Showing posts with label birth planning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth planning. Show all posts

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Daddy K and Mama A are overdue and know it; we’re all good

It's mostly my fault, feeding the Baby B hype and due date and the 0-60 mama and daddy transformation. The fact of the matter is: most babies don't come on their due date. For those of you who have experienced this (in our mother's generation it was not uncommon to deliver at 42 or even 43 weeks), you understand frustration and disappointment and the emotional toll it takes.


Family and friends have the best intentions and share their concern, but that can also add to the level of frustration – especially when there's nothing wrong with us or the baby at this point. It's just late.


In fact, of the 95 percent who don't arrive on time, 7 out of 10 are overdue. And the baby isn't considered overdue until two weeks – not one day or week – two weeks. And only then do you consider options for inducing if there are medical issues, because there is evidence that some babies are at risk after this stage due to a gradual decrease in the supply of nutrients from the placenta.


We have a plan B if we get to that point. We've had a plan B since the beginning (wink). We, including our midwife, didn't just fall off the turnip truck (well, maybe I did, but that's not the point).


Here are some great tips for overdue parents from the Mayo Clinic:


Hang in there. You're in the homestretch! Whether your health care provider suggests a wait-and-see approach or schedules an induction, do your best to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

  1. Accept your emotions. It's OK to feel frustrated or disappointed. You probably didn't bargain for more than 40 weeks of pregnancy.

  2. Take advantage of the extra time. Sleep in while you can. Put the finishing touches on the nursery. Stock your freezer with extra meals. Address birth announcements and thank you cards.

  3. Make plans (we are). Your health care provider may want you to stay close to home, but that's no reason to miss a new movie, go out to dinner or take a walk in the park. Don't be afraid to make plans just because you may need to cancel at the last minute.

  4. Put your answering machine or voice mail to work (which we've done!). To keep well-meaning friends and loved ones up-to-date, consider recording a greeting with the latest on the pregnancy front. "We're patiently waiting for the big day!" may be enough to handle the inquiries that are sure to test your patience.

  5. Treat home remedies with a dose of caution. A simple Internet search will yield countless results for "natural" ways to trigger labor, such as eating spicy food or having sex. Some tactics are relaxing, others silly — and a few may do more harm than good. Get your health care provider's OK before trying any home remedies, herbal supplements or alternative treatments (we've gotten our witchdoctor's approval – we're good).

  6. Stay in touch with your health care provider (we are). You'll need frequent checkups until your baby is born. If you think you're in labor, call your health care provider right away.

Soon you'll hold your baby in your arms — and the long wait will no longer matter.


We're all good for now folks. That's why I did away with the Baby B ticker; it was overdue (wink).


No baby yet. Keep out.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Mama A and Daddy K plan a ba-cation on limited leave


Months ago I began to worry about our maternity leave and what we were going to do after Baby B was born. Mama A wasn't too worried and thought we'd have at least four months. I wanted six. It wasn't until we investigated further that we realized you have to have a masters degree in calculus to figure out accumulated vacation time combined short-term disability combined with health care benefit payments not covered beyond month three combined with not having job security beyond month four.


We're fortunate to have full benefits when many folks are losing them, but the restrictions about maternity leave and benefits are mind-bending. We're also a couple who needs a dual income in order to raise a child, and when it came to decide how long Amy would work until maternity leave, the above stipulations pretty much sealed the deal for us. Work until the end of August and then start leave to maximize the time off with baby. I plan on being at home the first two weeks for a ba-cation and then working 50/50 between the main office and home. (Hopefully Baby B ain't comin' early.)


According to an article I read in The Christian Science Monitor online titled Maternity leave: Expectant moms wait 'til the last minute:


In France, expectant mothers receive six weeks of maternity leave before the birth and 10 weeks after. They are required to take at least two weeks before and six after. In Finland, women receive 17.5 weeks of maternity leave. They can begin as early as eight weeks before their due date or as late as two weeks before the expected date. Other European countries offer similar policies.


And the guys at DadLabs went to Sweden to check out what's available to dads for paternity leave. Would you take 80% of your salary for 60 days of paternity leave?


Hell yes.


In the U.S. – The federal Family and Medical Leave Act allows for 12 weeks of unpaid leave during pregnancy or after the birth of a child. This applies to expectant fathers as well as mothers. The law, however, excludes companies with fewer than 50 employees.


