Daddy K watches Baby B (Mama A goes back to work)

Here it is, Mama's first big day back to work:

3:00 a.m. – Mama feeds Baby. Daddy stirs. We all go back to sleep.

4:00 a.m. – Cat meows and howls in between us in bed (as usual). Daddy and Mama swat cat. Baby sleeps soundly. Daddy tosses.

4:45 a.m. – Cat meows and howls again on the box below the bed she uses to climb up and down. Daddy sprays her with the water bottle.

5:00 a.m. – Daddy gives up and gets out of bed so Mama and Baby can sleep.

5:15 a.m. – Daddy fiddles and writes and does other online nonsense.

7:00 a.m. – Mama and baby wake up.

7:00 a.m. – Baby's fed and changed.

8:00 a.m. – Daddy watches Baby and eats breakfast while Mama gets ready for work.

8:30 a.m. – Baby's fed and changed again.

8:40 a.m. – Baby goes down for a nap and mama leaves for work, a little emotional but intact. Daddy smiles and kisses her. Everything's going to be fine.

9:15 a.m. – Baby wakes up from nap and all is well. Change Baby then read to her: Oh, the places you'll go, Go Dog. Go! and 10 little ladybugs. Then we watched some of Sesame Street. (I was a baby again myself – sucked in and totally focused on the letter "M" for many monsters. Sweet. The show is great.)

10:30 a.m. – Baby fusses, cries and gets hungry – the bottle attempt fails, however.

10:45 a.m. – Calm Baby down and take her upstairs to sleep in one of her swings while I shower. Change Baby.

11:00 a.m. – Baby naps.

11:15 a.m. – Cat comes downstairs and meows.

11:45 a.m. – Baby wakes, fusses, cries, gets really hungry and then magic: I gently talk with her about drinking from the bottle and how happy she'll be once she eats – wallah – Baby drinks almost entire bottle! Happy success!

12:15 p.m. – Change Baby then watch more Sesame Street with her.

12:45 p.m. – Mama comes home for lunch.

1:30 p.m. – Baby's fed and changed. Mama puts her down for a nap and goes back to work.

3:45 p.m. – Baby wakes and is changed. Daddy takes Baby out for a stroll along the water.

4:30 p.m. – Daddy changes the Baby and attempts to feed her the bottle again – and again success!

5:00 p.m. – Cat comes downstairs and meows. It's time for her dinner. Daddy feeds the cat then reads Baby I love you through and through.

5:30 p.m. – Mama comes home from work, kisses Daddy and Baby. Everybody's happy!

All is well in Daddy-ville. Goodnight.

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you hug me

John McCain gave an eloquent and gracious concession speech this week, and while I'm a Barack Obama supporter and part of the "yes we can" daddies-for-change bandwagon (imagine what that looked like), I know John McCain loves his country and truly believed he was the right person for the job.

But he lost. Decidedly.

How does one deal with that kind of loss at that level? Or any level? More specifically, how does a dad deal with loss and his family? We talk a lot about helping our children deal with losing, as Daddy Clay at DadLabs did recently, but what about the dads?

Whether it's losing the presidential election (kinda high-profile), or struggling families whose fathers (and mothers) are losing their jobs, or losing their homes, or divorcing, or losing one of their children, or losing the big company softball game, or no matter where the loss falls on the spectrum – how do we cope with our families and children?

I've never had a child until now, but one thing I remember clearly was the open communication my mother had with me when she divorced my father. That was key. My early experiences with daddies weren't so hot, so Mom was the provider and caretaker for a few years.

But when my later father (adopting step-father) suffered one physical loss after another, his courage and strength and "fighting back for life" overshadowed any sense of loss any of us felt for him. No anger or depression or withdrawal or chemical dependence. Just straight ahead "you can't keep me down" marching orders. That's inspiring.

Most of us have some knowledge of psychiatrist Kübler-Ross's proposed stages of grief:

Denial: "This can't be happening to me."

Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to blame?"

Bargaining: "Make this not happen, and in return I will ____."

Depression: "I'm too sad to do anything."

Acceptance: "I'm at peace with what is going to happen/has happened."

What I didn't know was that Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns (and of course that makes sense). I just read that in her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages, "They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives."

Our grieving is as individual as our lives. Although I'm glad that more and more fathers are being responsible and sensitive and communicative and open to healing when there's loss. It does take time, but take time for your families as well. They're there for you just as you're there for them.

At least that's the case with the hip cats I'm hanging around. Give us a hug, Beck.

The B syndrome: What the heck do we do again?

Baby B's about a month away from being born and Amy's been reading a whole bunch of pregnancy/baby books and magazines for the past few months in preparation. Some I've checked out; she's bookmarked sections for me to read and there have been some great articles in Parenting and Mothering.

I've been sticking with my fatherhood for dummies books and other sites like DadLabs (where I just watched how to install a car seat), About.com Fatherhood, Daddy Dialectic, Rebel Dad, Building Camelot, The Art of Manliness (great post for dads here) and others.

One recent resource that stands out is what we watched yesterday. Amy ordered the Dunstan Baby Language DVD a couple of weeks ago and it's some very cool stuff. Based on 8 years of research:

The Dunstan Baby Language teaches you to hear exactly what your baby is communicating. As a parent, you will be able to interpret your infant's sounds and cries – and respond to their needs quickly and effectively.

Every newborn communicates from birth to 3 months uses 5 distinct sounds that signal hunger, tiredness, need to burp, lower wind/gas and discomfort. This is regardless of the language their parents speak. It is not a learned language. Rather, it is a natural way for every baby to express their physical needs.

For example, if the baby squeaks out the word "neh", then the baby is hungry. "Owh" means he/she needs to go to sleep. "Eairh" means he/she has lower wind pain (sigh…I still use that word myself unfortunately).

We'll let you know if it works for us!

Daddy K finds The Diaper Rap

Wow, I thought I was done for the day, but I found The Diaper Rap at Daddy Dialectic. These cats are cool. Something to save and sing for Baby B.

Here's a taste:

Yo yo yo yo you got a biscuit
Yeah it's in your basket
But I'm gonna fix it
And when I'm done you'll feel fantastic

Nice. Peace out.