The Why of History

"Why do we keep treating black people this way?" 

That was a question our oldest daughter Beatrice asked after hearing on the news yet another police shooting of another unarmed black person. 

"I know, Bea," I said. "We have a long history of racism in this country that too often results in violence." 

"It's just sad," she said. "We shouldn't treat people that way."

"I know. And we can do better." 

After that exchange, I heard my dad's voice from the past in my head. He was a police officer when I was a teenager in the 1980's.

"Well, son, there are good cops, and there are bad cops, just like there are good bakers and bad bakers. Unfortunately there are always some who don't play by the rules and hurt others. But for us, yes, there are mostly good cops."

"But Dad, bad bakers don't kill other good bakers, or or other people."

"You are correct, son. You are correct. They do not. Not usually."

My dad and I did talk about systemic racism back then, although the conversation always came back to individuals who discriminated against others, not the fact that it was baked into our societal institutions. As our own daughters have gotten older and their awareness of the world around them has increased, and because they overhear their Mom and Dad talking about current events, they ask about them, especially Beatrice. That can lead to brief exchanges about our history and what really happened in our country since before its independence was declared. 

Like about something I didn't even know, something my wife Amy and I weren't taught in school. We didn't learn that the year before the ship Mayflower brought the Pilgrims to Plymouth Rock, two other ships -- the White Lion and the Treasurer -- brought slaves to Jamestown in 1619. Although scholars called them indentured servants, they were technically slaves. Thus began the tragic history of institutionalized slavery in early America. Slaves who lived in constant fear of their lives -- many of whom who were maimed, raped and killed to keep white power in power. Even after the Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation and the Thirteenth Amendment in 1865, nearly 5,000 people were lynched between 1882 and 1968 in the United States, and almost 3,500 were black people. And in 2020, three white men stalked and killed a black jogger. And a white officer killed a black man by leaning on his neck for 9 minutes. And the list goes on and on back then through now. 

Bad apples? Or an ongoing struggle with power and our racist past and present? And it isn't just about discriminating against black people -- add in all people of color into out complex historical equation. I understand wanting to embrace our constitutional ideals that we're all created equal and we all have these inclusive inalienable rights (rights we did not collectively have until the late 20th century). That each of us can be whatever we want in this country, regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, political persuasion and/or religion, which is what many of us tell our children.

However, there are those who are pretty vocal these days about how they don't like each other because of race, gender, sexual preference, political persuasion and/or religion. Thankfully many more of us want to lead with eyes of love, empathy, understanding and accountability, and we also want our children to do that same. That includes understanding our history. All of it. In an age-appropriate context, but all of it just the same. Because how else are we going to know better and do better? 

It's really been on my mind ever since we camped in the Zion area, where we went to Pipe Spring National Monument. The monument is managed by both the National Park Service and the Kaibab Band of Paiute Indians. This is the only water source between the Virgin River and the Colorado River, and its history is a familiar and sad one in America. One where white settlers displaced the indigenous Paiute Indians so they could own the water, and then they brought in their cattle and destroyed the expansive grasslands the Indians had lived symbiotically with for generations. Women and girls from the local tribes were also sold into the slave trade by Spanish settlers. This happened again and again to the indigenous people in America. That combined with slavery and systemic racism and what happened to people of color over the past 400 years in this country are realities we want our children to understand -- and to not stand for them happening again. 

We're a white family. But we do not feel discriminated against. We don't feel like people of color or political leaders want to take our freedoms away (well, some political leaders, yes). We don't feel the civil rights that were fought so vehemently for undermine our rights or our constitution, not when our constitution was supposed to embody the very rights of every citizen in our country in the first place. In fact, our daughters' gender will be held against them much more than our own skin color. 

Last week was Juneteenth, and next week is July 4, so why can't we talk about our history openly and honestly? I am no scholar of Critical Race Theory, but I do believe in studying and understanding history and how it affects the realities of where we're at today as a society. That includes our children learning history as well. All of history, not just the parts that make America look good in the minds of certain groups. While we may not be responsible today for slavery and the systemic racism that came to be, we are all responsible for understanding the why of history to help prevent racism's persistence tomorrow.

