The Baby Eclipse and Date Night Reborn

When God created baby, she eclipsed the sun and moon.

Sometimes the world grows cold.

Even for the most prepared of parents, having a baby means never being quite prepared. It means spending most of your time caring for baby, and less and less time caring for each other (and on yourself, especially if you're a single parent). It means less adult intimacy and more baby poop.

Don't get me wrong – I love my baby B and Mama A. But before A + K = B there was only A + K = K + A and that equaled hot-as-a-firecracker-on-the-fourth-of-July love (as my Grandpa used to say, usually referring to his coffee, not his unending love of Grandma). We traveled the world, went out to dinner whenever we wanted, worked out whenever we wanted, watched whatever we wanted, read whatever we wanted, kept decorative but dangerous household items laying around wherever we wanted, took baths together whenever we wanted and had sex whenever (and wherever) we wanted. Date night occurred every week with passionate regularity.

We never wanted children and we were deemed selfish because of it. Evangelical philosophy aside, I'll never understand that one.

However, we changed our minds and the judgments of others turned into redemption and revelry. That's not why we had a child, to receive redemption. No, we did it because together we chose to have a child and start a family.

We're heading into month six with baby and for the most part we're doing great. But recently we hit a speed bump going to fast without watching the road signs.

Mama and I share all responsibilities including those with baby, and we're fortunate to both have jobs and a baby-care person during the week, but it's true that Mama gets most of the home baby care (and she has the breasts to prove it). Last weekend that didn't work out so well and we were both feeling our roles and responsibilities were skewed and underappreciated, especially me. I never thought I'd become the jealous husband/father of my own wife's time (and my own), but I did. All my mindful living and adult maturity was strong-armed by impotent-rage-man I used to be and I completely shut down. Just an angry knot on a rotting log fuming in a stinky bog. Mr. Butthead with bells on.

How attractive is that? Not very and I was pretty ashamed of my reaction. We worked it out though, because we always do (all work and no play makes for dull parents) – that's what true love is, and realized that we need to "make" more hot-as-a-firecracker-on-the-fourth-of-July-love time for each other again.

It's time for date night to burst from nothingness like a birthed star, this weekend to be exact (or date afternoon; it's the date part that counts). Poetically I've always referred to Amy as my sun and I her moon, but we have to realign our orbits since we now revolve around baby who solely depends on our gravities push and pull.

When God created baby, she eclipsed the sun and moon and then took a nap.

Sometimes the world makes time for us.

By the way, I just joined Dad-Blogs.com (http://dad-blogs.com/) and I'm glad I'm in the Fatherhood Friday mix!

Barefoot and pregnant? Daddy K says no way.

I have to thank my mom for instilling in me a balanced perception of sharing household chores. There were no traditional gender roles when it came to "pitching in". My sister and I both pitched in. We had to. My mom was an infamous list maker. And not just the kind who made lists for the sake of making them – she followed through on all lists, crossing off each and every item until the paper was a raggedy mess.

And we weren't done until they were all crossed off. (Mom always said if she needed chores done quickly and efficiently, my sister was the go-to girl. If she needed a thorough deep dive but painfully slow chore-doer, I was the go-to guy. Pretty much carried that one with us through time.)

I've never had a problem carrying my share of the load around the house, and while I know I'm an anomaly of sorts, I don't get why more men aren't doing more (thanks again Mom). It's not always equal between Amy and me, but we're both interesting cases because we don't share traditional roles that aren't traditional to our sexes.

One of the new the daddy blogs I'm following, Rebel Dad, referenced a fantastic article by Lisa Belkin titled When Mom and Dad Share It All. I highly recommend that all parents read it.

Some interesting research facts: in heterosexual relationships, woman still do more household chores than men 2:1; and when it comes to childcare, the ration is 5:1. Those ratios are more even in gay and lesbian relationships, but even then, there's always a skew in favor of the dominate mate.

But the heterosexual workload ratios haven't changed much for over 90 years. So much for those old Virginia Slims ads – "You've come a long way, baby – not." The economic dynamics are much different for the sons and daughters of the feminist movement; most couples have to both work to make a living, buy a house (that's now incredibly devalued) and raise children. The workload-at-home imbalance can be unbearable at times for women (and even some men).

The above article also shares many different examples of how couples cope and share the responsibilities – and how some situations work out better than others. It's given me a lot to think about for us as we prepare for parenting, working and balancing life.

Another great article titled Rebel Dad, referenced a fantastic article by Better Fathers: Courtesy of the Sexual Revolution:

Little attention has been paid to the impact that women's liberation has had on men. The unacknowledged truth is that men have been transformed too. Today, men have more freedom, flexibility and choices -- in the most meaningful ways.

Barefoot and pregnant? None for me thanks. But I'll definitely mow your lawn, vacuum your house, change your diapers (well, not yours silly), dig your ditches, knit your sweaters and share in the living and loving of parenting and partnering with Mama A.