And isn't helpful when families can't afford to lose income for any extended period of time in the first place.


The CS Monitor article also states:


Call it the American way of maternity. Eighty percent of pregnant women who work remained on the job until one month or less before their child's birth, according to newly released Census data for 2003. In 1965 that figure was 35 percent.


Most women work until close to their due date for two reasons: They need the income and they want to use their maternity leave after the baby arrives.


That's the reality and we'll be fine, but man, paying higher taxes to subsidize more leave and child care for both parents? Call me crazy but I'm on board for that.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

When China sang to Daddy K, Mama A and Baby B

We're still catching up with the 2008 Beijing Olympic opening ceremony, and watching some of the events when we can, but what we've seen so far is spectacular and beyond words. Watching the 2008 drummers play the lighted faux drums was enough to make this aspiring drummer's hands go numb.

The Olympic creed "it's not the triumph, it's the struggle" falls right in line with Neil's "the point of a journey is not to arrive" – and makes perfect sense to be mindful and present in each and every moment.


That's what labor's going to be like for Amy; everything we've learned and prepared for to date will be hogwash when it comes to pushing Baby B out the mama door. The guests we had over at our birth planning meeting validated that statement. It'll be the most natural, physical and spiritually primal act we'll ever experience. No attaching ropes to my man parts, though. That experience isn't necessary.


Anyway, with the spotlight on China for the next couple of weeks, I reminisced about our trip back in late February – Baby B's first International trip! I've included some highlights of my travel ramblings below.


Enjoy!


***

"I stood at the top of the mountain

And China sang to me.

In the peaceful haze of harvest time

A song of eternity --

I heard the hope and the hunger

When China sang to me."


--Neil Peart

***

The flight took off on time and after 13 hours (actually 29 if you count the time difference) of reading, napping, eating airplane food, watching movies and shows on our iPod and iPhone, doing crosswords, getting up and down, going to the bathroom, helping one of our fellow tour travelers get her Nintendo DS up and running to play "brain teasers" (or something like that), listening to two other tour ladies discuss the year of the rat (and the dragon and the snake and the dog...) because they just watched "Rattatoille" on the plane (spelling?) and what wonderful pets they make (the domesticated ones), and the one tour woman who needed to speak in fluctuating decibels to a Chinese native (man) about Manhattan and whether or not chop suey would be readily available in Beijing, and the mother with her cute little boy who sat in our seats on top of our headphones because they were trapped by the duty free cart while we stood in line for the bathroom (they thankfully did not break them), and half-watching without sound some stylistic Chinese cop show where the characters dress cool and it looks like there's lots of action but nothing really is happening (like "Waiting For Godot" but with Budha instead - but not waiting for - now I'm confused), and after gazing out over the snow-covered wonderland of Alaska and string of Aleution pearls and the badlands of Northeastern China, and finally participating in a little plane yoga following along with the young Chinese woman on the TV screen--


We landed in Beijing. Safely.


***

On our way to lunch, we noticed a lot of "urban renewal" going on outside of Beijing. One of tour folks commented Santa Cruz should be doing that with the beach boardwalk. Those of familiar will understand. We also passed a new amusement park being built called Wonderland. I said it looked like Disneyland (there is one in Hong Kong). Our tour guide Angela said no, Wonderland. Go figure.


While we were driving in and around Bejing, Angela gave us a lot of imformaton about Beijing and China (sometimes too much, especially when we were all very tired). She talked about how dragons, magpies ( which were eveywhere), peaches and dozens of other things all meant longevity in Chinese culture! She also talked about how the Chinese government has opened their arms to business, foreign investment and trade, and private ownership of almost anything except property (the buildings can be owned but not the land). She said the Communist Party was no longer communist, and although she didn't use the word democratic she did say capitalistic with certain personal freedoms. I joked with her about putting that in writing and she said no, but they do talk among friends.


***

The highlight of the had to be the Great Wall. Stunning in the mountains and over 3,000 years in the making. The section we were at included a vertical climb up 1,000 uneven steps to a spectacular view (the weather is sunny and warm like Santa Cruz now). And we did it! Baby B's first International hike!

***

Our visit to Tian'a Men Square was quite pleasant and non-eventful by comparison. It was a sunny yet smoggy day (pollution is very bad in Beijing), but thankfully breezy too. The weather has been warmer than we anticipated, almost equivalent to Santa Cruz this time of year. Lots of people walking around the square. In fact, imagine lots of people and then multiply that by 10. It was pretty amazing to be walking around Tian'an Men after only seeing the images and footage in the media for so many years (and the fact that China has only been open to the west again in our lifetime.

