Sunday, February 16, 2020

Safe and Kind Kids

We were watching Zombies 2 when the lesson ensued. Really, we were. If you're not familiar, Zombies and Zombies 2 are Disney movie musicals about high school life where humans, zombies and now werewolves live together. Our girls love them, the messages are positive, and the music is toe-tapping, light-rapping, poppy-smooth, cheerleading and monster-movie fun. Yes, cheerleading.

There's a part where Zed, one of main characters and a zombie, runs for student body president so he can change the rules and take the girl he likes to the prom (monsters can't go to the prom). The person he's running against, the popular cheer captain named Bucky, is quite the narcissist and doesn't care for the zombies; he only cares about himself.

They prepare to have a presidential debate, but the campaign posters hanging in the room have been altered. Zed's have been changed to make him look like a monster. You see, the zombies turn into real brain-eating zombies if they don't wear their electronic bracelets that keep their inner monster contained. So, the posters look like the zombie Zed is without the bracelet on, which freaks the humans out. Yes, a cheer captain named Bucky did it with the help of his popular human entourage.

"Wow, that was mean," I said to Beatrice and Bryce.

"I know," Bea said.

"That happened to me in high school," I said.

"Really? What happened?"

I told them that when I was in high school, I ran for student body president. One day when I arrived at school, there was a huge banner hanging from the second floor of one of the main buildings right in the middle of campus. The banner read something like "Kevin Grossman for President -- ha, ha, ha -- what a joke." Lots of ha, ha's that I remember, actually.

"They were teasing me, but it wasn't very nice."

"Did you cry?" Bryce asked. My family knows I'm a cryer.

"No, but it made me feel bad."

"That's mean," Bea said.

Yes, it was, I thought. I was a nice enough guy in high school. Kids from all kinds of backgrounds liked me and I also liked to be liked. Who doesn't? It also doesn't mean I didn't make mistakes with friends and hurt their feelings, and ex-girlfriend feelings, since they were the ones who made and hung up the banner at school that day. The banner was only up until school started that morning, but it's something I've never forgotten.

Our family proceeded to finish the movie. Our girls seem to get it, though -- that there's a difference between inclusive teasing for fun and intentional teasing to taunt -- and a lot of gray in between (that they'll have experience for themselves throughout teenage-land and beyond). They also have a Kidpower education, to throw hurtful words away, to walk away from teasing to stay safe and sane, and get help if needed.

According to one large study, the following percentages of middle schools students had experienced these various types of bullying: name calling (44.2 %); teasing (43.3 %); spreading rumors or lies (36.3%); pushing or shoving (32.4%); hitting, slapping, or kicking (29.2%); leaving out (28.5%); threatening (27.4%); stealing belongings (27.3%); sexual comments or gestures (23.7%); e-mail or blogging (9.9%).

And Beatrice starts middle school this fall. Mercy me.

Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal behavior.

Bullying sucks. And it's a slippery slope to go from inclusive teasing for fun, to intentional teasing to taunt, and to bully for control and power and to intentionally hurt. This starts when we're young and extends into adulthood, the workplace, and all facets of life. Saying it's okay to say whatever you're thinking or feeling when you're thinking or feeling it, especially when it degrades someone else or a group of people you don't like or agree with, only empowers and emboldens bullying further. Adding that we need to just toughen up and deal with it when bullying happens doesn't help either.

Protecting ourselves by not letting those words or actions affect us (throwing them away and/or telling the perpetrators to stop and/or getting help) is a much more appropriate way to handle them. And no, toughing up to just deal with it and/or punching back are not the same things. Raising safe and kind kids is where it starts for zombies, werewolves and humans alike.

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