by to help Mama pick up the pieces and to berate those who break her heart.

My daughter who may someday make a wrong turn, maybe abuse alcohol and drugs, and maybe get involved in abusive relationships.

And we will love her and help her help herself be better and get it together again. Maybe she'll join Narcotics Anonymous and get a job at 7-11, turning her life around one day at a time, filling the lives of her customers with life-changing smiles.

Like Nicole in Santa Cruz, whose life ended on New Year's Day when an ex-boyfriend showed up during her early morning shift at 7-11 and shot her and then turned the gun on himself -- what the police are calling "a deadly case of domestic violence," the first homicide of the new year.

Nothing changes, not even when there are life-changing smiles.

I don't know anything more about Nicole's life other than what was revealed in the newspaper article, which wasn't much.

The killer's uncontrolled cowardice is telling enough, though. The wrath of insecurity and self-loathing rips holes in the hearts of too many, holes that can only be filled with dominance, abuse and violence.

I believe we can help others help themselves to be better if we intervene early enough. My daughter may someday be a social worker or volunteer at a domestic violence shelter or be a counselor for at-risk children and teens. Or maybe she'll work for an organization like the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence.

Twenty-four percent of workplace violence is related to domestic violence according to Bureau of Labor Statistics survey data. That's one-quarter of violent incidents at work. I'm moderating a workplace violence panel discussion on Wednesday, January 20, 2010, from 11-12 PST, sponsored by EmployeeScreenIQ. I encourage you and your employer to attend.

And Beatrice, keep the life-changing smiles coming. We'll all keep working on the rest of it for Nicole and countless others.

Family, friends and workplace weave the safety net for victims of intimate partner violence

I posted a similar version of this on my firm's HRmarketer Blog, but I'm giving it a little personal twist for GOTG.

There really weren't any resources for my mother in 1972. She volunteered and then worked as a secretary for the local school district where I grew up, and every time my birth father beat her, there was full clothing to cover the bruises, avoiding others stares and conversation, absenteeism when it was really bad, and more.

There were no domestic violence or workplace violence programs, no employee assistance programs offering counseling or shelter referrals, no assessment and action plans from human resources.

Don't ask, don't tell. The fear and shame that comes with abuse and intimate partner violence is overwhelming enough (intimate partner violence another name for domestic violence) - you don't want your employer to know for fear of losing your job. Employers don't want to know for fear of potential violence in the workplace.

You don't want to tell your friends or family either - even when my grandparents did find out about my mom, they weren't exactly supportive at first.

For my mother and countless others it was faith and prayer and finally the personal strength to get out of the violence.

It still is, although today there are thankfully so many more resources available and more and more companies have workplace violence and/or intimate partner violence programs and/or EAPs. Family and friends need to wake up and be part of the solution as well.

Your workplace can and should take the lead in providing these programs, not only to protect the victims of domestic violence, but also to protect the workplace from the batterers. And for those of you who don't have these programs at your organizations, you should go to HR and your management team and request them.

Consider these:

• A recent survey of CEOs found that most believe domestic violence to be a serious issue, yet 71% did not believe it is a problem in their company. (The reality is that approximately 21% of fulltime working adults report being a victim of domestic violence.)
• Over 70% of United States workplaces have no formal program or policy that addresses workplace violence.
• Of the approximately 30% that have formal workplace violence policies in place (usually binders on shelves gathering dust), only 13% have domestic violence in the workplace policies and only 4% provide training on domestic violence in the workplace (Bureau of Labor Statistics from 2006).

Only 4%. Seems like one helluva short trip from 1972.

And consider these EAP obstacles:

• The most common reason women didn't contact their EAP for intimate partner violence is that they didn't think about it or didn't think appropriate.
• Employee utilization of intimate partner violence EAP services is very low.
• The number one concern of battered women before contacting an EAP is confidentiality -- they’re afraid employee will find out.
• Most EAPs don't have standardized evaluations or codes for intimate partner violence.

But even considering there's much work to be done, human resources, security professionals, EAPs and workplace violence non-profits have all made huge strides in working together to address intimate partner violence and workplace violence.

One organization in particular - the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence - is the only national organization of its kind founded by business leaders and focused on the workplace. Check out some the companies that are members. I came in contact with this organizationearlier this year and was fortunate enough to participate in a few of their S2 - Safer, Smarter Workplace webinars. I was also fortunate enough to interview its Executive Director, Kim Wells (that'll be the next HR Market Share podcast after Thanksgiving).

Amazing employer resources come from the CAEPV. Download Six Steps to Creating a Successful Workplace Program here. Also, great list of dos and don'ts here.

EAPs play a critical role as well. One of my firm's clients - Corporate Counseling Associates - recently released a white paper titled Healthy Organizations Mitigate the Risk of Violence that includes several ways to reduce the threat of violence in the workplace:

• Communicate a zero tolerance policy & develop ongoing employee communications to reinforce the message.
• Set up company procedures for reporting incidents of violence.
• Create a Threat of Violence (TOV) Team, involving members of the following departments: Health Services, Human Resources, Security, EAP, Legal, Facilities Management, Corporate Affairs, and Public Relations.
• Establish organizational mechanisms to prevent violence.
• Constantly monitor and identify “weak spots” in management practices and/or development programs.
• Educate senior management on the warning signs and symptoms of violence-prone individuals, and the environmental pressures that can trigger incidents.
• Train the TOV team to ensure a disciplined execution of strategy.
• Learn how to de-escalate aggression and improve conflict management skills. Run crisis scenario simulations.

In fact, the latest S2 webinar was all about Addressing Domestic Violence in the Workplace: An EAP/Employer Partnership.

We have come a long way from 1972. Family, friends and workplace weave the safety net for victims of intimate partner violence.