Turning No Into The Flow

I'm the "no" dad. Literally. My default setting is to say no when our kids ask for things (which in my defense, aren't always realistic or the best timing). It's no when my wife suggests we can fix something when I think we can't (without thinking about it). It's no when she suggests we can do a house project ourselves as well. 

I have mellowed somewhat on the "no's", but overall it's still my go-to answer. I am definitely the "no" dad.

"Dad, can you get me something at McDonald's?"

"No."

"Honey, we can fix the garbage disposal ourselves, you know."

"No, I don't know.

Actually, we did fix the garbage disposal ourselves and we have done a lot of house projects ourselves over the years. Most recently, we landscaped our backyard again for the third time since we bought the house 17 years ago (and for me, the last time -- it was back-breaking work).  

But I've always put up some resistance to those things that are out of my comfort zone. Which is ironic, because that's the way I've learned and grown over the years, doing things outside my comfort zone, personally and professionally. Saying no, then caving in to growth. 

My wife Amy, on the other hand, is the "yes" mom, and truly believes anything and everything is possible,  even when in the end, it's not. But just the belief that anything and everything is possible ultimately makes the impossible possible, even if it turns out another way, like someone else has to fix something, not us. 

I call that being in the "flow", something she's damn good at. We meditate together nearly everyday and that's been helpful to getting me more in the flow, it just takes me a lot more energy to overcome the no. 

And with our daughters, Beatrice and Bryce, Amy is the super "yes" mom for sure, and they always go to her first. She's always willing to work it out for them when they want do go somewhere, any and every day, even when it's not convenient and frustrating for her. 

As I write this, it makes me feel like I'm the bad guy, or more accurately poetic, the bad dad. But that's not fair to me, because I am a good dad, and I do ultimately say yes a lot more these days, and Amy and I always coordinate the drop-offs and pick-ups of our kids wherever they are and need to go. I've been known to be spontaneous and take them for a treat after school without them asking. 

Plus, as I already mentioned, Amy and I do a lot of home projects together that do work out without having to outsource them because she truly believes anything and everything is possible (just more cursing and sweating from me). She is the yin to my yang; the airbrushed blue sky to my storm-cloud rainbows; and that's why I love her so much. 

But even Amy's yeses know that sometimes nos are necessary, a parenting imperative in fact, and we compromise on those more serious kid no's when they come up. So, while the all-purpose no may be my default setting, I am working on it. You've heard of turning a frown upside down? Well, I'm working on turning the non-serious no into the flow and letting it all go. Can I do it? Maybe (at least that's not a no).