To Never Forget The Kids

We were almost home when I realized I'd forgotten our oldest daughter Beatrice. In my defense, she had been hanging out with friends after school of late, so I didn't think about her. Not even our youngest daughter Bryce asked about Beatrice, assuming the same.

But it was Bea's short day in high school, when she gets out about the same time Bryce does in middle school. That's when Beatrice will walk over to the middle school and I get them both, unless they have other after school activities (theater and sports now), or they're seeing friends, or they want to walk, or their riding bikes, or whatever. That part I'd forgotten, that I'd get them together on Mondays after school. 

Why I'd forgotten, I don't know, because our pattern doesn't vary much. Most of the time, my wife Amy takes the girls to school, and I pick them up after school, again, depending on their plans (except when I'm traveling for work). Always the back and forth everywhere, all the time, until Beatrice starts to drive, but that's still probably two years away.

Maybe I had a lot on my mind, who knows. So, that Monday when Bryce and I were nearly home, we get a text from Beatrice: "When do you want me to go to the car?"

Bryce read it out loud. "We forgot Bea."

Crap, I thought. "Subpar," I said. "We're nearly home. Let me drop you and then I'll go back to get her."

"No, let's just go get her," Bryce said, texting her back that we were on our way now.

The good news is that both schools are only about two miles from where we live. I backtracked to get her, thinking she was at the middle school where she would usually go on Mondays. The part I had forgotten. But, part of her text was that she was still in a teacher's room at school, and both Bryce and I thought that meant at the high school. 

We were nearly to the middle school and that's when we turned around and went to the high school. Not realizing until after further texts from Bea that was actually at the middle school, where she was supposed to go in the first place. So, after reaching the high school, we turned around again and headed to the middle School.

It became a "who's on first" Abbott and Costello comedy routine, as well as a Home Alone parody. I'd forgotten to get Beatrice when I picked up Bryce, and then it became a comedic puzzle for Bryce and me to figure out exactly where Beatrice was. Thankfully she forgave us and got a kick out of it when I slapped the palms of my hands to my cheeks and yelled "Kevin!" (Home Alone is one of her favorites). I have more sympathy for the McCallister family now, considering I had always sworn to never forget the kids, no matter how much is on my mind. And this time I did. Mercy me.

Men of a Stand-up Age

When my lovely wife texted me some pictures from the disco party she was at, I smiled. Not just because they included her, who I missed, but because of the picture of our oldest daughter Beatrice and one of her best friends for many years since grade school. Now high school teens, the picture was cute and fun, a refreshing sweetness to see while I was away. This being just one friendship of many she maintains.

Our younger daughter, Bryce, is officially a teen herself, and like her sister, has her own established close friendships. Both girls hang out more with their friends after school and on weekends, spending less time at home than ever before. 

While these changes are bittersweet, our kids no longer kids, it brings an even bigger smile to my face when I see them with their friends. Their relationships are new, honest, and fragile; a multiverse of emotion and inside jokes and laughter, each of them grappling with the overwhelming adolescent changes that become the DNA of their adulthood. Only time will tell if they remain friends over the decades, but there's always that chance. 

For anyone who's had friends for decades, it certainly is a blessing, especially for men who tend to not fare as well as women in the long-term friendship department. In 7th grade I met Robby, a tall and thin boy who befriended me and gave me a cassette tape of two Cheap Trick albums (Heaven Tonight and Live at Budokan), recorded on a discount-bin Thrifty Drug Store cassette mind you, and our rock and roll best friendship was born. I'd love to say I still have that cassette tape, but alas, I don't, just the wonderful memory of when our friendship began.

Then in high school came many new (mutual) friendships, including Jeff, Rob, Greg, Charles, Craig, and many others. And then after right high school came Craig (connected to Robby and other high school friends) and Troy (meet in college). Not all the friendships I've had over the years have withstood the test that time and circumstance bring, but thankfully there are those that have. 

We do get together when we can each year, sometimes together and sometimes one-on-one, and this last time was a wonderful visit, complete with decades of inside jokes and comedy clips (SNL, etc.), lots of laughter, and yes, even serious banter about our lives. It's been decades of friendship. The stereotype of straight male friends isn't lost on us, which is why we thought the Saturday Night Live Straight Male Friend commercial skit was so funny (but a little edgy, so beware if you watch it). Thankfully we're not exactly that (and yet, sometimes we are). 

As I wrote last year in Men of a Vulnerable Age, men can go longer periods of time without talking or seeing each other, and don't necessarily thrive on intimacy and emotional connection as much as women do. But my friends and I have shared quite a bit of our lives (intimately and emotionally) with each other over the years. The good, the bad, the ugly, the meh -- and a whole lot of comedy and tears of laughter. 

Our relationships are a multiverse of life experience, love, and inside jokes. None of us are safe from each other. We relentlessly tease and "bust each other's chops" as the saying goes, and we bust our own chops as well. We're like veteran stand-up comedians heckling an audience of us. It may be perceived as a little harsh and over-the-top at times, and it's especially awkward when we're in mixed company and we see the reaction of others. But for us, it's at times raw, real, retrospective, and always full of love. We're men of a stand-up age, and we've stood by one another for 40+ years. I hope my daughters are as blessed today with their teen friends as I have been. 

