When There's Nowhere to Go

"There's gonna be nowhere to go," said Beatrice about the fact that we wouldn't be doing much outside of the house due to social distancing.

"Why don't you 'go' into a book and explore the world of imagination," I said.

She didn't find it amusing and ignored me.

"No, really," I said.

Still no response. But then I did get a glare. The good news is that before the libraries closed for an indefinite amount of time (like many public places closing temporarily to mitigate the spread of coronavirus COVID-19), my wife Amy took Beatrice and Bryce to a nearby library branch and checked out a bunch of books for the girls to read.

This is a lot for adults to get their heads around, and unfortunately too many have panicked and made runs on stores for many different kinds of staples, toilet paper, and much more. We stocked up too, but that's something we do regularly anyway since we live in earthquake and fire territory. And now we have a pandemic coursing through communities around the world. Of course, there are those adults denying this is even happening, calling it fake news and propagating conspiracy theories, and that only makes things more dangerous for those most susceptible to contracting coronavirus.

It's even more stressful for our children. Beatrice has told us more than once to stop talking about the virus. Our girls' school just closed for at least one week, but we're pretty sure it's going to extend up to four weeks through their spring break. We've talked to the girls about what coronavirus is and why it's so important to practice social distancing, the fact that it helps decrease the possible spread of the virus to susceptible older people and those with breathing problems. Check on the elderly who live alone; Amy just had a dear uncle pass away, and although we're not sure what the cause was, he was alone.

These are unprecedented times for the entire world and our girls have never experienced anything like this before. We did during the 1989 earthquake, but this is a much different animal. The girls may have a few playdates with their friends during this shut-down time, but if things further escalate, we won't be going anywhere for awhile.

Amy has lots of learning activities planned for Bea and Bryce, and since we'll all be home indefinitely, I'll be helping as well. Besides working from home, there's also house projects we've planned and there's no time like the present, especially when you're trapped at home. But even with all that, a bigger worry for me and millions of families around the world beyond the virus is the economic impact of what's happening.

I understand we're getting a little more frightened every day about coronavirus and its impact; I'm more frightened about it all. When you start shutting it all down, you start impacting all the hourly workers who work in travel, hospitality, entertainment and more, and those who work in retail and more, all of whom can't work from home, who won't get paychecks if they don't work. Thankfully some employers will continue to pay their hourly workers and provided additional sick time if needed.

And now that schools are shutting down, many hourly works with children can't work anyway because they'll have to stay home and care for them and potentially have home school them, which for those of us who have a child who struggles academically, like we do, isn't optimal. And if your spouse and her colleagues depend on schools being open because of the actual work they do, like mine does, then that impacts us, again. Our school district is doing what it can to ensure that our children continue to have lessons, whether we home school them and/or there are virtual learning options available. They're also ensuring that the lower income children who depended on breakfast and lunch meals will continue to get them.

But now the economic ripples are already turning into waves. We’ve been in a growth (bull) market for 10 years, and now we’ve hit the bear-market skids. It’s impacting the economy on all levels with the big unknowns being for how long and with what lasting effects. It's already impacting negatively smaller businesses like mine and many others. Local merchants are taking a huge hit because fewer people are going out to make purchases except for essentials, hence the run on stores (our local Trader Joes, Costco, Safeway, New Leaf and more are doing okay right now).

Plus, some of the organizations I work with are starting to slow hiring, especially those in hospitality, airlines, retail and other customer-facing industries, and this will contribute to the economy grinding slow to a stop. More and more events have been canceled and employers are shutting down travel, even locally, and asking employees to work from home.

A week ago I tried to be more light-hearted about the situation, talking about our new dog Jenny and the last of my work travel for who knows how long. That feels like 10 years ago now. But what happens six months from now when there's nowhere to go and the virus is still here and the economy bottoms out? This is why we need to support our local economies as best as we can during this time; it impacts us all.