Always Safety First

I pushed back on the face shields. I didn't want our daughters to have to wear them while we were traveling during our summer road trip. My wife Amy had been given a pair of face shields prior to us leaving, and they were to be worn if we were eating inside a crowded restaurant. 

Again, I didn't want them to have to wear them; we were already having them wear face masks inside everywhere we went. I struggled with stigma over safety. I worried about being confronted in public, our children shamed, us as parents shamed, and me shouting back in anger. I was caught up in the fear of the political and irrational fringe that refuses to wear any masks and to not be vaccinated. 

Amy reminded me of what I already knew and agreed with -- safety first. Always safety first, regardless of anyone's feelings, even my own. We all still wore our face masks in many places indoors during our vacation due to COVID-19, mostly in solidarity with our daughters, with only our oldest Beatrice being half-vaccinated. Our youngest Bryce won't be able to be vaccinated until it's approved for children under 12. The good news was that many other families wore their masks inside as well while we traveled (and not always required indoors depending on where we were). 

Amy and I are always grounded in the best science of our time, and this time was no exception. According the the CDC, fewer children have been sick with COVID-19 compared to adults, children can be infected with the virus that causes COVID-19, can get sick from COVID-19, and can spread the virus that causes COVID-19 to others. Children, like adults, who have COVID-19 but have no symptoms (“asymptomatic”) can still spread the virus to others.

And that was the key -- can still spread the virus to others. Amy and I could still get sick being vaccinated. The probability was much lower, but it could happen. And anyone else we were around. With the Delta variant on the rise, a variant that spreads much faster than the first coronavirus, that's a reality we cannot deny.

Over 33 million people infected to date in the U.S., and over 600,000 people have died (most likely underreported). Covid still rages in places all over the world; nearly 4 million have died globally. Comparably, only 290,000 to 650,000 people die of flu-related causes every year worldwide. Also, only 45% of the total U.S. population is fully vaccinated against COVID-19. 53% have had at least one shot. We're still a ways from hitting 70% vaccinated rates, when we can truly move safely beyond the pandemic. It's pretty amazing when you think about it how fast these vaccines were developed, tested and distributed during a worldwide pandemic. 

So, there we were in a very crowded restaurant in Las Vegas, and when the food came, we had the girls wear the face shields. And no one gave us a second look, even with Beatrice getting food all over the inside of her shield (Bryce did not). No shaming or shaking of heads. Most of the time afterwards we either ate outside or were in less populated restaurants (or ate at our camper), but we still wore our face masks when required or needed. 

Now that we're back home we're very happy that our state has opened up, that Beatrice got her second dose, and that eventually Bryce will get vaccinated. I no longer struggle with safety stigma, and am sorry I did in the first place when we were on vacation. 

Unfortunately, too many people are still refusing to get vaccinated, and to wear masks if they're not, and many of those people are men, men who are fathers and grandfathers. I can't control the mass misinformation and conspiracy theories that continue to dissuade men from getting vaccinated, no matter how much free money, food and beer are being offered to them. I can only implore fathers everywhere to make safety a priority for their families and communities. Always safety first.

Happy Father's Day.

Swept Away

"This land is your land and this land is my land
From California to the New York island
From the redwood forest to the Gulf Stream waters
This land was made for you and me..."

–Woody Guthrie, This Land Is Your Land

She almost didn't fly over Fremont Street. We had booked the zip line ride weeks in advance, with our oldest daughter Beatrice agreeing to do the ride with me, her dad. Thirty minutes before our scheduled time, Bea grappled with and stressed out over the reality of flying 114 feet above all the people below walking along the famous downtown Las Vegas Fremont Street.

I on the other hand, grappled with and stressed out over the reality of taking our daughters to Vegas in the first place, the beginning of our two-week summer road trip. Since the first time I remember going to Las Vegas, I never really understood why parents brought their young children and babies there. The many times my wife Amy and I have gone, we've wondered out loud the same thing. Two days in Vegas as adults, and we swear we'll never go again.

