The Newest Normal

Again, she couldn't fall asleep. Stressed about all the coronavirus disruption and missing school and maybe one of us getting sick, our oldest daughter Beatrice wrestles with her anxious thoughts at night because of all the changes (just like me her father when I was her age into my 20's). We still read with both our girls every night, and that normalcy helps, and if needed my wife Amy, Mom with a capital M, will have us all do relaxation, meditation, breathing exercises, and in case Beatrice needs it, we have a little Melatonin at the ready for her to take to help regulate her sleep-wake cycle. Amy and I take it every night as well to help sleep, because sometimes even our own anxious thoughts wrestle within.

We're now two weeks into virtual school and shelter-in-place and like millions of families everywhere today, it's taking different stressful tolls on our entire family, while at the same time, bonding us all closer than ever before. Yes, we can get on each other's nerves, but for the most part, we're doing really well and all getting along and our family love has never been stronger. We're keeping our minds and bodies active: doing science projects, cooking meals, playing games, reading and drawing, with plenty of downtime and nothing as well, and getting out for walks with our new dog Jenny, all the while ensuring the proper social distance between us and others to keep mitigating the virus spread (although, that's getting more awkward and stressful, not less). Heck, my wife and I are Gen Xers and we're actually okay with the social isolation and the downtime (to other Gen Xers, I recommend you read this great piece titled It Took a Global Pandemic, But Generation X is Finally Getting Love by Courtney Dabney -- it's super funny and true!)

We're also playing tennis, otherwise known as chase the balls for those of you like us who can't play very well. This includes Bryce whining a little about chasing the balls, even refusing to chase the balls, with an occasional strong volley between us all. Amy and I used to play randomly at courts that are down the street from us, which still haven't been locked up like many other similar outdoor venues. There's also a public exercise park next to the tennis courts and others have been using it and playing tennis like us, never with any crowds though, just a handful of people at any given time. Even before the lockdown started we'd take the girls to play tennis, using two tennis rackets and two racquet ball rackets. We just bought two inexpensive tennis rackets for the girls (via online order, not in person), so our game of ball chasing should improve the more we play.

However, both girls really miss school and their friends. They've had a few phone calls and video calls with their friends and also playing interactive multiplayer games like Roblox, something they were doing before the lockdown. But there's no more band for Bea. No more science camp that she'll never experience now. No more after school kids in nature program for Bryce. No more sports or run for fun, a weekly running club they were both in. No more after school musical theater that they've both loved so much. No more playdates with friends, except virtually. We've also been checking in with family too and that helps since we won't see them in person for who knows how long. 

And again, there's no more in-person school. They both really miss it, too. Their teachers having worked hard getting distance learning and video calls off the ground for their classes, to give us as parents some semblance of a structured school day. It helps, but mercy me do we appreciate our teachers more than ever. We've always been invested in helping both girls with their schoolwork, and Amy's done more of the heavy lifting here historically do to my work and travel schedule. But now travel is no more for me, so I can now help more during the school days. It's a lot, it really is, helping them with their work, checking it before they submit it, with both of us still working jobs virtually. My organization Talent Board is doing a lot more virtual events and Amy's organization Kidpower is doing the same. We are thankful we're currently employed as millions of people have already been laid off and many small businesses have closed. 

The Triple P– Positive Parenting Program in Santa Cruz County held a virtual parent check-in this last week and we talked about why it was so important to provide as much consistency and normalcy for our kids (and the parents, too) as possible during these stressful, changing times. To make sure that every family can access the internet and has a computer to access classes and schoolwork, at least for kids in grades 3 and higher, although they're working on plans for even younger kids. Our school district has been providing Chromebooks to families and donated wifi hotspots to those who have limited to no internet access. Plus, those families who depend on school meals for their children will continue to get them during the shelter-in-place while the schools are closed, which now will go through early May, and probably the rest of this school year into June. 

