A Family Affair

When Reagan was elected in 1980, that's when I started pushing back on my parents' conservative political and societal ideologies. In fact, throughout high school in the early 1980's I always empathized with those undermined because of who they were and those who wanted equality and equity for all. Anyone whose civil rights were in jeopardy and who were subjected to the conservative politics of that engulfed the 1980's post President Carter. 

Looking back now, I'm still so very grateful that my parents let me push back and debate on their political and societal ideologies. I'm still so very grateful they pushed back and debated mine. They listened patiently as I argued why we needed to support marginalized people, from immigrants to LGBTQ to people of color to the homeless -- that they all had a right to exist. Sometimes I'd get so frustrated and angry when they'd give up and tell me they that "it's just the way things are". We sometimes agreed on things and sometimes agreed to disagree. And sometimes we'd just tell each other that the other was just plain wrong. But that was the extent of my protesting. 

Because I was also still a teenager who loved school, played sports, made messes, slept in until noon, liked girls, and just wanted to have fun, without degrading most others who weren't like me. Back then I never really cared about whether someone was gay or straight. We never really talked about it as a family, nor did I talk about it with my friends, at least until the AIDS epidemic began. Unfortunately, I was still guilty over the years of using "gay" and "faggot" as comedic but derogatory slurs and did so with my friends for many years after high school. It's something I finally stopped doing and encouraged my friends to do the same.

Once my wife Amy and I had children, we knew that we were all in for being empathic and caring parents who would love their children no matter who they were or what they'd become. So many of our generation, Gen X, were brought up to not challenge authority, especially after the societal counter-culture upheaval of the 1960's and early 1970's. It wasn't quite the old English proverb, dating from the 15th century, "Children should be seen and not heard," especially since many of our parents worked while we were in school and we had way too much time to kill without the adults around, so we weren't seen or heard a lot. But there were those of us who were encouraged not to speak out against things we were supposedly too young and immature to understand. 

And so many of us bit our tongues a lot over the decades and didn't speak out, even when the powers that be created policies that didn't serve our best interests and muted our rights. What I've realized is that many of my generation became supportive apologists for the conservative status quo that continued from the 1970's and 1980's, and into the 1990's and 2000's, even with two-term Democratic presidents being elected. And even if they never really agreed with policy decisions that disparately impacted already marginalized segments of the population that included them. 

Amy and I truly believed it was going to be different for our family. As our children grew older, we took them to peaceful protests and marches in support of women's rights and more. We discussed current events at home, and they would ask us questions. We encouraged them to find multiple verifiable sources for things they heard or read about. Although we're much more aligned ideologically than I was with my parents, they still push back on us, and us on them. 

But our teens are still teens doing the things teens do that can drive parents a little crazy -- sleeping in, making messes, the emotional roller coaster rides, and more. The difference for us is that we listen to them, and they listen to us (mostly), allowing for a reciprocal trusting and understanding dialogue about nearly anything they/we want to talk about. That's why when Bryce shared they wanted to organize a local march event to support the rights of LGBTQIA+ people that are in jeopardy (along with the rights of us all), we were more than proud and supportive. 

Bryce also wanted to do a school walkout, in which they get students to walk out of class and school, which we were not supportive of. For one, I'm on the local school board and I could not support that because our district supports the safety and well-being of all students with a strong policy against discrimination, harassment, and retaliation. 

The "We Will Not Be Erased" march that Bryce conceived and organized with help from Amy (Mom) and The Diversity Center, along with the support of many other organizations including the Santa Cruz County Office of Education and Santa Cruz City Schools, was an inspiring and peaceful event with student and adult speakers, chants, music, and hundreds in attendance with a whole lot of empathy, love, and support for not only LGBTQIA+ rights, but for the rights of us all. 

This was also a family affair, and to put a positive 21st century spin and the 15th century proverb I referenced earlier: "Children should be seen and heard and encouraged to take the chances and make the changes that we never made so that the world will be a better place for all people." 

Amen.

Choosing To Do Is How It's Done

"You may be right,
it's all a waste of time.
I guess that's just a chance I'm prepared to take,
a danger I'm prepared to to face,
cut to the chase –
what kind of difference can one person make?
Cut to the chase..."

–Rush, Cut to the Chase

As we drove by, the strikers were gathering again for another day of protest. Soon their numbers would be in the hundreds to over 1,000 people, the UCSC graduate students working as professors’ teaching assistants demanding a cost-of-living raise. They would also again block the intersection of the main campus entrance, one that we use everyday to take our girls to and from school.

"What are they doing?" Beatrice asked.

I was taking our oldest to school. Our youngest, Bryce, was home sick.

"They're protesting for more money, to be able to afford to live and work here. Sometimes we have to speak up for what we want, what we believe in, to take a stand on something, to make right something that's wrong, and that's what they're doing," I said.

"Oh," she said. "I hope Bryce feels better."

And there you have it. She's still a kid in the pre-tween shadows, Bryce even more so, neither truly comprehending the weight of the world's problems yet. As it should be, because they'll come soon enough.

They feel them, though. The strike has impacted the way we take them to and from school, sometimes having to circumvent side streets. They also live with two parents who have chosen to speak up and we've also taken them begrudgingly on the women's marches, science marches, Martin Luther King Jr. Day marches, Walk a Mile in Her Shoes Marches, and community awareness and prevention events I've helped organize called Transforming Together. We talked about racism and and sexism and harassment and bullying and how the skills taught in Kidpower can keep them safe.

We've given them our rational within simplified contexts as to why we've spoken up for what we want, what we believe in, why we've taken a stand on things, to make right things that are wrong. And someday they'll develop their own rationale to speak up and for what, or not. That will be a choice for them as they move from childhood to young adulthood and beyond.

We hope they choose to speak up and give voice to those who feel they have none, and to do things that others tell them couldn't be done. Maybe Beatrice will do it with writing, like her dad, and someday combine art and writing and create a series of graphic novels for kids and teens, helping them to understand their lives and the complex and sometime unforgiving world around them. Maybe Bryce will be the astronaut she now longs to be and the first person (not just a woman) to land on Mars someday, inspiring other girls and boys to reach for the stars.

We want them to get off the ground, activate, participate and make a positive stand happen, and to encourage others to do so. We want them to understand one person can make a difference in their own life and the lives of others. And while not doing anything is always a choice, choosing to do is how it's done.