Surreality, guy time and why men should be able to lactate

Colicky we are not. At least Baby Bea isn't. I'm probably more colicky than any of us. The surreal dimensional shift from no baby to crying pooping peeing baby hasn't been as painful as I would have thought – but it's still painfully surreal.

It was like we were shot into space for 9+ months, flipping and flowing in the zero gravity of a mellow pregnancy – still only two of us – and then the heat shield slipped during reentry.

Santa Cruz, we have a problem.

Now that we've almost completed week 3 with baby, we're all getting to know each other a little more every day. Mama and Bea have got the on-demand breastfeeding gig down. I've got the diaper changing gig down. Mama is cutting Bea's nails (I can't do it yet). Nighttime is still a little random; it'll take a few more weeks at the very least to get a better schedule going. Last night was great, though.

However, we are still getting to know each other every day. We stare at Bea and think what the heck is it, and Bea stares at us and thinks what the heck are they – oh, you're the one with the boobies. Come here.

We're not pumping the milk yet, but we'll start that soon and then I can help with the feedings, particularly in the early mornings when I'm usually already up working. We've got lots of new parenting books, but the one I'm currently reading is called Caveman's Guide to Baby's First Year. It's informative and fun for guys because it's not dumbed down; it's written for smart guys who are guys and are responsible and who have a solid sense of humor.

For example, of the top 10 reasons men should be able to lactate, the top three are:

1. A new twist on the "There once was a man from Nantucket…" limerick

2. A perfect complement to the man-gina

3. Finally qualified to get that job at Hooters

Ain't that a hoot? Okay, some family and friend folk may not think it's funny, but considering I took a caretaking quiz in the same book above and scored high as a manny – one who can care for your kids as well – I need some guy time.

Go SJSU Spartans!

Daddy K and Mama A have a frickin’ baby

What a life-altering two weeks it's been. I haven't posted since the birth and the birth story and for good reason.

We have a frickin' baby. A beautiful, healthy little baby girl who to date has been pretty mellow.

Until earlier tonight. Beatrice got the hiccups that led to a gaseous supernova that led to a complete meltdown (for baby and parents) two times in a very short period of time. Listen, we're still getting use to day one with baby – but Bea is on day 13 – and we have no idea what we're doing.

Okay, not necessarily true. We've got our books and family and friends and spirituality and religiosity and trans-channeling and high-fructose corn syrup and –

19^th century colic advice, "Put cotton in your ears and gin in your stomach."

The key is to trigger the calming reflex. We've been on the right track, just not consistent enough. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block tells us to follow the five S's:

1. Swaddling

2. Side lying

3. Shushing

4. Swinging

5. Sucking

The fifth we're going to try to avoid if possible (no pacifiers or fingers). The first four work and we'll get better at applying them when necessary.

Time is so completely fluid right now; the five-minute baby meltdowns can feel like days when you're attempting to console baby (and praying it wasn't anything you did wrong as a parent).

To the five S's!