My best friend from college was just diagnosed with coronavirus, and while thankfully he's not in the hospital, he told me on the phone, "We can't live a normal life right now; we have to stay home." He's right. And that sucks. It's hard for our children and for the adults in the room, but again, when there's nowhere to go, the reality is that every day brings the newest normal, one that will never be the same as we pine nostalgic for the old. To continually adapt, we still have our weekly family meetings and we check in with each other and talk about all the things every day. The newest normal is the only life our families will know for now, so keep helping and supporting each other. Be safe and bless you. 

Where Our Troubles Are All The Same

"You want to be where you can see
The troubles are all the same
You want to be where everybody knows your name..."

–Theme from Cheers

The news update read: 99 Bottles closes permanently.

"Sweetie, 99 Bottles is closing forever," I said to my wife, Amy.

"Oh, so many memories there," she said. "So sad."

"I know. And they're laying off all 30 employees."

This was only the beginning, I thought. So many businesses will bleed out because of the coronavirus impact. So sad. 

Thankfully, so many memories there...

I sipped my beer and smiled at the question forming in my head. We had just returned from a road trip vacation through the Southwest and were again at our favorite watering hole called 99 Bottles for Friday date night. Nearly every week since we met we'd been going there to sit at the bar, play Scrabble, drink beer and eat burgers. We got to know the owners well and many of the regulars, especially those who sat at the bar like we did.

“So, do you want to have a kid?” I asked Amy.

Without missing a beat or looking at me, she formed her next word on the travel Scrabble board we used religiously, and then she said:

“Okay.”

And then that was it. For years since we'd met we didn't want to have children, and then we changed our minds. Happily so. But that night at the pub we didn't talk about it again until the next morning. Then within a few years came both our girls: Beatrice, our oldest, and then Bryce, our youngest.

After we had the girls we went to 99 Bottles less frequently, but both girls loved the waffle fries and burgers every time we went. It would always be nostalgic for us when we dined there, sitting in the booth with the kids each time, not at the bar. C'mon, we're better parents than that.

When Beatrice was only two weeks old, we took her there to celebrate my birthday. New parents just figuring things out, we needed an early night out and made the best of it. We sat in the back of the noisy and packed pub, rocking Bea in her car seat while we had our date. She actually slept through most of it and we basked in our burger and beer love.

A few years before that, we finally finished our 99 Bottles drinking-beer card: drinking all 99 beers they had on tap and in the bottle. Now, keep in mind that took us a few years to finish, even between the two of us. Upon consuming all 99 beers, we eventually got our names on a small nameplate mounted on the wall of the pub restaurant with the hundreds of others who did the same. When the pub decided to update their nameplate wall, they contacted us and asked if we wanted our original nameplate. Of course we did and now it's framed in our house.

The quote we picked for the nameplate was perfect for us: Two Halves Make Two Pints. It was based on the Rush lyrics from the song The Speed of Love penned by the now deceased Neil Peart:

Love is born with solar flares
From two magnetic poles
It moves towards a higher plane
Where two halves make two wholes

Contemporary romantic sentiment dictates that when two people in love bond together and maybe even get married, their union is of two becoming one. But for us, it was about becoming two wholes together, our unique spirits made stronger because of our union. 

A few years before that before our wedding day, we decided to have our rehearsal dinner at 99 Bottles. We had such a great time, both our families celebrating the joy of our love. We took over the second floor of 99 Bottles, the game room at the time also used for special events, and we enjoyed our fellowship of burgers, beer and family.

A few years before that, we rang in the New Year at 99 Bottles, making it until closing time, probably the latest we've ever stayed out on New Year's Eve, or any night for that matter. Like, ever. C'mon, we've gone to bed by 9:30 pm every night for years now.

And a few years before that, one day on the beach, destiny awaited. Shortly thereafter, the Friday night date nights ensued, where two halves made two pints.

So many memories there. We planned our careers, our travels, our children, our entire lives sitting at that bar. We discussed books, music, spirituality, religion, politics and more. We shared our experiences of Y2K, hanging chads, September 11, the Dot.com bust, the Iraq war, the Great Recession and other timely events.

I'm sure many of you have your own special memories of a local establishment you frequented with those you love -- your husbands, your wives, your significant others, your children, your families, your friends, your peers and colleagues. A place where our troubles are all the same and everybody knows our names. 