Don't get me wrong; my glass is always half full and I believe we will survive this. And while I hope this isn't truly the end of days, I do worry that the more start acting like it, the more it will have lasting negative repercussions beyond the illness itself.

Let's all stay safe and sane during these times and help one another if we can. It may be a year before a vaccine is available, so practice social distancing, get tested if you're sick and self-quarantine if diagnosed and you don't need medical treatment, because we can all still support each other virtually from afar. What we don't want to do is to swamp the hospitals and overwhelm the nurses and doctors like we've seen in other countries.

When there's nowhere to go, we need to take care of each other, especially those who will need extra help during these challenging times.

Bless you all.

Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To

On the day we adopted our first dog in 16 years, my allergies and asthma were killing me, and the virus began to spread everywhere.

And that's what I'll remember until the end of days, which hopefully this isn't. Based on all the reliable information my wife and I have consumed to date, we must be vigilant without hysteria, which unfortunately is spreading faster than the coronavirus is (COVID-19).

Our new dog, Jenny, is such a sweet and loving girl, longing to belong to a family. She's a four-year-old terrier-pug-and-other-stuff mix, with short but very strong legs (more on that later), covered in thick and wiry creme-colored fur, and ending with a wound pug-like tail. Named Genesis at birth, our daughters decided they wanted to call her Jenny for short, with a J instead of a G. The 1981 hit song 867-5309 / Jenny by Tommy Tutone kept running through my mind as we drove her home from the Monterey shelter called Peace of Mind Dog Rescue, where they find homes for usually older dogs of seniors who can no longer care for them. Jenny's also a veteran mama having two litters of her own.

"...Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to..."

Everything went well for the first three days, Jenny getting used to her new home, and us to her. There was at least one pee accident, but that was fine. Plus, we were all home with her, and hadn't left her alone yet. That changed when I left on a work trip to go to a conference (that hadn't been canceled like so many now are).

After I left, Amy took the girls to school on a Tuesday and left Jenny in the house alone. She howls and barks, and that much we knew since we had worked out together in the garage the day before and left her in the house (the girls were at school). That we can deal with. She's a dog, and that's what many dogs do, especially when they're in a new environment. But when Amy returned home from work later in the day, there was poop and pee on the floor, and scratch marks on the front door molding.

Meanwhile, I was in a large metal tube in the sky, sniffling a little and hacking a little due to my allergies and asthma. I worried because I'd read that airlines were isolating people they thought were sick, although no one paid any attention to me. I didn't want to be locked in the baggage hold in a Hannibal Lecter glass case. Right before we took off, I heard a woman behind me say, “If you need to throw up, then use our bags. They have a better seal.” I assumed she was talking to one of her children, which I empathized, but of course didn't want the vomit noise and smell behind me. Fortunately, that didn't happen.

Jenny had a few more accidents while I was gone. And so did I. Meaning, when it was my moment on stage at the Phenom conference I attend, everything went great until it didn't. Thankfully just momentarily. I moderated a panel of HR and recruiting leaders discussing job candidate and employee experiences. I didn't have a sniffle or a hack until about two-thirds of the way through the discussion. I tried to time the coughs in between the discussion and laughter after a panelist said something funny, but then I was trapped in the cough zone. It was only 5-10 seconds, but when I was done, my voice was gone. Literally gone.

And that's when everyone in the room held their collective breath. Even one of the panelists raised her hands in a defensive posture and leaned away from me, as if any alien was about to erupt from my chest. Someone in the front row brought me a bottle of water, I got my voice back and shared the vomit story above, everyone had a nervous laugh, and then all was well with the world again.

Amy and I have always loved end-of-the-world stories. Novels like The Andromeda Strain, Lucifer's Hammer, Swan Song, The Road, The Year of the Flood, The Age of Miracles, the Left Behind series and of course, The Stand, have always fascinated us. Add to that movies and shows like Planet of the Apes, Terminator (all of them, even the cheesy sequels Amy likes), The Walking Dead, Revolution (from a few years ago) and so many others always keeps our Armageddon cups runnething over! And have you every seen A Boy and His Dog? Yikes.

