The Most Grateful Gift Of All

She stood with some of her classmates at the foot of the stage stairs waiting for her turn. That's when I asked the other school board member on stage to switch with me. This was a proud moment for our family and I wasn't going to miss the opportunity to hand our oldest child her promotion certificate.

No, it wasn't college or high school yet, but it was an important transitional milestone: the 8th grade. After three years of middle school, the first of which was distance learning during the heart of the pandemic, Beatrice finished strong.

We never doubted she would; she worked hard to finish strong and we supported her along the way. It does take a little more hard work for her than her sister Bryce, but regardless, she thrived. She thrived academically and socially. However, emotionally she's now a teen, so there's been some drama the past year that we've all managed to get through. 

Out of everything she experienced during middle school, leadership was and is her thing. She's getting ready to be a junior leader again for a summer day camp; she loves working with kids. She was also her favorite 6th grade teacher's teaching assistant this last semester, which sometimes gave her extra study time when he didn't have anything for her to do. She's always needed a little more support since preschool and we are so grateful for all the classroom support she's received -- from preschool to 8th grade and what will continue through her high school years to come. 

And because of all these experiences and the support she received, she's told us she may just be a teacher someday. That would be fantastic! In fact, she's told us she wants to be a teacher and an artist. 

Public schools get a bad wrap these days about the education they deliver, and funding shortfalls always make it harder for school districts to recruit and retain quality teachers. We've been fortunate to have had some amazing and supportive teachers who have delivered the highest quality education throughout the years for both our daughters. 

Being on our local school board has given me an insight into public education realities, its struggles and successes, for all the students in our district. Which is why I was so grateful and proud to be onstage during Beatrice's 8th grade promotion to congratulate all the students.

Of course, hugging my own daughter and handing her the promotion certificate was the most grateful gift of all. 

No Rotten Tomatoes Here

Bryce kept moving around during the final cast bows and her head bobbed back and forth. I thought, What is she doing? Is she still singing and dancing?

And then I thought, Ah, that's what she's doing; she's crying. Just like her dad.

Mostly tears of joy and the reality that the Beauty and the Beast All About Theater production she was in, her first true theater experience, was coming to an end after over three months of rehearsals. So many new learning experiences, new friends, and a new love: the theater. Musicals in particular. 

When both our daughters were in grade school (pre-pandemic), they were in a few after-school musical productions. While they both had fun, it was Bryce who seemed to have an affinity to acting, dancing, and singing. When it came time for the Beauty and the Beast auditions at the beginning of this year, she struggled with doing it or not. One of her good friends had already been in a couple of these shows, and Bryce became very interested in auditioning. 

And then she didn't want to do it. And then she did again. Bryce likes to be introverted a lot of the time, so something like auditioning for a musical took an inordinate amount of bravery and energy for her to pull off. Her stress ran really high prior to the first audition. We did our best to comfort her, to encourage her, and finally when the day came, she did it. 

After she tried out, she couldn't wait to go back. 

Bryce really wanted one of the main roles, the character of Chip, but in the end it was her first serious youth production, and she ended up being the hat seller and part of the many ensemble groups. She even had two lines, one in the first act and one in the second. We were so proud of her during opening night and closing night, the two nights she wanted us there. 

The time investment for Bryce was more than she'd ever experienced before, way more than even playing soccer over the years. Like her dad (me), stress builds up inside her until she's ready to blow. Fortunately her meltdowns were at a minimum, including during tech week when they rehearsed every night for nearly a week prior to opening night. 

For us, there was the financial investment for Bryce to participate, which we'll be happy to do again and again if she continues down the theater path. Plus, the parents can save money off the total investment for their kids when they volunteer to help with sets, costumes, etc., and my wife Amy volunteered a lot over the past three months. I did a little bit, in between my work and being on our local school board, including helping to haul kids back and forth to rehearsals and performances. 

With all of our investments of the past three months, especially Bryce's, the result was renewed love of acting, dancing, and singing in theater, something we believe she's always had, and always will have. There was nothing wrong with being the hat seller and part of the ensemble groups in Beauty and the Beast, her first real theater production. The entire cast of 10-17 year olds, choreography, direction, orchestra, stage help -- all the things -- were amazing! The experience is something Bryce will never forget and she will be back. Early on, she told us that they were going to throw rotten tomatoes at her for being so bad. It became an ongoing joke with our family. 

"Don't post any pictures of me, Dad," she also told me over and over again throughout the production. Being the photog of the family, that's always a tough one for me, but I always comply unless I get permission from either kid. Instead, Bryce gets a proud and goofy parent pic on the last night. That got a smile through all the bittersweet closing-night tears. No rotten tomatoes here. She was fantastic!

Moms and Men (And Men Who Are Moms)

We were so excited to see our youngest Bryce at the opening night of Beauty and the Beast. Being her first time doing serious youth theater, she didn't have a major role, but that didn't matter to her (or us). She was thrilled to be in it, and she along with all her other cast members had worked so hard for over three months to get here.

It was the Friday before Mother's Day this year and I knew how proud my wife Amy was of both our children. Of course, I was too. However, prior to heading to the theater, I had a flash of what-if. What if a shooter came to the theater hell bent on taking lives?