There are those business that struggle even in the best of times. During this healthcare crisis, many small businesses will die (even with our help as consumers and government assistance), and many more will be born on the other side (we hope), and through it all, as we shelter in place, our homes become the places where our troubles are all the same and everybody knows our names. Farewell, 99 Bottles. These two pints are for you.

This Is The Life

"You can learn about life
When you play the game of Life..."

–The Game of Life

I skipped college and became a dancer. Although I loved dancing, the work was grueling and the pay wasn't great, so then I decided to go to night school and become a veterinarian. I loved animals, so it made sense. Kids, not so much, so I didn't have any. I did get married, though, and my wife and I enjoyed our travels, bought multiple properties over the years, made risky stock market moves and retired with over $2 million in the bank.

All in the span of one hour.

This was family game time playing the board game Life, time we used to carve out each week when the world was a much different place. Family time is still a priority, and now that we can't do much elsewhere or with anyone due to coronavirus and the shelter-in-place order in California, we're spending a lot of time together in our house working, schooling, playing, venting, stressing and the list goes on. My wife Amy has put together a great home school program for our girls and soon our school district will start distance learning. We can still get out and go for walks and exercise, just as long as we keep our distance from others. We're also learning how to play tennis together since we have free courts down the street from us.

Even with the structure, our family is stressed. It's scary and complex how big of a disruption this has become is such a short time. We've never experienced anything like this and our girls certainly never have. Five days of home school and we've only just begun. Our oldest, Beatrice, is struggling with going to sleep with her mind racing; she misses her friends and school and is worried about the virus. And Mom and Dad are struggling with staying asleep because of everything that's disrupting our lives. It also doesn't help that our new dog Jenny is starting to bark at any new distant sound she hears, including in the middle of the night. Ugh, that better not be a pattern. The most mellow of all of us is our youngest, Bryce, although she misses her friends and school just as much as Beatrice does.

The game of Life was always a fantasy game about living your life as an adult. However, playing it today isn't even close to the surreal landscape of what's happening to us all now. Nearly 300,000 infected globally with COVID-19. Over 10,000 dead. The numbers change hourly due to more testing (still woefully unavailable in the U.S.). Community lockdowns are the becoming the common denominator -- don't go out if you don't have to, non-essential businesses shut down, store shelves empty of staples, supply chains struggling to stay in place. By the end of March, over 1 million people will be laid off and/or furloughed in the U.S. alone, and that could go to upwards of 5 million in April.

We were going to run an errand today, with me running inside a store to buy something fun for our family to share, but then decided against it. We'll wait until it's available again online to be shipped to the safety of our house; we all have to acquiesce to this new life we're living.

We also need to figure out how to help those who will need our help, as there will be millions of people out of work. Governments are mobilizing to help, but we must also help on the local level. Donate food and money when you can, especially to food banks and to programs like Meals on Wheels and others that help families in experiencing financial distress, seniors who need assistance and people experiencing homelessness. Check with your local county and city leaders and community service programs to see how else you can help.

But whatever you do, do your part to flatten the curve and stem the spread of this deadly virus. When there's no where to go, keep your families safe and sound at home. Keep in touch with your family and friends from afar regularly via phone and video calls and texts and other messaging apps, as well as your employees, colleagues and peers if you're fortunate enough to stay employed during this global pandemic. And if you are hiring, please share that will your networks. Many more of us may be in a bad way as the months wear on, so supporting each other must be the new normal.

This is the life and it's not a game. Settle in, settle down and be safe. Bless you all.

When There's Nowhere to Go

"There's gonna be nowhere to go," said Beatrice about the fact that we wouldn't be doing much outside of the house due to social distancing.

"Why don't you 'go' into a book and explore the world of imagination," I said.

She didn't find it amusing and ignored me.

"No, really," I said.

Still no response. But then I did get a glare. The good news is that before the libraries closed for an indefinite amount of time (like many public places closing temporarily to mitigate the spread of coronavirus COVID-19), my wife Amy took Beatrice and Bryce to a nearby library branch and checked out a bunch of books for the girls to read.