Now, don't get us wrong, we don't want the end of the world to come, but Amy is also a prepper and a planner and we do have earthquakes and fires and other possible natural disasters that can occur where we live. So, while she wasn't fighting anyone over toilet paper at Costco this last week, she did stock up with staples and such for us.

When I got home from the conference, we tried a baby gate in our kitchen to keep Jenny isolated while we were out, but she just jumped over it. Over three feet jumped over it. We couldn't believe it, but she did. We realized then we had to go to crating her while we're away for short periods of time and discovered that was something she was used to. Phew.

And again, this is all what I'll remember until the end of days, which hopefully this isn't. Again, based on all the reliable information my wife and I have consumed to date, and continue to consume, we must be vigilant without hysteria, which unfortunately is spreading faster than the coronavirus is (COVID-19). You've already heard it more than once -- wash your hands, stay home if you're sick or if you have respiratory problems, limit travel if you can, maybe avoid large gatherings. The CDC and John Hopkins are two sites full of resources to keep you and your families as safe as possible. There are many others as well. Make sure their reputable, though.

"...Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to..."

"Dad, stop singing that -- it's in my head now and I can't get it out," Bryce just said to me.

Well, Bryce, if the coronavirus continues to spread, and it's now in our area, we're going to all be singing that song and many others together every day when schools are shut down and our entire family is schooling and working from home until the community spread subsides. And hey, a family and its dog that play together stays together! Again, not making light of this all, just living our lives and carrying on, because that's what we do.

"...Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to..."

To each other, of course. Stay safe and sane, kids -- don't touch your face until you wash your hands for at least 20 seconds while singing:

"Jenny I've got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny don't change your number
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine..."

Applicable Play

Our girls love to draw all the time. They also use up all the paper designated as reusable -- those pages we've printed at home and don't need to use again. And then they use up all the good paper reserved for the printer.

sigh.

But hey, Beatrice drew me a Baby Yoda recently, and that was pretty awesome, because she knows how much I love Star Wars. So yes, we love the fact that they love to draw all the time. Beatrice also creates her own graphic novels (it all started with her story The Dog That Ate the Moon). She also draws creatures all the time, combined animals of a known origin that she describes to us with a fervent excitement. Currently Bryce draws anime-like girls of all rainbow colors and backgrounds, all with big hair ("I like to draw big hair!" she said to me just now).

Always sketching and drawing. And then there's music and dancing; they both love music, Bea plays the flute and Bryce loves to dance (Bea, too, she's just more shy about it). Also, over the years both girls have created various contraptions, doll houses and even an R2-D2 with leftover paper, cardboard, string, plastic -- you name it, they figure out how to use it. We've helped them as well, making these projects more of a family affair at times.

Plus there's lots of exercising, outdoor activities and adventures, chasing jumping and safe roughhousing, as well as dramatic play, playing board games, playing interactive video games, reading books (yes, old-fashioned reading), and so much more. And let's not forget the Kidpower role-playing we've done the past few years to help our girls stay safe, empathic and good at healthy boundary setting.

And now we have a new dog named Jenny to play with. More on her soon!

I share these things because we've known for a long time these "play" activities encourage physical, psychological, emotional, social and lots of synaptic brain firing for the cognitive development. The good news for them, according to some researchers, they'll be much better at being able to adapt in an ever-changing world. A dear old friend of mine sent me this article titled If you want your kid to get a good job, let them play more, which outlines just that sentiment.

What resonated with me from the article was the very fact we've always encouraged our girls to play, and this very play can help train our children in the skills they need to survive automation now, we won’t have to worry as much about re-training them as workers later, this according to the Real Play Coalition whose partners include Arup, UNICEF, National Geographic, The LEGO Foundation and IKEA.

