Be Here Now

As we walked to our local farmers’ market, I told my father-in-law about how I think I hurt my right leg recently. “Well, as the expression goes,” I said, “I’m no spring chicken anymore.”

“No, we’re not,” he said.

“It’s the same when Amy pulled her hamstring,” I said. “We just can’t do the same things we used to do. Moving furniture, running, the list goes on.”

He nodded and added, “But I still want to do the things I can do and be here now.”

“Amen,” I said.

Be here now. That rang the old gong in my aged head for the rest of the day. He’s had his own health issues including partial knee replacements. But I still want to do the things I can, he had said. That also rang the gong for some time afterward.

I definitely still want to do the things that I can, but he reality of age and body parts deteriorating is here. Has already been here for years. In August 2014, I had knee surgery due to a torn meniscus and disintegrated cartilage in my right knee. Ugh. This after actually hitting a personal best of a 8.5-minute mile at age 48. Not bad for a big old ex-smoker with two young children. 

Ah, yes. Two young children. The two children we didn't want to have until we did that we're so grateful for. I was 42 when we had our oldest Beatrice. 44 when we had Bryce. My wife Amy is six years younger than me, so she was still in her 30's when she had our daughters. I read that the average age of first-time mothers in America today is now up from 21 to 26, while for fathers, it's increased from 27 to 31, so we both skewed that average. But there are a growing number of people waiting longer to have kids for whatever reason (finances, jobs, changing minds like us, etc.). 

Knowing that I'd be a much older father of two children didn't really bother me until now. Only because of what I outlined above -- my body can't do what it used to do. Even after coaching both girls in soccer for six years that included me running around with the the teams, changing directions quickly, and kicking the soccer balls back and forth. I felt good. I could do it then. Not so much now. 

We have family and friends dealing with debilitating illnesses, paralysis, and more, and so Amy and I are very grateful that we're relatively healthy and are able to keep ourselves in good shape with regular exercise. However, we are more easily injured these days and it takes a lot longer to recuperate. It doesn't change the fact that we live our lives fully, but it does mean we have to be more realistic with what we choose to do and how we do it. 

Which is why we want to remain relatively healthy (as much as we can control) and keep ourselves in good shape for us and our children, now 12 and almost 14 years old. Not just physically healthy, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Those latter two things can break as well and I'll be way north of 60 when they're in their 20's. Which is why we exercise them all regularly. Why we're always pushing ourselves to learn and grow. Why I started drumming at age 56. Why Amy is an avid puzzle person. Why we meditate every day. 

I heard a great quote from Florida Scott-Maxwell, a playwright, author, and psychologist who said:

"You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality."

It took some time for me, but that's how Amy and I live our lives; we embrace all the things that we've been and done; all the ups and downs and aches and strains and pleasures and pains; we are fierce with reality. Our daughters have benefited from that, will benefit from that, and we hope will live their lives that way in their 20's and beyond, especially after we're both long gone. 

Again, my father-in-law's words keep banging the gong in my head: I still want to do the things I can do and be here now.

Be here now, fierce with reality. Always.