This is a lot for adults to get their heads around, and unfortunately too many have panicked and made runs on stores for many different kinds of staples, toilet paper, and much more. We stocked up too, but that's something we do regularly anyway since we live in earthquake and fire territory. And now we have a pandemic coursing through communities around the world. Of course, there are those adults denying this is even happening, calling it fake news and propagating conspiracy theories, and that only makes things more dangerous for those most susceptible to contracting coronavirus.

It's even more stressful for our children. Beatrice has told us more than once to stop talking about the virus. Our girls' school just closed for at least one week, but we're pretty sure it's going to extend up to four weeks through their spring break. We've talked to the girls about what coronavirus is and why it's so important to practice social distancing, the fact that it helps decrease the possible spread of the virus to susceptible older people and those with breathing problems. Check on the elderly who live alone; Amy just had a dear uncle pass away, and although we're not sure what the cause was, he was alone.

These are unprecedented times for the entire world and our girls have never experienced anything like this before. We did during the 1989 earthquake, but this is a much different animal. The girls may have a few playdates with their friends during this shut-down time, but if things further escalate, we won't be going anywhere for awhile.

Amy has lots of learning activities planned for Bea and Bryce, and since we'll all be home indefinitely, I'll be helping as well. Besides working from home, there's also house projects we've planned and there's no time like the present, especially when you're trapped at home. But even with all that, a bigger worry for me and millions of families around the world beyond the virus is the economic impact of what's happening.

I understand we're getting a little more frightened every day about coronavirus and its impact; I'm more frightened about it all. When you start shutting it all down, you start impacting all the hourly workers who work in travel, hospitality, entertainment and more, and those who work in retail and more, all of whom can't work from home, who won't get paychecks if they don't work. Thankfully some employers will continue to pay their hourly workers and provided additional sick time if needed.

And now that schools are shutting down, many hourly works with children can't work anyway because they'll have to stay home and care for them and potentially have home school them, which for those of us who have a child who struggles academically, like we do, isn't optimal. And if your spouse and her colleagues depend on schools being open because of the actual work they do, like mine does, then that impacts us, again. Our school district is doing what it can to ensure that our children continue to have lessons, whether we home school them and/or there are virtual learning options available. They're also ensuring that the lower income children who depended on breakfast and lunch meals will continue to get them.

But now the economic ripples are already turning into waves. We’ve been in a growth (bull) market for 10 years, and now we’ve hit the bear-market skids. It’s impacting the economy on all levels with the big unknowns being for how long and with what lasting effects. It's already impacting negatively smaller businesses like mine and many others. Local merchants are taking a huge hit because fewer people are going out to make purchases except for essentials, hence the run on stores (our local Trader Joes, Costco, Safeway, New Leaf and more are doing okay right now).

Plus, some of the organizations I work with are starting to slow hiring, especially those in hospitality, airlines, retail and other customer-facing industries, and this will contribute to the economy grinding slow to a stop. More and more events have been canceled and employers are shutting down travel, even locally, and asking employees to work from home.

A week ago I tried to be more light-hearted about the situation, talking about our new dog Jenny and the last of my work travel for who knows how long. That feels like 10 years ago now. But what happens six months from now when there's nowhere to go and the virus is still here and the economy bottoms out? This is why we need to support our local economies as best as we can during this time; it impacts us all.

Don't get me wrong; my glass is always half full and I believe we will survive this. And while I hope this isn't truly the end of days, I do worry that the more start acting like it, the more it will have lasting negative repercussions beyond the illness itself.

Let's all stay safe and sane during these times and help one another if we can. It may be a year before a vaccine is available, so practice social distancing, get tested if you're sick and self-quarantine if diagnosed and you don't need medical treatment, because we can all still support each other virtually from afar. What we don't want to do is to swamp the hospitals and overwhelm the nurses and doctors like we've seen in other countries.

When there's nowhere to go, we need to take care of each other, especially those who will need extra help during these challenging times.

Bless you all.

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To

On the day we adopted our first dog in 16 years, my allergies and asthma were killing me, and the virus began to spread everywhere.

