Reliving Teen Brain

They were everywhere. Blurring up and down the stairs, back and forth through the hallway, screaming and laughing at the top of their lungs. Throwing things at each other. Shooting Nerf guns at each other. There was even a bow and blunt arrow that my wife Amy put a stop to that led to a frown then a shrug then a search for another user-friendly weapon. All while the adults in the room, the parents, were trying to have a so-called civilized conversation with each other. 

And all the while we remembered when we were 13ish. Those dang teenagers. Some of our kids were a little younger, some were a little older, but all had one thing in common -- tween to teen brain. Boys and girls alike starting their awkward developmental journeys to adulthood. 

I kept waiting for one of them to cry out in real pain, but fortunately they all simply just had a blast. Our own daughters were in the thick of the battle cries, shrieking with laughter and unadulterated joy as they bounded to and fro. 

Actually, the adults also shrieked with laughter and unadulterated joy, and considering the state of the world, that was a nice thing to witness across the board. As us parents continued to talk about adult things, our children played and played, more like kids than teens. 

Hold onto that, I thought. Hold onto that as long as you can. When Amy and I were that age, we were doing things we probably shouldn't have been doing. Pretending to know things we didn't know. We longed to adult quickly and more frequently without knowing really what the hell we were doing. But dang was teen brain fun. And exciting. And passionate. And adventurous. And heartbreaking as all hell. 

Hold onto that as long as you can, I thought again. It goes both way, too. While we long for them to be the kids we raised the first 10 years of their lives, there will be exciting and heartbreaking things our girls will experience with teen brain that they'll never forget. Bodies are changing, hormones are raging, and we want to be there every step of the way to love and support them through the good, the bad, and the uglies. To have a level of transparent trust without judgement, more than we had growing up. We want them to share their lives with us, not hide them from us. 

That doesn't mean we won't parent the heck out of teen brain, though. Of course we will, because teen brain brings forgetfulness, emotional boomerangs, drama, lies, rebellion, broken rules, chore resistance, hidden trash, awkward romance, and so much more. Because reliving teen brain gives adulting and parenting an entirely new prescient perspective. 

Hold onto that, I thought. Mercy me.

One Time -- Two Kids

It's definitely a sea change. That profound transformation from childhood to teenage-land to young adulthood. Those extreme physical, emotional and psychological changes that take place for both boys and girls. Bodies changing to hormones percolating, but not quite raging. Experiencing crushes and first kisses that lead to end-of-world heartaches. Not quite there yet, thank goodness. 

That's especially true about our eldest daughter, Beatrice, and where she is now. However, it wasn't true about my wife Amy and I growing up. We raged early. Maybe too early. Without consistent safety skills or talk of consent either. We did the best we could with what we knew; our parents did the best they could with what they knew. Would we have listened any differently anyway back then? Being told what not to do without much context? 

I don't know. That doesn't matter anymore, though. What matters is the fact that our girls have grown up with safety skills, with Kidpower, with the correct anatomical knowledge of what female and male parts do what and why and when. Of where babies come from, and of what consent means today, and tomorrow, in teenage-land and beyond. 

What matters is now. And while I'm comfortable talking about all these things with our daughters, they are more comfortable talking with Mom about them. That's okay. There are changes females go through that I have never and will never experience. 

Recently Beatrice asked Mom if she had s-e-x with Dad. What ensued was a funny exchange that I'll share below. As loving and intimate partners, we know the answer, and have had to figure out the when and where's over the years, especially the past year with everybody at home much of the time. But it's not something we talk about with our girls. Not until they're at least 40 years old. At least. It's one thing to talk with your kids about physical intimacy and sex, it's quite another to talk about with your kids you the parents having physical intimacy and sex.

Now that Bea's body and mind are changing, she's more aware of the questions that hadn't surfaced until now. Our youngest Bryce is still in the dormancy stage, though. Thank goodness.

So, Beatrice asked the question:

"Mom, do you and Dad have s-e-x?"

Amy paused, collecting her thoughts. Beatrice obviously knew the answer, but wanted to hear what her mom had to say about it. 

"Yes," Amy said.

Another dramatic pause, and then Amy frenetically added, "But only one time."

"Really?"

"Yes."

One time -- two kids. Thank goodness Beatrice doesn't like math.