Our Family Bonding Present

I could see her there. Studying. Socializing. Working. It wasn't literally about the specific colleges we visited during spring break, just the fact that in less than two years she'd be going to college. Maybe it'll be a four-year college, or it will be two years of local junior college first. That's a decision yet to be made, although she's very interested in going away.

Exciting and bittersweet all at the same time. Our oldest Beatrice is a junior in high school and wants to be a teacher someday, elementary and/or middle school, so she's eyeing a credential program along with the four-year degree, maybe even an MA in education. We're looking at the California CSU and UC systems since we live here.

Visiting campuses brought back a lot of memories for both my wife Amy and me. Neither of us had a traditional four-year college experience. Amy went to a junior college for one year and then transferred to the University of North Carolina Wilmington. I started at my local community college, dropped out, then went to San Jose State University a year later. After a rocky first two and half years, I took a break, was already working full time, and then returned to finish with honors while working full time taking a full load of classes. Neither of us work directly in the fields our degrees represent, which is common for many college grads. We're grateful we still have them.

Both of us still have friends from those days. One of my best friends from college, Troy, has been my Rush (the band) touring buddy for decades. We're super excited to see Rush again this summer together. We were in the TKE fraternity together at SJSU and have many fun and fond memories from our college days, and the years since. We even ran into his ex and two of his kids on one of the college tours! Also, during our college trip we stopped at a deli called Grossman's (my last name but no relation as far as I knew) and the manager noticed my Rush t-shirt and said his head chef played drums in a Rush cover band. Synchronicity indeed. 

That's something both Amy and I are grateful for from our college experiences besides the education and our respective degrees. The fact that we found lifelong friendships. As we toured the college campuses with Beatrice, I pictured her walking to the student union with her friends, to class, to the dorms, to all the college haunts I remember from my time. 

Of course, college isn't for everyone and not the only options for future careers, and the world of work is changing in exciting and scary ways (AI is one of those ways and our kids aren't happy about it). But the careers that both our kids want to pursue -- teaching for Beatrice and marine science for Bryce -- will involve college and eventually embracing AI tools and systems.

Although those are life experiences yet to come, I can still see her there. This trip provided us with a glimpse of Bea's college future while staying grounded in our family bonding present. And that's always the greatest gift of all. 

A Future That Works

Our oldest Beatrice is a junior in high school this year and college discussions have become a priority. When I started writing about our family, before Beatrice was born, I never really envisioned this moment. Talking about college, I mean. The same is true for our youngest Bryce, but they're a freshman and have a few years yet. The public high school they go to has what's called the Excel Block Schedule. This means students take 90-minute classes each day, which are equivalent to year-long classes in the more traditional two-semester system. Talk about nice prep for the college talks.

And both kids have their eyes on college, too. Beatrice primarily wants to be a teacher and Bryce wants to be a marine biologist. What we think we aspire to be and what really happens are always initially parallel lines that may diverge at some point and head in directions they never imagined. That happened to both their mom and me. Amy wanted to be a marine biologist and I wanted to be an architect and then a psychologist -- and we're nowhere near those professions. 

And that's okay, because both Amy and I lived our lives and figured out who we were and what we wanted to do professionally. We've been together for 28 years now, which is over half of Amy's life since we met. There is truth to feeling motivated and passionate about the work you do, but the reality is that you still try to balance that with making enough of a living to provide for your family and then some. 

And then some to be able to help send them to college, with or without financial aid, and/or help them explore other career opportunities. Beatrice could also be an artist someday and Bryce a musician, both things they love to do. Or maybe a trade could be a choice since a lot of private equity investment has been poured into plumbing, HVAC, and many other trades. 

So, I took Beatrice to college night at our local community college. Not only was the community college highlighting their programs and the value of starting there and then transferring to another university, there were dozens of other universities represented from California and other states. Beatrice felt like she wasn't asking the right questions, but she did just fine. I coached her a little and asked my own questions of the college representatives on site. 

It's been quite the journey watching them both grow up into early adulthood. College night was a kick because it was just me and Beatrice talking about life today and where it was headed tomorrow. I shared my bumpy college experience with her, how I went from nearly not finishing to finishing with honors, and talked about how Mom went to a junior college first and then transferred to a university. Beatrice and I shared yummy food truck gyros and falafels onsite and then made the rounds in the gym talking to the different colleges represented. I thought, this is the beginning of talking with our children like the adults they're becoming, and I felt blessed and super grateful. 

More so since in an ever-increasing dystopian world where the abnormal continues to polarize and is normalized, where artificial intelligence is fundamentally changing everything around us, and the greater rest of us long for more peaceful middle-of-the-road days swirling past. Today, our children look tentatively hopeful at a very scary future. But one where they control their narrative as much as they can that will hopefully have a positive impact on their lives and the lives around them. As we drove home, I wished for a future that works for them. For us all.