And that's what I'll remember until the end of days, which hopefully this isn't. Based on all the reliable information my wife and I have consumed to date, we must be vigilant without hysteria, which unfortunately is spreading faster than the coronavirus is (COVID-19).

Our new dog, Jenny, is such a sweet and loving girl, longing to belong to a family. She's a four-year-old terrier-pug-and-other-stuff mix, with short but very strong legs (more on that later), covered in thick and wiry creme-colored fur, and ending with a wound pug-like tail. Named Genesis at birth, our daughters decided they wanted to call her Jenny for short, with a J instead of a G. The 1981 hit song 867-5309 / Jenny by Tommy Tutone kept running through my mind as we drove her home from the Monterey shelter called Peace of Mind Dog Rescue, where they find homes for usually older dogs of seniors who can no longer care for them. Jenny's also a veteran mama having two litters of her own.

"...Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to..."

Everything went well for the first three days, Jenny getting used to her new home, and us to her. There was at least one pee accident, but that was fine. Plus, we were all home with her, and hadn't left her alone yet. That changed when I left on a work trip to go to a conference (that hadn't been canceled like so many now are).

After I left, Amy took the girls to school on a Tuesday and left Jenny in the house alone. She howls and barks, and that much we knew since we had worked out together in the garage the day before and left her in the house (the girls were at school). That we can deal with. She's a dog, and that's what many dogs do, especially when they're in a new environment. But when Amy returned home from work later in the day, there was poop and pee on the floor, and scratch marks on the front door molding.

Meanwhile, I was in a large metal tube in the sky, sniffling a little and hacking a little due to my allergies and asthma. I worried because I'd read that airlines were isolating people they thought were sick, although no one paid any attention to me. I didn't want to be locked in the baggage hold in a Hannibal Lecter glass case. Right before we took off, I heard a woman behind me say, “If you need to throw up, then use our bags. They have a better seal.” I assumed she was talking to one of her children, which I empathized, but of course didn't want the vomit noise and smell behind me. Fortunately, that didn't happen.

Jenny had a few more accidents while I was gone. And so did I. Meaning, when it was my moment on stage at the Phenom conference I attend, everything went great until it didn't. Thankfully just momentarily. I moderated a panel of HR and recruiting leaders discussing job candidate and employee experiences. I didn't have a sniffle or a hack until about two-thirds of the way through the discussion. I tried to time the coughs in between the discussion and laughter after a panelist said something funny, but then I was trapped in the cough zone. It was only 5-10 seconds, but when I was done, my voice was gone. Literally gone.

And that's when everyone in the room held their collective breath. Even one of the panelists raised her hands in a defensive posture and leaned away from me, as if any alien was about to erupt from my chest. Someone in the front row brought me a bottle of water, I got my voice back and shared the vomit story above, everyone had a nervous laugh, and then all was well with the world again.

Amy and I have always loved end-of-the-world stories. Novels like The Andromeda Strain, Lucifer's Hammer, Swan Song, The Road, The Year of the Flood, The Age of Miracles, the Left Behind series and of course, The Stand, have always fascinated us. Add to that movies and shows like Planet of the Apes, Terminator (all of them, even the cheesy sequels Amy likes), The Walking Dead, Revolution (from a few years ago) and so many others always keeps our Armageddon cups runnething over! And have you every seen A Boy and His Dog? Yikes.

Now, don't get us wrong, we don't want the end of the world to come, but Amy is also a prepper and a planner and we do have earthquakes and fires and other possible natural disasters that can occur where we live. So, while she wasn't fighting anyone over toilet paper at Costco this last week, she did stock up with staples and such for us.

When I got home from the conference, we tried a baby gate in our kitchen to keep Jenny isolated while we were out, but she just jumped over it. Over three feet jumped over it. We couldn't believe it, but she did. We realized then we had to go to crating her while we're away for short periods of time and discovered that was something she was used to. Phew.

