Sweet And Sour Nothings

No spoilers, but mercy me I cried, and I laughed, and I cried some more. That's not unusual or hard for me; I'm certainly a crier (and I like to laugh). For Father's Day weekend last week, we all went to see Inside Out 2. Perfect movie to see with your teens, by the way. It's not a dark snarky mess like most shows and movies targeting teens today. If you and your kids liked the first one, you should like this one, too. Especially if your kids are teens now. 

Again, I won't give anything away that hasn't already been in the previews. New emotions are introduced including Anxiety. Once Anxiety takes over, then all bets are off for the main character Riley and all her other emotions. 

That's what got me the most. That once we hit adolescence and our pre-frontal cortex, hormones, and more enhanced levels of awareness come online, anxiety is right behind them whispering sweet and sour nothings into our ears. I had more than enough of that when I was a teenager (into young adulthood) and don't wish it on anyone. Our children have had their share of adolescent angst as well and that's always hard to see. 

With all the love and support we've given our children since they were born, it's hard to watch them struggle with their own anxieties at times. My wife Amy and I remind each other that they are teens; it's normal developmentally. As I wrote a few weeks ago after attending some local graduation as a school board member, I remember how our kids (and many others) struggled with isolation throughout the pandemic. In fact, every student speaker at the graduations, from elementary to middle school to high school, shared that same sentiment. That even though our kids have healthy friendships, their brains and bodies are developing rapidly, and the stress of feeling liked and included is excruciating at times. That they are more aware than ever of the world's volatility around us and how social media scrolling demons can haunt them day after day. 

Yep, anxiety knows how to throw us off with those sweet and sour nothings it whispers in our ears. Or, screams in them, prompting a panic attack. Whether you see Inside Out 2 or not, anxiety's sweet and sour nothings are with us for life. All we can do as parents is be there for our teens and offer our grounded guidance, love, and support. We can help them understand that they can learn to live with and manage anxiety their entire lives. I know I need that reminder from time to time. 

A Grateful Dad

My dad was always so kind to everyone. Even after 32 years as a police officer and dealing with criminals and the dark side of life, he was always still a very kind person. We lost him and my mom in 2012, and we miss them both. Our kids were very young when they passed.

When I was a sophomore in high school, we were all watching the varsity football game. Me with my friends, and my parents were watching elsewhere in the stands. They had been there since the junior varsity game to watch me play. 

At some point my parents left the game. Fifteen minutes later, one of my friends rushed to where we sat in the stands to tell me my dad had been stabbed. A high and troubled teenager had been taunting one of the high school administrators working the football game and my dad had tried to talk the teen down. The teen wasn't having it, though, and he lunged at my dad with a knife, stabbing him in the upper thigh. Soon after that, my mom, sister, and I were at the hospital with him. Thankfully he was going to be okay. 

What I didn't know until years later is that my dad kept checking in on the teen and visit him to see how he was doing. First the teen was in juvenile hall for a while, and then after other arrests as an adult, went to prison. My dad had wanted to help him, but sadly, he was killed in prison.

Not only was my dad kind, he was empathic and forgiving. So many of his "clients" as he called them, the people he arrested throughout his police career, really liked my dad. And my dad tried to help people turn their lives around, although he knew first hand in his job just how hard it was for people to do that. 

At home, he was such a great father for my sister and me. He didn't come into our lives until we were 10 and 12, when he and our mom married, but it was as if he was always "dad" to us, which is why just a few years later we took his name. He listened to us, he cared for us, and he loved us no matter what we did or said (and we did and said some wowzers, that's for sure). He was always fair, even when we weren't. And when I was going through some of the most difficult years of my life, he did his best to understand, counsel, and console. He was also a goofball and a master of levity, effortlessly injecting humor and silliness into our daily lives. His infectious laughter brought perpetual smiles to us all. 

Dad, you helped me become a grateful dad. A kind, empathic, loving, and grateful dad. Thank you and blessings to you. You are missed.

The First Job Win

My first job was a paper route when I was 12 and it was only for one summer. Folding the papers and delivering them wasn't too bad, but having to collect the payments from the people I delivered to was horrible. Excruciating at times. Most people on my route were nice about it, whether they had the money to pay me then or not. But there were those who were just downright mean at times. Ridiculing me because they said I threw their paper in the bushes or barely on their driveway. 

