Well, it’s what you do to a Search – Baby B thinks Pooh is brilliant

As if we didn't have enough fun last weekend at the first shower with the Fisher Vista gals, this weekend was the big family/friends shower. And my oh my, was it a humdinger. Thank you Nancy for organdizing it all. We truly appreciate it!

Amy's sister's family came to visit, her Mother, other family friends and most of her dearest friends. My cousin Sherri came who we haven't seen for a few years. Such a pleasant surprise! Sadly my parents couldn't attend; the trek from Oregon takes its toll these days and will come down again after the baby's born (and we plan on going there for Christmas). But we did talk to them virtually via Skype and a web-cam. After busting my Dad's chops he finally got the web-cam set up so they can talk to Baby B when it comes and Baby B can see its grandfolk. In fact, any of our family and friends who live far away can get set up virtually as well – I'd be happy to help.

Good times ensued. Lots more fun games for the ladies (with their unadulterated chatter – mercy! – check out the video), but this time there were more guys who needed to do guy things out in the backyard where only guys roam and roar. Sweet. Playing ninja-army-warrior battle and then running through the sprinklers makes us complete men. Roar.

Whether you attended our showers or not, we know many who struggle in today's harsh financial climate. We can't tell you enough how much we appreciate your generous gifts, thoughts, blessings and prayers.

Stephanie's gift was especially poignant – it consisted of a bag full of rocks and crystals, and a lovely moon box, and each one of us picked out a rock/crystal, shared a blessing for Baby B, and then placed it in the moon box. Jill made us a baby blanket, spit rags (can't have enough of those I've been told), and classic Winnie the Pooh wall hangings. Nothing finer than handmade gifts.

Man, love that Pooh. Brilliant.

"Now," said Rabbit, "this is a Search, and I've Organized it –"

"Done what to it?" said Pooh.

"Organized it. Which means – well, it's what you do to a Search, when you don't all look in the same place at once. So I want you, Pooh, to search by the Six Pine Trees first, and then work your way towards Owl's house, and look out for me there. Do you see?"

"No," said Pooh. "What –"

"Then I'll see you at Owl's House in about an hour's time."

"Is Piglet organdized too?"

"We all are," said Rabbit, and off he went.

John 15:12

This is My commandment: that you love one another [just] as I have loved you.

Amen.

Not cool to trash Baby B’s city. Not cool.

This week we had our annual homeowners' association meeting. The past two years we've lived here I've been on the board and Amy and I have been very involved in the neighborhood.

One problem we've had to deal with is the land across the street from us – and the landowner. The land is unkempt, weeds rampant, trash accumulates, homeless use it as a weigh station locking up their bikes and washing up (which has decreased dramatically of late thank goodness), and the landowner just doesn't care.

We tried the diplomatic route to get him to clean it up, we hired a lawyer to try to force him to comply via the city of Santa Cruz, but to no avail either way. In fact, the city told us that since no major ordinances are being violated (although the landowner has been cited multiple times in the past), we should deal with it elsewhere because the city has too many more important issues to deal with.

Like the fact that the city budget shortfall will reduce the number of officers on the street, marijuana's been decriminalized in the city and now we have a grow house around the corner, and this kind of out of control crap is tolerated downtown (our nutty, eclectic downtown we love). Granted, the article points out that almost 200 arrests have been made downtown over the past year, but at the expense of local partiers and homeless addicts trashing corners and making it unsafe for families. And did there really need to be 200 arrests? C'mon.

I embrace diversity and am progressively tolerant – but not for those who aren't personally responsible, who aren't getting help and taking advantage of the city's services. And it's not cool to trash Baby B's city, whether it's across the street or downtown or along the beach. And it's not cool to not take care of your property.

So there.

Who you lookin' at?

Daddy K remembers Hands Across America, repeated

I'm certainly not the first to comment on conservative talk show host Michael Savage's suggesting that the diagnosis of autism is a sham and calling their kids "brats" who need nothing more than a good talking-to, and I certainly won't be the last.

