The Truth of Consent Is the Universal Truth

One of the men in the audience said, "Well, I appreciate what you're saying, but you must remember that your truth isn't my truth, and what's true for everyone isn't true for everyone else."

Then he started a misinformed diatribe about transgender students in locker rooms, as if that would lead to more sexual assault and rape. That then led to an uproar from the audience calling him ignorant and defending the student speaker, who was only sharing her experience with being sexually assaulted when she was 14. Most of us in the room were grateful for her message of better sexual education classes in middle school and high school, as well as starting lessons around consent and boundary setting earlier in elementary school.

This was one of the sessions I attended at this year's California School Board Association (CSBA) Conference. I've attended it annually for the past three years since I've been a school board trustee. Each year it's been a powerful learning and networking opportunity for me and the over 5,000 other trustees across California who attend.

I went to the high school student's session, who's now 18 years old, because I wanted to hear a young person's perspective about the dangers of sexual assault and lack of consent and boundary setting skills. Her sexual assault at age 14 nearly destroyed her, but she survived and persevered and is now a powerful young advocate with an Instagram movement called Respect4Consent and a petition to introduce policy to protect students against sexual assault: The Safe & Documented: Survivor Rights and Protection Policy.

Instead of staying and hearing everyone's response to his statement, the misinformed man left in a hurry, blaming us all for his need to flee. That was followed by a couple of well-meaning men still steeped in patriarchy claiming that men need to protect women. That's something I was brought up to believe as well, but today I have a much improved anti-misogynistic perspective about social, emotional, and physical safety skills for everyone thanks to my wife, my children, and important organizations like Kidpower (in full transparency, my wife works there). 

The high school speaker at the conference shared important school health policy considerations that go a lot farther than "abstinence-only" school programs that always fall short. Abstinence may be a path to prevent sexual mishaps and misconduct, but it omits consent entirely. She posited that early consent education normalizes respect and body autonomy for all students, and my wife and I couldn't agree more.

We've been talking with our own children about these things since they were in elementary school. Thankfully they've had solid sex education courses provided by our school district along with school-based values programs from Second Step. 

And of course, they've been immersed in Kidpower since they were little. They may deny they use what they've learned over the years, but we see them put it into practice when necessary. Thank goodness. This is important because my wife and I didn't have the same curriculum that our kids have today, nor any safety skills training back in our day. 

Here's a simple boundaries and consent safety checklist from Kidpower (applicable to kids, teens, and adults).

Touch, attention, and games for play, affection, and fun should be:

• Okay with each person
• Safe for feelings and for bodies
• Allowed by the adults in charge (if they're kids and teens)

And they should never be a secret. So, when it comes to our teens being equipped to identify coercion or assault to protect themselves, the truth of consent is the universal truth. No means no. Please stop means please stop. The end.