A few years later when I hit 15 and a half, my true first job enfolded. I applied for and was hired to work in the produce department of a local grocery store. While my boss was a jerk most of the time, one of my co-workers warmed up to me and became a good work friend. It didn't start that way, but thankfully it ended that way throughout the three years I worked there. I had no idea what I was doing at first, but over that first summer between training and just doing the job, I learned fast. I worked a split shift -- from 6 am in the morning to 10 am, and then I'd come back at 3 pm and close the produce department at 7 pm. It was tough to get up that early, but I did it, and by the end of the second summer working there, I had enough for a down payment on my first car.

And now it's time to live that all over again with our own kids. Our oldest, Beatrice, had volunteered the past two years as a junior leader at a summer day camp for Parks and Recreation. This year was her opportunity to apply to be a paid camp counselor -- and she got the job! She was one of the best junior leaders they had the past two years, so her experience definitely paid off for her. 

She's completed her week of paid training and next is the actual camp. She'll be working about 30+ hours per week, which is a lot when you haven't worked before. Both her and her sister Bryce earn their allowance each week for the chores they do, but that's maybe a couple of hours per week, if that. 

This is different than doing weekly chores for an allowance. Real paying jobs always are. Beatrice is going to be one tired teen by the end of the summer wrangling all those campers every day, but she loves the work, and she also knows that she'll be saving some "bank". She's already making a list of what she may want to buy at the end of the summer. Not a car like I bought when I was 16 (with a co-signed loan from my mom and dad), because she's not ready to drive yet anyway. It'll be fun for her to decide either way. 

And she'll be saving money, too. We want her to contribute to her mutual funds account we set up for her and contribute to -- get her in the habit of saving (something that my wife Amy and I didn't do enough of when we were their age!). The same with Bryce (both have their own account), although Bryce doesn't have a real job yet. Bryce is picking up extra chores for more money, though, which helps for spending and saving. 

It's the first job win for Bea and we couldn't be prouder. I keep telling her she's going to have to buy us all dinner at the end of the summer, but all I get is a big "no". That's all right. At least she'll be saving, too. 

I See All Their Shine

It was explained that his friend would read his speech for him during the 8th grade graduation because he was anxious about it. They stood together in front of the podium as she read his poignant words. 

One phrase in particular struck me. She read, "I finally found myself, my shine, my person."

Blessings to him for even standing up on that stage. I remember my own anxiety at that age, how crippling it became late in high school, and how I didn't really overcome it until my 30's. Mostly overcame it; I finally found my shine. I felt blessed to witness this young man's accomplishment at his age, and it reminded me all over again how we can overcome.

I attended three different graduations as a school board member -- one elementary, one middle school, and one high school -- and listening to what the student speakers had to say about making it through the pandemic and the isolation of distance learning and ultimately thriving due to family, friend, and of course, teacher support. 

Every student has a story and their stories are exponentially important to all of us today about resiliency, support, and love. I talked to my wife Amy about this recently as it related to our own two teens, one in middle school and one in high school now. With all the love and support we've given our children over the years, it's hard to watch them struggle with their own anxieties at times. Amy reminded me that they are teens; it's normal developmentally. That they struggled with isolation throughout the pandemic. That even though they have healthy friendships, their brains and bodies are developing rapidly, and the stress of feeling liked and included is excruciating at times (duh, I do remember). That they are more aware than ever of the world's volatility around us and how social media scrolling demons can haunt them day after day.

We always talk about all these things with our kids, and it's like Amy and me are living it all again, but this time we feel like we're giving them more grounded guidance, love, and support than we got growing up. Our oldest Beatrice will graduate high school in three years and our youngest Bryce will graduate 8th grade next year.

Sigh. And even though our kids weren't graduating this year, I relived the bittersweet moments of each grade as I witnessed the elementary, middle school, and high school graduation ceremonies as a school board member (all schools where our kids have attended and currently attend). 

The last graduation I went to was the Santa Cruz High School ceremony, and one by one the seniors were called up to receive their diplomas. I shook their hands, said congratulations, handed them their diploma case, and reveled in the diverse supernova of potential lighting up each face. When the last diploma case was handed out, I got to speak to the students and state that they were now certified high school graduates -- congratulations to the class of 2024! They cheered and clapped and I was just as proud of all of them as their families and friends were. 

I thought about the 8th grade graduate from the day before and the speech he wrote about finding himself and thought: I see all their shine, burning bright with hope, empathy, and love. And for that, I am grateful.