I used to think these fears were irrational and unrealistic ones, but not any more. Thankfully I don't dwell very long on them; opening night was amazing and everyone was safe and sound. The next night, the night before Mother's Day, Amy volunteered to help in the dressing room. It was after 10 pm when the show was over and the cast went to a local ice cream parlor for a treat, accompanied by many of their parents. Again, my what-if fears appeared as I waited at home for them. Our oldest Beatrice was already asleep when Amy and Bryce got home around 11 pm. Again, everyone safe and sound and all was well. 

Sadly, we live in an ailing democracy with increasing gun violence. I'm not against responsible gun ownership; I grew up in law enforcement with guns in the house. However, today we're far beyond a sensible gun culture. And even with the majority of Americans supporting universal background checks, red flag laws that take guns away from people dangerous to themselves and others, mandatory 30-day waiting periods for guns, banning assault rifles and semi-automatic weapons, and increased mental health funding, as of May 1, at least 13,959 people have died from gun violence in the U.S. this year.

491 were teens and 85 were children.

That's just this year. One of the main causes of death today for teens and children is gun violence. One thing that's not talked about enough though is the toxic masculinity that produces this horrific gun violence. Toxic masculinity meaning a need to be dominant and aggressive, to control others (especially women, children, people of color, LGBTQ+, etc.), and the belief that the threat of violence or the act of violence is the answer to problems. Toxic masculinity that includes mostly young and old white males (i.e., white supremacists), although it can include males of any ethnicity. 

Since 1982, 136 mass shootings have been carried out in the United States by male shooters, and only four mass shootings (defined by the source as a single attack in a public place in which four or more victims were killed) have been carried out by women.

Gun violence is such an overwhelming problem in America. Again, sensible gun laws like universal background checks, red flag laws, mandatory 30-day waiting periods, and banning assault rifles that the majority of Americans support are a start, and that means the majority of us must press our federal and state legislators (and vote) for these changes. 

We're also going to have to deal with the toxic masculinity that fuels the senseless violence. This is where moms and men (and men who are moms) can help dismantle and diffuse the need to be in control and undermine others through violence, to push for increased mental health funding and advocate for a culture of empathy and inclusion. I don't want to be fearful every time our kids are in a theater production, or go to the mall, or go to school. 

That's why I wrote this today, on Mother's Day, for all the moms who have lost the 491 teens and 85 children this year to gun violence, and sadly we know there are more to come. Blessings to you all. The majority of us will work to make a much needed difference. 

Built With Patience And Love

After building it decades ago, I still used it. It was tipped on its side in a corner of the garage and was still being used to store stuff. Every time my wife Amy and I were in the garage working out, I'd look at it and think someday I'll refinish it. Our garage is part guest room/office, part gym, storage area, and where I drum; we haven't parked a car in there for a long time. 

Over the years when I looked at it sitting on its side in the corner, I sometimes wondered why I still had it -- a wooden cabinet I had made in woodshop way back in 7th grade. As I wrote last year, I don't remember exactly why I took woodshop in 7th grade, but it was probably because my dad worked with wood and built furniture, toys, and other things. When I was a teen, our home garage was full of table saws, circular saws, jigsaws, and so many other woodworking tools.

So, I took woodshop in junior high and made a cabinet. An actual working cabinet with shelves and hinged doors. It took a lot of patience, and sweat, and yes, I guess a lot of love. Now that I think about it, I never wanted to get rid of it over the years. Again, I wanted to refinish it at some point, and I finally am now.

Because we're creating a sun room out of our back porch, Amy mentioned we could put my old wooden cabinet out there if I really wanted to refinish it. Dig it out of the shadowy corner in the garage, sand and stain it, and actually use it again as it was intended to be used in its refreshed glory. A second life of sorts. What is old is new again.

This is important to me because sometimes I feel I have no control over anything in this world. And with my business struggling right now, I feel like a failure and that I won't be able to provide for my family. That I should've done this or I should've done that instead of where I'm at today.

But that's hogwash, because I actually do have more control over what I do right this very minute. And the next. And the next. Amy and I meditate daily and those meditations remind us that we're a universe of endless possibilities and that we are always good enough. This is exactly where I'm supposed to be, and my wife and children love me and are supportive and proud of me, just as I am of them. Sure, I have no idea what will happen tomorrow or in the next six months, but again, this very moment is mine, as is the next one, and the next. 

I posted the picture of my old cabinet I'm now refinishing and someone commented, "Pretty cool you still have it! You must have made it really well!" While someone else posted, "Old world craftsmanship -- it's nice how things hold up over time when they are built with patience and love."

Patience and love. Amen. I've never really given myself enough credit for the things I've done throughout my life. Of what I've overcome to get here and where I'm going. Of endless possibilities. I built that cabinet nearly 45 years ago, and while it wasn't really all that elaborate of a design, it was simple and sturdy and still standing today. All because it was built with patience and love when I was 13 years old. That's why today when I do have moments of self-doubt and feel like a failure, they are fleeting, because Amy and I have built our family on a foundation of patience, love, and infinite potential. 

Let that be a lesson to you, kids. Blessings to us all.