Heads Held High Above Our Failed Fray

“Then I looked up. And I said, ‘Oh, MAN!’ 
And that’s how Wacky Wednesday began.” 
—Dr. Seuss

Nope, you can't have it all. Not even the daddies. You just can't co-host an Internet radio show and help coach your daughter's little league T-ball game at the same time.

Maybe reading Wacky Wednesday on Tuesday night is what started it all. It wasn’t my worst mistake ever, but it still bothered me – just poor decision-making than anything else based on limited data, guesswork and of course wishful thinking.

Listening to the Reply All podcast episode The Time Traveler and the Hitman on that Thursday morning while I worked out didn’t help me much either. The episode told the story of John Silveira who in 1997 placed a joke classified ad in a tiny publication called Backwoods Home Magazine asking if anyone wanted to travel back in time with him. Surprisingly a lot of people took him seriously wanting him to fix the worst mistakes they’d ever made.

Again, it wasn’t my worst mistake, and I probably wouldn’t have written John Silveira asking for his help, much less even finding his ad in print or online where it eventually ended up. But it got me thinking about the “what if” of going back to undo the poor decision-making process. What if I could?

When you’re co-hosting a live Internet radio show, it’s best to launch it in a quiet, secure environment, one where the Internet connection is sound. Where my guesswork and wishful thinking went wrong was when I decided I could practically do anything from anywhere with my Wi-Fi hotspot and any device.

In this case, launch our show from the near the field where my oldest daughter plays little league T-ball, and where I’m one of the assistant coaches for her team. Unfortunately my Wi-Fi hotspot wasn’t strong enough and I a few minutes before the show started I frantically texted my friend and co-host, Meghan M. Biro, to launch the show.

We pulled that off, but then one our guests had a poor dial-in connection that sounded like we had cement mixers on the show. After he disconnected and dialed back in, we finished strong and then moved on to our Twitter chat portion. But I was already late to the game and caught half-focused online and real-time on the field.

I rolled with it all and adapted as quickly as I could, though, keeping my composure and delivering upbeat no matter what. There’s no other choice for those of us who are aware enough of our own limitations and strengths and where our emotional intelligence affects how we make decisions, mistakes, adjust and ultimately achieve positive results. This of course all validated by analyzing high EQ data on over a million people according to a recent LinkedIn article by Dr. Travis Bradberry.

Sure, time travel could have saved one of two things I had control over, but not both. We can’t have it all no matter how much we think we can – a common myth we perpetuate no matter what the painful reality tells us. I'm sure you all have many more train wreck examples of what goes wrong when you try to have it all.

Longing for time travel doesn't change what happened; it only saps us of the mindful presence needed to keep ourselves moving along, heads held high above our failed fray.

But then again, there was that one time in 1989...

The Dividends of Childhood

I only had a few more things to do before we left. Just a few. That was it. My focal strength flowed to the MacBook bolted to my lap while I sat in our cuddle chair, the one the Mama and me bought way back before the girls were born.

But while I worked the Mama was upstairs getting ready, and Beatrice and Bryce were natives beyond restless -- bouncing across the living room impatiently while waiting to go to their fun pre-K and preschool event, the 10-year Bridges to Kinder anniversary celebration.

The irony of the cuddle chair isn't lost on me (wider recliner built for two adults); I sit there and work and write a lot week after week, as long as I'm not traveling. Yes, I have an "office" nook away from everything else I work in most of the time, but I'm still in that chair.

Again, just a few more things to do...almost there...and then boom! Bryce jumped from the cuddle chair arm into the space next to me. Over and over and over again. Bea shrieked and hopped and bopped like a crazed bunny until I finally got mad and frustrated -- because I just have a few more things to do!

Although I know I shouldn't have been. Angry. At. All. That's when I checked myself because I knew the girls just wanted my attention and wanted to play.

I raised my white flag and parked the computer on the desk.

It's actually the same with any device  of choice, because there's always the immediate (gratification) need -- that important text or email to answer, there's always that great photo to share via Instagram, or there's always that quickly crafted witticism to share on Facebook or G+, all the while my girls simultaneously wanting the immediate gratification of my presence.

Guilty as charged.

This was all prompted by an NPR article this week titled For The Children's Sake, Put Down That Smartphone. In it one expert argues:

"And when parents focus on their digital world first — ahead of their children — there can be deep emotional consequences for the child, Steiner-Adair says. 'We are behaving in ways that certainly tell children they don't matter, they're not interesting to us, they're not as compelling as anybody, anything, any ping that may interrupt our time with them,' she says."

Am I putting my devices away? And if I don't, do I feel like I'm telling my kids they're not important? No way, Jose.

I'm always going to have work to do, I'm always going to want the immediate gratification of social sharing, but they're not always going to want my attention and play.

So play I did. That was the right choice.

Business is transitory, and so is childhood, but childhood can pay dividends that far exceed any promising business plan.

Just ask an infamous sock puppet (Daddy wrote, while sharing the photo on Instagram).

Love that Daddy Dialectic; a line in the hot sand

One of the "Daddy" blogs I really enjoy is called Daddy Dialectic. A post from last week titled Techno Dad talked about how technological advances in communication (Internet, wireless routers, laptops, Blackberries and iPhones) have given some fathers more freedom to work from home and spend more time with their families; the attempt to restore the ever-elusive work-life balance.

Is it possible? I work a lot from home as it is now, and the line in the hot sand I've drawn, with Mama A's guiding hand (wink), moves in mirages from week to week.

While maybe the balance is never truly a balance, I agree with Jeremy that the ability to work from a virtual office – at home – will be a boon for Baby B and Mama A.

And me.

A little Daddy-related flotsam and jetsam

Happy Father's Day!

***

My father never gave me, by fire or water, a baptism into publishing; he wasn't a baptising type. He adopted the sink-or-swim method, so the first few weeks I was at Scribners, in 1946, my assignment was to deal with Ernest Hemingway.

--Charles Scribner, Jr.

***

I once said to my father when I was a boy, "Dad, we need a third political party." He said, "I'll settle for a second."

--Ralph Nader

***

My Dad's idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around.

--Jay Leno

***

From "Men and Birth: The Unexplainable" by Haki R. Madhubuti

this is the drama, birth the maturing force that can transform males, making them men of conscious, making them bringers of life and partners in the fight to guarantee better better futures.

birth

unlocks cultural strangulation allowing

men to feel & touch & experience

a source of love that springs in

smiles occasional tears and undying commitment

***

From the song "Out of the Cradle" by Neil Peart and Rush

Surge of energy, spark of inspiration
The breath of love is electricity
Maybe time is bird in flight
Endlessly mocking
Here we come out of the cradle
Endlessly rocking
Endlessly rocking

It's a hand
That rocks the cradle
It's a motion
That swings the sky
It's method on the edge of madness
It's a balance on the edge of a knife
It's a smile on the edge of sadness
It's a dance on the edge of life

Here we come out of the cradle
Endlessly rocking
Endlessly rocking

***

In time for Father's Day, Monster announced findings from its second annual poll of working fathers, which reveals a work/life struggle among today's dads. Despite a common belief among those surveyed that bringing work home is not healthy for family life, seven percent more dads are bringing work home on a weekly basis compared to last year.

Notable highlights include:

1. Fewer dads are taking advantage of paternity leave benefits because they feel they cannot financially afford it (38 percent, down eight percent over last year) or because they feel too busy at work (27 percent, up 13 percent over last year).

2. Seventy-three percent of dads would be a stay-at-home parent if money were not an issue, a seven percent increase over last year.

3. Above all other work/life related benefits, working fathers most appreciate a flexible work schedule (52 percent).