But there are things for families to do together, especially for pre-teens and teens. And with that older kid awareness also comes the questions about all the less-than-kid-friendly things they see around them, which we readily answered since we talk openly about the world with our children. 

There was still plenty to do: we played carnival games at Circus Circus, went to the Coca-Cola store and sample sodas from around the world, went to the Hershey store, watched the Bellagio fountain show, ate yummy food, went shopping, went swimming back at the RV campground, and then Bea and I were swept away on the zip line. It was awesome!

For months we planned this summer road trip in our camper, one that we’re very grateful we were able to take. One that echoed the arc of a trip Amy and I took 14 years ago in May of 2007. A trip where the idea of the girls was born. Or, the idea of children for us was born. A two-week trip through the Southwest starting in Vegas and continuing through many gorgeous National Parks, including Bryce's namesake (Bryce Canyon National Park). A trip where our dog Jenny would this time have to stay home and be taken care of since we'd be doing too many non-dog things. A trip where I again take care of the poop.

After Vegas and Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area, we headed to Bryce Canyon National Park. And it was again just as emotional for Amy and me as it was 14 years ago. We went into the park at sunset the first night we were there, and all of us were awestruck. This wondrous span of geological time reminded us again of our family journey we embarked on in 2008 with Beatrice, followed by 2010 with Bryce. 

Bryce was thrilled to meet her namesake, and even more thrilled to complete another Junior Ranger program. Kids who do these programs take an oath to protect parks, continue to learn about parks, and share their own Junior Ranger story with friends and family. Each park has its own Junior Ranger booklet to work through with fun learning exercises -- and you earn cool badges in the end! She had already done many of these during other trips we’ve taken and can now wear all of them on her Junior Ranger vest. Beatrice completed some of these too in the past, but now she's a little old for them, although she does help Bryce complete them, as do me and Amy.

From there we went to Zion National Park, another park replete with rugged splendor. And way too many people – the park was already packed early when we arrived. We still got to do everything we wanted to included hiking into The Narrows and the Virgin River. What we didn’t do is hike Angels Landing.

If you’re not familiar with Angels Landing, it’s an iconic rock formation in Zion 1,500 feet tall with a hiking trail that includes a series of chains, guard-rails and carved steps along the way. Amy and I did it 14 years earlier, nearly making it to the end, but in the end we couldn’t finish it. The last half mile or so, the trail is only a few feet wide, and that’s where we stopped. At one point as we held onto the chain, a family with young kids scrambled around us and encouraged us to keep going. We did not. Looking up at Angels Landing again 14 years later, I could not believe we ever friggin’ did it in the first place considering my fear of heights (even though I did do the zip line referenced above and continue to do things that face this fear). 

While in the Zion area, we went to Pipe Spring National Monument, which is managed by both the National Park Service and the Kaibab Band of Paiute Indians. This is the only water source between the Virgin River and the Colorado River, and its history is a familiar and sad one in America. One where white settlers displaced the indigenous Paiute Indians so they could own the water, and then they brought in their cattle and destroyed the expansive grasslands the Indians had lived symbiotically with for generations. Women and girls from the local tribes were also sold into the slave trade by Spanish settlers. This happened again and again to the indigenous people in America. That combined with systemic racism and what happened to people of color over the past 400 years in this country are realities we want our children to understand -- and to not stand for them happening again. 

The last part of our trip took us to Williams Arizona, the legendary Route 66 and the Grand Canyon. It was really fun being on Route 66 again and talking to the girls about it. How it used to be the main traveling road from Chicago to Los Angeles, and how many parts of it were what inspired the original Cars movie. When Amy and I went on our Southwest trip 14 years ago, we stopped and visited Seligman Arizona, another famous Route 66 destination. This time we didn’t stop after we left Williams area to head home, but we did drive through to show our daughters. 

But before we left Williams, and before we visited the Grand Canyon, we went to Sedona Arizona. One of Amy’s best friends lives near there and met us for lunch. After lunch, our family went on a Pink Jeep Tour, off road nearly 600 feet up in elevation, jostling us up and down and sideways like an intense Disney ride (think the Indiana Jones ride). That was super fun with super views!