The automation we're talking about has already displaced workers across industries who had been employed in lower-level, repetitive-skill jobs that algorithms and machines can now do faster and more consistently over time. In the human resources and recruiting technology space I've been in for over 20 years, this same displacement is now starting to be a reality, with artificial intelligence and machine learning automating more and more sourcing job candidates, early communication and repetitive question answering on career sites (chatbots), testing and assessing.

However, this level of hiring automation is actually helping to augment and even improve the job candidate experience, what my research firm Talent Board measures, as well as the HR, recruiter and hiring manager experiences. Offering them up a greater focal strength around things that as humans we do much better: empathy, relationship building, creative problem-solving, navigating and adapting to the the sheer complexity of human interactivity we experience every minute of every day at home, work or play. And the companies that embrace the play definitely have a competitive edge.

As their parents, we also practice much of what we preach for play above. Because we know you're never too old to play and keep yourself healthy, young at heart, employable and entrepreneurial.

And dressing up for the final Star Wars movie premiere because you had never done it before most definitely counts as applicable play.

Choosing To Do Is How It's Done

"You may be right,
it's all a waste of time.
I guess that's just a chance I'm prepared to take,
a danger I'm prepared to to face,
cut to the chase –
what kind of difference can one person make?
Cut to the chase..."

–Rush, Cut to the Chase

As we drove by, the strikers were gathering again for another day of protest. Soon their numbers would be in the hundreds to over 1,000 people, the UCSC graduate students working as professors’ teaching assistants demanding a cost-of-living raise. They would also again block the intersection of the main campus entrance, one that we use everyday to take our girls to and from school.

"What are they doing?" Beatrice asked.

I was taking our oldest to school. Our youngest, Bryce, was home sick.

"They're protesting for more money, to be able to afford to live and work here. Sometimes we have to speak up for what we want, what we believe in, to take a stand on something, to make right something that's wrong, and that's what they're doing," I said.

"Oh," she said. "I hope Bryce feels better."

And there you have it. She's still a kid in the pre-tween shadows, Bryce even more so, neither truly comprehending the weight of the world's problems yet. As it should be, because they'll come soon enough.

They feel them, though. The strike has impacted the way we take them to and from school, sometimes having to circumvent side streets. They also live with two parents who have chosen to speak up and we've also taken them begrudgingly on the women's marches, science marches, Martin Luther King Jr. Day marches, Walk a Mile in Her Shoes Marches, and community awareness and prevention events I've helped organize called Transforming Together. We talked about racism and and sexism and harassment and bullying and how the skills taught in Kidpower can keep them safe.

We've given them our rational within simplified contexts as to why we've spoken up for what we want, what we believe in, why we've taken a stand on things, to make right things that are wrong. And someday they'll develop their own rationale to speak up and for what, or not. That will be a choice for them as they move from childhood to young adulthood and beyond.

We hope they choose to speak up and give voice to those who feel they have none, and to do things that others tell them couldn't be done. Maybe Beatrice will do it with writing, like her dad, and someday combine art and writing and create a series of graphic novels for kids and teens, helping them to understand their lives and the complex and sometime unforgiving world around them. Maybe Bryce will be the astronaut she now longs to be and the first person (not just a woman) to land on Mars someday, inspiring other girls and boys to reach for the stars.

We want them to get off the ground, activate, participate and make a positive stand happen, and to encourage others to do so. We want them to understand one person can make a difference in their own life and the lives of others. And while not doing anything is always a choice, choosing to do is how it's done.

Safe and Kind Kids

We were watching Zombies 2 when the lesson ensued. Really, we were. If you're not familiar, Zombies and Zombies 2 are Disney movie musicals about high school life where humans, zombies and now werewolves live together. Our girls love them, the messages are positive, and the music is toe-tapping, light-rapping, poppy-smooth, cheerleading and monster-movie fun. Yes, cheerleading.

