Schadenfreude Be Damned

I'm so done with schadenfreude, when people experience pleasure from other people's misfortune. I really am. Too many people spend too much time grounded in outrage, scarcity, and judgment, all of which allow unhappiness, loneliness, and hate to thrive. I know, I've had my share. That includes disparaging those with more money, popular entertainers, business and government leaders, those who have done us wrong in some way, and others of similar ilk. It's usually about people with power, in power, or holding power over us somehow.

And when we act that way, our children see it. Feel it. Model it. Our kids have called us out more than once about judging others while celebrating their misfortune. As parents, spouses, and friends, Amy and I have worked on this for many years; it's always a work in progress. It's also a time suck and a soul suck to live in negativity. Thankfully we've come to realize how much more energy it takes to judge and celebrate misfortune than to accept, empathize, and love -- and to let go of that which does not serve us. 

Back to the kids, though. Our children model who we are and what we do and say. And yes, there are life lessons, beliefs, morals, and more that we want our children to absorb and apply to their own lives that are never without their own bias. This becomes more evident when they are teenagers, which ours are now. We've loved watching them grow up and helping them grapple with this thing we call life. We're grateful that they reject our schadenfreude but remind them to do the same with their own. 

This doesn't mean we don't stand up, speak out, and push back on injustice and/or people we feel jeopardize our family's wellbeing and safety. Because we do. But we don't long for and celebrate the demise of those things and people we push back on. We want positive change, yes, but not to destroy that which we want to change for our betterment and the betterment of others. Just positive change, and again, through eyes of acceptance, empathy, gratitude, and love.

And it all starts at home. Recently, our family all had things about each other that bothered each other -- Bryce and Beatrice making each other feel bad about things they shouldn't have, Mom getting really mad about something she shouldn't have (and usually doesn't), and grumpy Dad getting super fussy about things he shouldn't have (and usually does). So, we spent time at dinner talking about these things, each of us sharing how we feel without judgment, really listening and hearing each other. That's no easy trick for any family with teens, including a family like ours that does work on our communication skills. 

That's why we practice communication and gratitude in our house. There's always something to be grateful for. Each other, for example. Even when we don't get along. Especially when we don't get along, because it reminds us of why acceptance, empathy, forgiveness, gratitude, and love are so important. This also applies to everything and everyone else in our lives, which is always the tricky part. Letting judgment go is grand. Schadenfreude be damned. Winston agrees (this time at least).

Finding Magic In Every Moment

We'd been on the same rides dozens of times over the years. This one included: The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland, which is converted to the movie theme The Nightmare Before Christmas during the holidays from Thanksgiving through the first week in January. That's when we were there this time after the New Year. 

During the ride, you're taken up above a long dining area with ghosts and goblins dancing and flying around. As I took it all in, I looked at the place settings on the dining room table and thought, That's odd, why does that place setting look so different than the others?

I stared at it for the seconds we had in that part of the ride. What was different?

Then it hit me: That's a hidden Mickey. The place setting configure as the iconic Mickey Mouse face and ears.

Supposedly over 1,000 hidden Mickeys have been recorded throughout the Disney theme parks, properties, media, etc. We've been coming to Disneyland with our daughters nearly every year since 2014. The exceptions were 2019 when we took them to Disney World for the first time, and then of course 2020 during the first year of the pandemic when Disney (and everything was closed). Years before the girls we spent part of our honeymoon in Disneyland. We're grateful for every visit we've had at the Magic Kingdom. Yes, we love going, even with the crush of rude people, long lines, occasional broken-down rides, and overpriced food and drinks.

But we've never seen a hidden Mickey until now, and we actually found three. 

We've heard about the hidden Mickeys over the years, but never found any until now. We never really looked for any either. We just enjoyed our visits as much as possible until we were done. However, every visit prior to this time wasn't without its adult and child angst, frustration, stress, and grumpy bouts with each other. Normal human stuff that happens no matter how well you think you plan and mitigate with your kids. 

This time was different in Disney, though. Yes, our girls are older now, teens, and while you'd think that would've added to the angst, frustration, stress, and the grumps, it really didn't. In fact, it was the most mellow and enjoyable few days in the Magic Kingdom ever. The girls were ready to spend more time on their own for the first time in Disneyland including going back and forth to the hotel on their own when they wanted to take a break. 

Even with the torrential storms happening throughout California and our daily worries about our community, neighborhood, our home, and our dog Jenny back in Santa Cruz (and checking in on all of it each day), we enjoyed our mostly sunny Southern California Disney in between the storms. This trip had been planned over 10 months ago and no one could've predicted getting 700% of average annual rainfall in just a few weeks. I also don't think I'd ever seen a headline before that said, "90% of California Under Severe Weather Watch."

With all that -- going to Disney, finding hidden Mickeys, and traversing the storms -- my wife Amy and I always plan for safety everywhere we go (at least for what we have control over). We've also been working hard at letting go of "things" that we have no control over, and things that no longer serve us, whatever those are, and being open to anything and everything all at once. Our daily meditations have helped us understand that the more you let go, the more new possibilities and ideas can occur; you see connections and opportunities you never saw before. Emotional, psychological, and spiritual connections and opportunities. More than that, the ability to accept whatever happens and whatever we manifest while enjoying the moments we have with one another. 

Ah, there he goes waxing philosophical again. What the heck does any of that have to do with going to Disney, hidden Mickeys, and storms? Our teens might think we're nuts sometimes, but hidden Mickeys became the metaphor for letting go and finding magic in every moment, and after all these years, we found them.