I'd be remiss not to mention Bearizona, a drive-thru animal park in Williams with lots of sleepy animals. Keep your windows up and doors locked at all times, because seriously, sleepy wolves, bears and bison can wake up and charge (and 2 of the 3 will eat you)! After the drive-thru, there was another part of the the animal park that we walked through. It was fun for the kids and we even had a toddler grizzly bear waving at us.

One of the last big things we did was visit the Grand Canyon, the grandest of all canyons (that we’ve seen to date). We also got to see some family for the first time in a long time who live in Arizona, and so they met us in Williams and joined us in the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon (really a series of canyons carved by time and the Colorado River) holds such immense grandeur. It can also really make you feel so small and insignificant compared to the billions of years of geological time. I continue to push myself to face my fear of heights, and so walking out onto some of the railed ledges definitely fired up my vertigo. 

The views were breathtaking and the experiences unforgettable; we were all swept away. Again and again on this trip, we were all swept away and reminded of how grateful we are. Of why we started our family in the first place. Of why we love to travel. Of why we love to learn. Of why we love America – with all its wonder, imperfections and tragic history – and its unwritten future where we hope our children and yours will help each other, work together and thrive. 

“…this land was made for you and me..."

Taking Care of the Poop

I won't poop in our trailer camper. I'll pee in it, but I won't poop. Ever since we bought our camper last summer, and on every trip since, I've had a restroom close by in the RV campgrounds to do my business. 

The camper bathroom is tiny, but that's not the problem (although they could've installed the damn thing at a diagonal angle). We treat our camper toilet tank with the proper chemicals as well, so that's not the problem either. I'm not sure what the problem is exactly, I just know I have one. Whether I use it or not, however, I'm the sewer guy who takes care of the poop.

We don't flush toilet paper in our camper toilet. Instead, the rest of the family (not me) puts the toilet paper in a zip lock and then we throw it away each day of our trips (you may have traveled to places that don't want you to flush toilet paper). Even with the toilet chemicals that break down the, well, the stuff, we decided not to flush the paper. They can more quickly over time gunk up the toilet tank, more so than the, well, the other stuff. That may be too much information for some, but for those you and your families who have an RV, or have friends or family who have one, you understand.

My wife Amy and our two daughters, they do use the toilet for both, and also use the campground bathrooms. We'll never be tent campers (although I never said I'd own an RV either). Even when I romanticize my childhood tent camping with my family at Huntington Lake in the Sierra Nevadas, I don't miss the fact that we don't do that now. And if we did, we'd still have the campground bathrooms or outhouses to use. 

Even when Amy romanticizes hiking along the Pacific Crest Trail (think the novel Wild and the movie starring Reese Witherspoon), it's never gonna happen. The year after we met, Amy and one of her best friends took a safari trip to Africa and camped in tents in Serengeti National Park. It was an amazing trip until they all got dysentery for a few days. And that was the end of tent camping for her. Plus, hiking and camping in the wilderness means you dig a hole and you bury your poop, and while both us could do it, we don't want to do it. 

In full disclosure, since I've already let the poop out of the bag as they say (not sure who "they" are and if that's really what they say), I did poop once in the camper. We were in Joshua Tree a few months ago, and Amy and the girls went off on a Hollywood excursion while I stayed in the camper to watch our dog Jenny and catch up on some work. And that's all I'll share about that. 

Amy and I have been taking care of our own poop for decades now. As kids we eventually learned how to take care of our own business. The same thing for our own children; we took care of their poop until we didn't have to, although as parents, you know the variance in that waste equation. When we did decide to buy our trailer camper, taking care of the waste equation for Mom and kids was critical. 

We're now halfway through this year's summer road trip of camping, one that echoes a trip Amy and I took 14 years ago in May of 2007. A trip where the idea of the girls was born. Or, the idea of children for us was born. A two-week trip through the Southwest and many gorgeous National Parks, including Bryce's namesake (Bryce Canyon National Park). Another amazing family journey generating many more loving memories to add to our grateful jars, and Dad taking care of the poop, unconditionally.