I don't necessarily agree that he should be fired for what he said. I just don't listen to him and have no interest in what he said or says. Freedom of speech and the power of choice.

His comments struck me as uninformed, and well, stupid. Unfortunately there are misdiagnoses every day of children and adults on a variety of ills. But to say that autistic children need a good talking-to (and I know he had more to say than that sound bite alone) is crazy.

The article I read last week stated:

Autism and other developmental disabilities now appear to affect an estimated 3.4 of every 1,000 children ages 3-10, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Some affected children have high IQs, while others are unable to communicate at all. But all of the disorders are characterized by deficits in social interaction and communication, along with repetitive behaviors or interests.

Even as more and more national studies try to decipher the roots of autism, the mystery has only been deepened by its increasing prevalence. The Centers for Disease Control Web site admits it's "unclear how much of this increase is due to changes in how we identify and classify ASDs in people, and how much is due to a true increase in prevalence."

But while theories on autism's causes abound, experts dismiss Savage's suggestion that stronger parenting could straighten out many autistic kids. And they blast him for describing autism as some "diagnosis du jour," a passing pop-medical trend without scientific weight.

After my first year of college (studying psychology) I worked at a mentally handicapped summer camp as a counselor. The autistic children and teenage campers I dealt with were disabled, from low functioning to high, but no amount of discipline was going to fix them. One autistic teenager sang Hands Across America over and over and over and over again no matter what we tried to communicate to him. He was a sweet young man whose eyes were as clear and coherent as any normal child. And another younger camper would bite his hand any time he was under duress, no matter how minor the stress. He had to be restrained so he didn't permanently damage his hand.

I can't imagine what it would be like if Baby B turned out to have autism, but I know we'd do everything we could to help our child (and ourselves) adapt and live as normally as possible.

I think adults that speak before substantiating need a good talking-to.

Bad parenting doesn't lead to autism. Bad parenting leads to bad children that grow up to be bad parents.

Daddy K says, Take responsibility for taking responsibility

Regardless of your politics, Senator Barack Obama delivered a compelling Father's Day speech last month about the need for responsible fathers. And although it was directed primarily toward African-America men, his words can be applied to all men and fathers. Thanks once again Wayne's Fatherhood Blog.

I've been thinking a lot about responsible fatherhood, and based on my childhood experiences, and the fact I'm having a child of my own now, I can't comment enough about it.

"Too many fathers are M.I.A, too many fathers are AWOL, missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it."

Amen, Barack.

And he should know, because he was raised by a single mother. But no, he's not Muslim. Really. Stop talking about it.

Even children that are adults whose father hasn't spoken to them for decades, or vice-versa, doesn't negate the fact that some kind of amends could be made. Whether a relationship can be rekindled after years of separation and neglect is secondary to asking for forgiveness and giving it as well. That is taking responsibility for not taking responsibility and forgiving the unforgiveable.

According to Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D., in an article titled Fathering in America: What's a Dad Supposed to Do?, regardless of whether the father lives with his children, active participation in raising those children is good for everyone.

Amen, Dr. Marie.

She goes on to highlight practical guidelines for responsible fatherhood. Here are some of my favorites:

Embrace your responsibility. Once you are a father, you are a father for life. The knowledge of fatherhood changes a man. It can be a source of pride and maturity or a source of shame and regret. Even if you have good reasons for not being actively involved, acknowledging your paternity is a minimal gift you can provide to your child. With it come many legal, psychological, and financial benefits. If you want to be in your child's life, it also protects your rights to have time with your child should you and the child's mother have a falling out.

Be there throughout their childhoods. There is no time in a child's life that doesn't count. Research has shown that even infants know and respond to their fathers differently than they do to their mothers. The bond you make with a baby sets the foundation for a lifetime. As the kids get older, they'll need you in different ways but they will always need you. Insistent toddler, curious preschooler, growing child, prickly adolescent: Each age and stage will have its challenges and rewards. Kids whose parents let them know that they are worth their parents' time and attention are kids who grow up healthy and strong. Boys and girls who grow up with attention and approval from their dads as well as their moms tend to be more successful in life.