***

The color red is everywhere, but not because of communism. No, the color red is good luck and is supposed to bring prosperity. A civilization over 40 centuries old, China is a mystical place with a rich cultural history and sense of pride. They are also a very warm people; even the aggressive street vendors and store vendors are polite about their pitches. They love to barter, and the more you get into it the more fun it is. They'll hand you a calculator (store folk, not street) and say, "Best price." (pronounced plice, seriously) They want you to type in your price.

***

I have to tell you, driving is nuts over here (wait until I recount our little side trip from yesterday). The thousand-year-old roads were made for walking and bicycles, not cars. And even though there are about 1,000 new drivers a day on the roads, there are also still almost 1.3 billion folks walking and riding bicycles. On the streets. On the expressways. On the highways.


Everywhere.


But there's an orchestrated fluidity and symbiosis to the thousands of perpetually honking cars, motorcycles, mopeds, bicycles and pedestrians (yes, the people honk too). It's like every object moving on the street knows where it should be each and every moment. Except us. Oh, there are plenty of accidents, but it's mesmerizing to watch the traffic flow.

***

By the way, there are over 40 million black market decoded iPhones in China, and I'm the only one who can't get the wireless Internet to work (Apple and China Mobile haven't struck a deal yet, but based on this, it doesn't matter.)

***

The sun was going down fast and I wanted to see the leaning pagoda. We walked and walked but couldn't find it. The bike rickshaw drivers swarmed like bees and there were people everywhere - a Friday night in the city.



Then we tried to hail a cab, which was an exercise in futility. No empty cab would stop for us and most had fares. Daylight waned and I was worried, not so much because it was dangerous where we were. It wasn't. But we certainly didn't want to be stranded at night a long way from where we were supposes to meet the group for dinner. We might as well have been on Mars; we were Heinlein's strangers in a strange land. I don't even think we could've navigated the buses. A nice young man tried to help us but he spoke about as much English as I spoke Chinese.



Then a cab pulled up in front of the restaurant behind us but the driver waved us off as he was going in to eat.



I kept trying to hail on the main street and Amy on the side street. Rickshaw drivers bugged us, street vendors tried to sell, and the locals stared at the lost Americans. Dusk was upon us and all the while Amy was also keeping an eye on the cabbie in the restaurant. He finished, came outside and stood on the corner not far from us, smiling. I wasn't sure it was him but Amy was. She stood right next to his cab and when he came over he finally asked where we were going. We showed him the name of the restaurant written in Chinese by our tour guide Frank.



The cabbie smiled again and waved us into his cab. Thank you.

***

Beautiful and sometimes bizarre, Chinese contemporary architecture is a fusion of tradition, pragmatism and retro-western flair. Even the interiors can be strange -- space-age-Ikea-sparseness like the Ramada we're at now in Hangzhou, a medium-sized city of about 6.5 million. The first thing that came to mind was "2001: A Space Odyssey" -- clean but stark white walls, squat red and orange vinyl chairs, and round white cocktail tables all in the lobby. The rooms are like that too. (Was Ikea around and did Stanley Kubrick shop there?)



"What are you doing, Dave? And why do you and all your friends look alike?"

***

After lunch, instead of following the primary itinerary of going with the rest of group (we are one of four groups) to a place called Tiger Hill, we decided to break out on our own for the afternoon and go to the Humble Administrator Garden. We took a cab to the north end of old town, and mercy was that crazy like Mr. Toad's wild ride. Not only is there a completely indecipherable language of honking, if someone is going too slow (and to a cabbie, everyone is going too slow) you pass them - with other trucks, buses, bikes and pedestrians coming right at you.



Thrilling to say the least. We also thought that the driver had gone too far, but once we got there he had three local passerbys confirm we were in the right place (and we had another American confirm).



The gardens were lovely and you could see spring just starting to emerge from its winter cocoon. The peonies and other flowers weren't blooming yet, but the verdant trees, bamboo and other shrubberies were thriving in the hazy spring sun. Lots of granite-colored volcanic-looking rocks were everywhere. Chinese gardens are extremely important symbolically and are intricately designed and planned -- the rocks symbolize mountains where there are no mountains. Lots of relaxing ponds, little bridges and ornate structures where high-ranking officials used to live.

