Showing posts with label adversity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adversity. Show all posts

Sunday, March 10, 2024

To Make The Shine Glow On

"I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Oh, and I'm just waitin' 'til the shine wears off..."

Coldplay, Lost!

At first, her painting felt sad and lonely. But she actually painted it at a time when she felt good about her young life, all that was happening in it, and what might happen next.

She was very proud of her work. Is proud of it. Our oldest Beatrice is quite the talented artist and we're proud of her and her work. 

Both our kids are quite the artists actually. Are quite the intuitive feelers. This is evident as they grapple with new life and learning and frontal lobes developing in front of their very eyes. Or, more correctly, in back of their very eyes.

Whether Bea intended it or not, there is a melancholy feel in the painting. The dark forest behind her. The shadow of herself in the pond that's not a true reflection, only dark shadow. It's reminds me of the line from a Coldplay song: "Oh, and I'm just waitin' 'til the shine wears off." Waiting for the good things to fade away, leaving only darkness it it's wake.

But that's me projecting my own life experience into my interpretation of my 15-year-old's painting. It doesn't mean that teens don't have ups and downs and dark deep thoughts -- they do. Not the same life experiences as us their parents, but we're also not dismissive of their angst and encourage them to talk about all their feelings. 

What I love is that the question in her painting was actually a statement: What NOW. With NOW being all caps. Like it's a challenge to what will happen next, what life will bring. Again, I'm projecting my own interpretation here, but I feel it's close.

That's a bold statement as far as I'm concerned, but demanding the "what" to manifest itself this very second is normal instant gratification longing that both teens and adults feel. Making something positive happen is another story altogether. Too many of us wait for the "shine to wear off", because that's what we expect to happen ultimately, if we feel we've been let down before by others and/or circumstances; it's always someone else's or something else's fault. This is all emotionally hard for developing teens to comprehend, but it's especially difficult for adults who never knew how to deal with adversity in the first place. 

Encouraging our kids to experience and feel all the feels, to be able to express them verbally and non-verbally (like through art), and then to work on manifesting what's next will serve them well throughout their lives. We don't want them to wait for the next bad thing to happen. We want them to make the next good thing happen for themselves today -- to make the shine glow on. 

Saturday, November 28, 2020

A Well-Being Worth Practicing

I want to be a grateful tree
unending love
for all who pass
to stop and smile
and then after awhile
embrace their grace within


Sunset by Beatrice
Even though we weren't together, we're still grateful. This was the first time in seven years we didn't go to my sister's house for Thanksgiving due to COVID-19. That tradition started after our parents passed away. We knew going into this holiday year that the pandemic reality would preempt our gathering. Instead, we fixed our own Thanksgiving meal and were grateful from afar.

This played out throughout America, with families choosing to not gather, and yet, there were many others who did choose to travel and gather. No judgment, just choices we all made. According to the latest numbers, nearly 50 people are dying each hour and the rate of infection is probably closer to 8 times higher

A few weeks ago our youngest Bryce didn't feel well. We were worried, so my wife Amy called the doctor, who then said we should get Bryce tested for coronavirus. We had been practicing safety protocols ourselves and with our friend pod (wearing masks, social distancing, etc.), but then we ran a haunted garden with our pod, where more people than we thought came to walk through it. Plus, earlier that same day on Halloween, we went to the Beach Boardwalk, which I'm sure was grateful to be open, as was the families with kids who came, all masked up, even if it was only the food vendors giving away candy to the kids. 

Thankfully Bryce was negative. We were grateful. 

But, we would've been grateful even if she was positive, despite all the things we would've had to do after the fact, including getting sick ourselves. Because that's what we practice every day: gratitude. It was a long time coming for me; I had a hard time with happy even after Amy and I were together. 

For years now, especially after we had our daughters, we've been practicing mindfulness and gratitude. And for the past two years we've had, and continue to have, weekly family meetings where we share our compliments, appreciation, things we notice about each other, and what we're grateful for. Plus, every night at dinner we share what we're grateful for. It's our way of saying grace. 

Amy and I know that practicing gratitude can help improve health and emotional and spiritual well-being. We try to live that way every day. That was reinforced to us when we recently listened to a Hidden Brain podcast about the power of gratitude. Towards the end of the podcast, the psychologist who was being interviewed quote famed sociologist Georg Simmel.

"Gratitude is the moral memory of mankind."

And womenkind, of course. Without gratitude, as well as kindness and empathy, we are lost. We all have the capacity to overcome any kind of adversity and to thrive, even when we feel like we can't. It's up to the adults in the room to be mindful of this and teach our children in kind to be kind and to be grateful, because practicing gratitude often encourages others to do the same. That's a well-being worth practicing.


Other "Days of Coronavirus" posts: