From The Loss And The Pride

She wanted to speak, then she didn't want to, and then she did. We're so glad she did because we've never been more proud, even after the wind blew her speech from the podium to the ground. "Oh God" she said with laughter in her voice. A little well-timed (or accidental) levity always goes a long with an audience. 

I saw it all proudly and I wasn't even there. Months earlier I had scheduled a workshop event in Chicago on the same date as Bryce's 5th grade graduation, which almost didn't happen for her because of COVID-19, and it was too late to change it.

If there's one thing that coronavirus changed for the good, it's the fact that we've been virtualizing and streaming important events like graduations for family members and friends who couldn't make it otherwise. The timing for Bryce's graduation was perfect during my work event because there came a point where we broke attendees up into smaller groups with different moderators and I could take a break from moderating the entire thing. 

I had the Zoom link ready to go that Bryce's teacher had sent out. I logged on and had my AirPods in and watched most of the graduation while occasionally checking in on my workshop attendees. At one point I told them all what I was doing (so they didn't think I was simply checked out from them), and how proud I was of my daughter, and a sea of smiles washed back to me. 

Bryce was one of three students from her 5th grade class who volunteered to speak. Listening to her speech inspired me to continue to let go of the ongoing stress and worry about life. She shared how disappointing it was to get covid and miss some of the fun end-of-year events, but that no matter what, she was grateful to be back in the end for graduation to be with all her friends and her teachers. For 10 years both girls went to this elementary school, and Bryce celebrated those years in her speech, just like Beatrice does looking back fondly today. 

We're so grateful to be raising such empathic and resilient humans who are both growing up to be such inspiring leaders. Beatrice with her leadership camp this summer and Bryce with her volunteering to speak to her entire 5th grade class for graduation. I asked my wife Amy later if Bryce wrote her speech all herself, and sure enough she did. 

But throughout my workshop and watching Bryce's 5th grade graduation virtually, the tragic elementary school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, weighed heavily on my heart. Those children who were killed just the day before were looking forward to summer vacations and what life had in store beyond, just like my daughter and all her friends did. Again I told my workshop attendees about how proud I was of my daughter speaking, and at the very end asked them to take a moment of silence and think about how we can work together to prevent these tragedies. And then I cried. 

Uvalde, Buffalo, and the list goes on and on and on. 213 mass shootings so far in 2022. We have to speak up, be advocate leaders on violence prevention, and be part of the solution. I know our girls will be. And that's why I cried, from the loss and the pride. 

The All of Them

“We love the all the all of you
Where lands are green and skies are blue
When all in all we're just like you
We love the all of you…”

—Spacehog, In the Meantime

Then comes the part where there’s two related points in time, that when connected, intertwine and light up throughout the vast skies and seas of proud hearts.

The first came in a most innocuous way; watching our girls play at a friend’s birthday party on the beach. An impromptu game of beach ball soccer kicked off and the happy squeals and shrieks echoed around us. Some of the parents joined in, and I usually would have, but instead I just stood there and witnessed the joy of play. The running around, kicking at the ball and the sand, the falling down, the rolling around in the sand, the laughter, and blue sky, sun and sea.

And then there was Bryce – nimble as a ghost gliding over the sand, bobbing and weaving in and out of all the other kids and adults, stealing the beach ball and maneuvering it with a confident natural agility, losing it and then stealing it back again. Even showing up one of the better boys playing with them all. That was followed by the falling down and the laughter and the rolling around in the sand, and then a few more bursts of soccer showmanship, which is a sport she has not played to date. In fact, unlike her big sister, she hasn’t played any organized sports to date.

Later that day, “Bryce, I’m going to sign you and Bea up for soccer still. You still want to play this fall, right?”

“Yes!”

“Right on. I’m going to coach Bea’s team again and Mommy will help with your team.”

“Okay. I love soccer!”

“Five-it,” I said as I held up my hand for a high-five. That’s my own way of celebrating the fiver with my girls.

* slap *

A few days later the Mama (what I lovingly call my wife) had a Kidpower workshop to deliver, and so I was on to take the girls to school. It was a usual school day – getting the kids fed, dressed, teeth and hair brushed, and out the door on time, which we usually don’t have a problem with, even with the Daddy in charge. The Mama had already fixed and packed their lunches and prepped their backpacks, so I was covered there.

It was a usual day with one big exception – Beatrice had a highly anticipated, special appointment with the principal.

Throughout the year, all the kids at their school – kindergarten through 5th grade – have the opportunity every week to collect what’s known as Cool Cats (the school mascot is the Wildcats). These are tickets awarded to individuals based on displaying positive behavior with schoolmates, teachers and others as well as doing good deeds and classroom accomplishments of varying sorts. The children collect their Cool Cats and can then cash them in for cool stuff at the Cool Cat store in the office, or for individual and/or group activities.

Both girls had cashed in previously for cool stuff, but then Bea wanted to save up for one thing and one thing only – and that was reading the morning announcements to the entire school with the principal. Every morning the principal reads school announcements for all the students and teachers and students can sign up to read a few of them to the entire school.

She signed up weeks in advance to reserve her spot on the calendar. I attended the special reading in the principal’s office with her to witness the whole thing. Bryce is usually the bolder one in situations such as this, but they've both been making things their own of late; Bea stepped up and put her own stake in the “I own this” ground.

When she finished, she couldn’t contain the smile on her face. The principal thanked her and shook her hand and then mine.

“Five-it,” I said to her.

And high-five we did.

* slap *

“That was awesome, Bea.”

“I know,” she said.

Of course you do. It’s so inspiring to watch our children grow up and mature with a confidence I never had at their age. Early on we worried about Beatrice more than Bryce, and yet they both have proven fears are unfounded again and again. Yes, there will be challenges and setbacks for them both in life, some of their own making, and hopefully they learn from them and build on them for a better next time. And we will do our best to teach them and guide them and support them in all their next times.

Because then comes the part where we love the all of them, always, and there’s nothing greater than the sum of all their points in time.