There's a part where Zed, one of main characters and a zombie, runs for student body president so he can change the rules and take the girl he likes to the prom (monsters can't go to the prom). The person he's running against, the popular cheer captain named Bucky, is quite the narcissist and doesn't care for the zombies; he only cares about himself.

They prepare to have a presidential debate, but the campaign posters hanging in the room have been altered. Zed's have been changed to make him look like a monster. You see, the zombies turn into real brain-eating zombies if they don't wear their electronic bracelets that keep their inner monster contained. So, the posters look like the zombie Zed is without the bracelet on, which freaks the humans out. Yes, a cheer captain named Bucky did it with the help of his popular human entourage.

"Wow, that was mean," I said to Beatrice and Bryce.

"I know," Bea said.

"That happened to me in high school," I said.

"Really? What happened?"

I told them that when I was in high school, I ran for student body president. One day when I arrived at school, there was a huge banner hanging from the second floor of one of the main buildings right in the middle of campus. The banner read something like "Kevin Grossman for President -- ha, ha, ha -- what a joke." Lots of ha, ha's that I remember, actually.

"They were teasing me, but it wasn't very nice."

"Did you cry?" Bryce asked. My family knows I'm a cryer.

"No, but it made me feel bad."

"That's mean," Bea said.

Yes, it was, I thought. I was a nice enough guy in high school. Kids from all kinds of backgrounds liked me and I also liked to be liked. Who doesn't? It also doesn't mean I didn't make mistakes with friends and hurt their feelings, and ex-girlfriend feelings, since they were the ones who made and hung up the banner at school that day. The banner was only up until school started that morning, but it's something I've never forgotten.

Our family proceeded to finish the movie. Our girls seem to get it, though -- that there's a difference between inclusive teasing for fun and intentional teasing to taunt -- and a lot of gray in between (that they'll have experience for themselves throughout teenage-land and beyond). They also have a Kidpower education, to throw hurtful words away, to walk away from teasing to stay safe and sane, and get help if needed.

According to one large study, the following percentages of middle schools students had experienced these various types of bullying: name calling (44.2 %); teasing (43.3 %); spreading rumors or lies (36.3%); pushing or shoving (32.4%); hitting, slapping, or kicking (29.2%); leaving out (28.5%); threatening (27.4%); stealing belongings (27.3%); sexual comments or gestures (23.7%); e-mail or blogging (9.9%).

And Beatrice starts middle school this fall. Mercy me.

Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal behavior.

Bullying sucks. And it's a slippery slope to go from inclusive teasing for fun, to intentional teasing to taunt, and to bully for control and power and to intentionally hurt. This starts when we're young and extends into adulthood, the workplace, and all facets of life. Saying it's okay to say whatever you're thinking or feeling when you're thinking or feeling it, especially when it degrades someone else or a group of people you don't like or agree with, only empowers and emboldens bullying further. Adding that we need to just toughen up and deal with it when bullying happens doesn't help either.

Protecting ourselves by not letting those words or actions affect us (throwing them away and/or telling the perpetrators to stop and/or getting help) is a much more appropriate way to handle them. And no, toughing up to just deal with it and/or punching back are not the same things. Raising safe and kind kids is where it starts for zombies, werewolves and humans alike.

Some Place to Feel Safe

"Dorothy? Dorothy? Where are you? It's me, Auntie Em! We're trying to find you! Where are you?"

–Auntie Em, The Wizard of Oz

Year after year it scared me. Year after year it made me feel so completely alone and scared. I knew it wasn't real and I knew the story overall it had a happy ending, and yet, every time I watched it seemed to mirror what I was feeling at the time.

First, the tornado: even as I grew into my teenage years, The Wizard of Oz movie tornado was such an ominous presence of dark, destructive power. I never lived in an area with real tornados, so this was the closest thing I had ever seen, with the exception of a strong dust devil once in awhile. So the part where Dorothy tries desperately to open the storm cellar door and enable to do it with Toto held tightly under her arm always freaked me out. Then she tries to find shelter in the house, which we all know gets swept up into the tornado. It gave me such a feeling of helplessness, and black and white film beginning added to the grim reality that there was nowhere for Dorothy (and me) to go.

