A Breath of Fresh Levity

Not too long ago I walked along the water and cursed the world. After witnessing major media in all mediums playing and replaying the hateful societal and political rhetoric around us 24/7 -- and then with family, friends and acquaintances echoing it all in person and online -- I just felt done. We were all done. Our goose was cooked. The end had come. Time to pack up your loved ones and move far away from the cynical grid.

Overdramatic per my usual emotive self, but I couldn't help it -- some of you can be so hatefully depraved. And this just from the past six months. I can't imagine what's coming over the next six. 

I gazed out over the ocean in front of me and witnessed a boat moving slowly through the waves. I thought, Like a distant ship grounded in a godless sea. Amen for #‎BhivePower.

BhivePower being the affectionate nickname of our two girls plus the Mama, my wife. The power that keeps me afloat and lit up with optimism.

And then there was this conversation last night after eating out at a local Chinese restaurant:

"Eating spicy sauce can make you pregnant," said Beatrice.

"Yes, I know," said Bryce.

"None for me, thanks," said the Mama.

"Me neither," said Daddy. "Wait, where did you hear that?"

There's nothing like the sweet family funnies, a breath of fresh levity. In the years to come will weigh on our girls and the hateful rhetoric around them will taint even them, no matter the positive affirmations that we hope to instill. They're already picking up all sorts of things from their friends, from the media, music, TV, movies, books and elsewhere, hence the spicy sauce pregnant comment above (which I still have no idea where they got that one).

In the past six months we've had a few of these refreshing breaths, and I'll share some of those with you all below. I hope they bring a smile to your face, one that will remind your of your own sweet family funnies and carry you day by day through the rest of the year and beyond.

"I'm never going to get rid of you," said Beatrice during a family hug.

"What's this music?" Beatrice asked, right after "Teenage Wasteland" by The Who started playing.

"Something you're going to know something about in a few years," I said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I like it."

"Daddy, look under there," said Beatrice.

"Under where?"

"He said underwear!" exclaimed Beatrice and Bryce, giggling.

"Can we eat it?" asked Beatrice, talking about a big, live turkey at the zoo.

"What are all those toys doing in the corner?" Daddy asked.

"They're packing for college," answered Beatrice, as a matter of fact.

"Okay. Then why are there toys everywhere?"

"Because they need partners for college."

"Poop, there it is!" sang Bryce, not quite getting it right.

The part where you book your family vacation and your youngest says, "Yes, I can't wait to go there so we can relax." 

"You know, if you left Bryce and me at home, we could do whatever we want."

"You're a funny girl, Bea."

"No, really."

"Winner, winner, chicken dinner!" exclaimed Bryce after winning family bingo.

"Bryce, who you gonna call?"

"Ghost Catchers!"

"Hey, who didn't flush the toilet?!?" Daddy yelled.

"How big is the poop?" asked Beatrice.

"Does it matter?"

"Then it was Bryce."

"Thank you for the Star Wars sticker book, Bryce."

"You're welcome, Daddy."

Pause.

"Daddy, can I play with the Star Wars sticker book?"

"Yes you can, Bryce."

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Bryce."

"Daddy, please turn that down!" exclaimed Beatrice when Daddy turned on the car with AC/DC playing.

"Too loud, Sweetie?"

"Yes."

"You know Daddy likes his rock and roll, Beatrice."

"Yes."

"Do you like rock and roll?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's too loud."

"I want to read this!" exclaimed Bryce, holding up the little white book.

"Nobody wants to read the Bible," said the Mama.

"Heathen," said Daddy. "Bryce, what do you think the book is about?"

"Baby werewolf goes to New York."

"Daddy, why didn't you tell me you were the Mystery Reader today?" asked Beatrice.

"Because then it wouldn't have been a mystery."

"Oh."

"I want to watch Martin Hears a Who again," said Bryce.

"It's Horton," corrected Beatrice.

"I don't know his name, I just want to watch it again!"

"Beatrice, where's your tooth?"

"I left it for the tooth fairy."

"What did you get?" 

"I got a bag with two gold coins."

"Where are they?"

"One's in my bed and one's in Bryce's bed."

"Of course. Bryce, you'll loose some teeth soon enough, you know."

"Well, when I loose my teeth, I'm going to wait until I have three so I can get a big bag of gold coins."

"I am a famous painter!" exclaimed Bryce, wearing a Basque beret and a mascara mustache.

"Where do you get this stuff, Bryce?"

"I learned it in France."

Meanwhile, playing school share day with tiny doll house toys and stuffed animals...

"Let's get ready for share day everyone," said Bryce.

"Think of three clues for your share everyone," said Beatrice.

Daddy started, "Okay, my first clue is --"

"Daddy, you're last!" cried Beatrice.

"Did you like the movie, Bea?" Daddy asked as they left The Good Dinosaur.

"Yes."

"Do you think Daddy cried?"

"Yes."

"Daddy always cries, doesn't he."

"Yes, but that's okay."

"You girls are the bees that buzz," said Daddy proudly.

"And you're the big Queen!" shouted Bryce.

"Unicorns poop rainbows!" exclaimed Bryce.