The Rainbow Parade

"You guys look like corporate Pride," our youngest Bryce said with a half-smile.

We all laughed. My wife Amy and I proudly wore our rainbow colors as straight allies.

"Corporate Pride?" I said with my own half-smile. And then I thought, That's quite the oxymoron today since DEI and inclusivity have been on the corporate rocks. Thankfully that's not true for all companies -- thank you Disney and many others. 

Still, it was funny coming from Bryce, who is proudly queer, has a quick sardonic wit, and loves to tease their parents (both our kids do). We were all at our local Pride parade in downtown Santa Cruz with thousands of others from our community. It was a wonderful celebration of joy and love. The first same-sex couple to be officially married in Santa Cruz County in June 2008 were the grand marshals, alongside California Assemblymember Gail Pellerin, who officiated their wedding.

Pride celebrations are annual global events honoring the culture, history, and resilience of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQIA+) community. It's primarily celebrated in June to commemorate the 1969 Stonewall Riots in New York City. During a routine police raid at the Stonewall Inn, patrons and local residents fought back against harassment, sparking days of protests that galvanized the modern gay liberation movement. Thank goodness you can still find this information on the Library of Congress website. 

When our kids were younger, we called it "The Rainbow Parade". Not because we didn't want to talk about the LGBTQIA+ community, but because it was such a sweet way to explain why "love is love" no matter who you are or how you identify, and why tolerance, acceptance, and inclusivity make for healthy and vibrant communities. 

Love is love. When Bryce told us they identify as they/them and were queer, we were grateful they felt safe enough to tell us. There was no shame or judgement; we've always wanted our children to be who they are. The same teen coming-of-age parenting happens whether straight or gay, and we engage in both with our kids. Bryce and I were on a local radio show back in January talking about these very things, from their perspective as a young person and from my perspective as their parent. 

"Beatrice, please take a picture of me and Mom," I said to our oldest. 

Beatrice took our picture and then both kids took off with their friends. Amy and I watched the parade and cheered for every organization that passed. Thousands of smiles surrounded us as "The Rainbow Parade" filled us with hope and love for this country and the world. 

Love is love. Straight Corporate Pride allies and all. 

The Why's of Differences and Tolerance

A little teasing I get, and I got my share growing up all the way into elder adulthood where I'm at today. I doled out a little myself. Sometimes the teasing was palatable and I'd laugh along, and sometimes it wasn't even close.

Through it all, I survived, and those I teased survived. Never in a million years did I bully verbally or physically to the point of wanting to hurt someone purposely and spitefully because of (fill in the blank). Pushed the teasing on occasion, yes. Bullying, no.

I'll admit that my instigated teasing over the years included pathetic "judgey" reasons I'd rather not relive, and the older you get, the most judgey it can become. However, when you're in the toddler years, differences aren't necessarily poked and prodded from spite, just poked and prodded because of the differences.

For example, Beatrice struggles with loud noises and still struggles with the inability to filter and process quickly. It can overwhelm her sometimes and that's when she plugs her ears and wants to bolt. Recently at school there have been a couple of times when loud noises have bothered Bea and she plugs her ears, and then a Pre-K classmate tries to pull her fingers out and tell her that nothing's wrong.

Because of the difference and the newness, they don't understand why she does it. The reaction is more about fear of the difference than the reason why. Kids want their normal and try to normalize their world accordingly. (Adults do this too of course, but we're just so much more messy and violent about it.)

Contrast that with the recent bullying incident of a 9-year-old North Carolina boy who was physically and verbally attacked by classmates after he brought a “My Little Pony” lunch bag to school. I'm still trying to digest this one, especially the way the school reacted to the little boy by banning him from bringing the lunch bag back to school. Although it does matter to me what they did or didn't do to those who were accused of bullying him, the school's response to the victim via what was published in the media was irresponsible and cowardly.

The boy's mother sums it up nicely for me (and thousands of others I'm sure):

“Saying a lunchbox is a trigger for bullying is like saying a short skirt is a trigger for rape. It’s flawed logic; it doesn’t make any sense.” 

Amen. And don't give me any bullshit about gender-appropriateness. I've had about enough of that. Good God it was just a "My Little Pony" lunch bag, something that represents friendship and sharing. 

Because we have two daughters though, the above flawed logic still isn't lost on me or the Mama. If this logic were eventually applied to Beatrice for example, with an extreme example being they'd remove her from the classroom and her classmates each time she plugged her ears under duress, you can be damn sure we're going to cause a reasonably responsible ruckus, but a ruckus nonetheless. Especially if she's bullied because of it. The same with Bryce and her glasses.

Again, I understand there's a difference between teasing and bullying, but when it's blatant bullying just "because," then it must be dealt with directly with all parties coming to a baseline understanding of the why's of differences and tolerance, not the "why nots?" of bullying and hate.

It's irresponsible and cowardice otherwise. No exceptions, Kids. None.

"It does not make any sense."

Rock on my little Beatrice. Rock on.