A Second to Go South

"In the desert, you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain..."

–America, A Horse with No Name

It was the stars I remember the most. The nights were dark and the sky clear, with little to no external lighting around us save our camper's strip of outside LED's. The night sky sparkled like a diamond-encrusted ocean.

We took our family to the desert for spring break near Joshua Tree National Forest, and out of all the fun things we did, looking up at the twinkling stars before going to bed was the most relaxing for me. Of feeling safe and content. Of endless positive possibilities. Not a care in the world. "'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain."

But that was an illusion, because there are still those who are everywhere giving out pain of all kinds. Too many broken people with guns willing to take lives. 600 mass shootings in 2020 and 147 so far in 2021. 

I grew up in a law enforcement family; I grew up with guns. I never like them much, though. When I was 8 years old, I took my Red Ryder BB gun to what used to be called Little Forrest where I grew up, a small grove of Central Valley oak trees where we used to go as kids. I shot at a black bird and hit its wing, maiming it, and then I cried. 

Four years later my mom married my police officer step-father. Early in their relationship he hunted deer and dove, something I had no interest in. A year later, a man broke into our home carrying a large Bowie knife and was right outside our bedroom doors. I posted the story way back in 2012. My mom and dad woke up and my dad chased him out of the house and down the street. My mom then asked me to take my dad's gun to him. I carried it like a dead rat out to the street. My family has been gun owners for a long time, and it was clear early on I was never going to be comfortable with them.

And that's fine. Today, however, our children could be shot in their own schools (now that they're back to in-person school). We could be shot just going to the store. Or anywhere for that matter. And if our children were black, they could be shot just because they were black. Or Latino. Or Asian. Or any race other than being white. 

For those who are lawful gun owners who have had proper safety training, thank you. I do not want your guns taken away from you, but unfortunately you do not make me or my family feel any safer. Because when any of our lives go south, which can happen without warning, with a flash of anger after one drink too many, and/or when suffering from depression, and/or other mental disorders manifest, and/or when struggling with addiction, and/or when so many other problems can compromise safety, gun safety grays out and lives are at risk. 

Also, citizens armed to the teeth standing in front of state capitals or our nation's capital do not make me feel safer. White supremacist military and law enforcement do not make me feel safer. Permitted guns buried deep in your purses or under your car seat. Guns locked away in a safe buried deep in our closet do not make me feel safer.

I don't know how much gun reform will help in the long run, if it ever passes, like universal background checks. No matter what though, our families can practice safety skills every single day. We can also think about the why of the safety skills we practice, how can we prevent dangerous behavior before we're forced to protect ourselves. Back in 2019 I shared that one of the Kidpower instructors I admire (besides my wife, of course) inspired me with this analogy:

When we're literally on fire, we're taught to -- Stop, Drop and Roll -- to extinguish the fire.

But why are we on fire in the first place? What happened to cause the fire? What things can we do to prevent these fires in the future? To make ourselves safer? To make our families safer? To make our communities safer?

In light of the continued mass shootings of late, we need to keep our fears in check and work hard to be aware and prevent these tragedies from happening in the first place, including:

• Practice skills for taking charge of your safety and your family's everyday
• Learn and practice the safety plan at your school/business
• Practice speaking up about safety to those with power to act
• Practice overcoming the “Bystander Effect" and empowering yourself and others to take action
• Help strengthen a positive social climate in your community

These being just a few of the Kidpower Safety tips for individuals and families. 

With these safety tips, I long for the peaceful stillness of the desert's starry night we experienced on our spring break. Of feeling safe and content. Of endless positive possibilities. Not a care in the world. But this illusion of gun safety today is heartbreaking, because no how matter responsible people think they are with guns, they do not make my family feel any safer. It only takes a second to go south. 

Why These Fires Start

"I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep

I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep

But I can't, but I can't when you all have

Guns for hands..."

–twenty one pilots, Guns for Hands

I almost brought the nearest to me to the ground; the two pops were loud and unmistakable. I flinched and knew in my periphery my oldest daughter was on my right and my niece and her baby daughter where slightly behind me on my left. And my wife was with our youngest daughter at the other end of the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. How was I going to help them all?

I couldn't. And then I thought of part of my Kidpower self-defense training: when someone has a gun, you run. You run for safety as best as you can and get help as soon as you can. That most shooters aren't very accurate when people are running away from them, and police departments concur. That doesn't mean you won't get shot, but falling to the ground where you are can make you more of a target. And trying to fight someone with a gun pointing at you, which should be a last resort for those even with a modicum of training, could mean a quick loss of life. 

All these things went through my mind seconds after the two loud pops. But they weren't gun shots – they were just balloons popping in one of the boardwalk games. Just balloons. I sighed and then we were on our way enjoying the day. I can't imagine what it's been like for real victims of shootings and their families.

The immediate fear was palatable, though. Especially considering that only a few days earlier there was a mass shooting at the Gilroy Garlic Festival. And for the first time we discussed shootings with our children, and what to do if it happens and how to stay safe. No surprise, it scared them, but it was still a necessary conversation. 

Then came the weekend after, where two more mass shootings killed 29 people and injured dozens more. 

That's now already 32 mass shootings in the U.S. this year (defined as three or more killings in a single episode).

There have been many arguments as to why this keeps happening in America, but one clear fact documented over and over again is that there are too many guns in this country with relatively unregulated gun ownership compared to the rest of the developed world. In fact, Americans make up about 4.4 percent of the global population but own 42 percent of the world’s guns. Combine that now with growing civil unrest, resurgent racism, simmering hate and fear being stoked by some of the very leaders who are supposed to call foul and unify us, and we have perpetual societal bonfires jeopardizing the lives of our families. 

I say that because one of the many Kidpower instructors I admire (besides my wife, of course) inspired me with this analogy:

When we're literally on fire, we're taught to -- Stop, Drop and Roll -- to extinguish the fire.

But why are we on fire in the first place? What happened to cause the fire? What things can we do to prevent these fires in the future? To make ourselves safer? To make our families safer? To make our communities safer?

In light of these horrific mass shootings of late, we need to keep our fears in check and work hard to be aware and prevent these societal fires from starting in the first place, including:

• Practice skills for taking charge of your safety and your family's everyday
• Learn and practice the safety plan at your school/business
• Practice speaking up about safety to those with power to act
• Practice overcoming the “Bystander Effect" and empowering yourself and others to take action
• Help strengthen a positive social climate in your community

These being just a few of the Kidpower Safety tips for individuals and families. 

And as American citizens, speaking truth to power about why these fires start in the first place and what we can do to prevent them through legislation and law enforcement is also our responsibility. We can and should be shouting from the rooftops about reducing the number of guns in our country and addressing the racist hate and destructive anger that's driving these mass shootings of late.

Speak up and be safe.