Other past posts about and related to these friends of mine:

• Men of a Vulnerable Age
• Endless Possibilities Actually
• Able-Bodied Grateful
• Men of Our Present Age
• The #MeToo Guys
• Men of a Women's Age
• Men of a Consequential Age
• Grown Men Friends and Fathers
• Like Men Knowingly Bound to Their Future
• Because That's How It Works With The Guys That Work
• Big Heart Love to My Class of 1984
• Men of An Unremarkable Age
• Being What Happens Next
• Daddy Day in Monterey

A Breath of Fresh Levity

Not too long ago I walked along the water and cursed the world. After witnessing major media in all mediums playing and replaying the hateful societal and political rhetoric around us 24/7 -- and then with family, friends and acquaintances echoing it all in person and online -- I just felt done. We were all done. Our goose was cooked. The end had come. Time to pack up your loved ones and move far away from the cynical grid.

Overdramatic per my usual emotive self, but I couldn't help it -- some of you can be so hatefully depraved. And this just from the past six months. I can't imagine what's coming over the next six. 

I gazed out over the ocean in front of me and witnessed a boat moving slowly through the waves. I thought, Like a distant ship grounded in a godless sea. Amen for #‎BhivePower.

BhivePower being the affectionate nickname of our two girls plus the Mama, my wife. The power that keeps me afloat and lit up with optimism.

And then there was this conversation last night after eating out at a local Chinese restaurant:

"Eating spicy sauce can make you pregnant," said Beatrice.

"Yes, I know," said Bryce.

"None for me, thanks," said the Mama.

"Me neither," said Daddy. "Wait, where did you hear that?"

There's nothing like the sweet family funnies, a breath of fresh levity. In the years to come will weigh on our girls and the hateful rhetoric around them will taint even them, no matter the positive affirmations that we hope to instill. They're already picking up all sorts of things from their friends, from the media, music, TV, movies, books and elsewhere, hence the spicy sauce pregnant comment above (which I still have no idea where they got that one).

In the past six months we've had a few of these refreshing breaths, and I'll share some of those with you all below. I hope they bring a smile to your face, one that will remind your of your own sweet family funnies and carry you day by day through the rest of the year and beyond.

"I'm never going to get rid of you," said Beatrice during a family hug.

"What's this music?" Beatrice asked, right after "Teenage Wasteland" by The Who started playing.

"Something you're going to know something about in a few years," I said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I like it."

"Daddy, look under there," said Beatrice.

"Under where?"

"He said underwear!" exclaimed Beatrice and Bryce, giggling.

"Can we eat it?" asked Beatrice, talking about a big, live turkey at the zoo.

"What are all those toys doing in the corner?" Daddy asked.

"They're packing for college," answered Beatrice, as a matter of fact.

"Okay. Then why are there toys everywhere?"

"Because they need partners for college."

"Poop, there it is!" sang Bryce, not quite getting it right.

The part where you book your family vacation and your youngest says, "Yes, I can't wait to go there so we can relax." 

"You know, if you left Bryce and me at home, we could do whatever we want."

"You're a funny girl, Bea."

"No, really."

"Winner, winner, chicken dinner!" exclaimed Bryce after winning family bingo.

"Bryce, who you gonna call?"

"Ghost Catchers!"

"Hey, who didn't flush the toilet?!?" Daddy yelled.

"How big is the poop?" asked Beatrice.

"Does it matter?"

"Then it was Bryce."

"Thank you for the Star Wars sticker book, Bryce."

"You're welcome, Daddy."

Pause.

"Daddy, can I play with the Star Wars sticker book?"

"Yes you can, Bryce."

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Bryce."

"Daddy, please turn that down!" exclaimed Beatrice when Daddy turned on the car with AC/DC playing.

"Too loud, Sweetie?"

"Yes."

"You know Daddy likes his rock and roll, Beatrice."

"Yes."

"Do you like rock and roll?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's too loud."

"I want to read this!" exclaimed Bryce, holding up the little white book.

"Nobody wants to read the Bible," said the Mama.

"Heathen," said Daddy. "Bryce, what do you think the book is about?"

"Baby werewolf goes to New York."

"Daddy, why didn't you tell me you were the Mystery Reader today?" asked Beatrice.

"Because then it wouldn't have been a mystery."

"Oh."

"I want to watch Martin Hears a Who again," said Bryce.

"It's Horton," corrected Beatrice.

"I don't know his name, I just want to watch it again!"

"Beatrice, where's your tooth?"

"I left it for the tooth fairy."

"What did you get?" 

"I got a bag with two gold coins."

"Where are they?"

"One's in my bed and one's in Bryce's bed."

"Of course. Bryce, you'll loose some teeth soon enough, you know."

"Well, when I loose my teeth, I'm going to wait until I have three so I can get a big bag of gold coins."

"I am a famous painter!" exclaimed Bryce, wearing a Basque beret and a mascara mustache.

"Where do you get this stuff, Bryce?"

"I learned it in France."

Meanwhile, playing school share day with tiny doll house toys and stuffed animals...

"Let's get ready for share day everyone," said Bryce.

"Think of three clues for your share everyone," said Beatrice.

Daddy started, "Okay, my first clue is --"

"Daddy, you're last!" cried Beatrice.

"Did you like the movie, Bea?" Daddy asked as they left The Good Dinosaur.

"Yes."

"Do you think Daddy cried?"

"Yes."

"Daddy always cries, doesn't he."

"Yes, but that's okay."

"You girls are the bees that buzz," said Daddy proudly.

"And you're the big Queen!" shouted Bryce.

"Unicorns poop rainbows!" exclaimed Bryce.