***

Billions are being poured into China's infrastructure - power plants, roads, buildings - construction is going everywhere we went. The hi-tech electronic and component industries are booming. Foreign investment is huge. The middle-class is growing and spending and consuming (and there's still a one child per family law). According to what we're being told the crime rate is very low (many policemen don't carry guns) and lifespans are increasing because of improved health care (although it seems to be manditory for all men to smoke, like it's the 1950's in the U.S. And although there is no true democracy like we experience, it certainly ain't communism. The almost free market is thriving and only time will tell if it can be sustained.



However, we're not seeing the poorer farming communities (still the majority of China), where the horrid industrial machine's wake the world hasn't seem the likes of since the last industrial revolution occurs (India's part of this package too in there own right). We are seeing the smog though, and it makes places like Los Angeles pale by comparison. Our noses are dried out industrial wastelands.

***

Our trek continued in Hangzhou by traveling to the nearby mountains and a beautiful lake called West Lake (it's actually a large natural lagoon only six feet deep). It was a glorious day. Sunny and warm and the air quality was much better in the mountains.


We took cruise on an electric boat (no motorboats allowed and no fishing or swimming. Around us willows and sycamores stood proud in blankets of monkey grass while ancient pagodas rose high above the trees like graceful gods. We learned why the Long Bridge wasn't long and why the Broken Bridge wasn't broken and other tales of old. Chinese literature and storytelling go way back and are rich in myth and lore like the Native Americans and other ancient cultures around the world. We also saw the three large stone lanterns in the middle of the lake that are lit up with candles during the full moon festival in October.


***

Then we were off to the Lingyin Buddhist Temple. On the into the temple grounds we passed a handful of horridly deformed beggars. We were shocked because we hadn't seen folks like this on our trip up to that point. Our tour guide Frank told us that there really weren't homeless in China. Everyone was taken care of by their families and there were many government programs too. These "beggars" could take home more money than police officers.


The cliff Buddha carvings were amazing and over 1,000 years old. The temples themselves were very well kept and ornate and extended all the way up the mountain. Throngs of worshippers lit pungent incense sticks in flaming cauldrons and bowed repeatedly in silent prayer to multiple iterations of Buddha. The 64-foot wood carved Buddha glistened with color and reverence.


***

The next day was our final day and we were going to make the most of it! First stop was the Bund - the waterfront park along the Hangpu River. The view of the city on both sides of the river was spectacular even with the smog. We walked along the waterfront attacked on all sides by vendors, but it was a pleasant walk nonetheless. Amy bought a small panda kite (a series of cheap kites strung together) and wanted to fly it. As soon as we took it out of its bag, it immediately became an entangled mess. While I flew the three kites that weren't tangled up, Amy worked at untangling them. Within minutes a sweet teenage girl came over to help Amy. Then an old, practically toothless beggar women came over to help unsolicited, the same one who we did not give any money to just a few minutes before that. We didn't get the kite fixed, but we were thankful of their help and gave the old woman some help in return!

***

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Mama A and Daddy K host a birth planning meeting

Last Wednesday night was our birth planning meeting where we discussed what we wanted the day our birth, what may or may not happen, and what to do in preparation for the day (which according to my Baby B blog ticker is only 34 days away). Our midwife Kathe, our good friend Annee (who's our doula), and another couple came to our house for the meeting.

Kathe brought books and photos and a slide set and a video – all to show us visually what happens at a home birth. Our guest couple shared their birth story with us, which was heartwarming and funny. (We're reading one of Ina May's natural childbirth / birth story books as well that Kathe recommended to us.)


I teased Kathe about the age of some of her visual aids, birthing women and their partners from the 1970s. Imagine that. No wait. Don't.


Lots and lots of crowning pictures and straining women and sideburns and polyester and –


Ack. Ouch. Ugh. Sigh.


Kathe left us some material to read that included these precious words of wisdom for dads:


During transition it's important that the father, as well as other birth attendants, be supportive of the mother. The Huichol Indians of Mexico had a tradition in which the father squatted in the rafters above the mother with ropes attached to his scrotum. When the mother had contractions, she pulled on the ropes so that the father shared the overwhelming sensations she was experiencing.


Are you kidding me? Whatever happened to the stork delivery? Can we still sign up for that? Is there a watermelon patch nearby?


Where's the daddy epidural?