Second, the race against time when Dorothy is trapped by the witch: after the creepy flying monkeys capture her and take her to the Wicked Witch of the West's castle, Dorothy is so scared and alone and she imagines Auntie Em is calling to her from inside the witches crystal ball. But then the witch appears mocking Auntie Em and Dorothy, and the sands of time are running out in the hourglass...

When I watch it today, it still gives me chills. And I still cry at the end when she clicks her ruby slippers together and says, "There's no place like home..."

Because there really is no place like home. Decades later my wife and I are grateful every day that we have our own lovely little family. One where love, empathy, honesty, support, safety and stability are the pillars we surround ourselves with. At a time when cultural, political and hateful -ism twisters abound, and things we find repellant and absurd are flying around overhead and snatching away what were once grounded sensibilities and morals, we're thankful that our daughters are still young enough not to ask too many questions about current events.

Because soon they will, and then we'll have to start explaining things like why a conservative radio personality and long-time racist and misogynist received a Presidential Medal of Freedom, which is usually given to men and women who have made an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.

And what's even more conflicting for us is that there are millions who felt he was quite appropriate and deserving. By contrast, my wife was just watching the moment when Dr. Maya Angelou -- an American poet, singer, memoirist, and civil rights activist -- received the same Medal of Freedom in 2010. Maybe there were millions of people who felt that wasn't appropriate either. What a world we live in today.

Then a family member reminded me to focus on what matters the most -- family and friends and the good things that do happen in our lives and good deeds we do for others in our lives. And then Deepak Chopra reminded me in his latest podcasts how to be a karma yogi and only say something when it’s useful, kind or helpful. And then Matthew 5:43-48 reminded me that “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others?” 

Yet, like the old scene out of And Justice for All, when Al Pacino's character lights up the courtroom and rants "You're all out of order!" -- I feel like some are quite "all out of order," and it's scary and frustrating, like a tornado heading for me and my family and there's no where to go.

But there's always somewhere to go. Some way to feel good and to do good. Some place to feel safe.

Years ago I remember telling the girls about the movie version of The Wizard of Oz. They sat riveted while I told them about Dorothy, Toto, Scarecrow, Tin Man, Lion, the Wicked Witch and the flying monkeys. The flying monkeys and the Wicked Witch freaked them out a bit, and at the time, were not quite ready to watch the movie classic just yet, or read any of the fabulous L. Frank Baum Oz books from which it is based on. But hearing pieces of the story transformed them into their own animated storytelling mode, when they used to play with cut-out felt people, objects and shapes on a felt board to create their own Oz-like fables of brave princesses battling dragons then drinking refreshing rainbows.

"Why is Oz only two letters?" Bea asked way back then.

"Because it's that simple, Bea," I answered, not aware then of how wrong I was.

She smiled and then both Bea and Bryce continued their storytelling with the felt boards. I watched them both, Bryce gesturing even more so with her hand and arms while she spoke, while Bea laughed and played along, adding her own commentary.

Years later, Beatrice is again doing musical theater after school and this time they're doing The Wizard of Oz (Bryce is taking a break from this one). Bea wanted to be Glenda the Good Witch, or the Wicked Witch of the West, and instead she's going to be Auntie Em. And she's very happy with that part (plus, she gets another smaller part in the middle, too).

These days I feel like we're the ones trapped in the witch's castle, the adults in the room that feel helpless and scared, and in the crystal ball both Beatrice and Bryce are calling out "Mom? Dad? Where are you? It's us, your kids! We're trying to find you! Where are you? You're going to be okay; we're going to be okay."

There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. 

Someday soon we'll do our best to answer the questions we struggle to answer ourselves. Someday soon we'll know if we've empowered them to fend off and even take on the evil -isms that rip through communities far and wide, leaving nothing but angry heartache and hate in their wake. And no matter what, that they'll love their enemies and always be useful, helpful and kind. Because there's always somewhere to go. Some way to feel good and to do good. Some place to feel safe.