And again, this is all what I'll remember until the end of days, which hopefully this isn't. Again, based on all the reliable information my wife and I have consumed to date, and continue to consume, we must be vigilant without hysteria, which unfortunately is spreading faster than the coronavirus is (COVID-19). You've already heard it more than once -- wash your hands, stay home if you're sick or if you have respiratory problems, limit travel if you can, maybe avoid large gatherings. The CDC and John Hopkins are two sites full of resources to keep you and your families as safe as possible. There are many others as well. Make sure their reputable, though.

"...Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to..."

"Dad, stop singing that -- it's in my head now and I can't get it out," Bryce just said to me.

Well, Bryce, if the coronavirus continues to spread, and it's now in our area, we're going to all be singing that song and many others together every day when schools are shut down and our entire family is schooling and working from home until the community spread subsides. And hey, a family and its dog that play together stays together! Again, not making light of this all, just living our lives and carrying on, because that's what we do.

"...Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to..."

To each other, of course. Stay safe and sane, kids -- don't touch your face until you wash your hands for at least 20 seconds while singing:

"Jenny I've got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny don't change your number
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine..."

Applicable Play

Our girls love to draw all the time. They also use up all the paper designated as reusable -- those pages we've printed at home and don't need to use again. And then they use up all the good paper reserved for the printer.

sigh.

But hey, Beatrice drew me a Baby Yoda recently, and that was pretty awesome, because she knows how much I love Star Wars. So yes, we love the fact that they love to draw all the time. Beatrice also creates her own graphic novels (it all started with her story The Dog That Ate the Moon). She also draws creatures all the time, combined animals of a known origin that she describes to us with a fervent excitement. Currently Bryce draws anime-like girls of all rainbow colors and backgrounds, all with big hair ("I like to draw big hair!" she said to me just now).

Always sketching and drawing. And then there's music and dancing; they both love music, Bea plays the flute and Bryce loves to dance (Bea, too, she's just more shy about it). Also, over the years both girls have created various contraptions, doll houses and even an R2-D2 with leftover paper, cardboard, string, plastic -- you name it, they figure out how to use it. We've helped them as well, making these projects more of a family affair at times.

Plus there's lots of exercising, outdoor activities and adventures, chasing jumping and safe roughhousing, as well as dramatic play, playing board games, playing interactive video games, reading books (yes, old-fashioned reading), and so much more. And let's not forget the Kidpower role-playing we've done the past few years to help our girls stay safe, empathic and good at healthy boundary setting.

And now we have a new dog named Jenny to play with. More on her soon!

I share these things because we've known for a long time these "play" activities encourage physical, psychological, emotional, social and lots of synaptic brain firing for the cognitive development. The good news for them, according to some researchers, they'll be much better at being able to adapt in an ever-changing world. A dear old friend of mine sent me this article titled If you want your kid to get a good job, let them play more, which outlines just that sentiment.

What resonated with me from the article was the very fact we've always encouraged our girls to play, and this very play can help train our children in the skills they need to survive automation now, we won’t have to worry as much about re-training them as workers later, this according to the Real Play Coalition whose partners include Arup, UNICEF, National Geographic, The LEGO Foundation and IKEA.

The automation we're talking about has already displaced workers across industries who had been employed in lower-level, repetitive-skill jobs that algorithms and machines can now do faster and more consistently over time. In the human resources and recruiting technology space I've been in for over 20 years, this same displacement is now starting to be a reality, with artificial intelligence and machine learning automating more and more sourcing job candidates, early communication and repetitive question answering on career sites (chatbots), testing and assessing.

However, this level of hiring automation is actually helping to augment and even improve the job candidate experience, what my research firm Talent Board measures, as well as the HR, recruiter and hiring manager experiences. Offering them up a greater focal strength around things that as humans we do much better: empathy, relationship building, creative problem-solving, navigating and adapting to the the sheer complexity of human interactivity we experience every minute of every day at home, work or play. And the companies that embrace the play definitely have a competitive edge.

As their parents, we also practice much of what we preach for play above. Because we know you're never too old to play and keep yourself healthy, young at heart, employable and entrepreneurial.

And dressing up for the final Star Wars movie premiere because you had never done it before most definitely counts as applicable play.