It was third grade. Our teacher, Ms. Evans, a small, frail woman with rheumatoid arthritis and a really big heart (and really smart), would give us speed math quizzes every week in class. She'd had out a sheet of addition, subtraction or multiplication math problems that we'd have a few minutes to complete (I don't remember exactly how long).
We completed the speed math tests at our own desks and I used my plastic purple file folder as a privacy shield. My goal was to convince the teacher and my classmates that I didn't want any body cheating off my answers. I usually won the speed tests finishing first with impeccable accuracy and longed for the praised lauded on me each week.
But what I actually used the purple file folder for was to conceal the fact that I started answering the math problems before Ms. Evans told us to "start". Always at least a 2-3 minute jump, and always I'd finish first. I craved the praise and the approval. And the more I craved, the more I kept cheating on the math tests.
Now, why I thought my teacher, or some of my classmates even, didn't see what I was doing was the foolish self-deception of a 3rd grader. I'm sure my teacher knew. Maybe she just wanted me to build by confidence, although today behavioral economics point out that low-level, incremental cheating is a slippery slope to a much bigger negative economic impact over time. Thank goodness for me it was short-lived. I was good at math and didn't need to cheat (for acceptance and approval and status).
Decades later, our girls have learned a different math than the Mama (what I lovingly call my wife) and me learned back in our day. They've learned the "new math" -- the Eureka Math -- the math where you group instead of carrying the numbers.
Bryce does okay with the new math, but Beatrice has struggled, especially when it comes to word problems, related to her reading delays. Neither seem to have the same acceptance/approval issues I did -- I'd argue primarily because when my sister and I were that age, our home life was pretty unstable due to an abusive deadbeat dad who rarely gave us supportive love (although our mother did -- the best she could considering the circumstances), while today our girls have a very stable family environment with the Mama and me.
With Beatrice, too much academic pressure shuts her down like someone flipped off her motivation switch. It stresses her out to be tested in school, especially with both reading comprehension and math, and she struggles to finish those tests with timeliness and accuracy. So it's not apathy, it's more fear and frustration than anything. Interestingly, science, art, music and related social activities she thrives in.
The Mama has done an admirable job of keeping both girls reading and practicing math during the summer and it does help (Bryce has needed a little bit of help as well). I help as much as I can and it does make a difference working with the girls and encouraging them to learn. No matter how much they protest when it's time to "get to work."
Last year during the school year we had math night at school featuring instructors and creative exercises from an organization called Mathnasium. They both loved it and the Mama thought we'd give it a go this summer for Beatrice to take classes from Mathnasium and I concurred.
At first she was livid that we were going to make her take the classes. But once she made it through the first class and realized the fun she could have by earning rewards from the program as she learning and progressed, she's pushing herself more and less resistant to her own shortcomings.
And that's what we wanted -- for Bea to build more self-confidence incrementally, to challenge herself more and more to learn and not shut down if she's overwhelmed and stressed, even if subjects like math and reading comprehension could be continuous struggles for her.
Because it's only going to get harder, and we want them both to be able to adapt and thrive with grit and gumption in more ways than we ever dreamed growing up, without compromising their values or integrity along the way. Because that's what #BhivePower is all about.
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