A New Dog's Life

"It seems to me

As we make our own few circles ’round the sun
We get it backwards
And our seven years go by like one..."

–Rush, Dog Years



We used to have to take him outside in a bag. It was cumbersome, but there was no other way to keep him out of view, especially from the apartment manager who lived on the property. Our dog put up with it, too, since each time it was his opportunity to run free and go to the bathroom in the Lighthouse Field next to our apartment building.

I don't think we fooled many of our neighbors, though. And even the manager found out eventually we had a dog. Of course, we didn't get rid of our little black and white Shih Tzu named Joshua. My ex-wife and I had found him abandoned nearly a decade previous, and my then soon-to-be wife Amy and me kept him.

Amy also had two cats from the same litter, Charlie and Chelsea, since they were kittens. Chelsea was a beautiful Calico and her brother Charlie was white with back patches. Together we made a little family, even if the cats did not like the dog at all (eventually they just put up with him). And it was all wonderful, even having to take our dog out in a bag to go outside for walks and to go to the bathroom.

Until it wasn't wonderful anymore. Pets like people get old, and Joshua was the first in our little family to get really old and unwell. For years he suffered seizures where he'd fall over on his side shrieking and pee. It was so hard to watch and we never found out what exactly what was wrong. He also became arthritic over the years and in his last few years he had trouble running and then even walking was difficult. We even got doggy acupuncture for him at one point, which seemed to help for a little while. We never knew exactly how old he was, but according to vets over the years, he was at least 16-18 years old at the end of his life.

And then shortly after Amy and I got married, we had to put him to sleep. That was followed by Charlie, who we found was diabetic and just got sicker and sicker in his old age, and then Chelsea, who actually lived to be 21 years old. Chelsea lived to see our new house, and our girls, Beatrice and Bryce. Bryce doesn't remember, because she was a newborn at the time, but Bea remembers. She used to pull Chelsea's tail and shriek "Kitty!". In the end, Chelsea couldn't clean herself very well and she began to track dirty litter everywhere, including our bed.

After 21 years of life, we had put Chelsea to sleep, and our little pet family came to an end. We loved them all, but swore there would be no pets again for years and years to come. Especially no cats or dogs.

Until the girls worked and worked on us in the years since, and we gave in. First, to a fish. And then to another fish. And then to two guinea pigs and a bunny (that we ran a science fair project with).

We still have the bunny, named Dragonlily. All the other kid pets are now gone. We still swear there will never be any cats in our family again. And we still wanted to swear there would be no dogs for years to come.

We did. Until we didn't, and then Amy had a great idea: if we all really wanted a dog (after all these years), then the girls would have to research dogs, how to adopt a dog and the process and costs (we'll only adopt a shelter dog in the end), the feeding and care costs, how to crate the dog at home, walking the dog every day, who could help take care of the dog when we traveled, and so much more. And who would pick up the dog poop -- everyone including the girls -- no matter how much Bryce has already protested.

Beatrice has done more of the research to date, but Bryce is helping as well. Amy has been searching them for shelter dogs online, and recently took the girls to see one the other day named CC. She was sweet, and she could've been a good dog to us, but that evening the shelter called to say she'd been adopted.

That's when my old dog Joshua's life flashed before my very eyes. From the first moment the shaggy little muppet dog ran excitedly up to me with a tiny pink tongue poking out, to the all the years in between running and playing and barking through Lighthouse Field, to all the snuggled up lap-time, to the thousands of trips in and out of our apartment in a bag, to witnessing all his painful seizures, to the end days when he slowed and seemed to be in constant pain, to when I held him close as the vet put him to sleep forever, tears pouring down my face.

It's been over 16 years since we've had a dog. And someday soon, a new dog's life will flash before our very eyes, and we'll do it all over again.