Balance discipline with fun. Some dads make the mistake of being only the disciplinarian. The kids grow up afraid of their dads and unable to see the man behind the rules. An equal and opposite mistake is being so focused on fun that you become one of the kids, leaving their mother always to be the heavy. Kids need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and have a good time. Give yourself and the kids the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.

Be a role model of adult manhood. Both boys and girls need you as a role model for what it means to be adult and male. Make no mistake: The kids are observing you every minute. They are taking in how you treat others, how you manage stress and frustrations, how you fulfill your obligations, and whether you carry yourself with dignity. Consciously or not, the boys will become like you. The girls will look for a man very much like you. Give them an idea of manhood (and relationships) you can be proud of.

Love that Daddy Dialectic; a line in the hot sand

One of the "Daddy" blogs I really enjoy is called Daddy Dialectic. A post from last week titled Techno Dad talked about how technological advances in communication (Internet, wireless routers, laptops, Blackberries and iPhones) have given some fathers more freedom to work from home and spend more time with their families; the attempt to restore the ever-elusive work-life balance.

Is it possible? I work a lot from home as it is now, and the line in the hot sand I've drawn, with Mama A's guiding hand (wink), moves in mirages from week to week.

While maybe the balance is never truly a balance, I agree with Jeremy that the ability to work from a virtual office – at home – will be a boon for Baby B and Mama A.

And me.

Daddy K runs the Wharf to Wharf

Well, I did it. This is the second year I've run the Wharf to Wharf and this year's 36^th annual event boasted a fantastic run for me. It's a six-mile race that starts at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and ends at the Capitola Wharf.

Thanks to Andy's training guidance, and Mama A's encouragement, I increased my speed and performance to hit a personal best. There are over 14,000 people who run (and walk) this race, so the first few miles were slower than I would've liked, but I cranked up the inner reactors and melted down the asphalt the last two-plus miles, finishing at just under 56 minutes, almost 10 minutes faster than last year. Next year's goal: less than 50 minutes.

This race promotes the health and fitness of Santa Cruz County youth and it's again great to see so many families running together. Amy was going to walk it this year, but considering how far along she is and how wiped out she got the last time she challenged herself on the Yosemite hike, she decided it was a good idea not to. We'll do together next year!

At one point while I was running, a young boy watching the race had his hand out for an encouraging slap. So I obliged him. Could be B someday, although I'm going to have B out there running with me.

It feels good to be able to run like this. I grew up with severe asthma and then smoked as an adult, so to be in shape and run like this is a blessing for me, Mama A and Baby B. We will be an active family, no doubt about that.

There are many other charity 10K's that I'm going to start participating in as well, so I'd better get back to training.

But first, a nap. And then a donut.

Mama A eats poo candy. Really.

A special thank you to the ladies of HRmarketer.com for throwing us a fabulous baby shower yesterday!

I was designated picture-taker and recorder – but of course participated in the fun games as well. One of the memorable moments was the guess the melted candy bar in the newborn diaper game. Always a big hit. I played it years ago at a coed shower for an old colleague of mine and it is a gross, knee-slapping hoot.

Check out the video of it here.

We were all really hungry, but Mama A couldn't wait for the good eats everybody brought – so she ate the candy bars. Yes, the poo candy. Love that woman! She ain't afraid.

We also had a Winnie the Pooh piñata that we beat the stuffing out of – and fun stuffing did it have. Soap bubbles and toe rings and candy and magic pads and all sorts of goodies.

Thankfully there was a guy gift I won during the afternoon festivities – a San Francisco Giants Pez dispenser, complete with the little candied soaps (ever since I was little Pez candy tasted a little soapy). Go Giants! (Yes, it's a painful season to become a fan, but those are the best kind.)

Aren't we supposed to wait and have Baby B before we have this much fun?

No way. Rock on with the fun. Rock on.